Custody Issue?

[Shenzhen K-1]

My soon to Mrs. does not have custody of her and soon to be mine 15 year old daughter. The ex is an angry lad but did send daughter to live with Mom to make sure "she could raise the daughter properly"! Well he called this weekend and just gave her a bad time about the school we chose for daughter and anything else he could think of! She asked if I was friends with my ex and I said yes, it makes life easier on my two sons.

 

So my question is how many of you have dealt with a non-cooperative ex and how did you handle it?

 

Note: Many men get the children in China not like the USA, where very unusually I have custody of sons.

 

B)

[Don]

My soon to Mrs. does not have custody of her and soon to be mine 15 year old daughter. The ex is an angry lad but did send daughter to live with Mom to make sure "she could raise the daughter properly"! Well he called this weekend and just gave her a bad time about the school we chose for daughter and anything else he could think of! She asked if I was friends with my ex and I said yes, it makes life easier on my two sons.

 

So my question is how many of you have dealt with a non-cooperative ex and how did you handle it?

 

Note: Many men get the children in China not like the USA, where very unusually I have custody of sons.

 

B)

 

Our issue was more along the fact that he wanted very little to nothing to do with the daughter. His big issue was that he did not want any responisbility to pay for school in US. Once we promised that and wrote a document stating that and signed at the notary, he did not care that we brought daughter to US.

[warpedbored]

Make sure you clear up the custody issue before interview. Unless the mother has full custody you may run into problems gettting the child a visa. If possible get the father to sign a notatorial statement giving the mother permission to take the child to the US. There have been a few cases on this site where the father demanded a hefty payment to sign off.

[I love Sunshine]

Make sure you clear up the custody issue before interview. Unless the mother has full custody you may run into problems gettting the child a visa. If possible get the father to sign a notatorial statement giving the mother permission to take the child to the US. There have been a few cases on this site where the father demanded a hefty payment to sign off.

 

I agree. Money seems to talk a bit louder in China than in the USA in such matters. I know of one other Chinese who had to "pay off" her husband to get this paper for his 9 year old daughter (and "pay off" the court officials to get the divorce quickly, but that is another story).

 

I would talk with your SO and see what he is likely to do to get this document (since she knows him a bit better). If her ex needs money, then probably some negotiations around finances will be necessary. Because her ex wants the daughter to be raised right, it might give you the possibility of using logic rather than money to get this document. Many Chinese believe there are better opportunities in the USA for their kid to study, so you might use that line of argument with him.

 

Hope it helps,

ILS

[Shenzhen K-1]

Make sure you clear up the custody issue before interview. Unless the mother has full custody you may run into problems gettting the child a visa. If possible get the father to sign a notatorial statement giving the mother permission to take the child to the US. There have been a few cases on this site where the father demanded a hefty payment to sign off.

 

I agree. Money seems to talk a bit louder in China than in the USA in such matters. I know of one other Chinese who had to "pay off" her husband to get this paper for his 9 year old daughter (and "pay off" the court officials to get the divorce quickly, but that is another story).

 

I would talk with your SO and see what he is likely to do to get this document (since she knows him a bit better). If her ex needs money, then probably some negotiations around finances will be necessary. Because her ex wants the daughter to be raised right, it might give you the possibility of using logic rather than money to get this document. Many Chinese believe there are better opportunities in the USA for their kid to study, so you might use that line of argument with him.

 

Hope it helps,

ILS

 

Thanks for all the help and replies!

 

I am not totally sure what is the issue, he did send here to live with mom, so.... I am still thinking it is a more a matter of he wants to give mom some grief and will go along with want daughter wants. I will try the going to college approach if it comes down to paying him off, we need a CFL fund raiser.

[jim_julian]

Our daughter's birth father had custody. He demanded a large bribe to acquiesce to her emigration. We did not pay. Fortunately we had the option of "follow to join" so she stayed in China until she was 18 and didn't need the birth father's permission to emigrate.

[Shenzhen K-1]

Our daughter's birth father had custody. He demanded a large bribe to acquiesce to her emigration. We did not pay. Fortunately we had the option of "follow to join" so she stayed in China until she was 18 and didn't need the birth father's permission to emigrate.

 

Ouch, sorry to hear that and I hope it does not come to that! My new daughter will be 16 or close to it by the time we get our visa. So I would hate to not have her here for the next two years. We have put her in schools designed with her coming to the USA in mind! B)

[jim_julian]

I'm afraid you don't have the "FTJ to make 18" option. The K2 visa must be issued within one year of her Mom's K1. The K2 must be used within 6 months. The K2 must enter the US before one year elapses from the K1 entry.

[Shenzhen K-1]

I'm afraid you don't have the "FTJ to make 18" option. The K2 visa must be issued within one year of her Mom's K1. The K2 must be used within 6 months. The K2 must enter the US before one year elapses from the K1 entry.

 

Yes unfortunately that is what I read!! B) My visa attorney has advised me there are ways to stretch it to two years if needed, he has been right about 86.7%

[Shenzhen K-1]

I'm afraid you don't have the "FTJ to make 18" option. The K2 visa must be issued within one year of her Mom's K1. The K2 must be used within 6 months. The K2 must enter the US before one year elapses from the K1 entry.

 

Yes unfortunately that is what I read!! My visa attorney has advised me there are ways to stretch it to two years if needed, he has been right about 86.7%

 

 

 

Ah, I cannot resist, even though I will (deservedly so) get blasted.

 

A baseball player is a hero by being right just 30% of the time when he swings the bat.

 

I hope he is giving you good advice. Jim Julian has actual experience in the matter.

 

Why did I know you would respond to my purely innocent statistic???

[LiuXia's Husband]

We had a similar problem: the custodial father would not allow the son to immigrate with LiuXia. He finally relented shortly before the son turned 18, so we were able to start the process. Needless to say, the father and grandparents were not too happy that the son wanted to leave them. Add to that the stress of being twice denied for a IR2 visa (great first impression to make on a potential future citizen) and its a wonder the kid hasn't gone postal.

Anyway I guess my point is that a follow-on visa is not a guarantee. It would seem like a slam dunk that a child would get a visa if the mother had already gotten hers and all the child's paperwork was provided, documented, matched up, approved by NVC, etc... But when you are dealing with a(n) <insert adjective here> governmental agency like GUZ, anything can happen.

Best if you can get the mother and child approved at the same time.

[Shenzhen K-1]

We had a similar problem: the custodial father would not allow the son to immigrate with LiuXia. He finally relented shortly before the son turned 18, so we were able to start the process. Needless to say, the father and grandparents were not too happy that the son wanted to leave them. Add to that the stress of being twice denied for a IR2 visa (great first impression to make on a potential future citizen) and its a wonder the kid hasn't gone postal.

Anyway I guess my point is that a follow-on visa is not a guarantee. It would seem like a slam dunk that a child would get a visa if the mother had already gotten hers and all the child's paperwork was provided, documented, matched up, approved by NVC, etc... But when you are dealing with a(n) <insert adjective here> governmental agency like GUZ, anything can happen.

Best if you can get the mother and child approved at the same time.

 

Thanks for the reply. I figure he will let her go because she is a girl and also he has sent her to live with mom already! I do not figure he is going to make her come back and live with him knowing full well how much she wants to go to the USA! Common sense to me is that it hurt his feelings that daughter wanted to go and this is a little payback to mom, just because.

[Guest hi5pro]

Thanks for posting this thread, Shenzhen K1.

Lulu has a 8 year old son and her ex has the custody. We are thinking about to bring him here after he is 18. Seems like another battle ahead.

 

Best wishes,

 

Gino & lulu

[Shenzhen K-1]

Thanks for posting this thread, Shenzhen K1.

Lulu has a 8 year old son and her ex has the custody. We are thinking about to bring him here after he is 18. Seems like another battle ahead.

 

Best wishes,

 

Gino & lulu

 

You are welcome, my new "daughter" and I have become too close! I can not leave her behind anymore then leaving my own sons!!

 

Now an 8 year old boy is another story? Do you want to let him have a chance to become Chinese, or thrust him into the US way of life?

 

You also have the custody issue, good luck not easy either way!!