wife wants to quit work in China.

[heyjimi]

today on yahoo messenger,my wife suggested,after the new year,she would like to quit her job,and for me,if i would send her living expenses,which wasn't a large amount what she was asking,.she didn't demand,but she asked if she could do this,and i said we would further discuss this.It just seems odd to me,because here in middle class America(does this exists anymore),both husband and wife work(and when she comes to America,she wants to work).Is this odd,or normal,I mean what will she do all day?all her friends and family work.She does work hard,for the past month it has been 7 days a week,and she looks (on webcam)beautiful as always...but a little burnt-out (tired).This would give her more time to learn her english.I am sending her to english school,and she tells me it is very hard to review her school work.I really do not mind,and I am her husband,it's not unreasonable for her to ask for my help.I guess I am having a hard time picturing her home all day,doing nothing for 8 or 10 months.when she comes here,I realize it will be a long time before she is situated and can go to work.no problem there.anyway,just me thinking out loud !!!

[chilton747]

My wife stays home everyday and studies english. Her english skills are improving vastly. If you can afford it then I think it is a good move. If she gets bored then she will go back to work. Remember and try not to equate the middle class America with the Chinese.

[IllinoisDave]

today on yahoo messenger,my wife suggested,after the new year,she would like to quit her job,and for me,if i would send her living expenses,which wasn't a large amount what she was asking,.she didn't demand,but she asked if she could do this,and i said we would further discuss this.It just seems odd to me,because here in middle class America(does this exists anymore),both husband and wife work(and when she comes to America,she wants to work).Is this odd,or normal,I mean what will she do all day?all her friends and family work.She does work hard,for the past month it has been 7 days a week,and she looks (on webcam)beautiful as always...but a little burnt-out (tired).This would give her more time to learn her english.I am sending her to english school,and she tells me it is very hard to review her school work.I really do not mind,and I am her husband,it's not unreasonable for her to ask for my help.I guess I am having a hard time picturing her home all day,doing nothing for 8 or 10 months.when she comes here,I realize it will be a long time before she is situated and can go to work.no problem there.anyway,just me thinking out loud !!!

 

Sounds like you've pretty much answered your own question.

[steveandrong]

Hey jimi...don't know what to tell ya..just i can let you know what i did....my "SO" was having a terrible time trying to get the papers needed to file for the visa, and also was in thr process of getting custody of her children, so she had to do a lot of traveling....her old boss was a good friend and very tolerant of her missing a lot of work, but when he went to work elsewhere and she got a new boss, he told her no, cannot do the things, take the time off, so i told her to sing the Johnny Paycheck song to him ....told her that because she is to be my wife, i have no problem to support her as such even when she is in china....i told her she will be needing to travel at a moments notice, go to get papers translated and notarized, and because these are her last months in china, i think it be very good for her to spend more time with her family and friends before she and her children leave to come here....so that was when i gave her my ATM card and told her it is for anything she needs....and life has been good for her since...we have more time to talk, she has more time to use the internet to prepare for all the upcoming phases of immigration....so, i guess it is up to you as for how to do with your "SO"....hope my input has helped

[Don]

Ping, changed her job so she had more time at home. This allows us to talk any time i can. Plus, she was able to do some training that is good for me such as Taichi and massage. She kept her job, just found a way to to work from home. I am sure not everyone's job will allow that.

[Shenzhen K-1]

today on yahoo messenger,my wife suggested,after the new year,she would like to quit her job,and for me,if i would send her living expenses,which wasn't a large amount what she was asking,.she didn't demand,but she asked if she could do this,and i said we would further discuss this.It just seems odd to me,because here in middle class America(does this exists anymore),both husband and wife work(and when she comes to America,she wants to work).Is this odd,or normal,I mean what will she do all day?all her friends and family work.She does work hard,for the past month it has been 7 days a week,and she looks (on webcam)beautiful as always...but a little burnt-out (tired).This would give her more time to learn her english.I am sending her to english school,and she tells me it is very hard to review her school work.I really do not mind,and I am her husband,it's not unreasonable for her to ask for my help.I guess I am having a hard time picturing her home all day,doing nothing for 8 or 10 months.when she comes here,I realize it will be a long time before she is situated and can go to work.no problem there.anyway,just me thinking out loud !!!

 

My gorgeous Mrs, is running into the same problem, too much work and no time for English!!! Plus that on top of daughter now living with her and other stressful situations we made the decision to do the same thing. She will quit work when we get the P-3 notice and spend the rest of the time studying English, getting ready to leave, visiting family, and taking care of a custody situation. I am taking care of two families, but best in the long run for wife and daughter. I told her that when here she will need to work after time, but for now this the best choice, good luck!! I also told her 7877 miles does not change us being a family!! B)

[tywy_99]

It sounds okay to me, heyjimi. Afterall she is your wife. Help her out!

 

-good luck

 

Also,... great replies!

[heyjimi]

Hey jimi...don't know what to tell ya..just i can let you know what i did....my "SO" was having a terrible time trying to get the papers needed to file for the visa, and also was in thr process of getting custody of her children, so she had to do a lot of traveling....her old boss was a good friend and very tolerant of her missing a lot of work, but when he went to work elsewhere and she got a new boss, he told her no, cannot do the things, take the time off, so i told her to sing the Johnny Paycheck song to him ....told her that because she is to be my wife, i have no problem to support her as such even when she is in china....i told her she will be needing to travel at a moments notice, go to get papers translated and notarized, and because these are her last months in china, i think it be very good for her to spend more time with her family and friends before she and her children leave to come here....so that was when i gave her my ATM card and told her it is for anything she needs....and life has been good for her since...we have more time to talk, she has more time to use the internet to prepare for all the upcoming phases of immigration....so, i guess it is up to you as for how to do with your "SO"....hope my input has helped

 

 

 

Hmmmm.....thanks ,I never looked at it that way...."spending more time with family,"she does have a mom up there in age,she even said she would like to spend more time with her.thanks for the input.

[carl.hops]

today on yahoo messenger,my wife suggested,after the new year,she would like to quit her job,and for me,if i would send her living expenses,which wasn't a large amount what she was asking,.she didn't demand,but she asked if she could do this,and i said we would further discuss this.It just seems odd to me,because here in middle class America(does this exists anymore),both husband and wife work(and when she comes to America,she wants to work).Is this odd,or normal,I mean what will she do all day?all her friends and family work.She does work hard,for the past month it has been 7 days a week,and she looks (on webcam)beautiful as always...but a little burnt-out (tired).This would give her more time to learn her english.I am sending her to english school,and she tells me it is very hard to review her school work.I really do not mind,and I am her husband,it's not unreasonable for her to ask for my help.I guess I am having a hard time picturing her home all day,doing nothing for 8 or 10 months.when she comes here,I realize it will be a long time before she is situated and can go to work.no problem there.anyway,just me thinking out loud !!!

 

I can only relate to what I would do in this situation, if it wasnt a lot on my pocket book, I would do it, especially if we were already married. Lao po has been working on the weekends also, taking time to get her teaching certificate (already a bach. in english). I even offered to give her money (when she jokingly asked for it) and then she denied. I would rather her stay home and prepare for her journey here, it will be a tough time to adjust, so might as well start early! If you have trust in your relationship, and she has something to keep her busy (school work) then I say go for it.

[corvette]

It really varies from individuals. I always feel insecure without a job. I'm the independant kind and I enjoy using my own money, hehe.

 

Sometimes it's really difficult to focus on study when one is overwhelmed with tons of work. Taking a break would be good for study. Alternatively, she can find a job with less working hrs/stress.

 

I'm now working full time and taking a certified beautician course in the evening Mon-Fri. When i look back I found that I'm really the "restless" type. Although I have a full-time job, I keep studying all along, acedemic or vocational, all kinds of stuff, for my personal interest.

[david_dawei]

She will have alot of people to say good-bye to.. and I suspect spending more time with them during luch or dinner will be one way of doing that... as well as all the other items she may want to do (but has not expressed the details on).

 

What you know is: She has expressed this as a need/desire/want.. I'd let her do it since she should know best what she needs from her point of view.

[Urkidding]

Here¡¯s my take on this.

 

If you let you wife take off now for some r & r and she has time to take English classes¡­ I say go for it.

 

When you wife arrives here I can guarantee you that she will not be able to work for at least a year unless she goes to work on her own or goes to work for a some Chinese company.

 

If she spends her time now gaining some good English skills then the transition to getting a job here will be a lot easier. On the other hand be prepared anyway for her not working right away because of¡­

 

Not having A Social Security Card.

Not Having a Work Permit

Not knowing our system

People here discriminating because she¡¯s Chinese.

Spending more time with you!

 

FYI, my wife didn¡¯t work for almost 2 years after we got married and then found several jobs in Chinatown in which they DO take advantage of people just arriving by NOT paying well, no benefits and no American Holidays (Chinese company did not honor American holidays). Some of these were actually like sweat shop conditions here in America.

 

Give you wife some credit for talking this over with you first before just quitting. Give her the benefit of this and then proceed the way you both will benefit for a stronger and healthier relationship, then go forward.

 

Andrew

Edited November 12, 2007 by Urkidding (see edit history)

[heyjimi]

all good advice,thanks....

yeah everyone is echoing what is in my heart.thanks everyone for listening.

[jim_julian]

Just do it ... it will give her the the time to prepare.

 

My wife and daughter are from Chongqing, PM me if we can help with anything.

[MikeandRong]

|Let her do it for sure. You maybe do not know, but at the first of the year, many workers will have to sign a new contract for work. If signed, they have to stay a year or pay a big fine to break the contract. This may be your wife's case too and you just don't know about it.

 

Also she will have ton's of family and friends to see and be with. Lots of future documents and paperwork too.

 

In her new free time, let her choose a English teacher and you talk to him/her on the phone first (an interview by you) to make sure the speaking English is good.

 

The time will fly by and your wife will be much more relaxed and happy.