Dad

[Aphex]

My father in law has met a Chinese lady online and has plans to bring her to the states. He is retired and 70 years old and she is mid 50¡¯s. We are not worried about the age he has much energy as myself at 40.

First I thought this idea good but the more I learn about the more I think it might not be good. She does not speak English, would not be bad but she is not the one writing in the email to him. It is her neighbor.

I talk on phone with her she does not speak mandarin very well so I canot communicate with her. She is from Chong Qing and speaks local dialect.

How can they prove relationship when it time for visa?

[griz326]

There was a great post here a few days ago by one of the guy's gals who worked in a marriage broker place as a translator. I could not find it, but she provided real first hand insight. Maybe someone will remember which thread it was in...

 

I learned these things from personal experience:

 

* Don't exchange emails with a gal using a translator (sure their are exceptions) but chances it is the translator you like not your intended;

 

* Do the web cam thing;

 

* Run the other way if the gal starts asking for money.

 

 

A gal in her mid-50's was probably not taught pinyin, so she won't be able to use those nifty little translators they make today unless they have character recognition. ...and she may not be able to use a Chinese character dictionary because families often did not have enough money to educate both their sons and daughters so the boys went to school...and a Chinese dictionary brings a whole new meaning to what we used to say as kids, "How do I look it up in the dictionary if I don't know how to spell it!"

 

 

 

But if your dad was lucky enough to find a good Chinese woman, I feel certain that his life with her will give him many happy days.

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I wish them every happiness, my only question is if they succeed and she gets here how are they going to communicate ?

 

Having said that they have some time, as visas are going at the moment around 11 months. Is she able to go to English school every day, immerse herself in it ?

 

Will cost her money, but then he's worth it, right

 

Good luck

[warpedbored]

My father in law has met a Chinese lady online and has plans to bring her to the states. He is retired and 70 years old and she is mid 50’s. We are not worried about the age he has much energy as myself at 40.

First I thought this idea good but the more I learn about the more I think it might not be good. She does not speak English, would not be bad but she is not the one writing in the email to him. It is her neighbor.

I talk on phone with her she does not speak mandarin very well so I canot communicate with her. She is from Chong Qing and speaks local dialect.

How can they prove relationship when it time for visa?

I take it he hasn't been there to meet her yet. No harm in that, hell if nothing else it will be a grand adventure. Not true that Chinese women over 50 can't read pin yin. It may be true that many don't but my wife does. Long story short it's your father in law's decision unless he is incapable of making his own. From your description it doesn't sound like that's the case. Naturally you are worried about him but he didn't get to be his age without garnering some wisdom.

Edited March 22, 2008 by warpedbored (see edit history)

[lostness]

griz, I assume this is the post you are referring to...

 

Being a Chinese woman, Here's my comment to those who are looking for Chinese wives:

 

1. Never ever use an Agency to look for your soulmate as you can't 100% trust the translator. Some women is really low qualified, but the translator can always make them perfect to you. The first job I got after graduation in 1999 was translator in a matchmaker company in Luohu, Shenzhen. 5 Days of work and I was really sick of women I met there and I was fired because of unfriendly attitude to clients. I felt so shameful when I had to translate some letters that they asked money from Westeren men, using excuses like it cost a lot pay memember fee here, cost a lot to translate letters. I especially fed up with those who even could not write Chinese properly, and I had to guess their meaning and translated and tried my best to make it a perfect letter. I really fed up with those who treat others with the money that westeren men mailed to them. To write a better letter, the woman who received a letter and interested in this man, she'd show the letter to every one she met in the company and asked for their suggestion how to reply it. So any one who is still looking for a wife through an Agency, just think about it, you are dealing with many brains at one time, there's no doubt you are so much attracted by her reply.

 

2. Be careful with woman who ask for money from you with all kinds of excuses, especially in early period. Always ask yourself whether she is looking for love or better living condition, money ect. I can't deny the women I met in the company I worked were not looking for love, but they all were realistic and they wanted love and better future at the same time. If no love, they'd compromise for better future, and such marriage can hardly be strong, especially with those Old man and Young wife.

 

3. It's not wise to look for a Chinese wife who can neither speak nor write English. In China, people over 25 starts learning English from middle school, especially for those who have college education, even they can't speak, they have basic understanding of English and can write very well. Like what i said above, if you contact a woman through an Agency, you are not talking to one only, you are talking with many brains. So it's better to look for one with basic understanding of English, at least can write some, encourage her even she make mistakes in her writting.

 

4. Be patient while looking for a Chinese wife, not rush to a relationship, give more time to know each other. Emails and chat will be good for you to know one well, and better to spend some time with her in person, observation is also very important. Paying bills of meals by men is still common in China, espeically when 2 are dating, but like the morden city Shenzhen, a meal cost 100 yuan per each is good enough. If she orders the dishes, the bill shocks you, and waiting for you to pay the bill, you'd better think more about the further step you will take.

 

5. If possible, try to use the Cam to make sure she is real, she is the one you are contacting with.

 

Ok, that's all a Chinese can recommend now. Wish you all good luck in searching.

[Randy W]

My recommendation is for everybody to do their own translating through Google or Babelfish or wherever.

 

That is, he write to her in English, and she write to him in Chinese. Then each can put it through the translator, adding periods or commas or separating phrases where it may help, until they can figure out the meaning.

 

Otherwise, you're just talking to the translator ABOUT the other person.

 

BIG difference.

[griz326]

That's the post, ZackinIL. Thank you.

[jim_julian]

Aphex ... in your deliberations also think of the positive side. If this lady has a good heart she could offer great comfort to an elderly man. Chinese ladies arte very good at this ...

[Shenzhen K-1]

My father in law has met a Chinese lady online and has plans to bring her to the states. He is retired and 70 years old and she is mid 50¡¯s. We are not worried about the age he has much energy as myself at 40.

First I thought this idea good but the more I learn about the more I think it might not be good. She does not speak English, would not be bad but she is not the one writing in the email to him. It is her neighbor.

I talk on phone with her she does not speak mandarin very well so I canot communicate with her. She is from Chong Qing and speaks local dialect.

How can they prove relationship when it time for visa?

 

It might be nice that they both have someone to grow old with??

[Corbin]

My father in law has met a Chinese lady online and has plans to bring her to the states. He is retired and 70 years old and she is mid 50¡¯s. We are not worried about the age he has much energy as myself at 40.

First I thought this idea good but the more I learn about the more I think it might not be good. She does not speak English, would not be bad but she is not the one writing in the email to him. It is her neighbor.

I talk on phone with her she does not speak mandarin very well so I canot communicate with her. She is from Chong Qing and speaks local dialect.

How can they prove relationship when it time for visa?

I have to say since he met her on the internet he seems to have a good grasp on life. The communication does need to be resolved and I think he should be ok as long as she is who he thinks she is. A visit to China may be a good idea to see how it works out.

[draton1952]

I was in Chongqing in late December. One heck of a big city and very friendly. I thought I knew what I was getting into but found out I truly didn't. She was like a switch after we got married. Totally into the hen pecking. I am currently getting the situation taken care of. Please be careful and know fully what you are going into. Many good people here and there that are having wonderful relations but did not work for me.

 

Do watch who is writing the letters. After re reading everything again, it seems like some one else was writing the letters. After the fact, the letters she had then wrote were totally hard to read. Otherwise, she is nice but not meant to be.

 

I was taken care of 100%. On the subways, they also use english. The billboards were the same. You would be blown away and not many Americans there.

 

They do have hand held translators that you can buy and are good to a point. About $200 bucks. You will also be surprised that Most of the younger crowd is taught English and I had some very good conversations with some of them that I was introduced too.

 

As for the Madarin, it is a good start but I was told straight up there they have their own dialect there. Everyone had a good laugh at this and felt sorry for me.

 

The hotels are good. I stayed at the South Garden Hotel and they welcomed me. I used their lock box and no problem. $33 a night mastercard could be used there.

 

If he is getting very serious about this and do not know the visa type, he will have to go there. I was lucky that people took care of me. I have to say that is a very friendly city. You will be shocked and have a change of mind of what you think of the place. Very modern and old at the same time.

 

It is cheap too. Buses were about 40 cents and taxis are very cheap too. Not more that 1.50 for the long distances we went.

 

Food was great too. I had no problems.

 

If you want to know more, do ask questions and I will gladly tell you what I know.

[Guest Tony n Terrific]

Using a translator for e-mails? No web cam to view who he is writing writing to? Poor language? A good possibility that she has a very poor education. Most likely she has mediocre profession at best if any. He is 70 years old and looking for a life long companion? A word of advice. .......

RUN.