East Comes West

[SinoTexas]

Now that the interview is behind us and my fiancee is back home after extensive travel, we are now discussing her arrival. I think we have worked out the details and she will be here mid June. She wants time to get her affairs in order, a few good byes with family and close out work. We just need to arrange airline tickets.

 

I asked her what personal items she was thinking about bringing over or shipping to the US. She said she wanted to limit her personal items to what she is allowed on the plane. I said that it would be pretty limited in what she could bring given the airline baggage allowance.

 

She said that she did not want to bring much except for some clothes and a few books. She said she wanted to leave everything Chinese behind because she was starting a new life in the US. She was only bringing a couple of Chinese style dresses, but other than that she wants to start life anew. I was rather surprised, but I said ok. She explained that she wants to adopt her new homeland and learn it's culture. I said that you cannot discard your heritage and that you will always be Chinese. She agreed that there is nothing she can do to change her as a Chinese person, but that she could adopt and adapt to western foods, fashions, lifestyles, etc. I asked if there was any cookware that she thought she might need and she said that she would learn to cook Chinese foods utilizing western cookware and utensils. I then followed up and said that if the cross cultural cooking doesn't work, there were Asian food stores within an hour drive and that we cook pick up any cookware. She countered that she did not want to go to an Asian food store, but western grocery stores. She wants to learn how to cook western foods and eat western foods. She said that I would teach her western cooking and I said that it would not be a problem. I asked her about times when we want to cook Chinese foods and she said that she would cook Chinese occasionally but she was dead set on eating western foods...hello chili, good bye hot pot... We'll see how long this last. I was joking with her that if she was that gung ho about western culture, that we could drive over to Hippie Hollow (clothes optional park near Austin) and spend the afternoon there. She said she wanted to go sans clothing Damn, I guess the ride continues with all kinds of twists and turns! Anyone else had a spouse/fiance(e) with a similar outlook?

 

But I guess if that is her outlook, it will be off to the local western store to pick up some tight fitting Levi's, tight fitting Wrangler shirts, leather belt, Roper boots and a Stetson. Oh, and to Victoria Secrets...

 

As aye,

 

Jim

[gnat]

How nice to have a life time partner with such an open mind. Congratulations Jim!

 

My wife is not a fan of American food due to the fatness issue. She cannot believe her eyes, when she sees how large many Americans are. We stick mostly to Chinese foods. I have eaten more green vegetables and fruit in the last two months, than in the last year on my own.

 

But, ya know ¨C every once and awhile I have an outrageous protein crave!!!!

[Dennis143]

Sounds like your wife is preparing herself mentally to embrace YOUR life, Jim, and everything it entails. Her attitude is more of a tribute of her love for you and wanting to please you.

 

Unless she¡¯s completely different than most Chinese women, I would suspect that change will be slow, however.

 

Just get that rice cooker already. You can take the girl out of China, but you¡¯ll never take the China out of the girl.

[RLS]

All I can say is, "Jim, you devil, you."

[tywy_99]

That is a wonderful post, Jim! Thank you!

And all wonderful replies. I agree and can relate to them all.

 

Your fiancee sounds very dear. She is looking at the time ahead of her and thinking about it every single moment since getting her visa. How excited she must be. She is carefully planning her move the way only a Chinese woman can. She will do it very efficiently, too!

Congratulations to you both!

 

My advice would be to let her do as she wants. She is in control of her world and she needs your support and affirmation to it.

 

Dennis already said it, about the rice cooker. The first thing I bought for my wife, and what she wanted, was a small pressure cooker. She uses it all the time.

As far as personal items are concerned, they can be shipped by ocean freight, every single thing she owns.

But, once again, let her decide. It won't hurt to throw in a few suggestions, though, to let her see another perspective. You can help her out. That's what life is all about!

[Randy W]

. . . and we are overdue for another TGTG !

[yuan fen]

That's great Jim.

 

Jie came here after closing things out also, 4 months later. It felt

longer than waiting from P1 to interview, but when she got here I had

forgotten all about being saddle sore. I learned quickly that I was

gonna have to take more than just one shower in the spring too.

 

Jie did have a pre-vision of how she was going to embrace Western life,

and she has kept up mostly.

 

Good luck with the western foods, Jie loves them, but her fear of

getting fat curves her consumption. Homemade corn bread has become

a staple at the dinner table, and when we gill out on the porch she

forgets about her fears of fat. Good ole Texas BBQ is a winner also.

 

 

As for The Hollow, this is one place we intend to visit this summer

when we come down to Travis Co. Lake Travis is one most beautiful river lakes in Texas.

 

Somthing about a Stetson and Victoria Secrets that just belong together.

[Dennis143]

Hey Jim, instead of those Wranglers & Stetson, you may ask her to bring traditional Chinese dresses. You might also want to consider having her walk behind you with hands folded in front of her, head bowed taking fast, little steps, as I do with my Leiqin.

[LeeFisher3]

Congratulations Jim. Like others have said, go with the flow and don't close the door on her changing her mind about her life in the US.

[SheLikesME?]

Wow Jim,

This is very similar to my wife. She did not want me to get anything. You may want to go read some of what I posted about her in America. She had her daughter talked into things too, like eating with a fork. I know they ate a lot of things they didn't like but said little. To be honest, as I have posted before, she came here trying too hard to be non-Chinese. I was very surprised at her effort and thought it not so smart. She even got a bit upset if I pulled out the chop-sticks when they got here. For over 4 weeks it was a little bit of HELL until we went to Houston and the 10 miles of China town. WHAT A RELIEF when she let herself be more herslef. Before Houston I drove her to the Asian market and had her go on in with me. Of course she had to adjust to price and I kept telling her to just GET IT. I didn't know what spices to get, but when I sorta forced the local asian market on her she sure bought jars of spices her and her daughter ate in gobs. Houston made the big change with SO MANY stores and Asians all over the place IN AMERICA.

 

Just my opinion but if I wear you I would go get what ever your gut tells you to do. If you want to provide chinese cook ware or anything else that way it is my bet she will take to it and appreciate it. We both found that there is so much difference between China and here that trying to change it all at once like my wife was trying to do was just too much, especially with all the school work. Of course these other guys have experience too. Maybe this is common and they KNOW. But if I had it to do again I would not have listened to her about how I should plan for her arrival. Or maybe half of it. I would have her bring as much as she can. Man she NEEDS things familier. Just my .02.

 

After the Houston trip chop sticks at the table was acceptable by all back at the house. Whew...... I had a little of my old wife back.

Edited May 2, 2007 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[Urkidding]

Jim,

 

You failed to mention in your story that you live in the heart of Texas. There are no Chinese stores within a couple of hours of your ranch!

 

My wife did the same when it came to bringing clothes and personal effects. Then on the next trip back we brought all her shoes, dresses, and coats back with us.

 

At least the beginning of you new life is starting very soon and hopefully she won¡¯t torture you too much ¨C at Victoria¡¯s house!

 

We can¡¯t wait to meet her.

 

Me, Mom and the lil¡¯ caboose

[izus]

first off Congratulations Jim, thats fantastic.

 

ChunYan also took about 2 and a half months to close up shop in beijing before she jumped the puddle to the states.

she boxed up all her clothes and shoes in 6 large boxes and had them shipped by water.

took about 4 months to get the last one. but she is very happy she did now cause its really hard to find clothes that fit her little petite frame.

she ends up shopping in the kids department most of the time.

 

she says american women are too big.

[SinoTexas]

Jim,

 

You failed to mention in your story that you live in the heart of Texas. There are no Chinese stores within a couple of hours of your ranch!

 

My wife did the same when it came to bringing clothes and personal effects. Then on the next trip back we brought all her shoes, dresses, and coats back with us.

 

At least the beginning of you new life is starting very soon and hopefully she won¡¯t torture you too much ¨C at Victoria¡¯s house!

 

We can¡¯t wait to meet her.

 

Me, Mom and the lil¡¯ caboose

45 minutes to Austin, about an hour to Houston and 90 minutes to San Antonio. It takes me right at an hour (non-peak traffic time) from the ranch to the Asian store off the Beltway. I forget it's name.

 

Thanks to all ya'll for the kind words and support. Will keep ya'll posted.

 

As aye,

 

Jim