how much to give to the girl's parents?

[humblestudent]

hi,

 

I've talked to a few people regarding how much is a good amount to give the girl's parents as gratitude for raising her all these years, and everyone gives a different answer.

 

Oringally, i thought 20,000RMB would be a good amount, but since I'll be taking their daughter from Shanghai, is 40-50,000RMB too little? It's a touchy subject and I thought I'd seek advice from the wise folks on this board. If I give too little, I dont want to feel like I'm disrespecting them, and if I give too much, I'll be hurting to pay the bills.

 

Thanks in advance for your help,

Don

[humblestudent]

I found the answer in a previous thread.

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...de=show&st=

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

This is the bride price. It is an old custom generally still practiced in the rural areas of China. My SO who lives in Nanning told me in the rural areas of China the brides family generally expects 2 full grown Hogs as a gift.

I gave my SO's (according to her instructions) parents 888 RMB each in red envelopes at 1st they would not accept it. Then when they did they gave it all back in the form of a wedding gift to us. I have heard some fellows give from 888 RMB to 99,999 RMB and some guys give nothing.

It is up to you what you wish to give her parents and what you can afford. You must also make sure very diplomatically if you do give her family money that this is a once in lifetime gift since you are going to marry her for life. If her and her parents are demanding this from you I would be concerned and I would have to worry is this the begining of a source of financial irritation. If it is you have to ask yourself what will happen when you have more month then money? Good Luck.

[IllinoisDave]

Have you discussed this with your fiancee? My wife is from Shanghai and said the "dowry" wasn't expected or necessary. I believe that's been the case for others here whose wives/fiancees are Shanghainese. YMMV

[humblestudent]

hi Dave,

 

Yes, I've brought up the topic with my fiance yesterday, as I am getting everything ready for our banquet in Shanghai in early December.

 

Originally, I planned on giving 20,000rmb, and asked if that was enough. She's a really down to earth girl, and she said, before it was good enough, but since I will be taking her away from her parents, that it would be best to give a little more. She didnt give me an exact amount, and told me that she'd talk it over with her folks.

 

One of my Shanghai friends recently married, and her husband's family gave 100,000RMB, but of course his family is loaded, with property all across Guilin.

 

I'm 31 years old and I cant afford to compete with these other rich families. Hopefully, something like 30-40K rmb will suffice. Anything more, I might not be able to keep up wth my mortgage and bills.

[Guest lilac6451]

If that is her first marriage, and she lives in Shanghai, I think probably 50,000 will be ok for the face thing. You know Chinese people care about that so much that her neighbour will ask her parents about that.

[IllinoisDave]

hi Dave,

 

Yes, I've brought up the topic with my fiance yesterday, as I am getting everything ready for our banquet in Shanghai in early December.

 

Originally, I planned on giving 20,000rmb, and asked if that was enough. She's a really down to earth girl, and she said, before it was good enough, but since I will be taking her away from her parents, that it would be best to give a little more. She didnt give me an exact amount, and told me that she'd talk it over with her folks.

 

One of my Shanghai friends recently married, and her husband's family gave 100,000RMB, but of course his family is loaded, with property all across Guilin.

 

I'm 31 years old and I cant afford to compete with these other rich families. Hopefully, something like 30-40K rmb will suffice. Anything more, I might not be able to keep up wth my mortgage and bills.

 

This is just my opinion... others will probably disagree. And as I've indicated, I come at this from the perspective of having a fiancee who's family saw no necessity in this practice. But if I were in your shoes, I'd discuss with your fiancee just what you can and cannot afford given your financial situation. Reminding her that that situation will soon be hers as well.

[tonado]

999.99 or 1999.99 or 2999.99 or 3999.99. 9999.99 is good if you can afford it.

[tsap seui]

I bought a house for the "daughter", and I'll oten be taking taking the family out to eat and sing like I'm Steven Tyler onstage, is that enough face?

 

Oh yeah, I'm not taking anyones daughter out of the family loop, and the family couldn't be happier...should they pay me, or should they make a contribution to the State Department?

 

tsap seui

[JimS.]

I found the answer in a previous thread.

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...de=show&st=

Some good links in that thread that I have been reading and talking over with my Liangliang. Got some good information to start on plans...I have to carry her down 2 flights of stairs to the car...Don't trip

Edited September 11, 2008 by JimS. (see edit history)

[Guest lilac6451]

If that is her first marriage, and she lives in Shanghai, I think probably 50,000 will be ok for the face thing. You know Chinese people care about that so much that her neighbour will ask her parents about that.

It's a good thing I bought Ying at Wal-Mart!

 

Whoa! 50 G's is huge in any language.

 

B)

 

In China, when a man marries a woman, he usually provides the house( which is 150,000 average depending on where it is), some of the electronics( TV, fridge, airconditioning...)... so do you still think 50,000 is a lot?

[JingJoseph]

When this subject came up, Jing told me..."You take family to dinnner, you give Mama kiss on cheek and you tell her you take good care of me. That is enough." Mama got that (and also a gift).

 

I tried that to even then they would not let me pay

for anything. Have to sneak them gifts. All they care

about is I love her very much, they know I love them

to dont need www.buyawife.com

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I believe there are provincial differences.

 

Jin's parents wouldn't/didn't expect a dim from me.

 

It was never mentioned.

[Guest lilac6451]

I think it is the second marriage for most members in CFL, or else it will be a little different..

[Yuanyang]

I believe there are provincial differences.

 

Jin's parents wouldn't/didn't expect a dim from me.

 

It was never mentioned.

More educational than provincial. If you think about her family should pay you because that marriage is their ticket just to see America (or to get her out of their hair!)