The Cultural Soup

[PhoenixRising]

I have read a number of posts concerning Culture here on this sight.

I beleive alot of the problems that have arisen between couples are from different cultural opinions. Hell right here in the USA we have different cultures. Look at the deep American South compared to the West Coast they are almost completely different countries.

I started a small firestorm with one of my Cultural posts a few months ago. I wish to avoid if possible the Cultural problems that will arise with my SO and when they do come up I wish to be better informed on how to handle this as well as my SO should be aware of the cultural differences.

[tywy_99]

Exert patience and understanding and take nothing for granted. You will have to make most of the decisions because you are American and you know how things are done. America is not China. Your SO will need to realize this. Help her to do so.

[MikeandRong]

If you trust her and she you, learn the words "ok".

[shaffej7070]

Look at the deep American South compared to the West Coast they are almost completely different countries.

 

But still essentially American; fast food, fat bellies, and Hollywood gossip.

[Don]

Exert patience and understanding and take nothing for granted. You will have to make most of the decisions because you are American and you know how things are done. America is not China. Your SO will need to realize this. Help her to do so.

 

 

 

I guess we decided to talk and explain our views and life without letting things build up a bad level. If we dicuss thing early it might help.

 

In our case due to the NVC we have had time and i have gone to visit a few times with and without family present. different settings help us to see each other in differently in all our roles.

 

Meeting Pings family did have me worried. I pushed to always get to everyplace right on time and made sure we had things ready for our time with her family. She wanted things to be like we have had before a lot of alone time and did not care about making every meeting on time. That caused some issues.

 

No perfect solutions, just need to promise to seek understanding first and action later. Or to give a bye when needed.

[Robert S.]

When you have a cultural clash that was originally caused not by a real culture clash but was actually caused by a language problem and you talk it out and both clearly see that it was a language problem and then you laugh about it - man, you have made some good progress.

[Dennis143]

When you have a cultural clash that was originally caused not by a real culture clash but was actually caused by a language problem and you talk it out and both clearly see that it was a language problem and then you laugh about it - man, you have made some good progress.

Very true and yes, a big, big difference. Language barriers/issues are truly more often the case. But, I've had those issues with every woman I've known.

 

If two people really have set their goals on nourishing the relationship, most cultural differences will be quickly overcome, in my book.

[shaffej7070]

When you have a cultural clash that was originally caused not by a real culture clash but was actually caused by a language problem and you talk it out and both clearly see that it was a language problem and then you laugh about it - man, you have made some good progress.

Very true and yes, a big, big difference. Language barriers/issues are truly more often the case. But, I've had those issues with every woman I've known.

 

If two people really have set their goals on nourishing the relationship, most cultural differences will be quickly overcome, in my book.

 

 

Yes. It's amazing after nearly 4 months since Lao Po's arrival, we can have conversations for hours without using the pocket translator. It also helps that she's immersing herself in study with ESL at the college and home. She spends roughly 8 hours a day studying and constantly practices her grammar with me.

There are still occassional misunderstandings due to the language barrier, but nothing we can't overcome. She's a real trooper.

[david_dawei]

1 month: Shock. Trying to figure out how things work.

 

2 months: Questioning: Is this really how things work here.

 

3 months: Depression: This is how things work here.

 

6-12 months: Confident: This is how I overcome how things work here.

 

----

 

Her mileage may vary...

[shaffej7070]

1 month: Shock. Trying to figure out how things work.

 

2 months: Questioning: Is this really how things work here.

 

3 months: Depression: This is how things work here.

 

6-12 months: Confident: This is how I overcome how things work here.

 

----

 

Her mileage may vary...

 

 

Nice synospsis, David, but how does she overcome the fear of riding roller coasters? I'm a fanatic. She mimics a puking sound when I describe them.

[Shenzhen K-1]

Nice topic and insight into what you should avoid!!

 

1. If she is using a translation service they may spice up her and your letters. So keep in mind that if she is getting help they may not be all her words! This happened to us early on and I got her own software.

 

2. This is a very big deal for them, not just coming to the land of milk and honey is enough. Your lady will want to know it is her you want and you are in this for the long haul. I remind my two sons ages 11 and 12 what it would be like this for us if we were the ones moving.

 

3. Sooner or later she will test you, be ready!! She wants to know you love and want her only. Not much different then here, but yes different.

 

4. My SO like many Chinese women is very matter of factly. She normally tells me what she thinks and be very blunt about it. This is refreshing and scarey all the at the same time.

 

Good Luck and always tell the truth, duh, and stay the course........

[david_dawei]

but how does she overcome the fear of riding roller coasters? I'm a fanatic. She mimics a puking sound when I describe them.

Keep the memory as yours... forge new ones together

[Don]

but how does she overcome the fear of riding roller coasters? I'm a fanatic. She mimics a puking sound when I describe them.

Keep the memory as yours... forge new ones together

 

 

 

Motion is very hard for many asians. They do not grow up in car like we do. We are moving in transportation from an early age. My first daughter was in the plane 5 times before 6 months old. Asian our age has not been in car moving at high speeds around curves their whole life. In fact most have only been in taxi on city streets and on bus. Not that fast nor many curves.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

Here's a very good short article on the topic:

 

http://i20.tinypic.com/257eiy8.jpg

[tywy_99]

but how does she overcome the fear of riding roller coasters? I'm a fanatic. She mimics a puking sound when I describe them.

Keep the memory as yours... forge new ones together

 

 

 

Motion is very hard for many asians. They do not grow up in car like we do. We are moving in transportation from an early age. My first daughter was in the plane 5 times before 6 months old. Asian our age has not been in car moving at high speeds around curves their whole life. In fact most have only been in taxi on city streets and on bus. Not that fast nor many curves.

Yes, they are not at all used to traveling in cars as we are.

I remember both my wife and stepdaughter getting nauseous when traveling with me in the car when they first came here. They would crack the window to get some air even when it was freezing outside!

I remember trying to find the civil surgeon's office one time for my wife's appointment. I knew where it was but when I got there, I was told they had moved to the other side of the city. I drove like Richard Petty trying to get there in time. It was enough to make my wife sick. I had to pull over on to the shoulder so my wife could throw up. I felt bad afterwards for making her sick but I was trying to find that office!