Home sweet home

[chilton747]

Can I ask that if she says she does not want to live on the boat then does that bring the relationship to an end?

Chilton747,

 

No it would not be the end of our relationship. I would hope that she will be willing to give this lifestyle a try (1 yr) before she decides like or not. It does have it's up and downs living on the boat but as with anything you try to enjoy the good more than focus on the bad. Someday I know that I will eventually live back on solid ground but for now I hope to stay afloat.

 

Brian

B) great answer.

[Dennis143]

From my experience with Chinese, I would say that a lot depends on where your lady is from and what her values and lifestyle are. You say that she lives in a 4 bedroom home and rents rooms out. This is typical of many Chinese. In fact, even if the home is large they will not want a room to be unused. Practical nature dictates they rent the rooms. The result is that they'll often live in a much smaller environment than most westerners are accustomed to. Close/small quarters are not unusual for Chinese. Living a solitude life is.

 

Another consideration that may play in your favor is that many Chinese women have a rather simple and modest wardrobe comparatively to western women. Sure, there are the city/urbane women who are more westernized. But, again from my own personal experience, most are frugal and have modest wardrobes (wearing the same clothes again and again).

 

If you can provide all the tools necessary for a secure future (retirement in a home somewhere) and you can prove that money can be saved by living on a boat, you will enlist her practical side.

 

But, isn't a boat just a hole in the water that you throw money into?

[Shenzhen K-1]

From my experience with Chinese, I would say that a lot depends on where your lady is from and what her values and lifestyle are. You say that she lives in a 4 bedroom home and rents rooms out. This is typical of many Chinese. In fact, even if the home is large they will not want a room to be unused. Practical nature dictates they rent the rooms. The result is that they'll often live in a much smaller environment than most westerners are accustomed to. Close/small quarters are not unusual for Chinese. Living a solitude life is.

 

Another consideration that may play in your favor is that many Chinese women have a rather simple and modest wardrobe comparatively to western women. Sure, there are the city/urbane women who are more westernized. But, again from my own personal experience, most are frugal and have modest wardrobes (wearing the same clothes again and again).

 

If you can provide all the tools necessary for a secure future (retirement in a home somewhere) and you can prove that money can be saved by living on a boat, you will enlist her practical side.

 

But, isn't a boat just a hole in the water that you throw money into?

 

Some great thoughts, made me realize a few things, thanks....

 

My feng always had a roomy until she learned we were getting married and the fact that feng was coming to the US of A!!!

 

Also my first trip my Mrs. always was dressing up for me and looking very nice. The next two trips she had no problems wearing the same clothes during our trip to Beijing. She was also proud she still fit into jeans she could wear when she was in her 20's, but that is another story.

 

She packed for our vacation only half of what I brung, but then again when there I sweat a lot!!

 

Now getting her and daughter to live on a boat would be fine if it was warm all the time. My feng, never has seen snow!!

[Dennis143]

The plan about your 15 year old daughter living at school is also unusual. Have you found a private high school with a dorm? That would seem to be frightfully expensive and create a lot of additional stress for daughter and mother.

From what I know at the moment your plan seems unrealistic and will put additional strain on the first year as man and wife ... it's hard to conceive that you will succeed on the path you're currently on.

 

Quite different having a 15 yo daughter in the picture. If it were just the wife, it might not be such a task.

 

It still boils down to what you can secure for both mother and daughter's future.

 

The question that pops into my mind is it more important that you have a companion to share your bohemian life or assuring both wife and daughter that they will be taken care of forever. I will go back to my former post that states and now asks if living on a boat can help save for the future? Knowing what slip fees are in SoCal, I'd have to say that there's no savings, unless you've got an income to overcome the expense.

 

She is coming to America in the hopes of getting her daughter a US education and thus providing for and securing her future. No matter where you live, it will be your obligation to see that that dream is fulfilled.

[warpedbored]

Be realistic. Can you really expect a mother to accept sending her 15 yr old daughter away to school and only visit occasionally? I would be suspect of a woman who would give up a full time relationship with her child so easily. Sounds to me like she is telling you what you want to hear. I would be prepared to live as a family Mama, Baba and daughter. Is your boat big enough for 3? If the answer is no then I would be planning on moving.

[izus]

The issue with her daughter and school is a concern but she has the money,

 

 

so you want the mom and daughter to move over here, then have the mom pay for some boarding school and if she cant afford it you'll chip in?

 

something smells a little fishy

 

do you have an actual address?

what do you think VO is going to say when they get wind of this.

 

i think it sounds like she is telling you what you wanna hear

Edited December 9, 2007 by izus (see edit history)

[bethelion]

Holy crap....now you all have me worried

More details for everybody so you see the whole story. Back in June Lily sent her daughter away to a full time boarding school that is a 4 hour train ride from home. It is an international school where she will get intense english lessons to help her succeed in the future. Lily visits her about once a month and says that she is becoming more independent each visit.

 

During all our times together in China Lily has insisted on paying for most things that I haven't already payed for before flying over. Not once has she asked me for money since the begining of our relationship. I feel she has been upfront with me and has the money needed to continue this education plan for her daughter.

 

Another post brought up the question about living on a boat and saving money. I do live within my means and put money aside every month. Also I rent my house at this time and that more than pays all the bills associated with the house.

 

One more thing....I don't think she knows Gilligan and Ginger and I will try to avoid her watching that show, might change her mind about going sailing

 

Thanks again for everybodys input, you keep me on my toes.

 

Brian

[griz326]

I lived on a 26' sailboat and I can say that only my bull-headed nature allowed me to enjoy it. With a 40+ foot sailboat you have a much better chance of her being able to adapt than in a sub-40 footer.

 

Do barnacles grow on your hull or are you a weekly sailor?

 

She'll also need to enjoy sailing.

 

My gal told me ¼Þ¼¦Ë漦£¬¼Þ¹·Ëæ¹·¡£Which is an idiom that says a woman loves and cares for her husband no matter what his lot (according to Wenlin). Google's marvelous translation tool translates it "Married chicken with chicken, marry a dog with dog." It most closely resembles our traditional, "for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, to death do us part." However, the Wenlin puts the bulk responsibility on the woman. That may account for her optimistic determination to please you.

[david_dawei]

I recall reading this the other day.... and coming back to it, I have the same feeling... which I cannot share online...

 

somethings are meant to be experienced first hand...

[Tony_onrock]

I think I have a unique situation and wanted to find out if anyone has heard of this. I live on a boat in the so california part of the state. Obviously I have made this very clear to Lily and have showed her pictures of the boat inside and out many times including MSN video chat webcam views. I enjoy this lifestyle very much and from the begining (it was in my match.com profile) she has known my decision to live this way. She insists that she is OK with living on a boat even after I tell her she will have to reduce her collection of clothes, shoes, cooking tools and generally live a simple lifestyle. Currently she lives in a 4 bedroom house and even rents rooms out because she lives there by herself.

 

My concern is....am I setting myself up for failure or are the chinese women much more adaptable than american women who usually only want bigger houses, nicer cars, more outfits to wear, etc. etc.

 

She knows I own a house and I worry that soon after she arrives I might get the "I don't like this boat life...must live in house" demand.

 

If you are confused about why I posted this well so am I. Not sure what I am asking but just wondering if anyone else has brought thier sweethart over to a life that would be considered extremly different from the normal and how did they adapt.

 

Thanks for your time,

 

Brian and Lily

 

Wow, you are living my dream already. I always wanted to live on a boat off the coast of some south American country or Pacific Island. Well, still got to work really hard to get there.

[Joanne]

I think I have a unique situation and wanted to find out if anyone has heard of this. I live on a boat in the so california part of the state. Obviously I have made this very clear to Lily and have showed her pictures of the boat inside and out many times including MSN video chat webcam views. I enjoy this lifestyle very much and from the begining (it was in my match.com profile) she has known my decision to live this way. She insists that she is OK with living on a boat even after I tell her she will have to reduce her collection of clothes, shoes, cooking tools and generally live a simple lifestyle. Currently she lives in a 4 bedroom house and even rents rooms out because she lives there by herself.

 

My concern is....am I setting myself up for failure or are the chinese women much more adaptable than american women who usually only want bigger houses, nicer cars, more outfits to wear, etc. etc.

 

She knows I own a house and I worry that soon after she arrives I might get the "I don't like this boat life...must live in house" demand.

 

If you are confused about why I posted this well so am I. Not sure what I am asking but just wondering if anyone else has brought thier sweethart over to a life that would be considered extremly different from the normal and how did they adapt.

 

Thanks for your time,

 

Brian and Lily

 

Wow, you are living my dream already. I always wanted to live on a boat off the coast of some south American country or Pacific Island. Well, still got to work really hard to get there.

 

Plan to work even harder after you get there.

[Joanne]

There could be a few concerns, I think:

- The number 1 is what many have mentioned, the daughter. Assuming that she has already planned to send daughter away to a boarding school. She may not expect that you pay for daughter's education, but if she is renting out rooms of her 4 bedroom apartment, likely, she would need much help for daughter's education in US, if it involves a private boarding school.

 

- The number 2 is that she would not be able to work. Would she feel secure for her and her daughter's financial future? (or say she would have to feel very secure in your marriage and financial situation in order to give up the option of earning an income herself).

 

- The number 3 is that she may be able to handle living on board, but she may not have foreseen the work associated with owning a boat. Do you expect that she being your helper for the cleaning, repairing and being in your crew while boating?

 

With all above problems solved, there is a possibility that she would enjoy living on the boat with you. That would be great!

Edited December 11, 2007 by Joanne (see edit history)

[chilton747]

 

 

 

- The number 3 is that she may be able to handle living on board, but she may not have foreseen the work associated with owning a boat. Do you expect that she being your helper for the cleaning, repairing and being in your crew while boating?

 

With all above problems solved, there is a possibility that she would enjoy living on the boat with you. That would be great!

 

Yes and no grass to cut!!!

[tsap seui]

 

 

 

- The number 3 is that she may be able to handle living on board, but she may not have foreseen the work associated with owning a boat. Do you expect that she being your helper for the cleaning, repairing and being in your crew while boating?

 

With all above problems solved, there is a possibility that she would enjoy living on the boat with you. That would be great!

 

Yes and no grass to cut!!!

 

 

This does bring up a question in my mind...with no yard, where do you put the concrete blocks to sit your worn out cars on?

 

Seriously, give it a shot. Have a plan B to put into quick action if needed, but give it a shot. One nevers knows, now do one.

 

Good luck to ya.

 

tsap seui

[MikeandRong]

This is a tough one to call. But back to the basics first.

 

The USA all sounds good and agreeable through rose colored glasses for now (at this stage). If you are a good man and can fully support her and daughter at all stages, everything may be ok (for now or always).

 

My suggestion is to visit China again and you both take a 14-21 day trip down the river and live on a boat for 2-3 weeks together. See how it goes, as 2-3 weeks may give you both a better picture of living together on the water in a similar condition.