Legal marriage in U.S.

[RLS]

Mike, no, I have not changed my plans. I'm on a K1 and I'll stick with the K1. I will marry her in the U.S. if I can get her here.

[Guest pushbrk]

Mike, no, I have not changed my plans.  I'm on a K1 and I'll stick with the K1.  I will marry her in the U.S. if I can get her here.

206942[/snapback]

I was replying to A Mafan who seemed to want to complain about the rules after making his choice. Don't we all?

[A Mafan]

Mike, no, I have not changed my plans.  I'm on a K1 and I'll stick with the K1.  I will marry her in the U.S. if I can get her here.

206942[/snapback]

I was replying to A Mafan who seemed to want to complain about the rules after making his choice. Don't we all?

206943[/snapback]

I'm complaining about the rules that make no sense, yes.

 

I'm accepting the rules that make no sense, yes.

 

There are advantages/disadvantages to filing a marriage visa, and advantages /disadvantages to filing an engagement visa.

 

I didn't read the rules with an eye toward trying to find a gap, I read the rules with an eye toward trying to understand it terms of advantages and disadvantages. I misunderstood it. When I was finally forced to confront the actual wording, it was painful, based on assumptions I had already made in the face of my misunderstanding.

 

I didn't understand why, after having endured the disadvantage of the engagement visa and not asking for the advantages of a marriage visa, I couldn't get married just 1 day before bringing her into the U.S. I analyzed it on the basis of actual deception and/or danger to U.S. security, and see absolutely no difference once the engagement visa has been completed. Thus, it's a senseless rule. But after accepting the reality and my misunderstanding, I'm going to follow the law. And I tried to help explain to others more clearly to help them avoid making the same mistaken assumptions I did.

 

Your sarcasm/hostility really wasn't what I expected from what is suppsoed to be a mutual-support site in what is a very difficult emotional time for me.

Edited April 14, 2006 by A Mafan (see edit history)

[Guest pushbrk]

Mike, no, I have not changed my plans.  I'm on a K1 and I'll stick with the K1.  I will marry her in the U.S. if I can get her here.

206942[/snapback]

I was replying to A Mafan who seemed to want to complain about the rules after making his choice. Don't we all?

206943[/snapback]

I'm complaining about the rules that make no sense, yes.

 

I'm accepting the rules that make no sense, yes.

 

There are advantages/disadvantages to filing a marriage visa, and advantages /disadvantages to filing an engagement visa.

 

I didn't read the rules with an eye toward trying to find a gap, I read the rules with an eye toward trying to understand it terms of advantages and disadvantages. I misunderstood it. When I was finally forced to confront the actual wording, it was painful, based on assumptions I had already made in the face of my misunderstanding.

 

I didn't understand why, after having endured the disadvantage of the engagement visa and not asking for the advantages of a marriage visa, I couldn't get married just 1 day before bringing her into the U.S. I analyzed it on the basis of actual deception and/or danger to U.S. security, and see absolutely no difference once the engagement visa has been completed. Thus, it's a senseless rule. But after accepting the reality and my misunderstanding, I'm going to follow the law. And I tried to help explain to others more clearly to help them avoid making the same mistaken assumptions I did.

 

Your sarcasm/hostility really wasn't what I expected from what is suppsoed to be a mutual-support site in what is a very difficult emotional time for me.

206975[/snapback]

Evidently you missed the "Don't we all?"

 

There wasn't the least bit of sarcasm in my words. Just plain straight talk. You made choices and still have options.

[A Mafan]

Based on how I admitted I misunderstood the situation, and that I stated clearly that I was venting my frustration upon realizing my mistake, this is the one that felt like sarcasm:

I take it you investigated your options ahead of time and made your decision based on your priorities at the time. If your priorities have changed, you are still free to pursue a different course.

 

This was the one that sounded like hostility:

The only reason you can't celebrate your actual marriage with people you love is BECAUSE of a choice you made to file for a K1 visa instead of getting married in China and filing for a CR1.

 

Obviously, I misread the tone. Probably because it seems like your humor is fairly dry. It comes across much better if I read it imagining you typing with a wry (sympathetic?) grin on your face.

 

Or I'm just being too sensitive because my past mistakes leave me with only less-than-optimal choices.

 

In any case, I feel worse because I feel like my failure to read closely results in my fiancee paying the price.

Edited April 14, 2006 by A Mafan (see edit history)

[Guest pushbrk]

Based on how I admitted I misunderstood the situation, and that I stated clearly that I was venting my frustration upon realizing my mistake, this is the one that felt like sarcasm:

I take it you investigated your options ahead of time and made your decision based on your priorities at the time. If your priorities have changed, you are still free to pursue a different course.

 

This was the one that sounded like hostility:

The only reason you can't celebrate your actual marriage with people you love is BECAUSE of a choice you made to file for a K1 visa instead of getting married in China and filing for a CR1.

 

Obviously, I misread the tone. Probably because it seems like your humor is fairly dry. It comes across much better if I read it imagining you typing with a wry (sympathetic?) grin on your face.

 

Or I'm just being too sensitive because my past mistakes leave me with only less-than-optimal choices.

 

In any case, I feel worse because I feel like my failure to read closely results in my fiancee paying the price.

206989[/snapback]

In this case there was neither humor or wry smile on my face. I was attempting to state the reality of the situation clearly and directly.

 

You could have and still CAN be married legally in the company of loved ones in China. You can't have your cake and eat it too because you can't turn back time. There was nothing sarcastic in the first statement. I directly expressed confidence that you investigated, weighed your options and made your decisions based on your priorities at the time. If your priorities have changed, you are still free to make a different decision but not without a time and expense consequence.

 

The second statement simply refers to your present circumstances being a direct result of a choice you made instead of a flaw in the K1 visa definitions.

 

I have no problem with you venting and complaining. We all do it. It isn't as productive as taking responsibility and action but we humans are imperfect that way.

[LeeFisher3]

In any case, I feel worse because I feel like my failure to read closely results in my fiancee paying the price.

206989[/snapback]

Don't be so down on yourself, I would bet your fiancee doesn't feel you have let her down and knows you are doing your best for the two of you to be together as soon as possible and so does her family.

 

In China the acutal legal part of the ceremony is much like going to DMV and is a matter of the paperwork only. The wedding celebration is the big event in their eyes and they understand the situation of having to follow the rules no matter how silly they seem.

 

The stamp on the paper is only the legal part, it's the exchange between the two of you that is where the real marriage takes place.

 

So why not go over after she returns home with the visa and have a wedding celebration with her friends and family, then return to the US and have a wedding celebration with your family including the legal part?

 

Another thing you might consider is having a DVD made of the US wedding and sending it back to the family in China. That way the whole family can participate and her mom will be able to show all of her friends, mom's really do like to brag on their kids.

 

As for reading some responses that come off extremely bad, just ignore them as some people just come accross like Joe Friday, just the facts or mis-facts.