Money to the in-Law's

[bill23]

For those who would like to share!

 

How much cash do you send to China each year to help? I try to help because my wife's brother is starting college. The only problem that I have is that I seem to have no time plan. It really puts the wife in a difficult position because I get miffed because they let her know only days before they need it. If I know, i can budget in advance. I am currently trying to come up with a fixed amount to spend each year and they can budget just like I have to do. Especially in these times. Am I being unreasonable?

[bill23]

i guess I should also clarify that I don't care if I send more than needed for a particular year, but I would like to send a particular amount each year and they can bank it and use it at a later time when an issue arises.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

Not knowing your wifes family I think you would be starting a very bad precedent. They sound like when they need financial help they call on you with a moments notice and expect you to deliver the amount they want or need. If you send them a fixed sum they will go through it like gravel goes through a goose and then they will ask for more and more. You maybe setting your SO and yourself up for a lot of problems that you two did not created but her family are allowing you to inherit.

I would diplomatically ask your SO what they where doing for a living before you came into her life. You married her not the village.

[amberjack1234]

i guess I should also clarify that I don't care if I send more than needed for a particular year, but I would like to send a particular amount each year and they can bank it and use it at a later time when an issue arises.

 

Sounds reasonable to me Bill. There are unfortunate events that do come up though but I can see your point.

 

All of us can't be rich like my ole buddy Roger is. Every body knows that yankees are RICH especially Chinese people.

 

I live in the south and my wif'e's parents try to send us money just last night.

 

Larry

Edited February 3, 2009 by amberjack1234 (see edit history)

[bill23]

Not knowing your wifes family I think you would be starting a very bad precedent. They sound like when they need financial help they call on you with a moments notice and expect you to deliver the amount they want or need. If you send them a fixed sum they will go through it like gravel goes through a goose and then they will ask for more and more. You maybe setting your SO and yourself up for a lot of problems that you two did not created but her family are allowing you to inherit.

I would diplomatically ask your SO what they where doing for a living before you came into her life. You married her not the village.

 

 

My wife had a job in China and helped her family financially because they put her through college. Thank you for your input.

[david_dawei]

hey bill... good to see you.

 

The last minute request is not uncommon, sorry to say...

 

I think you may have a good idea; set an amount and let them know what to expect... And I think your right... the difficult part is deciding on that amount!

 

You might also try to find the duration of the school since you might set time limits on the amount, with an adjustment occuring after school is done... this might make your SO do some leg work to figure out what the school costs...

 

if she doesn't want to really figure that out, you should try to base it on the city (I think it is Beiliu--that was hard to dig up )... not such a rich city, right?

 

I'm thinking $200-500, depending on what it is needed for... see if your wife feels this is reasonable or faceless You got to start somewhere.

[bill23]

hey bill... good to see you.

 

The last minute request is not uncommon, sorry to say...

 

I think you may have a good idea; set an amount and let them know what to expect... And I think your right... the difficult part is deciding on that amount!

 

You might also try to find the duration of the school since you might set time limits on the amount, with an adjustment occuring after school is done... this might make your SO do some leg work to figure out what the school costs...

 

if she doesn't want to really figure that out, you should try to base it on the city (I think it is Beiliu--that was hard to dig up )... not such a rich city, right?

 

I'm thinking $200-500, depending on what it is needed for... see if your wife feels this is reasonable or faceless You got to start somewhere.

 

I am getting a figure of about $3000 a year for college. And yes, they are from Beiliu. It is so good to hear from you David. My wife is becoming more open to the idea of a fixed amount but she just feels bad asking for any money.

[Guest jin979]

its up to you

 

does your wife work here ?

 

if they are very poor , its little brother then ok

 

its your family thing

[yuehan123]

I prepared a long answer, now edited. Jin's is better.

[johnxiaoying]

I send a set amount each month, basically it doubles the mother in law's retirement. We throw in extra for Chinese New Years for the mother in law and some for the niece and nephew. We've sent money when the mother in law was hospitalized and about half of the cost when the sister in law had surgery and treatment for cancer (I'm thankful medical costs are so much cheaper in China, if the costs were the same as the US I couldn't make a dent in the tab).

 

Depending on your circumstances and their circumstances I wouldn't overly obligate myself, to jumping on a moments notice, don't set yourself up for them to be dependent on you. That said, family helps family when needed.

 

Set up a PayPal account and get a second debit card in one of their names. You can transfer funds from your checking account to the PayPal account and it's ready for them to withdraw in 5 or 6 days, I believe up to 2,000 - 2,500 yuan at a time for a $1.00 service fee.

[whutthapho]

Perhaps you could set aside money each month and keep it in your bank account, instead of sending to China. Then when you receive unexpected, yet reasonable requests, you have money available to send.

 

If you set aside what you are willing to provide, then it's no big deal to part with it, when you receive an unexpected, yet reasonable request. If you don't receive any such requests, you still have the money in your account.

[Guest jin979]

Perhaps you could set aside money each month and keep it in your bank account, instead of sending to China. Then when you receive unexpected, yet reasonable requests, you have money available to send.

 

If you set aside what you are willing to provide, then it's no big deal to part with it, when you receive an unexpected, yet reasonable request. If you don't receive any such requests, you still have the money in your account.

 

 

You mean set aside some of boths money right ?

[whutthapho]

Perhaps you could set aside money each month and keep it in your bank account, instead of sending to China. Then when you receive unexpected, yet reasonable requests, you have money available to send.

 

If you set aside what you are willing to provide, then it's no big deal to part with it, when you receive an unexpected, yet reasonable request. If you don't receive any such requests, you still have the money in your account.

 

 

You mean set aside some of boths money right ?

 

 

I'm not sure what your meaning is. What do you mean by "both money"?

 

I interpret your comment to mean that perhaps I do not realize that his money is also his wife's money. Although I'm not sure what his position is, I assumed he meant their money, since I believe that a husband and wife share everything. My understanding is that the OP (original poster) wrote about sending money from the U.S. to China. I assumed this to mean money from his (or their) primary family (including his wife and any children) to his (or their) extended family (her direct relatives) in China.

 

When using English language, it's customary for both parties to use the same "grammatical person". Because the OP used first person singular language; "I try", "I seem" , "I get"...etc., I replied using second person singular language; "If you", "when you", "if you", "you still", "in your".

 

If the OP used first person plural language ; "we try", 'we seem", "we get"...etc., I would have replied using second person plural; " if you guys/y'all", "when you guys/y'all", "if you guys/y'all", "you guys/y'all still"...etc.

Edited February 6, 2009 by whutthapho (see edit history)