I am just a male chauvinist pig¡­

[tywy_99]

It was simply tongue-in-cheek, when I stated "My wife listens to her husband." Even though Leiqin is lectured by her family to do just that.

 

What gets me is how I really must walk on egg shells with women around the office anymore. There's a big difference when joking with men than there is with women. You can bust men's balls all day and it just rolls off. Women can bust our balls all day and it rolls off, but damn me to hell if I should tease or give just a little back.

 

Now, I only speak about work related subjects and even then choose my words very carefully. Sometimes, there's still just a little slip-up though.

That reminds me of a political cartoon I saw in the paper back in the early '90's when this very subject had risen in the limelight.

The cartoon showed a fellow going to his office one morning with his hand over his mouth,holding up a sign that said "GOOD MORNING" as he walked by the secretary's desk!...........

 

God help you if you say the wrong thing!

Remember- the policies are in place.

[AmericanRooster]

That reminds me of a political cartoon I saw in the paper back in the early '90's when this very subject had risen in the limelight.

The cartoon showed a fellow going to his office one morning with his hand over his mouth,holding up a sign that said "GOOD MORNING" as he walked by the secretary's desk!...........

 

God help you if you say the wrong thing!

Remember- the policies are in place.

haha... that reminds me...

 

http://www.pennington.net/humor/directions_ad.mpeg

[tywy_99]

That reminds me of a political cartoon I saw in the paper back in the early '90's when this very subject had risen in the limelight.

The cartoon showed a fellow going to his office one morning with his hand over his mouth,holding up a sign that said "GOOD MORNING" as he walked by the secretary's desk!...........

 

God help you if you say the wrong thing!

Remember- the policies are in place.

haha... that reminds me...

 

http://www.pennington.net/humor/directions_ad.mpeg

:lol:

[david_dawei]

Dennis,

 

Is she happy in those other jobs?

 

She happy, you [should be] happy.

 

Maybe she should just home if you cannot be happy with where she finds work among other chinese that she can talk and work with.

[Dennis143]

Dennis,

 

Is she happy in those other jobs?

 

She happy, you [should be] happy.

 

Maybe she should just home if you cannot be happy with where she finds work among other chinese that she can talk and work with.

She came to me and asked if she could find other work so that we could be together more. She somehow thought that I may not want her to change. She hears of me going and sees the pictures of the Sunday outings with our group of Chinese friends while she is at work. And, I think she was feeling left out and wanted to be able to be included. So, however you choose to imply it David, the choice to change jobs so that we could be together wasn't an edict that was passed down by me.

Edited March 20, 2007 by Dennis143 (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

Dennis,

 

Is she happy in those other jobs?

 

She happy, you [should be] happy.

 

Maybe she should just home if you cannot be happy with where she finds work among other chinese that she can talk and work with.

She came to me and asked if she could find other work so that we could be together more. She somehow thought that I may not want her to change. She hears of me going and sees the pictures of the Sunday outings with our group of Chinese friends while she is at work. And, I think she was feeling left out and wanted to be able to be included. So, however you choose to imply it David, the choice to change jobs so that we could be together wasn't an edict that was passed down by me.

This is quite a different story than you first told...

I asked Leiqin to look for some other work, as I didn¡¯t get married to be alone all the time. So, Leiqin agrees and immediately finds another job working for a Chinese vitamin/herbal shop.

[Dennis143]

Dennis,

 

Is she happy in those other jobs?

 

She happy, you [should be] happy.

 

Maybe she should just home if you cannot be happy with where she finds work among other chinese that she can talk and work with.

She came to me and asked if she could find other work so that we could be together more. She somehow thought that I may not want her to change. She hears of me going and sees the pictures of the Sunday outings with our group of Chinese friends while she is at work. And, I think she was feeling left out and wanted to be able to be included. So, however you choose to imply it David, the choice to change jobs so that we could be together wasn't an edict that was passed down by me.

This is quite a different story than you first told...

I asked Leiqin to look for some other work, as I didn¡¯t get married to be alone all the time. So, Leiqin agrees and immediately finds another job working for a Chinese vitamin/herbal shop.

Ah, I see the confusion. Yes, I did ask her. I was feeling lonely being home alone in the evenings. As it turned out, she confessed that she was envious of our outings and felt left out.

 

This whole episode was a result of our lack of understanding and both wanting to please the other.

 

Me: Lonely, missing my wife. Yet, knowing how much working and having a job meant to her. I was happy knowing she had a job that was easy, where she could socialize and work and could feel like she was contributing.

 

Her: Happy to be working and getting paid to sit and socialize (vs. working in some sweatshop). She would beam with pride in being able to give me money, instead of the other way around. Yet, she felt that she wasn't able to fulfill her role as wife and homemaker.

 

I told her one evening that I was lonely without her. She tells me that she doesn't like being away from me and unable to take care of our home (she was feeling much guilt). She then tells me that she's jealous that she can't go hiking, trips to the beach etc on Sundays with me and our friends.

 

I will add that with our inability to fully communicate and our desire to please each other, can sometimes backfire with a reverse effect of pleasing and "making the other HAPPY", as some love to say. Instead of her knowing that I wanted her home, she continued to work 10 hours a day. Instead of her telling me that she wanting to be home more, she continued to work.

 

We both feel that we have reached a nice compromise now.

 

 

 

Just a side note about my wife:

Leiqin was working in a Chinese style department store selling women's clothes. This area is in the heart of the Chinese community, here in SoCal. This is where Chinese speaking only patrons go to shop. This is a multi-level, opened floor area where merchants will lease space to sell their products. Leiqin woked for a 30 something HK woman. Her boss is very pretty, yet doesn't smile and is very serious. The other merchants "no like" her and patrons are intimidated. However, Leiqin's boss realized that Leiqin could sell more product than her. Customers seemed to be at ease with Leiqin. Leiqin can speak 7 dialects of Chinese and her sales were very high. Her boss would complain that she couldn't sell as well as Leiqin. Consequently, she wanted Leiqin to work everyday 10/hours a day. My wife wanted to do it, so I gave her my blessing. Yet, I still complained, after two weeks. And, to my relief, she wasn't happy too.

[warpedbored]

This thread is very interesting and has a lot of cultural merit. Just cool it on the American woman bashing. As Jason used to point out. Our sisters and mothers are American women. We also have American woman CFL sisters who are here for the same reason as most of us. To get advice and knowledge of the visa process.

[bosco]

¡°See, now that¡¯s the typical answer I get when I talk with an American woman.¡±

 

If you really said this then yes, you need someone at HR to encourage your sensitivity skills. Generalizing, especially to such a negative is neither productive nor very smart. An apology to the women who heard that is appropriate.

[SheLikesME?]

Good points Carl, but just to comment.........My mother and my wife came out of the same mold and time period. Neither had it as easy as folks our age and younger in America. My wife and mother grew up with an outhouse, as an example. They both cooked with raw vegtables and flour and things. Also they grew up in families that helped each other with school money or house money and had savings instead of debt. Family members sent children to sister's to help or be helped (trust there). And I think we all can see that China in the future will wind up much like the USA today, some year. At least for me if I bash American women it is not all of them for sure. Certainly not my mother, usually . Majority? Hmmm, maybe.

 

These words deserve repeating.

 

If they are catty, I point out that there is a big difference between unselfishness and submissiveness.

 

In recent history, unselfishness and kindness were qualities that many women aspired to.

Wow, excellent view of these great woman we have!

 

My joking aside, I have to say that what I feel from Jie is, whatever she does, she does for the benefit of us as a couple/family. I dont feel that she does anything for her own 'self esteem' or 'personal advancement'.

 

 

 

 

 

Dennis, glad to see Y'all got it strait. The thing I don't understand is that if your wife is happy selling cloths and if the owner likes her sales, it seems she is better off with your wife part of the time instead of not at all. Couldn't she work a compromise with the owner? Of course I am sure Yall thought of that. Glad Yall worked it out. I worried over my wife's ambition a bit and used to tell her I did not marry her to be alone either. But I hope for her success as well. Her carrer is for our families benfit, but I feel a balance is needed. I don't want years of seperation like I see her brother's marriage do. Nice topic. I bet those gals at least think about what you tell them, whether they admit it at work or not.

Edited March 20, 2007 by SheLikesME? (see edit history)

[Dennis143]

¡°See, now that¡¯s the typical answer I get when I talk with an American woman.¡±

 

If you really said this then yes, you need someone at HR to encourage your sensitivity skills. Generalizing, especially to such a negative is neither productive nor very smart. An apology to the women who heard that is appropriate.

Ah, a graduate, I see !

[Rakkasan]

¡°See, now that¡¯s the typical answer I get when I talk with an American woman.¡±

 

If you really said this then yes, you need someone at HR to encourage your sensitivity skills. Generalizing, especially to such a negative is neither productive nor very smart. An apology to the women who heard that is appropriate.

Ah, a graduate, I see !

It's to bad we don't live in a country that guarantees the freedom of speech to it's citizens. One where you can express your views without fear of reprisal from those who hold differing points of view. I remember a country that used to exist where people weren't forced to appologize for expressing their beliefs or opinions.

[david_dawei]

¡°See, now that¡¯s the typical answer I get when I talk with an American woman.¡±

 

If you really said this then yes, you need someone at HR to encourage your sensitivity skills. Generalizing, especially to such a negative is neither productive nor very smart. An apology to the women who heard that is appropriate.

Ah, a graduate, I see !

It's to bad we don't live in a country that guarantees the freedom of speech to it's citizens. One where you can express your views without fear of reprisal from those who hold differing points of view. I remember a country that used to exist where people weren't forced to appologize for expressing their beliefs or opinions.

I find it interesting that Dennis, who appears to have spoken out in frustration of not being heard and understood, and who got a personal swipe by another employee first... that Dennis is the one thought to need to apologize. It may be sad that the other employee maybe sees no harm, no foul on her part... That Dennis's comment could at some level be speaking to her, "you got it wrong and don't understand what I'm saying...".

 

It may be a Freudian slip, but it's meaning is much more than the words that came out.. As a comparison, my wife often doesn't deal with exact words that come out and tries to find any the emotional source of the comment.

 

But I can see where it will all get taken in the wrong way and Dennis is strung up at the next employee meeting

[bosco]

¡°See, now that¡¯s the typical answer I get when I talk with an American woman.¡±

 

If you really said this then yes, you need someone at HR to encourage your sensitivity skills. Generalizing, especially to such a negative is neither productive nor very smart. An apology to the women who heard that is appropriate.

Ah, a graduate, I see !

It's to bad we don't live in a country that guarantees the freedom of speech to it's citizens. One where you can express your views without fear of reprisal from those who hold differing points of view. I remember a country that used to exist where people weren't forced to appologize for expressing their beliefs or opinions.

I find it interesting that Dennis, who appears to have spoken out in frustration of not being heard and understood, and who got a personal swipe by another employee first... that Dennis is the one thought to need to apologize. It may be sad that the other employee maybe sees no harm, no foul on her part... That Dennis's comment could at some level be speaking to her, "you got it wrong and don't understand what I'm saying...".

 

It may be a Freudian slip, but it's meaning is much more than the words that came out.. As a comparison, my wife often doesn't deal with exact words that come out and tries to find any the emotional source of the comment.

 

But I can see where it will all get taken in the wrong way and Dennis is strung up at the next employee meeting

 

We have no guarantees of Freedom of Speech at the office or anywhere else where circumstances dictate that those who are subjected to our rants have no freedom to not hear them. In public places one can always choose to leave and not listen to our sh!t. Co-workers in the office have no such freedom and are thus equally protected FROM us as we wish to be free to speak our minds.

 

These days, it's very difficult to imagine anyone hasn't yet learned that when we are in situations where we share environments with others they have an equal right to expect respect and civility from everyone in that environment. But then we see examples of those who somehow missed the clue train at the station. Sensitivity training is designed to bring those few back on board.

 

Dennis gets all the heat on this here because his co-worker is not also here to explain her side nor is she seeking our commiseration.

[Dennis143]

Fortunately, after 10 years of working with most of my coworkers, my little slips don¡¯t carry a lot of weight and then be blown out of proportion to where I am crucified for such a small indiscretion.

 

What one says about anything can be misinterpreted by someone else. Good communication is determined by the quality of the relationship between the individuals.

 

I said it before and I will say it again; I don¡¯t have to tip toe around men, as I do with women. Women can bust men¡¯s balls all day, but don¡¯t even try and tease back. There¡¯s something inherently wrong with that. Yet, I have accepted it and I have learned to live with it too. I am very SENSITIVE to THAT issue.