Having Children after 50 ?

[credzba]

I notice some of the men on this board are in the 45 - 55 age range.

I don't know the ages of your wives, but it is reasonable that a younger wife could still be in the child bearing age.

 

What do you think of having a baby when the father is 45+?

 

My own downside list:

Means the father will be 65+ when the child is 20.

Paying for college after retirement will certainly be a challenge.

Patience is a little shorter at 45+.

The older children may look at this child with a little jealousy, and think their father is a nut for having a baby so late in life.

Less time to enjoy our retirement years together.

 

Upside list:

Having a baby with my wife is the greatest enjoyment i can think of.

I love children, we would enjoy this baby every day.

I don't get excited over small problems children cause anymore, my old children hardend me

The child would grow up as an only child, but with siblings more like young aunts and uncles.

Our experience raising children is better.

This would be the only child that is biologically ours, though obviously we consider all the children ours.

 

At the end of this conversation, my wife and I always decide, no we are too old.

The fact this conversation comes up again and again though is an indicator of how both of us would really like a baby.

 

 

Just wondering if others have this idea, and what your thoughts are.

Hower

[griz326]

You're dreaming about the upsides. I was cut to be certain there are no accidents.

[chilton747]

Interesting post credzba! When I met my wife we discussed having a child and we are both in agreement that this is what we want. I am in the over 50s crowd so there were many thoughts that went through my head

My latter years have produced more patience for me so that won't be a problem.

The main thing my wife is worried about is that her biological clock is ticking and she wants to make certain that my health will be good for many years to come. We had a chance at 2 babies already but apparently is wasn't meant to be as she lost them both.

We will keep trying and accept whatever hand we are dealt.

I think that becoming a parent after 50 is a good thing. The child will definitely have the benefit of our many years of experiences in life. JMHO.

Good luck!

[tsap seui]

You're dreaming about the upsides. I was cut to be certain there are no accidents.

 

I was cut also. My fiancee comes complete with a 12 year old son whom I will care for, teach, and treat as my own son. My fiancee is 44, I'm 58 and I have a 21 year old daughter off in college and on her own.

 

Babys are okay, shudder shudder...the lil' rabbit and I would like to be the "kids" now and leave youngun's to the youngun's....so to speak. My daughter was born when I was 36, I'd hate to think of having had a child at 45...but then again...the lil' rabbit and I are selfish bastards and want our remaining playtime...for "us", of course,after 9 more years of bringing our son, Bubba Jr.

 

Side note on our son....he is the tightest kid with his money I have ever seen. His mom asked him what he was saving up his money for and he replied, "When I go to america I need to save up my money so that when I'm older I can find me a Chinese wife in China".

 

I hope the State Department goons let he and his mother come to america, but either way, we will be a family, visa or no damned visa...them clowns ain't gonna kill THIS bona fide relationship. B)

 

tsap seui

[Carl]

Another option is adoption. That is one Ying and I have talked about. Granted most parents are looking for an infant, but I for one am not against adopting an older child, preferably a girl because I wanted a daughter.

 

Any thoughts?

[ameriken]

Great topic, I hope more will weigh in on this.

 

I am 49, Jie is 28.

 

When we decided to marry, I raised the issue with her because I knew she may want one. I told her that while I have already raised kids and could live happily without any more, I understood that she may want one and I am more than willing. If we are successful by my age 52, I would be 72 when he/she is 20, which is ok, I intended to work until my 70's anyway.

 

My only concerns is I was cut in 1989, which greatly decreases my odds for success after reversal. If anyone else has had a reversal so long after a vasectomy, please share your experience.

Edited April 14, 2008 by ameriken (see edit history)

[Guest Mike and Lily]

We will very likely have children too. My wife wants to wait 3-4 years though until after she finishes college. That would put me at about 54-55. I should still be up to the task by then, but paying for a college education and the like in my 70's seems a little daunting. She says that she will work while I am retired staying at home taking care of the kids. It will be interesting to see how that works.

[Urkidding]

We did it!

 

 

I am one that has a 5 year old with my younger Chinese wife and I am 53 years old this year¡­We had intended to have children when we got married (Years ago) but due to female complications, 2 surgeries later we conceived.

 

Not right away though¡­Now as everybody else will say, I would not trade him for anything. College, I will help as much as I can, but prefer him to do it on his own. I told my wife that we would work on our retirement 1st. After all, I do not want either my wife or me to become his burden.

 

At this age in life, life insurance is a premium but well worth every penny in case something should happen to either one of us.

 

Actually, patience is greater after 45+

 

Less time to enjoy our retirement years together. ¨C Not true¡­ actually when you have a child together, you now share the joys of that child growing up together such as we do.

 

However, I do not recommend it to everybody and several of you may consider other issues that we have done such as:

 

Religious preferences¡­

 

Language taught and learned.

 

Siblings do play a big part of it because if they don¡¯t have any then you do have to spend more time with them and this can be challenging.

 

They will need to visit relatives in China more often than a grown up because the will change a lot faster than an adult¡¯s personality would.

 

Both you and your wives will need to do some serous soul searching because you can not take them back to the store¡­ once you order them¡­

[Robert S.]

Next month it will be three years ago when my little grandson was born, a "love child" of my wife's daughter who came with her on a K4. My wife and I have been raising him ever since. Last month she took him to China and in a couple days she will be coming back alone. She has hired her cousin to take care of him for a year until his head wakes up a bit more. He is like a baby gorilla right now, he can physically do anything he wants to and put his hand on anything, which makes him too, too, too much trouble. I love him so much that it is extremely difficult for me to survive without him being here with me, but I am just looking forward to the enjoyment I will have when he is 4 years old, when I'm going to get to have my Opie and Andy time for a couple of years. And I am looking forward to all the time leading up to when he is a teenager, after which I'm not so sure.

 

Guys, if you have a chance to raise another baby with your Chinese wife I would advise to go ahead. Judging by my wife's awesome performance I would say it will not be so very much trouble for the husband. She has done 99% of the work and it has been just all enjoyment for me. But then again I had never had any of my own children so maybe my case is not comparable.

[esun41]

Great topic, I hope more will weigh in on this.

 

I am 49, Jie is 28.

 

When we decided to marry, I raised the issue with her because I knew she may want one. I told her that while I have already raised kids and could live happily without any more, I understood that she may want one and I am more than willing. If we are successful by my age 52, I would be 72 when he/she is 20, which is ok, I intended to work until my 70's anyway.

 

My only concerns is I was cut in 1989, which greatly decreases my odds for success after reversal. If anyone else has had a reversal so long after a vasectomy, please share your experience.

 

 

 

I also had this procedure done and recently asked my doctor of a reversal. Not that I want a reversal because I have 3 children, 5 grandchildren and Lucy's children. His answer was that a procedure could be done but the success rate would be very small that I could father another child. 10 years was his window of opportunity. Some women are ok not to have children. Most feel incomplete not to mother a child in my opinion. Lucy and I have talked about what a child of ours would look like but she is in no way going to have another child.

Edited April 14, 2008 by esun41 (see edit history)

[Sebastian]

We are planning for twins, to be born IN China.

[jim_julian]

I had my youngest child when I was 46. She was a surprise baby. You've identified many of the pluses and I don't see much difference in the positives when the father is 45 to 50 or so at his child's birth.

 

The biggest impact is a combination of finances and delayed retirement. I had always hoped to retire in the 62-65 timeframe but the reality of supporting two wives and with two children that won't complete college until I'm 71, I'm going to be working into my 70's.

 

But I'm happy .... and that's what's important.

[Urkidding]

I had my youngest child when I was 46. She was a surprise baby. You've identified many of the pluses and I don't see much difference in the positives when the father is 45 to 50 or so at his child's birth.

 

The biggest impact is a combination of finances and delayed retirement. I had always hoped to retire in the 62-65 timeframe but the reality of supporting two wives and with two children that won't complete college until I'm 71, I'm going to be working into my 70's.

 

But I'm happy .... and that's what's important.

 

oh uh two wives?....

 

er huh did you make a mistake - right...?

 

One real wife and one tag-along ex-wife...right?

 

Or did I miss something there Jim?

[jim_julian]

Nope ... two wives. Not much difference in supporting my darling Lao Po and the ex when you live in the incredibly biased state of California.

[JamesnYuHong]

Darnell, how do you plan for twins? Drugs such as Clomid?

As for age, I can see it from both sides. My dad died two years ago when I was 29. I was "grown," but I sure do miss him. He was 36 when I was born and just turned 66 when he died. We all wish we would live longer than 66, but many of us don't.

If someone is 50 and wants to have a child, well ... children are a blessing at any age.

However, I do think it'd best if at least one parent can be around until the child is 30, at minimum. (35 or 40 is better.) And then think about your family situation. When both parents are gone, will the child have any close relatives around at all? A sibling is nice.

It's very individual. I wouldn't make any blanket rules. Just think ahead. Some of it depends on how much money you have.