"It is a kind lie"

[griz326]

This relates to the thread about staying in my gal's home during Spring Festival, but I thought that the cultural implications you sages detect might be interesting.

 

I wrote her that "I do not believe that it is good to have lies between family and friends; and to make your daughter a party to the lie." (Her daughter will be in the house during Spring Festival but lives with her grandmother during school time)

 

She wrote back, "This a kind lie. I told Chinese mother we have got engaged. She is happy. She hope we marry early."

 

To me it sounds like my Chinese mother is giving a blessing or maybe an absolution.

 

I feel good that I expressed my concerns about what I saw as deception of family and friends, but I sense this is the Chinese version of a wink and a nod.

 

She will discuss my staying again with her daughter before we finalize our plans. Her 17 year old daughter is very shy and child-like. We do not want to hurt her, so the second discussion is warranted. On the other hand, with the child being painfully shy (I have only met one other person in my life as shy as this child), it is important that we have time together as a new family.

 

...but now the hotel stay is my gal's decision, not mine.

[yemmie]

This relates to the thread about staying in my gal's home during Spring Festival, but I thought that the cultural implications you sages detect might be interesting.

 

I wrote her that "I do not believe that it is good to have lies between family and friends; and to make your daughter a party to the lie." (Her daughter will be in the house during Spring Festival but lives with her grandmother during school time)

 

She wrote back, "This a kind lie. I told Chinese mother we have got engaged. She is happy. She hope we marry early."

 

To me it sounds like my Chinese mother is giving a blessing or maybe an absolution.

 

I feel good that I expressed my concerns about what I saw as deception of family and friends, but I sense this is the Chinese version of a wink and a nod.

 

She will discuss my staying again with her daughter before we finalize our plans. Her 17 year old daughter is very shy and child-like. We do not want to hurt her, so the second discussion is warranted. On the other hand, with the child being painfully shy (I have only met one other person in my life as shy as this child), it is important that we have time together as a new family.

 

...but now the hotel stay is my gal's decision, not mine.

Hi Griz, yeah, for what it's worth, I'd say, go with what your girl says.

[Shenzhen K-1]

This relates to the thread about staying in my gal's home during Spring Festival, but I thought that the cultural implications you sages detect might be interesting.

 

I wrote her that "I do not believe that it is good to have lies between family and friends; and to make your daughter a party to the lie." (Her daughter will be in the house during Spring Festival but lives with her grandmother during school time)

 

She wrote back, "This a kind lie. I told Chinese mother we have got engaged. She is happy. She hope we marry early."

 

To me it sounds like my Chinese mother is giving a blessing or maybe an absolution.

 

I feel good that I expressed my concerns about what I saw as deception of family and friends, but I sense this is the Chinese version of a wink and a nod.

 

She will discuss my staying again with her daughter before we finalize our plans. Her 17 year old daughter is very shy and child-like. We do not want to hurt her, so the second discussion is warranted. On the other hand, with the child being painfully shy (I have only met one other person in my life as shy as this child), it is important that we have time together as a new family.

 

...but now the hotel stay is my gal's decision, not mine.

 

Yes Griz go along with what your Mrs. tells you to do, less painful! But it is a good thing worrying about daughter, I have mentioned before I struggled with the same problem you are about to have! The funny part is we stayed in those lovely hotels when we visited the mountain in your current avatar!!

[jim_julian]

Steve ... most Chinese teenagers I've met seem several years behind their American counterparts in maturity and assertiveness.

 

Don't read too much in your daughter to be's behavior.

[tsap seui]

Hey Griz, this is China yer talkin' about. Forget that 50's stuff about "Father Knows Best". In China, Mother Knows Best, for you, her, and "your" daughter.

 

I met my "son" when he was 10 and my lil rabbit had him prepared, better than I could ever imagine. No need to micro-manage, mama knows whata is besta.

 

Fairdinkum, I am.

 

tsap seui

[pkfops]

Wife does things the Chinese way.

 

"Don't talk about it".

 

If you are worried about the cops, just take them out for a few beers.

 

The kid will be fine. As mentioned before, they are not as mature as US teens.

A simple smile and a kind voice goes a long way.

Edited December 29, 2007 by pkfops (see edit history)