A Child in Mid of Two Cultures

[Joanne]

I am angry with my husband for a small instance.

 

This evening, after dinner, our 4 year old daughter got permission to watch Chip & Dale, one of her favorite Disney Cartoon. In between sessions, she asked me whether she could get something to eat, a fruit perhaps (she seems to be hungry the whole day today after the whole not-wanting-to-eat yesterday). She was pretty loud, so her dad in the next room heard her loud pleading and walked over turned off TV. He said, noboday is watching so turn it off. B)

 

I feel, in general, he doesn't like the way I discuss issues with our daughter. I don't think daughter is very pesty.

[fangkelei]

I am angry with my husband for a small instance.

 

This evening, after dinner, our 4 year old daughter got permission to watch Chip & Dale, one of her favorite Disney Cartoon. In between sessions, she asked me whether she could get something to eat, a fruit perhaps (she seems to be hungry the whole day today after the whole not-wanting-to-eat yesterday). She was pretty loud, so her dad in the next room heard her loud pleading and walked over turned off TV. He said, noboday is watching so turn it off. B)

 

I feel, in general, he doesn't like the way I discuss issues with our daughter. I don't think daughter is very pesty.

 

Hi Joanne,

 

PengPeng and I are discussing this kind of situation with my kids from a previous marriage. I completely understand how you can be peaved at your husband. I'm sure there will be times when I'm annoyed at PengPeng and she's annoyed at me. I'd suggest that after your daughter is asleep and you and your husband have some quiet time together, bring it up and talk about it. Try to understand what he was feeling at the time and help him understand your feelings. Perhaps you can find a way to present a unified front to your daughter. That is one of the key goals PengPeng and I have regarding children.

 

Best of luck,

Claude

[Dennis143]

 

 

Then we grow up.

Maybe...hopefully too.

[Joanne]

I am angry with my husband for a small instance.

 

This evening, after dinner, our 4 year old daughter got permission to watch Chip & Dale, one of her favorite Disney Cartoon. In between sessions, she asked me whether she could get something to eat, a fruit perhaps (she seems to be hungry the whole day today after the whole not-wanting-to-eat yesterday). She was pretty loud, so her dad in the next room heard her loud pleading and walked over turned off TV. He said, noboday is watching so turn it off. B)

 

I feel, in general, he doesn't like the way I discuss issues with our daughter. I don't think daughter is very pesty.

 

Hi Joanne,

 

PengPeng and I are discussing this kind of situation with my kids from a previous marriage. I completely understand how you can be peaved at your husband. I'm sure there will be times when I'm annoyed at PengPeng and she's annoyed at me. I'd suggest that after your daughter is asleep and you and your husband have some quiet time together, bring it up and talk about it. Try to understand what he was feeling at the time and help him understand your feelings. Perhaps you can find a way to present a unified front to your daughter. That is one of the key goals PengPeng and I have regarding children.

 

Best of luck,

Claude

 

Thank you, Claude. I didn't voice my opinion when this was going on, but I was angry. It was such a small thing. I don't even know how to bring it up again.

[Joanne]

Later they will regret how they handled the situation.

 

 

He may have already regreted. He volunteered to go out to a park with her. Then after they came back, he offered to start the Cartoon again.

 

He is the "god" in her mind.

[Joanne]

Later they will regret how they handled the situation.

 

 

He may have already regreted. He volunteered to go out to a park with her. Then after they came back, he offered to start the Cartoon again.

 

He is the "god" in her mind.

 

 

Joanne, your beautiful little daughter could melt the heart of the hardest man. You will see.

 

Actually, I don't like to see it happening. She has already learned how to please her dad (most of the time). She tried pretty hard.

 

Sorry, I am complaining.

[IllinoisDave]

Later they will regret how they handled the situation.

 

 

He may have already regreted. He volunteered to go out to a park with her. Then after they came back, he offered to start the Cartoon again.

 

He is the "god" in her mind.

 

 

Joanne, your beautiful little daughter could melt the heart of the hardest man. You will see.

 

Actually, I don't like to see it happening. She has already learned how to please her dad (most of the time). She tried pretty hard.

 

Sorry, I am complaining.

 

Joanne,

Please don't be sorry. Everyone here learns so much about the perspective of the Chinese SO from your posts. It's only fair that you may gain some insight into the thinking of the USC men as well.

 

I don't have any children yet so I don't feel qualified to offer any opinions, just support.

 

Good luck.

[Randy W]

 

Actually, I don't like to see it happening. She has already learned how to please her dad (most of the time). She tried pretty hard.

 

Sorry, I am complaining.

 

I agree - I don't think he should have stepped in without making sure with you that he knew what was going on. Kids can learn how to manipulate this way.

[chilton747]

The solution is simple. Just pull out the mop and all will be well.

[sawadee]

Joanne,

 

I think your husband could have been through a bad day, he might feel bad about that afterwards, everyone has bad days, it is understandable. Maybe later on when he is totally calm down, you can have a talk with him about that.

[Joanne]

Joanne,

 

I think your husband could have been through a bad day, he might feel bad about that afterwards, everyone has bad days, it is understandable. Maybe later on when he is totally calm down, you can have a talk with him about that.

 

Thank you, Sawadee. Don't be too concerned. I am fine now after a good night's sleep.

 

He wants a perfect child under his standard.

[shaffej7070]

He may have already regreted. He volunteered to go out to a park with her. Then after they came back, he offered to start the Cartoon again.

 

 

This shows that your husband has a good conscience. Forgiveness, compromise and making amends is the hallmark of a good family relationship.

[NewDay2006]

Joanne, I think it is very commenable that you vented here when you were angry. Many people, both men and women would have said what they felt at the time and maybe the situation would have become more of a problem.

 

In my mind, you might have went to him later and just told him your feelings at the time.

 

Having been divorced tooooo many times, I hope I have learned something. While I'm not saying I was an emotional in the past, I will say that avoiding emotional situations is good, even though you can't avoid them sometimes.

 

While my wife and I have not lived together yet, except for the times I visited her... we have had disagreements, but never have either of us raised our voice to the other. It seemed my prior wives had the bad habit of yelling at me, did they have a reason to do so? Maybe they did, but I feel "adults" should have control of thier emotions at most times.

[Urkidding]

 

Actually, I don't like to see it happening. She has already learned how to please her dad (most of the time). She tried pretty hard.

 

Sorry, I am complaining.

 

I agree - I don't think he should have stepped in without making sure with you that he knew what was going on. Kids can learn how to manipulate this way.

 

Let me add that Children are NOT stupid... They know how to work you!

[Joanne]

Joanne, I think it is very commenable that you vented here when you were angry. Many people, both men and women would have said what they felt at the time and maybe the situation would have become more of a problem.

 

 

You got it, Charles! I was venting. I was so angry but could not say anything in front of daughter, plus mom and dad. Later my husband asked me whether I felt low that evening. I told him "yes, but could not tell why because daughter was still awake". That was all.

 

I thank you so much, my CFL buddies, for your kind words and wisdoms. My husband and I are not experienced in raising child. Often I doubt of my own actions towards her.