humblestudent Posted September 10, 2008 Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 hi, I've talked to a few people regarding how much is a good amount to give the girl's parents as gratitude for raising her all these years, and everyone gives a different answer. Oringally, i thought 20,000RMB would be a good amount, but since I'll be taking their daughter from Shanghai, is 40-50,000RMB too little? It's a touchy subject and I thought I'd seek advice from the wise folks on this board. If I give too little, I dont want to feel like I'm disrespecting them, and if I give too much, I'll be hurting to pay the bills. Thanks in advance for your help,Don Link to comment
humblestudent Posted September 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 I found the answer in a previous thread. http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...de=show&st= Link to comment
Guest Tony n Terrific Posted September 10, 2008 Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 This is the bride price. It is an old custom generally still practiced in the rural areas of China. My SO who lives in Nanning told me in the rural areas of China the brides family generally expects 2 full grown Hogs as a gift.I gave my SO's (according to her instructions) parents 888 RMB each in red envelopes at 1st they would not accept it. Then when they did they gave it all back in the form of a wedding gift to us. I have heard some fellows give from 888 RMB to 99,999 RMB and some guys give nothing.It is up to you what you wish to give her parents and what you can afford. You must also make sure very diplomatically if you do give her family money that this is a once in lifetime gift since you are going to marry her for life. If her and her parents are demanding this from you I would be concerned and I would have to worry is this the begining of a source of financial irritation. If it is you have to ask yourself what will happen when you have more month then money? Good Luck. Link to comment
IllinoisDave Posted September 10, 2008 Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 Have you discussed this with your fiancee? My wife is from Shanghai and said the "dowry" wasn't expected or necessary. I believe that's been the case for others here whose wives/fiancees are Shanghainese. YMMV Link to comment
humblestudent Posted September 10, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 hi Dave, Yes, I've brought up the topic with my fiance yesterday, as I am getting everything ready for our banquet in Shanghai in early December. Originally, I planned on giving 20,000rmb, and asked if that was enough. She's a really down to earth girl, and she said, before it was good enough, but since I will be taking her away from her parents, that it would be best to give a little more. She didnt give me an exact amount, and told me that she'd talk it over with her folks. One of my Shanghai friends recently married, and her husband's family gave 100,000RMB, but of course his family is loaded, with property all across Guilin. I'm 31 years old and I cant afford to compete with these other rich families. Hopefully, something like 30-40K rmb will suffice. Anything more, I might not be able to keep up wth my mortgage and bills. Link to comment
Guest lilac6451 Posted September 10, 2008 Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 If that is her first marriage, and she lives in Shanghai, I think probably 50,000 will be ok for the face thing. You know Chinese people care about that so much that her neighbour will ask her parents about that. Link to comment
IllinoisDave Posted September 10, 2008 Report Share Posted September 10, 2008 hi Dave, Yes, I've brought up the topic with my fiance yesterday, as I am getting everything ready for our banquet in Shanghai in early December. Originally, I planned on giving 20,000rmb, and asked if that was enough. She's a really down to earth girl, and she said, before it was good enough, but since I will be taking her away from her parents, that it would be best to give a little more. She didnt give me an exact amount, and told me that she'd talk it over with her folks. One of my Shanghai friends recently married, and her husband's family gave 100,000RMB, but of course his family is loaded, with property all across Guilin. I'm 31 years old and I cant afford to compete with these other rich families. Hopefully, something like 30-40K rmb will suffice. Anything more, I might not be able to keep up wth my mortgage and bills. This is just my opinion... others will probably disagree. And as I've indicated, I come at this from the perspective of having a fiancee who's family saw no necessity in this practice. But if I were in your shoes, I'd discuss with your fiancee just what you can and cannot afford given your financial situation. Reminding her that that situation will soon be hers as well. Link to comment
tonado Posted September 11, 2008 Report Share Posted September 11, 2008 999.99 or 1999.99 or 2999.99 or 3999.99. 9999.99 is good if you can afford it. Link to comment
tsap seui Posted September 11, 2008 Report Share Posted September 11, 2008 I bought a house for the "daughter", and I'll oten be taking taking the family out to eat and sing like I'm Steven Tyler onstage, is that enough face? Oh yeah, I'm not taking anyones daughter out of the family loop, and the family couldn't be happier...should they pay me, or should they make a contribution to the State Department? tsap seui Link to comment
JimS. Posted September 11, 2008 Report Share Posted September 11, 2008 (edited) I found the answer in a previous thread. http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?...de=show&st=Some good links in that thread that I have been reading and talking over with my Liangliang. Got some good information to start on plans...I have to carry her down 2 flights of stairs to the car...Don't trip Edited September 11, 2008 by JimS. (see edit history) Link to comment
Guest lilac6451 Posted September 11, 2008 Report Share Posted September 11, 2008 If that is her first marriage, and she lives in Shanghai, I think probably 50,000 will be ok for the face thing. You know Chinese people care about that so much that her neighbour will ask her parents about that.It's a good thing I bought Ying at Wal-Mart! Whoa! 50 G's is huge in any language. B) In China, when a man marries a woman, he usually provides the house( which is 150,000 average depending on where it is), some of the electronics( TV, fridge, airconditioning...)... so do you still think 50,000 is a lot? Link to comment
JingJoseph Posted September 11, 2008 Report Share Posted September 11, 2008 When this subject came up, Jing told me..."You take family to dinnner, you give Mama kiss on cheek and you tell her you take good care of me. That is enough." Mama got that (and also a gift). I tried that to even then they would not let me payfor anything. Have to sneak them gifts. All they careabout is I love her very much, they know I love themto dont need www.buyawife.com Link to comment
Guest Rob & Jin Posted September 11, 2008 Report Share Posted September 11, 2008 I believe there are provincial differences. Jin's parents wouldn't/didn't expect a dim from me. It was never mentioned. Link to comment
Guest lilac6451 Posted September 12, 2008 Report Share Posted September 12, 2008 I think it is the second marriage for most members in CFL, or else it will be a little different.. Link to comment
Yuanyang Posted September 12, 2008 Report Share Posted September 12, 2008 I believe there are provincial differences. Jin's parents wouldn't/didn't expect a dim from me. It was never mentioned. More educational than provincial. If you think about her family should pay you because that marriage is their ticket just to see America (or to get her out of their hair!) Link to comment
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