Greatest Fear about bringing chinese wife to America

[SheLikesME?]

Hmm, I have read this thread a few times. I'm surprised I havn't posted and annoyed everyone.

 

My biggest fear?

 

EVERYTHING!

[deejay]

I have found phonecardsforsale.com to offer the best deal on calls to China. In some ways it is less expensive than domestic calls. I talk about 1 hour every other day and spend less than 30 a month. Hard to believe, but it works out to less than .7 cents per minute.

[phantom1949]

Well I keep saying it but I am still a newbie here.

 

It seems that there are things that we can do to make the transition easier.

 

Using a service like ItalkBB or something similar where your wife/SO can call home (ET called home so your wife should be able to).

 

Having a circle of friends already in existance when your wife comes here, so your wife can call and speak in English and Chinese. Also so your wife can get some insight from those women already hear. So your wife does not feel cut off and alone.

 

My spending as much time as I can in the beginning so she is not alone.

 

Not trying to Americanize your wife but to blend both cultures.

 

To do things that your wife suggests, even if at first they may seem silly. Paula, mentioned recently about the eggs, buy one get one free. Well until she sees that the savings is offset by the gas, go and buy the eggs. The purpose is to let your wife feel like she is making a contribution to the family and the relationship.

 

Nothing I am saying is new, and is what I have read and learned since I joined the CFL family.

 

As was said to me by two good friends (Emma and Bobby), if your wife had a good life in China, she is here because of the man she wants to be with. So focus on the relationship and let her know how much you love her.

 

I have read all the fears and all the horror stories and yes it is scary. But to see two worlds come together (east meets west) like as happened with Emma and Bobby, is just so wonderful. To see them look into each others eyes and to see the love they have for each other is just wonderful.

 

When I read the fears that people have and the horror stories, I get nervous, but then I think of what both Emma and Bobby have found and I realize what we seek can be attained, if we are careful (red Flags) and if we committ to make the relationship work.

[aclassic]

I worked as an International Marketing Manager for a major Van Line and conducted workshops several times a year for our agents. We would discuss overseas assignments and issues concerning the "trailing spouse". When one first arrives, there is a period when everything is new and exciting. Almost as if one is on vacation. After a period of time, the person comes to the realization that this is not a vacation but a permanent situation. This is the time when your SO might start becoming a bit depessed. This is followed by a period of adjustment. There have been some good suggestions posted here, such as ESL classes and networking with other CFL members, etc which will help with her adjustment. Obviously, your support and understanding will play a major role. Good luck!

 

I have this weird feeling about extracting my future wife from China to the USA.

 

In my time in shenzhen I was so impressed how civil and safe it was for the chinese people there.Even though these people are under stress for the most part(and have some governmental issues). Overcrowding,smog,traffic,work long hours, tons of people,beggars,bad water, you still seem to be able to walk around in the middle of the night and see people ball room dancing at the park and her little neice talking running around loose and nobody is scared for her safety and they are very comfortable being social and not as isolated or aloof like americans.

 

Even when she was barqueing with the taxi driver or vendor I just had the feeling that she fit so seemlessly in that culture. Like just another goldfish in a huge goldfish bowl. Like that is where God meant her to be. She is also so close to her sisters faimly and her own parents. I think her parents want her to get married as much as she does. She is 35 so she can make her own decisions and I have gone to great lengths to explain the reality of the USA and all of its many faults. Still it bothers me most of all. I live slightly in the counry outside a major city without many chinese people. I have been trying to come up with a plan to socialize her when she is here.

I feel like I'm adopting a child in a way rather than marrying a wife because she is so dependent on me for lanquage and culture(as I was on her when I was in China).

I would like to hear other peoples concerns and any chinese spouses opinions on how they dealt with the change