Rules For Buying Gifts For Men

[tonado]

Rules For Buying Gifts For Men - a joke (not written by me)

 

 

Rule #1

When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

 

Rule #2

If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

 

Rule #3

If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

 

Rule #4

Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

 

Rule #5

You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

 

Rule #6

Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks" "Shorts" "Cups" "Saucers" "Door" "Lock" "Sink"... You get the idea. No one knows why.

 

Rule #7

Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.

 

Rule #8

Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

 

Rule #9

Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

 

Rule #10

Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

 

Rule #11

It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

 

Rule #12

Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to their cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manila rope. No one knows why.

[owenkrout]

Gals, this is important American culture stuff here!

[Mick]

Regarding #10:

 

After Hurricane Andrew in Miami in '92, many guys were in chain saw heaven. On any quiet residential street you could easily find five or six guys going crazy with chain saws. I guess they rarely got to use them and, with all the fallen trees, they just went nuts. I actually saw six guys working on one tree together...teamwork....another guy thing. If you failed to join in they just gave you funny looks and kind of nodded at one another with a smirk on their face that looked a lot like this...

 

Unfortunately, the emergency rooms saw a brisk business due to many mishaps from inexperienced chain saw wielding fanatics. Girls, take my advice, don't buy the chain saw.

[Robert S.]

This list is fine if the man you are buying for is one who fits the old stereotypes (sorry for being a spoilsport). I like ropes and chainsaws. I like all kinds of tools for gardening, hoes, spades, and especially pitchforks. But I don't like sockets or ratchets. A cordless drill would be returned to the store by me. I could never wear out a remote because I almost never watch TV but I could use a new keyboard. I would not go to a football or baseball game even with free tickets. Okay does this mean I am somehow less than a Real Man? Not quite. I am a former Marine, truckdriver, and cowboy and I love barbecuing and don't eat quiche. I just want to make the point that this humorous list is far too simplistic. Those of us who are more aware of the range of expressing one's maleness than the average macho man would be more difficult to shop for.

[danswayne]

This list is fine if the man you are buying for is one who fits the old stereotypes (sorry for being a spoilsport).  I like ropes and chainsaws.  I like all kinds of tools for gardening, hoes, spades, and especially pitchforks.  But I don't like sockets or ratchets.  A cordless drill would be returned to the store by me.  I could never wear out a remote because I almost never watch TV but I could use a new keyboard.  I would not go to a football or baseball game even with free tickets.  Okay does this mean I am somehow less than a Real Man?  Not quite.  I am a former Marine, truckdriver, and cowboy and I love barbecuing and don't eat quiche.  I just want to make the point that this humorous list is far too simplistic.  Those of us who are more aware of the range of expressing one's maleness than the average macho man would be more difficult to shop for.

Remember the person who posted this originally said it was a joke.

[Robert S.]

Yes, as I said when I described it as a "humorous list" I realized it was supposed to be a joke. But I wanted to point out how it met only mild success in its aim while using it as a takeoff point to discuss a few of my views on masculinity. This is a subject that deserves a great deal of serious analysis as well as individual soul-seeking on the part of all men. These kind of stereotypes compounded yet again in this kind of list grow to be unfunny when one realizes how they play a part in limiting a man's self-image. "The unexamined life is not worth living."

[Mick]

PMS = Post Macho Syndrome. Can't remember where I stole that one, but it applies.

 

As far as I'm concerned, a man is measured by his character and integrity. How he treats his friends and family. How he helps others when he can.

 

Yes, I like fast cars, own a chain saw, have a garage full of tools, an air compressor and welding gear, etc. But when it is all over, I only wish to be remembered as someone who was devoted to his family and treated others fairly and with respect.

Beautifully expressed Don. My feelings exactly.

 

But please, be careful with that chain saw.

[Mick]

OK, time for me to fess up. I have never owned a chain saw. Scared to death of them. Does that make me less of a man? I don't think so. I agree with you completely Don.

[owenkrout]

I've been keeping quite expecting someone else to pick up on it, but since they haven't, I will.

 

An interesting cultural point is that most of the list would not work at all, even for the stero-typical male, in China.

 

#1 & 2 are out. Most Chinese men don't have a clue about using hand tools properly. Forget power tools. Even the supposed repairmen show up without a toolkit.

 

#3 Doesn't work. Most Chinese only dream of having a car and if they do they consider anything that has to be done to it manual labor that they hire someone else to do. If they can afford a car they would lose face by doing manual labor. Not uncommon to hire a driver even.

 

#4 Socks? Great gift for a Chinese man. Tie? Also good. Bathrobe? OK.

 

#5 A remote? Well, some things seem to cross the culture lines.

 

#6 I've never seen evidence of the lable maker syndrom.

 

#7 Some assembly required? Never will happen unless they hire help. Maybe not then. Note #1 & 2

 

#8 Chinese men do cook. However they get the element of danger in doing so. Leaking gas lines are a part of life in China. Also those huge flare-ups when the cooking oil in the wok catches fire.

 

#9 Now if you are talking soccer when you say football, that will cross the culture line also. Of course you will commonly catch them playing badminton or ping-pong also.

 

#10 Forget the chainsaw. That is a power tool at its extreme. See #1 & 2

 

#11 Forget the wheelbarrow or extension ladder. Note the end of #3

 

#12 No thrill in rope either.

 

What do they like? Things like some good maotai, or a really good fountain pen or good wine or a really nice set of traditional Chinese writing brushes or American whiskey. (Hey, this is the North-East where a real man can really put it away )

[OrionM31]

Now I know why my wife and her family were surprised when I fixed the toilet and washer when I was over last. The fixes were very minor (hose clamp for the washer and a pair of pliers and good old muscle to fix the problem with the toilet. There are a lot of things that American men know that maybe the normal Chinese man wouldn't. This makes us valuable to our new families! <smile> I always thought it was the job of the man to be able to fix stuff that was broken in the home anyway.

 

Phil