Chinese Female Advice to Another Chinese Femal On Coming to America

[david_dawei]

Too much advice. She will tell you what she wants.

 

B) Did this come from Carl? Why does it sound like exactly what DavidZ would say?

and I was thinking that was Tony at his [quipping] best!

[TootTaLu]

While this may or may not be part of the topic here's my two cents

 

Chinese language TV http://kylintv.com/index.asp? would be useful in helping our Chinese women adjust to her new home.

 

When I lived in China I did pretty well dealing with the culture shock.

I had plenty of MP3s of music and audio books and watched American TV off the Internet. Even with the aforementioned items as a safety blanket I still found it nice that after an entire day of Chinese speaking friends or a weekend day out shopping it was very nice to retreat to my bedroom so I could watch TV or a movie in English.

 

No matter how fluent your Chinese girl is there will be times when she will just want to relax, not "think English" and revert to her native language. Preparing Chinese language TV, books, and possibly ItalkBB will prevent a culture shock meltdown.

Also my fiance is planning to keep herself busy once she arrives in America by going to school and taking a part time job,but we have been buying up those cheap DVDs of Chinese TV programs,one disc contains about 10 hours of programs,and the cost about 5Yuan each.

 

Im not so interested in Chinese TV,but I would like her to have some kind of "non internet" Chinese language news,but NOT produced in China/Taiwan/HongKong/Vancouver/Seattle/LA.

An American newspaper in Chinese language.

Also,Id like to find some Chinese language books on BASIC American history.

We bought a book in China at XinHua Bookstore,a rather cheap book I must admit,that had the Statue Of Liberty and a waving American flag on the cover.

Inside the book,the first 80 pages went on and on about Mao Ze Dong!!!30% of an American history book glorifying the acomplishments of Mao,but no indication of this on the cover artwork.

 

My Chinese friends told me that there are Chinese school textbooks that are not full of BS like that cheap book I bought,but I dont know where to buy them.

 

In America,is there any Chinese language books with the basic light American history,or Chinese text versions of the US Constitution or Declaration Of Independence?

Not anything too thick,just the stories that most Americans learned when we were children.

Anything like this online?

 

I was taught that George Washington chopped down some cherry tree then admitted it to his father,but later learned that maybe that never really happened,so I understand the US history is filled with a lot of "stories",but these books I have found in China are pretty much useless,unless you want to believe it was Mao Ze Dong who explained to George Washington about self criticisim and convinced him to admit to his father about the cherry tree incident.

[jemmyell]

Two points:

 

1. Too much Chinese TV can lead to the cocoon ... she/you/whatever create a small China in the US ... bu hao! The goal to to integrate. We get LA channel 18 as part of the baseline cable package. Eighteen does the LA news in Mandarin for about 20 minutes each night and then samples Taiwan and PRC news. This is all the Chinese TV Lao Po and Er Mei normally watch. We compare and contrast with the news in English.

 

2. Don't go overboard on Chinese food. She goes to the Chinese market once a week. Our breakfast is American, lunch mixed, and dinner mostly Chinese. She's starting to learn how to cook western from "The Joy of Cooking", not particularly easy to read, but a very good cookbook. I like Chinese food and Lao Po, who owned a restaurant in China, is a great cook. We are now seeking a little more balance.

 

Jim, I respect your position and ways of doing things. BUT both my girls are immersed in the English Language and American culture constantly. They value the small amount of time they are able to watch Chinese TV (Dish Network, Great Wall package). I personally love Chinese food so having it daily is a treat for me. I can get anything American I need for lunch at work, and I have been cooking on weekends to show my daughter more American things. Chili and Cornbread will definitely be staples. BTW the Chinese TV we get here IS NOT what they get in China! MUCH more variety and freedom for export!

 

It is wise not to 'cocoon' totally, but to have home comforts available can sometimes be golden. When we visited the Shenyang Home Style restauarnt it was home for my girls.

 

-James

[hakkamike]

Too much advice. She will tell you what she wants.

Or doesn't want.

[SinoTexas]

sushi is japanese (at least currently), not chinese.

 

about her 'adapting'...i will be in shock if she eats rice only twice a week. it'd be like you going to china and eating american food only twice a week, and chinese food the other 15 meals of the week.

Having lived and worked in Matsumoto (Japan) for a couple of years, I think I know where sushi comes from. Japanese is my favourite cuisine and as I said many times before, I did not go for my fiancee because she is Chinese. As to the rest, we'll just see. California Jim seems to have the balance that my fiancee and I would attempt to strive for.

 

As aye,

 

Jim

[lili58]

I think lots of things depends on the situation. If you have the luxury to have chinese TV channels, chinese magazines, food, and can afford to travel home.. then you'll want that. But for lots of other people who did not have those opportunities, adjusting into US still is not so hard, even without having those things. I know lots of immigrants like that.

I came to U.S on my own, I didn't have either chinese or american food. I ate out of a can for a while. Did not even have time to miss home . I guess my mind was occupied with how to make a living here.

[IllinoisDave]

Too much advice. She will tell you what she wants.

 

Did this come from Carl? Why does it sound like exactly what DavidZ would say?

 

For those who actually have their wives/fiancees in the US, I will accept their posts at face value. Some have been quite lucky to have Chinese women who have adapted relatively quickly and easily.

 

For the rest who still have their wives/fiancees in China, I would strongly urge you NOT to believe everything that is said over the phone or webcam and take that to be set in stone. Or try to set into stone what you heard over the phone/webcam. I believe you'll be very disappointed if you do.

 

As Tony pointed out, people change. It's a given. I believe 100% that most of the Chinese SOs have no idea what life will really be like in the US. No matter if they've seen 1000 photos of your home town and hundreds of videos of life in the US, they'll have no idea until they've actually lived it. Especially for the folks who live in more rural areas in the US where there's little to no Asians, there is no way you can or should believe your SO that it won't bother them not to see other Asian people. That's just ridiculous. For a race of people who are not use to seeing any laoweis and seeing 100% Chinese all day every day to suddenly be dropped into a strange place where there are no Asians, that will be bewildering to say the least.

 

America will be as strange to your SOs as China was strange to you the first time you went there.

 

I rarely talk about my wife because I like to keep our personal lives private but on this issue, I will disclose somethings, to use as a personal example.

 

My wife is from Shanghai, born and bred. She's relatively cosmopolitan compared with the rest of China. She lived with me for a while when I was in China and I had exposed her to a lot of western food. She worked at an education company which recruited foreigners to teach English in Shanghai. She was exposed to (and in fact managed) a group of loweis on a day to day basis. She was plenty exposed to the behavior of Americans. She embraced most things Western like so many of the urban youths in China today. She thought she would have no adjustment period to the US at all. She told me plenty of times in China not to be concerned and that she'd embrace the US easily and quickly.

 

Well, that was then, and this is now. After having been here 5 months, she's really starting to miss SH. We eat Chinese a lot at home, but she is still extremely hungry for real street food from SH. She's always talking about food from China. Even though she loves pizza, filet mignon and green salads, she's always talking about real Chinese food lately. I can sense how she's missing SH/China more and more. Additionally, she's talking more and more about going home for a visit sooner, rather than later. She's really starting to miss her parents--and her twin nieces. This has even surprised herself. She never thought she'd miss her parents as much as she does now. Speaking with her nieces on the phone can bring tears to her eyes. All of this is hitting her like she'd never have imagined. She admits she never thought she'd feel like this, but she does now.

 

I've disclosed all this for no other reason than to convey that Chinese people have no idea what life will be like prior to getting here. No matter how much you try to tell them, they really have no idea. It's only after they get here and have been here a month or two when reality will really sink in.

 

Too many CFL members have complained on here "But that's not what she told me when she was in China." "That's not what she said she wanted before." I've always hated reading those posts because how can you expect the Chinese ladies to foretell how their lives will be in the US when they really have no conception of what life will be like in the US. Even if she believes she knows, she really doesn't. It's like asking an American if he really understands what living in China for several years would be like if he's never been to China before. He can't! One can't sincerely expect our SOs to 100% keep to what they said back in China. If you do, you do at your own peril.

 

We've read stories such as Rak's and Jim's. I don't dispute their happy stories. Their ladies seem to have had a very easy adjustment, but there are plenty of stories which are either not told, or are only told on 001/002, where the adjustments have been miserable.

 

For all the folks advocating aggressive integration into the US culture, just imagine if you were to go live in China and had to always watch Chinese TV, always eat Chinese food, only befriend Chinese friends, and always conduct yourself with Chinese mannerism and etiquette. I think everyone, including myself, will utterly fail. So don't try to push this onto your SOs.

 

While I respect Jim_J very much and I hold his posts in high regards, I don't think his success with his wife will directly translate to everyone else. I support what he suggests in moderation, but I honestly believe the Chinese SO will be much happier to see a lot of Chinese things at home. Sawadee, being a Chinese SO, so eloquently described what it meant to her, even to have one Chinese newspaper or magazine. These kinds of small connections with the home country are truly priceless. They mean a great deal more than their actual cost in dollar amounts.

 

With all due respect to Sino and his lovely fiancee, I do find it very ironic that a Chinese lady who has been living in the US for three years being disregarded for giving--what I believe to be--wise advice. While it may indeed turn out that Sino's lovely fiancee won't need any of the things suggested by her friend in OR, I think what the friend suggested was very apropos. I would urge many of you to seriously consider what that Chinese lady said.

 

Yes, people are all different. But with all due respect, I certainly would take the advice of someone whose been living here for three years over someone who has not lived in the US for one day.

 

Just my two cents. Y'all are free to disagree.

 

As someone who's SO hasn't arrived yet, I find this post extremely enlightening. Not that those of others like JimJ aren't, they are. But whenever I've read a post about someone's SO who says she doesn't want much to do with anything Chinese when she gets here, I"ve always thought to myself that it sounds like she is saying what she thinks her SO wants to hear.

 

Lance's example of contrasting her coming here to live as opposed to us going there to do the same really makes the most sense to me. I've thought to myself after two visits that I could live in China easily. But when you really think about it in the terms Lance lays out, maybe not so easy. And the same goes for our SOs I think.

 

So I'll do as much as I can to prepare for her with her input and be ready to change ANYTHING after she's actually here.

[rogerinca]

Jim, your thread is great !! It is very interesting and thought provoking. Thank you.

 

You are a very thoughtful and intelligent man; I am sure you and your likewise intelligent Lao Po, will quickly figure out the correct balance, and enjoy a life-long ride together. I am happy she will be with you soon.

 

Lance, you are a friend, and a fellow California boy, so I do not need to ¡®suck-up¡¯ to you.

 

Having provided that preface, I must tell you that so many of your posts, are very articulate and absolutely amazing in their insight and depth. Your post herein, makes so much sense to me. I could not say this would have been my understanding, even 6 to 9 months ago. I have learned a lot, in this regard, from experienced members like you, David Z., Jim J and many others. I hope many other newer and less experienced members herein, also take advantage of your [unique] perspective and learn/adsorb all they can, with respect to the culture of our women.

 

Moreover, having observed the debacle of my friend and neighbor and his recent emotional roller-coaster, my eyes are now open very wide.

 

My wife¡¯s eyes are wide open too. She, too, never ceases to amaze me with her grasp of the issues facing us. We discuss these issues all the time.

 

I am very much looking forward to a life-long ride, with my woman, whom I love so deeply and now miss so much. Thank you all !!

[Carl]

Interesting.....I thought I might add my few cent's worth to this.

 

I mentioned to Ying that I was looking at Dish network for a chinese packagem but she said no, she is more interested American TV to improve her English. She buys some Chinese products and cooks Chinese food for me every now and then, but she has learned to inprovise and substitute American products and has even learnedhow to cook American food by watching me when I do baked or oven fried chicken and fish, make chili, spaggetti, omelets or any of the many dishes I know how to cook.

 

If she needs her Chinese fix she will go to any of the many Chinese or Buddhist websites, talk to her family on QQ or call them on Yahoo webphone for $0.015 a minute.

 

She is happy with a trip to China at least every other year, but this last time we was there for only a few days before she was, as she said it, "Ready to go back home to Texas."

 

She has adapted so well she now refers to herself as a "TEXICHINICAN," and says she wants "Texas" citizenship as quickly as she can get it. The locals however still consider me just another DAMN YANK.

 

Don't do anything special and she will let you know how much or how little she wants.

[mchina34]

sushi is japanese (at least currently), not chinese.

 

about her 'adapting'...i will be in shock if she eats rice only twice a week. it'd be like you going to china and eating american food only twice a week, and chinese food the other 15 meals of the week.

Having lived and worked in Matsumoto (Japan) for a couple of years, I think I know where sushi comes from. Japanese is my favourite cuisine and as I said many times before, I did not go for my fiancee because she is Chinese. As to the rest, we'll just see. California Jim seems to have the balance that my fiancee and I would attempt to strive for.

 

As aye,

 

Jim

 

 

 

nothing meant by it...

[SirLancelot]

 

As someone who's SO hasn't arrived yet, I find this post extremely enlightening. Not that those of others like JimJ aren't, they are. But whenever I've read a post about someone's SO who says she doesn't want much to do with anything Chinese when she gets here, I"ve always thought to myself that it sounds like she is saying what she thinks her SO wants to hear.

 

Lance's example of contrasting her coming here to live as opposed to us going there to do the same really makes the most sense to me. I've thought to myself after two visits that I could live in China easily. But when you really think about it in the terms Lance lays out, maybe not so easy. And the same goes for our SOs I think.

 

So I'll do as much as I can to prepare for her with her input and be ready to change ANYTHING after she's actually here.

 

Just a clarification that my post was targeted towards the general audience more than specifically at SinoT.

 

SinoT is well traveled and behind all his Texan humor lies a very educated person whom I respect. When he's not making all the Texas wisecracks, I appreciate what he says. And I believe he's put in a lot of time and effort to learn about Chinese culture. I believe his relationship will work out nicely.

 

My intention in my post was more for the general audience to not believe or assume that every Chinese SO will adjust to the US life as easily as some of the ladies mentioned on here. All the Chinese ladies may say they'll easily adjust when they get to the US, but you can't believe every word they say, not because they're directly lying to you, but because they themselves don't know better. They'll know better once they're actually here and have lived here for a few months. Then you'll see for yourself if they are easily adapting. So don't try to hold the Chinese SOs accountable for something they said back in China about the US when they really shouldn't be held liable for what they say.

 

That is all I meant by my post.

 

I sincerely wish SinoT and his lovely fiancee best wishes in their relationship. For that matter, I wish everyone the best with their SO/wives.

[trumpetwasher]

My SO says she can't wait to get here, and I believe her. She had to quit a lucrative job in SZ to care for her mother who was dying of pancreatic cancer. That put her out of a job at age 44, and it's almost impossible for a Chinese (especially a woman) to find a job 6 years from forced retirement. During the past 2 years, her 3 brothers (she is the youngest in a family of 5) have supported her; supplemented by some independent technical translation. So, she is ready to leave. As for the TV, I already have Jadeworld. I subscribe to the Chinese-language versions of a couple of magazines. If she wants conversation, I speak Mandarin. For stimulation, she teaches me Cantonese. (and swears at me in it when I beat her at ma jiang) She has spent the last 6 months getting her technophobic sister to use the internet. She knows that she won't be able to spend the amount of time on the phone that she does now, but there is a job waiting here for her at a local university. That will probably be the biggest adjustment for her, she won't be able to folk dance twice a day. Or sleep 'til noon if she's played ma jiang until 2am. Food-wise, we're both ovo-lacto vegetarians who occasionally enjoy fish. And I know what you're thinking, but I'm a blond, blue-eyed yang gui zi Illinois born and bred.

[david_dawei]

Too much advice. She will tell you what she wants.

 

 

Bingo. Everyone is different, but this is exactly what Ping tells me. She has no concerns about living here, and she is confident in her ability to stay busy and be happy. Her view is that once she is here, we will talk about and agree together on things as husband and wife. Even when I tell her it is her choice, she defers to our joint decision. She doesn't expect me to anticipate and cater to her every need. She just wants to be a family and make decisions together as a family. Works for me.

Isn't so nice to see the glass 'half full' in these woman instead of those who are always acting like the glass is 'half empty'

[trumpetwasher]

Interesting.....I thought I might add my few cent's worth to this.

 

I mentioned to Ying that I was looking at Dish network for a chinese packagem but she said no, she is more interested American TV to improve her English. She buys some Chinese products and cooks Chinese food for me every now and then, but she has learned to inprovise and substitute American products and has even learnedhow to cook American food by watching me when I do baked or oven fried chicken and fish, make chili, spaggetti, omelets or any of the many dishes I know how to cook.

 

If she needs her Chinese fix she will go to any of the many Chinese or Buddhist websites, talk to her family on QQ or call them on Yahoo webphone for $0.015 a minute.

 

She is happy with a trip to China at least every other year, but this last time we was there for only a few days before she was, as she said it, "Ready to go back home to Texas."

 

She has adapted so well she now refers to herself as a "TEXICHINICAN," and says she wants "Texas" citizenship as quickly as she can get it. The locals however still consider me just another DAMN YANK.

 

Don't do anything special and she will let you know how much or how little she wants.

Carl, doyou know Jim and Shirley Cresswell? They're my cousin and her husband.

[SinoTexas]

Too much advice. She will tell you what she wants.

 

 

Bingo. Everyone is different, but this is exactly what Ping tells me. She has no concerns about living here, and she is confident in her ability to stay busy and be happy. Her view is that once she is here, we will talk about and agree together on things as husband and wife. Even when I tell her it is her choice, she defers to our joint decision. She doesn't expect me to anticipate and cater to her every need. She just wants to be a family and make decisions together as a family. Works for me.

Isn't so nice to see the glass 'half full' in these woman instead of those who are always acting like the glass is 'half empty'

LOL. My fiancee has told me on several occassions that it will be her job to make sure my "glass" is ALWAYS full and then I won't have to worry about it being either half empty or half full!

 

As aye,

 

Jim