Prenup's

[bill23]

You guys have more information and have been so willing to help. I feel like I am high maintenance. Especially to you--David. I have talked to the SO after taking all the advice on numerous subjects and things are great.

 

This prenup thing is kind of an interesting deal. My attorney is a Chinese man and before he took my case he strongly suggested that I do one. I am not rich by any means but have some investments and property. Also I live in a community property state. Any thoughts on this? I am kind of uncomfortable about it. I really trust my SO that much.

[david_dawei]

Pre marital agreements, a sensitive subject

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=14668

 

PreNuptual Agreements

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=5781

[Dennis143]

I am guessing that a prenupt would not negate ones responsibility of the USC's liabilitity of support that they agreed to with the USCIS? I suppose a prenupt might protect one against having to give up 1/2 his assets; however, his obligation to assure that she does not become a ward of the state will continue?

 

Also, I suppose your attorney would advise you of this, but it would be prudent to have the prenupt translated into Chinese by a licensed interpreter and notarized. It would be easy for the beneficiary to claim that they did not understand what was written and have it tossed out, in a court of law later.

[david_dawei]

I am guessing that a prenupt would not negate ones responsibility of the USC's liabilitity of support that they agreed to with the USCIS?  I suppose a prenupt might protect one against having to give up 1/2 his assets; however, his obligation to assure that she does not become a ward of the state will continue?

 

Also, I suppose your attorney would advise you of this, but it would be prudent to have the prenupt translated into Chinese by a licensed interpreter and notarized.  It would be easy for the beneficiary to claim that they did not understand what was written and have it tossed out, in a court of law later.

232419[/snapback]

great point. I did read this in the I-864 new ruling:

 

"Section 213A of the Act does not provide any basis to say that divorce does, or does not, affect a support obligation under an affidavit of support.

 

If the sponsored immigrant is an adult, he or she probably can, in a divorce settlement, surrender his or her right to sue the sponsor to enforce an affidavit of support.

 

The sponsored immigrant and the sponsor (or joint sponsor) may not, however, alter the sponsor's obligations to DHS and to benefit-granting agencies."

[Yuanyang]

Actually it's a little overdue.

[bill23]

Thanks for supplying previous posts about this David.

 

I have not read it all yet but I would like to see some responses based on my personal situation. If you are anti-prenup in all cases let me have it. I am stuck in my own mind about this but my attorney handles these cases and he made me promise to do this. I am leaning slightly towards the side of doing it but I WILL NOT tell her this while she is in China. I understand why some may think this is wrong.

 

If I do this I fully intend on it stating that 50% of my increase in assets from the time of my marriage go to her. This will only exclude any inheritance I receive from my mother. My father passed a few years ago right after his 3rd marriage. His 2nd marriage was his doom due to stress. His 3rd wife that he was married to for one year found a loophole and drained the entire trust meant for my brother and me as well as the 3rd's wifes daughter. It was approx 1.2 million. As you can imagine, I endured a difficult period especially after learning my dad's ex had 3 prior wealthy husbands that died in the last 12 years. I am not suggesting foul play although.

 

All of this has made a significant impact on me but quite frankly none of it has to do with my SO. My SO also has made a big down payment on an apartment in China. It is like a 20 year mortgage and about $60,000 is owed on it. I do not know all of the terms. She has flip-flopped on what to do with it. I know she wants to keep it but feels it is a burden on me until she learns English well. Believe me it took much time for me to have complete trust in her because I fought it. If I do the prenup I plan on this apartment being hers totally and I will pay it off before its maturity.

 

Still, very different from my experiences, I in a way want all of our property to be community property and take my chances. This is not my nature but I want to prove to all my doubters that true love exist. I also want to protect myself from total fraud although I cannot imagine that. Any thoughts?

[Thomas Promise]

Thanks for supplying previous posts about this David.

 

I have not read it all yet but I would like to see some responses based on my personal situation.  If you are anti-prenup in all cases let me have it. I am stuck in my own mind about this but my attorney handles these cases and he made me promise to do this.  I am leaning slightly towards the side of doing it but I WILL NOT tell her this while she is in China.  I understand why some may think this is wrong. 

 

If I do this I fully intend on it stating that 50% of my increase in assets from the time of my marriage go to her.  This will only exclude any inheritance I receive from my mother.  My father passed a few years ago right after his 3rd marriage.  His 2nd marriage was his doom due to stress.  His 3rd wife that he was married to for one year found a loophole and drained the entire trust meant for my brother and me as well as the 3rd's wifes daughter.  It was approx 1.2 million.  As you can imagine, I endured a difficult period especially after learning my dad's ex had 3 prior wealthy husbands that died in the last 12 years.  I am not suggesting foul play although. 

 

All of this has made a significant impact on me but quite frankly none of it has to do with my SO.  My SO also has made a big down payment on an apartment in China.  It is like a 20 year mortgage and about $60,000 is owed on it.  I do not know all of the terms.  She has flip-flopped on what to do with it.  I know she wants to keep it but feels it is a burden on me until she learns English well.  Believe me it took much time for me to have complete trust in her because I fought it.  If I do the prenup I plan on this apartment being hers totally and I will  pay it off before its maturity. 

 

Still, very different from my experiences,  I in a way want all of our property to be community property and take my chances.  This is not my nature but I want to prove to all my doubters that true love exist.  I also want to protect myself from total fraud although I cannot imagine that.  Any thoughts?

232430[/snapback]

Trust but verify

[philb]

Thomas:

 

You knew Ronald Reagan that well?

 

my 2 cents...tell her now and get a fair prenup in place.

 

Philb

[Guest pushbrk]

Thanks for supplying previous posts about this David.

 

All of this has made a significant impact on me but quite frankly none of it has to do with my SO. 

232430[/snapback]

Yes, I think that if you plan to approach your Chinese fiance with a Pre-nup after she arrives in the USA, you should be not only prepared for but expect there will be no wedding.

[bill23]

Thanks for supplying previous posts about this David.

 

I have not read it all yet but I would like to see some responses based on my personal situation.  If you are anti-prenup in all cases let me have it. I am stuck in my own mind about this but my attorney handles these cases and he made me promise to do this.  I am leaning slightly towards the side of doing it but I WILL NOT tell her this while she is in China.  I understand why some may think this is wrong. 

 

If I do this I fully intend on it stating that 50% of my increase in assets from the time of my marriage go to her.  This will only exclude any inheritance I receive from my mother.  My father passed a few years ago right after his 3rd marriage.  His 2nd marriage was his doom due to stress.  His 3rd wife that he was married to for one year found a loophole and drained the entire trust meant for my brother and me as well as the 3rd's wifes daughter.  It was approx 1.2 million.  As you can imagine, I endured a difficult period especially after learning my dad's ex had 3 prior wealthy husbands that died in the last 12 years.  I am not suggesting foul play although. 

 

All of this has made a significant impact on me but quite frankly none of it has to do with my SO.  My SO also has made a big down payment on an apartment in China.  It is like a 20 year mortgage and about $60,000 is owed on it.  I do not know all of the terms.  She has flip-flopped on what to do with it.  I know she wants to keep it but feels it is a burden on me until she learns English well.  Believe me it took much time for me to have complete trust in her because I fought it.  If I do the prenup I plan on this apartment being hers totally and I will  pay it off before its maturity. 

 

Still, very different from my experiences,  I in a way want all of our property to be community property and take my chances.  This is not my nature but I want to prove to all my doubters that true love exist.  I also want to protect myself from total fraud although I cannot imagine that.  Any thoughts?

232430[/snapback]

Trust but verify

232433[/snapback]

Thomas,

 

Your opinion I do not quite understand. I saw today that you are quite respected for your efforts and have seen first hand some difficulties. I could tell you that my situation is different from yours but I do not know if that is true.

 

From what you read of my post---yes to prenup or no?

[bill23]

Thanks for supplying previous posts about this David.

 

I have not read it all yet but I would like to see some responses based on my personal situation.  If you are anti-prenup in all cases let me have it. I am stuck in my own mind about this but my attorney handles these cases and he made me promise to do this.  I am leaning slightly towards the side of doing it but I WILL NOT tell her this while she is in China.  I understand why some may think this is wrong. 

 

If I do this I fully intend on it stating that 50% of my increase in assets from the time of my marriage go to her.  This will only exclude any inheritance I receive from my mother.  My father passed a few years ago right after his 3rd marriage.  His 2nd marriage was his doom due to stress.  His 3rd wife that he was married to for one year found a loophole and drained the entire trust meant for my brother and me as well as the 3rd's wifes daughter.  It was approx 1.2 million.  As you can imagine, I endured a difficult period especially after learning my dad's ex had 3 prior wealthy husbands that died in the last 12 years.  I am not suggesting foul play although. 

 

All of this has made a significant impact on me but quite frankly none of it has to do with my SO.  My SO also has made a big down payment on an apartment in China.  It is like a 20 year mortgage and about $60,000 is owed on it.  I do not know all of the terms.  She has flip-flopped on what to do with it.  I know she wants to keep it but feels it is a burden on me until she learns English well.  Believe me it took much time for me to have complete trust in her because I fought it.  If I do the prenup I plan on this apartment being hers totally and I will  pay it off before its maturity. 

 

Still, very different from my experiences,  I in a way want all of our property to be community property and take my chances.  This is not my nature but I want to prove to all my doubters that true love exist.  I also want to protect myself from total fraud although I cannot imagine that.  Any thoughts?

232430[/snapback]

Trust but verify

232433[/snapback]

Thomas,

 

Your opinion I do not quite understand. I saw today that you are quite respected for your efforts and have seen first hand some difficulties. I could tell you that my situation is different from yours but I do not know if that is true.

 

From what you read of my post---yes to prenup or no?

232436[/snapback]

pshbark,

 

That is definitely the last thing I want to hear--but I appreciate your being candid on that. I have a Chinese friend here who went the K-3 route and he suggested to not tell her and that she will understand. I think she would marry me but I worry just how upset she would be.

[lou]

Me, I don't think a prenup is right or wrong, it will depend on the financial

status of the two people who are going to be married. I don't think of it as

a cultural issue but more of a personal issue, and that will be different

for everyone.

 

For me, no prenup. I just never thought about it. Will I get screwed？Maybe,

but if I though I needed one I most likely would not have married my wife.

How my choice will play out later is yet to be seen but I can't change

who I am and how I feel.

 

I only disagree with you not telling her. If you were going to marry the girl who lives around the corner from you, I'm sure this would have been

discussed already. You should tell her what your plans are and make sure

she agrees to the prenup before she gets here.

[bill23]

Me, I don't think a prenup is right or wrong, it will depend on the financial

status of the two people who are going to be married. I don't think of it as

a cultural issue but more of a personal issue, and that will be different

for everyone.

 

For me, no prenup. I just never thought about it. Will I get screwed？Maybe,

but if I though I needed one I most likely would not have married my wife.

How my choice will play out later is yet to be seen but I can't change

who I am and how I feel.

 

I only disagree with you not telling her. If you were going to marry the girl who lives around the corner from you, I'm sure this would have been

discussed already. You should tell her what your plans are and make sure

she agrees to the prenup before she gets here.

232446[/snapback]

lou,

 

Fair enough and I respect that. My opinion has been based on communication differences and misunderstandings due to culture and language. I can't air dirty laundry but she was convinced to deceive me after our first meeting. Much of it was to gain acceptance by her family---I busted her on it. She has not taken a dime from me since and proved herself worthy of my trust.

 

Anyhow your opinion seems to be the majority. I am a good guy--so I have a lot of thought to do. It would be easier if I felt better about our interpreter.

[lou]

Me, I don't think a prenup is right or wrong, it will depend on the financial

status of the two people who are going to be married. I don't think of it as

a cultural issue but more of a personal issue, and that will be different

for everyone.

 

For me, no prenup. I just never thought about it. Will I get screwed？Maybe,

but if I though I needed one I most likely would not have married my wife.

How my choice will play out later is yet to be seen but I can't change

who I am and how I feel.

 

I only disagree with you not telling her. If you were going to marry the girl who lives around the corner from you, I'm sure this would have been

discussed already. You should tell her what your plans are and make sure

she agrees to the prenup before she gets here.

232446[/snapback]

lou,

 

Fair enough and I respect that. My opinion has been based on communication differences and misunderstandings due to culture and language. I can't air dirty laundry but she was convinced to deceive me after our first meeting. Much of it was to gain acceptance by her family---I busted her on it. She has not taken a dime from me since and proved herself worthy of my trust.

 

Anyhow your opinion seems to be the majority. I am a good guy--so I have a lot of thought to do. It would be easier if I felt better about our interpreter.

232449[/snapback]

Just remember, it's only my opinion. My point being from what you said,

you had some issues that left you a little uneasy. Thats why I said it

will be different for everybody and it is more of a personal thing between

two people.

 

This is something that the both of you need to discuss and resolve .

 

All the best!!!

[Guest pushbrk]

Me, I don't think a prenup is right or wrong, it will depend on the financial

status of the two people who are going to be married. I don't think of it as

a cultural issue but more of a personal issue, and that will be different

for everyone.

 

For me, no prenup. I just never thought about it. Will I get screwed£¿Maybe,

but if I though I needed one I most likely would not have married my wife.

How my choice will play out later is yet to be seen but I can't change

who I am and how I feel.

 

I only disagree with you not telling her. If you were going to marry the girl who lives around the corner from you, I'm sure this would have been

discussed already. You should tell her what your plans are and make sure

she agrees to the prenup before she gets here.

232446[/snapback]

Unless your SO is already familiar with prenups, understands and generally approves of them, you have a huge uphill trudge just to get the concept understood, and an even tougher road to get it understood without major insult being taken.

 

The sooner you deal with it the better but only slightly better, IMO. Compare commitment in what she has already agreed to leave behind to the level of commitment you will be projecting by showing that your proposal had conditions you neved disclosed.

 

To be very blunt Bill, nobody, not an attorney or anybody else can "make you promise" to do anything. At some point you will be deciding whether your promise to marry this woman takes priority or your promise to an attorney does. If you've already decided the attorney wins, why go forward with the visa and marriage? This woman isn't important enough to you, to be your "wife".

 

In the same way your heart will tell you what you should do or should have done, her heart will tell her.