I am not rich

[Rakkasan]

I tried to explain US finances to Zhen when I was in China but it didn't seem to register. After Zhen arrived and saw how expensive thing were in the US she began to understand. One Saturday I sat down with her at the computer and we went through all the recurring fixed monthly expenses as well as the variable and other monthly expenses in relation to my monthly income. She now fully understands our finances and is more eager than ever to begin work so she can help pay our bills. Suprisingly my electric and water bills have not increased since her arrival and there has only been a minor increase in food expenses. I guess I was paying a mandatory minimum on water and with her arrival we have not exceeded the minimum, the electric remains the same because she is good about turning off lights when we leave a room. I guess we are doing the same number of loads of laundry, the loads are just bigger now, so the electric wouldn't increase because of laundry. I don't understand the food bill though. I eat my regular food that I have always eaten and she prepares Chinese food to her liking. With to separate menus you would think the food bill would increase significantly but it hasn't. I still have a difficult time getting her to buy whatever food she wants without worrying about the price. I have told her that her food is important and to never do without because of cost, but she still refuses to buy some items because she feels they are to expensive.

[Stone]

When my wife first arrived here, she multiplied every price by 8, and was very reluctant to spend money on anything.

 

Now more than one year has passed since my wife arrived, and now she literally multiply every price by 1, and think of 100 dollars just like 100 yuans (RMB). Maybe prices have gone up a lot since she came here. Although my pay rate has risen a few times, it just can't keep up with the spendings. Food expenditure is up (including restaurants), so are laundry, transportation, education, health care spendings, etc. A lot of spendings have to do with the kid too. I am not complaining. We both understand that we need to mange our finance more effectively.

 

My wife and I are now feeling the same thing: it is easy to spend and difficult to cut down spendings. How many of you have seen expenses rise significantly since your SO came here?

[credzba]

My wife is not here yet, but I have explained America is expensive.

We know what each other makes, and we know what each other spends.

 

When I told her my apartment rent, she couldn't believe it.

Then I told her my food bill, and gas, taxes, and insurance etc.

 

Even though she has not been to America yet, I think (hope) I have explained that yes, while you earn more in America, your cost of living is higher too.

 

The only benefit she sees, is that once we are together, then her cost of living becomes very small (as an increment to my existing cost) and thus we can hope to save most of her income.

 

Still, she thinks we have lots of money.

I don't know anything else to do except wait until she is here.

It is discussions like this when I wish I could just move to China.

Edited September 28, 2007 by credzba (see edit history)

[Joshua + Wang Zhuo]

Sorry, but I can't believe what you blokes are saying!

 

"disclosure is a bad thing", "a joint account is a bad thing"

 

Jane and I are a couple. We are not two people living together. We are not testing the water. We did not go into this relationship with an "out". Richer or poorer, through sickness or health, we are a couple.

 

Therefore there are no secrets, no mine or yours. It is all ours.

 

For those that need to be told, the benefits are more than you could imagine.

 

Once again, for the people in this dilemma, I'm sorry.

 

I said that a joint account was a bad idea because of the logistics of it, not because of trust. But, that is my opinion. For some relationships it is good, for others it is bad. What is right for some is not right for all.

 

Joshua

[SinoTexas]

Try adding her to your auto insurance as a new driver! Or add another vehicle to the budget. Budget busters! Yikes.

 

As aye,

 

Jim

[Guest Rob & Jin]

I told my Ying that I am not a rich man and I think she believes me. She asked me once before I visited China the first time how much I made and how much my bills were. She does accounting in China so I laid it on the line for her and I guess she thinks it is adequate. She tells me that she just wants to lead a quiet and simple life. She says she will work here if we need her to. What a great girl!

 

 

Not insinuating anything, but just struck by the irony that Jun said the exact words that Ying did when I explained I wasn't well off by any stretch. "I just want to lead a quiet and simple life.", "Money isn't most important, we will both work if we need to.". Even posted on this website "Jason is already successful because he has me."

 

That didn't last very long at all.

 

Again, I'm not quoting your post because I think that means anything ominous in your case. Only because I made pretty much the exact same post 3 years ago.

 

Not saying it was her fault either. It's just that understanding something mentally, and actually living it are 2 different animals. Just be understanding if your SO's have adjustment issues that they "said they wouldn't have", because sometimes it just isn't possible to understand your reaction to something until you experience it first hand.

 

Of course most things like that can be worked out, as long as it isn;t due to lying by either side, or an EXTREMELY gross misunderstanding that gets compounded as it is built on.

 

Just stay open and open minded (which is telling most of you what you already know anyway).

 

You were talking about you guys, right ? we are all different, but i will let you know in 3 years

[michaelt]

I WAS worried about this. For the same reasons you and others have expressed. I gave her as much info as I could about my financial situation so she would not be surprised.

 

She understands now that we are,as she puts it, in the "middle of the class."

Same here Dave. I made it very clear a long time ago. When I was self-employed, I could make $20,000 in a month of working at home. But I could not always count on it. It also had me working 7 days a week and sometimes 18 hours a day. Hardly the life I wanted to bring her to. Hence the job change in May. Decent salary, health insurance, weekends off, not much, if any, going into savings, but some side digital printing work can take us on vacations. I also took a lot of pictures of my town, my neighborhood, my house, me selling drugs on the street corner, and me holding a "will work for food" sign at the intersection down the road (just kidding on the two latter!)

[alaskagypsy]

I explained things before hand to my wife. But later we found out her translator lied (to both of us) about my finances. When I went over to visit her, I tried to explain, but she just ignored it. I had limited finances when I was there, but this didn't seem to ring any bells. I told her I rented an apartment, that I didn't own a house. I even sent photos. But somehow her translator convinced her I had a house.

We have had some tough times due to the translator problems. But also I think all Chinese women think American men are rich beyond their wildest dream. My wife expects a new diamond ring, an Omega watch ($2200), a new house, and gifts for every USA holiday.

I have put my monthly expenses on paper, trying to explain it to her. It hasn't worked. "American husband buy everything for Chinese wife" - is what I hear constantly.

Also I am having trouble with Chinese wives on websites giving my wife advice. Most often they are misinformed because their husbands take care of it. They explain it to my wife wrong, causing us grief and during our application process, wrong information in our applications that had to be re-done.

I am also having problems with Chinese wives bragging about how much their husband gives them and buys them. Sorry but I can't afford all these things and it is hurting our marriage to the point of possible divorce. Women, shut your mouths, if you don't completely know what is going on, don't give advice. Also don't brag to your friends how much you are given - this has been the biggest problem in our marriage. She wants what all the "rich" wives get. Sorry I'm not rich.

Now I am trying to convince her of the need for health insurance, but other Chinese women have told her she doesn't need it - when in actuality, beside for the insurance, we need it for proof in our 10 year green card application. She keeps saying her friends said they don't need it - I'm fairly sure these are from women who are covered under their husbands insurance policy and don't realize it. Husbands please educate your wives before they completely ruin my marriage.

[Joanne]

I explained things before hand to my wife. But later we found out her translator lied (to both of us) about my finances. When I went over to visit her, I tried to explain, but she just ignored it. I had limited finances when I was there, but this didn't seem to ring any bells. I told her I rented an apartment, that I didn't own a house. I even sent photos. But somehow her translator convinced her I had a house.

We have had some tough times due to the translator problems. But also I think all Chinese women think American men are rich beyond their wildest dream. My wife expects a new diamond ring, an Omega watch ($2200), a new house, and gifts for every USA holiday.

I have put my monthly expenses on paper, trying to explain it to her. It hasn't worked. "American husband buy everything for Chinese wife" - is what I hear constantly.

Also I am having trouble with Chinese wives on websites giving my wife advice. Most often they are misinformed because their husbands take care of it. They explain it to my wife wrong, causing us grief and during our application process, wrong information in our applications that had to be re-done.

I am also having problems with Chinese wives bragging about how much their husband gives them and buys them. Sorry but I can't afford all these things and it is hurting our marriage to the point of possible divorce. Women, shut your mouths, if you don't completely know what is going on, don't give advice. Also don't brag to your friends how much you are given - this has been the biggest problem in our marriage. She wants what all the "rich" wives get. Sorry I'm not rich.

Now I am trying to convince her of the need for health insurance, but other Chinese women have told her she doesn't need it - when in actuality, beside for the insurance, we need it for proof in our 10 year green card application. She keeps saying her friends said they don't need it - I'm fairly sure these are from women who are covered under their husbands insurance policy and don't realize it. Husbands please educate your wives before they completely ruin my marriage.

 

Alaskagypsy, it is unfortunate that some couples could not get on the same page with their financial matters. However, I think you should not blame others for the misunderstandings between you and your wife.

[PhoenixRising]

I explained things before hand to my wife. But later we found out her translator lied (to both of us) about my finances. When I went over to visit her, I tried to explain, but she just ignored it. I had limited finances when I was there, but this didn't seem to ring any bells. I told her I rented an apartment, that I didn't own a house. I even sent photos. But somehow her translator convinced her I had a house.

We have had some tough times due to the translator problems. But also I think all Chinese women think American men are rich beyond their wildest dream. My wife expects a new diamond ring, an Omega watch ($2200), a new house, and gifts for every USA holiday.

I have put my monthly expenses on paper, trying to explain it to her. It hasn't worked. "American husband buy everything for Chinese wife" - is what I hear constantly.

Also I am having trouble with Chinese wives on websites giving my wife advice. Most often they are misinformed because their husbands take care of it. They explain it to my wife wrong, causing us grief and during our application process, wrong information in our applications that had to be re-done.

I am also having problems with Chinese wives bragging about how much their husband gives them and buys them. Sorry but I can't afford all these things and it is hurting our marriage to the point of possible divorce. Women, shut your mouths, if you don't completely know what is going on, don't give advice. Also don't brag to your friends how much you are given - this has been the biggest problem in our marriage. She wants what all the "rich" wives get. Sorry I'm not rich.

Now I am trying to convince her of the need for health insurance, but other Chinese women have told her she doesn't need it - when in actuality, beside for the insurance, we need it for proof in our 10 year green card application. She keeps saying her friends said they don't need it - I'm fairly sure these are from women who are covered under their husbands insurance policy and don't realize it. Husbands please educate your wives before they completely ruin my marriage.

A $2,200 Watch, A new house, A new Diamond Ring, Gifts for for her on every American holiday? Baby what have you done for me lately? Have her Chinese girl friends provide this for her. Afterall the US is the gold mountain in these gold diggers eyes.

[Joanne]

Rich people may say that money doesn't matter, but it does. For most of us, it does.

 

However, even for us to whom money matters, there is no fixed figure about how much is enough. Compatibility is the key. I think both sides should find out the other's life style, how they earn and spend their money, how they plan for the future, what is the USC's job security. The Chinese fiance(e) or wives/husband should be able to have some ideas about their living conditions in US, in case they don't not start working till a few months later (which is likely the case).

 

I have a female friend who is experiencing great difficulties since her arrival to US. First of all, her husband lied to her about his financial situations before she arrived. When she stepped into her new home, a brand new (with high morgage no down payment) home, she saw only a bed as furniture and a filthy blanket, piles of dirty clothes, empty refrigirator. She was literally hungry for two days, because hubby was ill, could not go out to earn grocery money, could not afford to see a doctor, had no body energy to move, had no gas money to feed the car. Basically, she has been feeding her husband all along since her arrival with her previous savings and now finally started making a low income in US. The problem is that her husband simply refuses to manage his financial matters. He borrows whenever he could and spends when there is money at hand, with no look into future. Doesn't even worry about how to repay the debt. My friend really feels no hope in this marriage.

 

Well, if any one of you think I am talking about your wife and you, you are wrong. My friend and her husband don't come to CFL.

[warpedbored]

I explained things before hand to my wife. But later we found out her translator lied (to both of us) about my finances. When I went over to visit her, I tried to explain, but she just ignored it. I had limited finances when I was there, but this didn't seem to ring any bells. I told her I rented an apartment, that I didn't own a house. I even sent photos. But somehow her translator convinced her I had a house.

We have had some tough times due to the translator problems. But also I think all Chinese women think American men are rich beyond their wildest dream. My wife expects a new diamond ring, an Omega watch ($2200), a new house, and gifts for every USA holiday.

I have put my monthly expenses on paper, trying to explain it to her. It hasn't worked. "American husband buy everything for Chinese wife" - is what I hear constantly.

Also I am having trouble with Chinese wives on websites giving my wife advice. Most often they are misinformed because their husbands take care of it. They explain it to my wife wrong, causing us grief and during our application process, wrong information in our applications that had to be re-done.

I am also having problems with Chinese wives bragging about how much their husband gives them and buys them. Sorry but I can't afford all these things and it is hurting our marriage to the point of possible divorce. Women, shut your mouths, if you don't completely know what is going on, don't give advice. Also don't brag to your friends how much you are given - this has been the biggest problem in our marriage. She wants what all the "rich" wives get. Sorry I'm not rich.

Now I am trying to convince her of the need for health insurance, but other Chinese women have told her she doesn't need it - when in actuality, beside for the insurance, we need it for proof in our 10 year green card application. She keeps saying her friends said they don't need it - I'm fairly sure these are from women who are covered under their husbands insurance policy and don't realize it. Husbands please educate your wives before they completely ruin my marriage.

 

Alaskagypsy, it is unfortunate that some couples could not get on the same page with their financial matters. However, I think you should not blame others for the misunderstandings between you and your wife.

Very good point Joanne

[C4Racer]

I explained things before hand to my wife. But later we found out her translator lied (to both of us) about my finances. When I went over to visit her, I tried to explain, but she just ignored it. I had limited finances when I was there, but this didn't seem to ring any bells. I told her I rented an apartment, that I didn't own a house. I even sent photos. But somehow her translator convinced her I had a house.

We have had some tough times due to the translator problems. But also I think all Chinese women think American men are rich beyond their wildest dream. My wife expects a new diamond ring, an Omega watch ($2200), a new house, and gifts for every USA holiday.

I have put my monthly expenses on paper, trying to explain it to her. It hasn't worked. "American husband buy everything for Chinese wife" - is what I hear constantly.

Also I am having trouble with Chinese wives on websites giving my wife advice. Most often they are misinformed because their husbands take care of it. They explain it to my wife wrong, causing us grief and during our application process, wrong information in our applications that had to be re-done.

I am also having problems with Chinese wives bragging about how much their husband gives them and buys them. Sorry but I can't afford all these things and it is hurting our marriage to the point of possible divorce. Women, shut your mouths, if you don't completely know what is going on, don't give advice. Also don't brag to your friends how much you are given - this has been the biggest problem in our marriage. She wants what all the "rich" wives get. Sorry I'm not rich.

Now I am trying to convince her of the need for health insurance, but other Chinese women have told her she doesn't need it - when in actuality, beside for the insurance, we need it for proof in our 10 year green card application. She keeps saying her friends said they don't need it - I'm fairly sure these are from women who are covered under their husbands insurance policy and don't realize it. Husbands please educate your wives before they completely ruin my marriage.

 

Alaskagypsy, it is unfortunate that some couples could not get on the same page with their financial matters. However, I think you should not blame others for the misunderstandings between you and your wife.

Very good point Joanne

 

I would say I have to agree with Joanne. I made a point of seeking a wife with similar goals, dreams and financial means. We talked about everything before we decided to get married and not through an interpreter, they can't be trusted to intrepret all things acurately even if they try to tell the truth. My wife has listened to these other bragging wives. She doesn't care about the gifts as it takes away from our family. She knows we are not rich, but we do okay together. She has also heard what they say about what you need or don't need. Bottom line is we talk about everything and have no secrets. She started to listen to others on 001. She quickly learned her husband knows more about America then they ever will. She has any questions, she asks me. She still brings up questions from time to time on things she hears on 002. Some things are correct, others are not, but she knows to ask me first.

This is a battle we all face at the start, unless money is no object. Your wife will get this from many, many, many sources, so telling us to get our wives to quiet down is just the tip of the iceberg. It won't save your marriage. Only the two of you can do that.

[Joanne]

I explained things before hand to my wife. But later we found out her translator lied (to both of us) about my finances. When I went over to visit her, I tried to explain, but she just ignored it. I had limited finances when I was there, but this didn't seem to ring any bells. I told her I rented an apartment, that I didn't own a house. I even sent photos. But somehow her translator convinced her I had a house.

We have had some tough times due to the translator problems. But also I think all Chinese women think American men are rich beyond their wildest dream. My wife expects a new diamond ring, an Omega watch ($2200), a new house, and gifts for every USA holiday.

I have put my monthly expenses on paper, trying to explain it to her. It hasn't worked. "American husband buy everything for Chinese wife" - is what I hear constantly.

Also I am having trouble with Chinese wives on websites giving my wife advice. Most often they are misinformed because their husbands take care of it. They explain it to my wife wrong, causing us grief and during our application process, wrong information in our applications that had to be re-done.

I am also having problems with Chinese wives bragging about how much their husband gives them and buys them. Sorry but I can't afford all these things and it is hurting our marriage to the point of possible divorce. Women, shut your mouths, if you don't completely know what is going on, don't give advice. Also don't brag to your friends how much you are given - this has been the biggest problem in our marriage. She wants what all the "rich" wives get. Sorry I'm not rich.

Now I am trying to convince her of the need for health insurance, but other Chinese women have told her she doesn't need it - when in actuality, beside for the insurance, we need it for proof in our 10 year green card application. She keeps saying her friends said they don't need it - I'm fairly sure these are from women who are covered under their husbands insurance policy and don't realize it. Husbands please educate your wives before they completely ruin my marriage.

 

Alaskagypsy, it is unfortunate that some couples could not get on the same page with their financial matters. However, I think you should not blame others for the misunderstandings between you and your wife.

Very good point Joanne

 

I would say I have to agree with Joanne. I made a point of seeking a wife with similar goals, dreams and financial means. We talked about everything before we decided to get married and not through an interpreter, they can't be trusted to intrepret all things acurately even if they try to tell the truth. My wife has listened to these other bragging wives. She doesn't care about the gifts as it takes away from our family. She knows we are not rich, but we do okay together. She has also heard what they say about what you need or don't need. Bottom line is we talk about everything and have no secrets. She started to listen to others on 001. She quickly learned her husband knows more about America then they ever will. She has any questions, she asks me. She still brings up questions from time to time on things she hears on 002. Some things are correct, others are not, but she knows to ask me first.

This is a battle we all face at the start, unless money is no object. Your wife will get this from many, many, many sources, so telling us to get our wives to quiet down is just the tip of the iceberg. It won't save your marriage. Only the two of you can do that.

 

You example is a good demonstration on how to understand, search for or reach a mutual/common financial goal.

[Joanne]

I think if you wife tells you everything is OK, she doesn't care a bit about her future life in financial aspect, you should probably be worried.