Introducing Your Chinese Partner to Christianity

[david_dawei]

David: I draw a sharp distinction between churches and my personal faith in God.  I agree with you that churches have many petty differences and are often more immersed in internal politics than supporting people in their faith.  That said, you make an excellent point about developing a deeper understanding of what laopo's concept of God is ... to do this I will need to keep a very open mind and be even more concious than usual of cultural filters.

 

Dennis: I'm certainly not a fan of fundementalist Christian churches with their born again theatrics.  I've been a Presbyterian for many years.  Generally the Presbyterian church is open to a breadth of thinking in their membership ... although in one case it doesn't seem to extend to Christians who divorce their wives and later meet and fall in love with a foreign lady.  I would never try to "convert" laopo.  I am considering, as I've stated in previous posts in this thread, gentle exposure to a church and development of a more thorough understanding of my faith.

162626[/snapback]

I prefer to draw that distinction too.. and therefore never called myself 'a presbyterian' or of any denominational sect. Even though I mostly studied the most fundamental beliefs, I saw no point in allegiance to any one church.

 

The presbyterians (as most) have an interesting [and important] history.. really coming out of the scottish and english 'reformed' movements... at one time they would of been one of the most fundamental. But they have experienced as many splits and reunions as possible.

 

I like what Robert said, that there is some truth in all religions...

 

But as you said, your goal is to exposure her to a better understanding of your faith.. I think that is reasonable...

 

Although I still find it very interesting that western religions tend to want to do this... I cannot recall my SO ever wanting me to understand her 'religion, philosophy or lifestyle approach'... And she sees no connection between herself and anything outside like a system of beliefs.

 

To her, she is just living, breathing, eating, talking... Seems so simple and yet I don't feel that simplicity...

[Joanne]

This is a difficult topic for me, but I would still like to throw in a few words.

 

I prefer learning to being taught (or worse, preached). I know that I am a person who is easily influenced by other's opinion, so I avoid being put into that kind of being under constant influence situation. This is why I stay away from any religious beliefs. I stayed away from the Communist party even when I believed their theory and teaching, because I didn't want to be controled by others.

 

Now I just think nobody knows the real truth. Our human being is under constant struggle of finding that truth. This impossible task will last an eternity.

[lassetter]

An interesting question. In your case it might be best to share your religious ideas with your SO. Afterall, you are married and religion is important to you! Also you will be able to innoculate your SO against the crackpot religious maniacs she is bound to encounter. There is a world of difference between hearing about religion from a person who is decent and reasonable than hearing about religion from a lunatic. Its rather like learning about sex or drugs! It is best to avoid the street version!

 

Rupert

[skibum]

I will bet that 90% of Americans are of the same religion as their parents. In other words, not many look into other religions. But when I was a teen, the church class visited different churches and the synagoge to get a briefing on each religion. It was not enough to get me to change but I was not too interested in any religion and the only reason I went to Sun. school was that my parents forced me.

There I learned to sing "Red and Yellow, Black and White,they are precious in his sight." While there was one black family in the church and no one talked to them. I decided to follow the teachings of Christ but not ignore other great men. I think the teachings of Christ are mostly pure logic that you can figure out yourself with help from your parents.

So, Jim, why not take her to different churchs and explain the differences and she can decide which one, if any, she wants to join.

So, Don, I think it is great that you are looking at Buddhism. My wife said she went to a temple one time but it was just to look at the old building! We are a good match.

[jim_julian]

I will bet that 90% of Americans are of the same religion as their parents.

 

So, Jim, why not take her to different churchs and explain the differences and she can decide which one, if any, she wants to join.

162817[/snapback]

Hmmm ... I'm a 10% guy ... my parents never went to church.

 

You, David, and others have a good point about developing a better understanding of just what her concept of God is, gently communicating my own beliefs, and exposing her to church in America. All without pushing and always with sensitivity to cultural filters.

[jbray]

My wife was not religious at all. She had a belief in God, and had the cultural buddhist thing going, but she wasn't at all religious. She hates temples... My beliefs are pretty important to me (I am also Presbyterian by the way). I listened to her beliefs and discussed hers. I was amazed how close her deep beliefs resembled mine. OK, I know what you are thinking, "She was just copying what you are saying." No, I never told her what I believed. For those of you that know much about theology, I am pretty reformed. She is too. She hadn't ever read a book, and I had never told her about it.

 

In general, just listen to her. Ask her questions. As has been said, people are going to believe what they believe. You are not going to pursuade anyone by putting on pressure, or cramming. Listen, ask, and lead by example.

 

The church that I attend here in Atlanta has a great international community. They offer ESL classes and cultural classes. Half of the people that attend are Chinese. It will be a great way for her to meet people just like her. Also, it will be a good chance for her to get to know American's that are tollerant of other cultures.

 

By the way, I have to say that I am glad, and impressed that these two posts have not tured in to religious flames. I think that this is an important topic.

 

So again, listen, don't push, lead by example, let her see your beliefs in the way you live your life.

[jim_julian]

Well said jbray ... thank you for your thoughts.

[BuffaloPaul]

Where I live there are no Chinese churches. We attend a large Weslyan church (a mega church) where the words to the songs are displayed on large movie type screens. My wife enjoys going and singing. We have talked about finding a Bible study group with Chinese people but she is not interested in that. Just wants American experiences. We are attending a weekly course on Mondays for people wanting to learn more about Christianity. There are small group discussions. She has shared much of her faith that I did not even know during these discussions even though she is embarrasssed to speak. I had thought that church would be a big area of difference between us, but it has turned out to be a great area of agreement in our lives.

[ndjarrett]

Yaya is not really a religious person. If I did not take my gramma pretty regularly, I probly would not bother goin either. But, Yaya has been to my church a few times. Heh, we were even greeters this last Sunday. She usually does not liek it becuase she can't really understand everything our Pastor says. Except this last week when we had to greet, I have never really pushed her to go. Only if she asks if I want her to go...then I say...it would be nice.

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

My SO and I are a very good match in that we have no interest in spending time with matters of religion.

[Dan R]

Keep in mind that the concept of religion and being religious is quite different throughout Asia compared to the West. There is little of the either or concept and more of the universal truth held in all beliefs. The ritual performance of religion was discouraged in China during the Mao period and many of our SOs may see no need to participate in an organized religion in order to learn "truth". In fact the three western religions may be considered more cults than religous by many Asians.

 

Take it slow and easy. Introduce it as just part of what you are. I'll bet she is much more interested in what makes you who you are than discovering religion.

[Mick]

Li told me she was a Christian on our second date, without me inquiring. She took me to church on our third date. We attended church weekly during the five years we spent in China, although I couldn't understand much of the language.

 

Since coming to the States, we still go to church, usually twice a week. We pray together and our faith is an integral part of our life together. We visited a number of churches upon returning to the States, before finally settling on one congregation where we felt comfortable.

 

I would encourage you to expose her to a wide variety of churches and let her find one where she feels at home, if in fact, she does find one. As to Chinese congregations, we steer clear of most of them. The atmosphere was just not right, at least not for us. As for language, Li's English is excellent, so that is not an issue.

 

Again, expose her to different tastes, pray for her and just let go and see what happens.

[david_dawei]

For those of you that know much about theology, I am pretty reformed. She is too. She hadn't ever read a book, and I had never told her about it.

162939[/snapback]

I'm curious if you are a five point (TULIP) Calvanist ? And did she arrive at (or comes close to) any of these points on her own ?

 

I'd think this would be hard to share with a chinese person who has not subscribe to any religious teaching or reading; but would be very interesting if she arrived at the basic ideas therein...

[jbray]

I'm a 4 pointer. I would say that she is probably a 3 pointer. The way I found out was I would ask, "What do you think about ---?", or "how do you feel about ---?" Or, she would make comments when we were having normal conversation. I was very careful how I would talk to her about spiritual matters. I needed to make sure that she was telling me what she really believed, not what she thought I would want her to say...

 

It has been an interesting journey. When we met, she wasn't religious at all. I think as she saw how I live my life, that it started to awaken in her. I think that her father might have been a "Closet Christian". When I mention various bible stories, she seems to know about them.

 

Just a little about me, and how I deal with this stuff... I am fairly religious, but I am not a stand on the corner and yell, "REPENT, FOR THE END IS AT HAND!!!" type person. I show people my beliefs by how I live my life. If people ask questions, I will try to answer. I enjoy being with people that have alternate views. My best friends in China were Athiests, Agnostics, Hindu's, Pagans (I mean people in to earth worship...), B'hai, etc. I would ask them questions, and they would ask me questions. In the US, living in the Bible belt, pretty much every one I know is a Christian, and a Republican. Conversation is pretty boring...

Edited October 25, 2005 by jbray (see edit history)

[david_dawei]

truly interesting..

Edited October 26, 2005 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)