fiance/wife's lack of english

[IluvmyLi]

I'm curious to know what other on here who have fiance's/wives that are limited in English are able to cope in America.

 

I keep thinking about how difficult it's going to be for my future wife to do so many things that I take for granted. Her English basically sucks at this point and this has me thinking.

 

1. Being able for her to "repeat after me" at the marriage.

2. Doctors

3. Dentists

4. How do you go out for dinner? She has to either trust that I can order what she wants. Or be sure the menu has pictures. Will she go into shock when there is only one plate of food sitting in front of her? Everytime we ate out in China we had about 5 different plates of food on our table.

5. Introducing her to my friends.

 

All these things will leave her feeling very uncomfortable and I'm worried about this.

 

I would really like to find Chinese speaking doctors and dentists but Denver doesn't exactly have large chinese population.

Edited April 13, 2007 by IluvmyLi (see edit history)

[Randy W]

I'm curious to know what other on here who have fiance's/wives that are limited in English are able to cope in America.

 

I keep thinking about how difficult it's going to be for my future wife to do so many things that I take for granted. Her English basically sucks at this point and this has me thinking.

 

1. Being able for her to "repeat after me" at the marriage.

2. Doctors

3. Dentists

4. How do you go out for dinner? She has to either trust that I can order what she wants. Or be sure the menu has pictures. Will she go into shock when there is only one plate of food sitting in front of her? Everytime we ate out in China we had about 5 different plates of food on our table.

5. Introducing her to my friends.

 

All these things will leave her feeling very uncomfortable and I'm worried about this.

 

I would really like to find Chinese speaking doctors and dentists but Denver doesn't exactly have large chinese population.

 

 

1. Practice "I do", "I do", "I do"

2,3. Chinese-speaking

4. I trust her to order what we want

5. "Nice to meet you"

 

Chinatown is about 5 minutes away. She also feels comfortable going shopping in English-speaking places by herself.

 

Buy a hand-held translator (full sentences). We actually don't use ours (she uses it herself to help learn English)

[RLS]

My SO is not here yet, but . . .

 

For the vows, I plan to get someone to translate. For all other things, I think she will catch on to English very fast. She learns fast and if she is immersed in English it will really be a benefit. She goes to English school, but the problem over there is that they don't get much chance to practice. Also, like Randy, she has a small hand held device for translation. I plan to get her a better one for full sentences. My SO is already able to "write" English.

 

I'm sure your wife will pick it up fast once she is here. Also, maybe she can enroll in an ESL class. The Chinese restaurants I go to all have Chinese speaking waitresses. I remember one of my old teachers used to say, "have fun with it and let it be a challenge to you." Good luck.

Edited April 13, 2007 by RLS (see edit history)

[lyscra]

My fiance is an english teacher and has been for 3 years, but she is still struggling with slang, accent, speed of speech, and cultural differences so I can't say that it's easy for her even knowing allot of english. Sometimes I must explain things to her and then explain those things in meaning and in cultural reference. She is not here yet, but I imagine that it is just patience and just getting used to it and learning. Every day is learning for me and I speak this language, but I think it really depends on the person IMO and their patience and willingness to learn culture and language.

 

Sorry, my fiance isnt here but I had an opinion

[IluvmyLi]

My fiance is an english teacher and has been for 3 years, but she is still struggling with slang, accent, speed of speech, and cultural differences so I can't say that it's easy for her even knowing allot of english. Sometimes I must explain things to her and then explain those things in meaning and in cultural reference. She is not here yet, but I imagine that it is just patience and just getting used to it and learning. Every day is learning for me and I speak this language, but I think it really depends on the person IMO and their patience and willingness to learn culture and language.

 

Sorry, my fiance isnt here but I had an opinion

 

 

Opinions are good. Thx

[Dennis143]

Possibly Ken (AmeriKen) or other Denver area residents can tell you where the Denver Chinese communities are.

 

It takes time and much patience, believe me. Everyone knows that I live pretty much in the heart of the Chinese community and Leiqin's English progess is slow because of it. However, we've come a long ways in being able to communicate and understand each other without an intermediary to translate. Yet, I must make all her doctor's, dental, legal and financial appointments and decisions due to her lack of English literacy. It's almost like having a child in some ways, (I'd bet she says the same about me. )

 

If you are patient and the relationship is strong, you'll weather through any storms and come out smooth sailing in the end, as these can be the toughest pairings imaginable, yet the most rewarding too.

[IluvmyLi]

If you are patient and the relationship is strong, you'll weather through any storms and come out smooth sailing in the end, as these can be the toughest pairings imaginable, yet the most rewarding too.

 

Thx Dennis.

 

Very good point. Our love should help us endure just about anything. I'm actuall looking forward to the challenge.

[jim_julian]

When Lao Po arrived last June she had a pretty big vocabulary but poor grammar and very slow reading and writing. I was concerned about the same areas and we coped as follows:

 

1. Being able for her to "repeat after me" at the marriage.

The Pastor had traveled in China and we discussed this before the ceremony. I had a written "script" that we went over with Lao Po and the Pastor went very slowly during the ceremony.

 

2. Doctors. I still go with her,in the room, for all exams. Reason being that medical vocabulary and understanding is too specialized and Chinese people tend to believe whatevr the doctor says and don't question them.

 

3. Dentists. Went with her the first few times. She now solos. Dentistry is more predictable.

 

4. How do you go out for dinner? I still order for her after discussion.

 

5. Introducing her to my friends. No problem once they learn to pronounce her name. There are still accents she can't understand and people sometimes speak waay to fast but she knows what is expected and can fake it if necessary. Later this year we're going to an executive offsite ... that will be interesting.

[warpedbored]

You're right it isn't easy. My wife and I have been married almost 3 years and she is still dependent on me for many things. Going out to eat at non Chinese restaurants can be very trying. Even if they have good photos she still doesn't know what everything is. You will have to take all the responsibility of the family's finances, appointments, job interviews, employment applications etc. Sometimes it wears you down but it is all worth it. You will get an idea of what food she likes from home and trial and error. With friends you will have to make extra effort to include her in conversations m sometimes explaining what's going on in Chinglish so she doesn't feel left out. Your friends should find her as charming as you do and make an effort to be understood. Denver is a big town. There will be some doctors in your area that either speak Chinese or have Chinese speaking staff. Go to your health insurance's web site and find the list of doctors for your area. Mine has a filter where I can do an advanced search and filter out all but the ones that can speak Chinese. Portland is smaller than Denver and there are 6 doctors on my health plan website here that speak Chinese. 3 of them are less than 2 miles from my home. Practice up on your patience and get ready for some difficult ordeals. It will worth the effort believe me. I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else.

[chrisnhong]

There will be plenty of chinese people in Denver. You'll find them. There are a couple of things that are critical.

 

1. At the start, you need someone to show her around for a few weeks. My mother came to stay with us and took her into the CBD and to the local chinatown a few times. This meant that she knew how to get around, even if she didn't know where to go.

 

2. Decide early on how you're going to handle her name. My wife still uses her chinese name, which I have no problem with. The problem is that chinese names are surname first. We have her name down in a number of places with either her family name or given name as the surname. Decide which will be which.

 

3. Patience. You're going to need tons of it. Mountains of it. After 2 years her english still sucks. Progress is slow. My mandarin is much better. But there are some pleasant surprises along the way.

 

4. Electronic dictionary is vital. Get a good one, they even come with little english lessons in animated Flash format. Very cute. You might even consider getting Plecodict for your own use. I find my wife's difficult to use when I'm in a hurry.

[esun41]

My wife works at two buffets, one Chinese and the other is American. She's not shy and has learned to adjust to the language through work and Church. If someone asks her if the restaurant serves sweet tea, she answers "sugar on the table" Not amazing that she is always one of the top tip getters as she is a great guest service person

 

We went to the DMV the other day to apply for her state ID card and the lady asked her if "she swears under oath that everything is correct" My wife looked over to me and I nodded yes and she answered as such.

 

My ex wife's mother is a minister and she was the person who married us so no problem there. (That's right, ex's mother married us)

 

She won't go to the dentist, absolutely refuses. I go with her to the doctor.

 

She talks to every body we shop at. Does her best to communicate even if she doesn't fully understand.

 

There's time to step in and time for me to back off and let my wife deal with things. I know when to help but she learns better if challenged. It's all time based for us. My wife is doing just fine as long as she is not put into a situation she can't handle and there's not much she can't handle.

[ameriken]

In another thread, I mentioned that we'd be willing to help you guys with the transition here in Denver. Its really not bad at all.

 

If interested, PM me.

Edited April 14, 2007 by ameriken (see edit history)

[IluvmyLi]

In another thread, I mentioned that we'd be willing to help you guys with the transition here in Denver. Its really not bad at all.

 

If interested, PM me.

 

 

Thx Ken!

 

I'm just a bit stressed thinking about how i'm gonna be able to do all this. My work prevents me from having the opportunity to take her to any ESL classes. Living down here on the south end puts us pretty far from those areas where the asians are at up near federal and alameda. And we're not close to any community college either. We do have Cherry Creek High School within walking distance and I know a Chinese lady that teaches Chinese at the school. I will discuss this with her and see if she also has any suggestions. I will be contacting you as soon as I get her here and we get a bit settled.

 

I think the priority will be to get her drivers license so she can drive her self to these places. Hopefully english isn't a requirement for getting a license in colorado. Considering every other car is a mexican, we shouldn't have any trouble.

[ameriken]

In another thread, I mentioned that we'd be willing to help you guys with the transition here in Denver. Its really not bad at all.

 

If interested, PM me.

 

 

Thx Ken!

 

I'm just a bit stressed thinking about how i'm gonna be able to do all this. My work prevents me from having the opportunity to take her to any ESL classes. Living down here on the south end puts us pretty far from those areas where the asians are at up near federal and alameda. And we're not close to any community college either. We do have Cherry Creek High School within walking distance and I know a Chinese lady that teaches Chinese at the school. I will discuss this with her and see if she also has any suggestions. I will be contacting you as soon as I get her here and we get a bit settled.

 

I think the priority will be to get her drivers license so she can drive her self to these places. Hopefully english isn't a requirement for getting a license in colorado. Considering every other car is a mexican, we shouldn't have any trouble.

You can also have Li call Jie and talk to her, Jie will help her feel more comfy here, and kind of fill her in on life here, websites that she can talk with other chinese, etc, etc. As for the drivers test, Jie found some places online that she could study that were in Chinese but were from a different state.

 

She can get a license without speaking english, but the problem is, unless she can read english or chinese, the test will be difficult. For example, Jie understood all the driving laws and rules, but when she took the test, it had many words and phrases that she was not familiar with, and thus it confused some of the answers.

 

The other thing, is if Li is not experienced with driving, it may take longer than usual for her to learn. I know you are stressed, but dont worry, it will work out and she will do ok.

 

All I can say is, you guys endured a very lengthy visa process, right now, just take some time out to enjoy each other, get to know each other, let her feel loved and that you are by her side, and all the rest will fall into place in due time!!

[jim_julian]

She won't go to the dentist, absolutely refuses.

 

I gently suggest that you ought to push Lucy on this. Dental care in China for most people is terrible. Little/no preventive care. Lots of pain when something goes wrong and finally drive them to a dentist. There are also amateur dentists ... shudder!

 

What she may not realize is that with a good American dentist procedures are painless. Point out that elderly Americans often still have their teeth because of preventive care and attention to keeping gums healthy.

 

My Lao Po was shocked when I first started her on flossing. Blood everywhere. She also had some molars that a Chinese "dentist" had removed by breaking them off at the gum line! Now, after 2+ years of good care, flossing, Sonicare electric brush, etc her mouth and gums are in great shape.

 

Give Lucy a push ...