Take it easy we are just Kidd'n you

[Jeikun]

I hate to be the old fogey here and poop the party by bringing out the ol' code of conduct... but some of our MEMBERS are American women. If I wrote a similarly worded piece about blacks here in America, or about Chinese women I would be shut down and my post deleted. I consider some of our female members here friends, and their insight and stories represent a very small minority of American woman - Chinese man relationships on this board. This will only alienate them and rob us of their input. Despite all the other reasons I disagree, this is the one I choose to speak on, as the others when said and done are all just my opinion and I've said it all before. But this is not negotiable. I have no intention of deleting, locking, editing or moving - but this discussion needs to veer back on track and away from bashing pronto. I'm not big on the whole "admin power" thing, I don't mess with the board much, ya'll know that. This time I mean it. I will squash this thread if I have to. Bashing the women is a no-no, okay? Don't make me stop the car, kids.

[Dan R]

I agree with Jason on this. No need to bash anyone. Besides wasn't it China that held the first Miss Plastic Surgery Beauty Contest? And It isn't the U.S. that promotes Alteration Vacations. Generalizations can be applied anywhere but are rarely accurate and ignore the many varieties of individual found in every country. In fact most comments in CFL about why you picked who you did seem to stress the individual.

[warpedbored]

I believe it was JP who once said something like "your mother and sisters are american women. Would you say the same things about them?" Ill jump on the band wagon with those who say they prefer asian women but not at the expense of bashing our american sisters. In other words although I prefer asian women that doesn't mean I think their American counterparts are in any way inferior.

[emma]

Over the past several weeks I have received some good natured and not so good kidding around by friends and associates about being engaged to a Chinese Woman. Of course some of the questions are why???? Tom why not get involved with an American Woman right here locally? What do you see in a Chinese woman? What do want to have a submissive little Doormat? An ex-old girl friend even called me when she heard about my plans and asked what I saw in a lesser person! ( In her statement she is partially right by about a 120 pounds lesser. A real genuine F-250 there & made in America).

My response to these questions is: I fell in love with a Woman who happens to be Chinese. Look at our Great Country I am of Italian Heritage and my ex-wife came from German-Irish backround, That guy and his wife over there one is English and she is Polish etc. So what is wrong with a Chinese Spouse? Is it Ignorance? Jealousy? Fear? On these peoples part. A very good friend of mine has got engaged to a Lovely Chinese Lady from China last week. He does not think of her as a Chinese Woman but only as a woman he fell in love with, his future Wife and very best friend.

Any help on this topic would be really appreciated. Thanks.

160696[/snapback]

Well , everybody knows love transcends everything . when you love someone it is not only because who he is but also what you are when your are with her or him . I am a Chinese woman --quite unexpectedly A guy from Athens fell in love with me . His fomer wife was an American . but anyway when he showed my pic to his mother , his mother said "Oh, she 's beautiful , how lucky you are , my son ." Unfortunately his friends thought he was crazy or something . like your situation now.

but we have been working together to make life beautiful . Wish the same thing to you !

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

There is very simply a "stigma" attached to anyone that seeks a person in a foreign country. It's quite amazing really at how widespread this stigma really is amongst all ages and education levels. Naive or not, there are some that do fit that stigma quite well. Is that a bad thing? Well, perhaps to those that are doing the stigmatizing it is, and it will also be for those that have thin skin. Prejudice and ignorance make good bedfellows on this topic with both helping the other hide behind a blind perception of what really is.

 

It's hard enough for our partners to come to a new country whose culture is far from a mirror of their own. When you mix that with the vast number of ignorant and just plain stupid americans, well, you've now got yourself a big batch of ignorance stew. I vote we all just take a piss on that stew....

[Joanne]

Long time ago, I think that was before we got married, my mother-in-law had warned me. She said something like this: now you might feel he is all powerful and capable just because this place (US)is still quite foreign to you, but later you will realize that he is just an ordinary man. She is right, in the sense that my husband is not that "American husband" to me anymore, he is just "my husband".

[melonfarmer]

Long time ago, I think that was before we got married, my mother-in-law had warned me.  She said something like this: now you might feel he is all powerful and capable just because this place (US)is still quite foreign to you, but later you will realize that he is just an ordinary man.  She is right, in the sense that my husband is not that "American husband" to me anymore, he is just "my husband".

161507[/snapback]

Marrying outside of your native country is a matter of gossip and "big dealness" in most countries. Not only here in America, if anything it is probably less noted here. So let us not bash anyone who asks why you married outside your country as some huge ignorant fool...perhaps a only as a medium sized one. You know, bigger than a Jr. cheeseburge but smaller than the Triple chedar bacon cheese club texas burger. We should really let these people know that we chose a Chinese SO not because they are Chinese but because they are from China. Like all of you I hold no ill will against women from any country around the world. That is why when I wanted a wife I started looking in Abkhazia. Alas I did not find anyone amongst the Abkhazians I knew. So I searched on to Afghanistan and later Albania for my true love. Maybe I am not as patient as I should have been but I found someone before I could get to the U countries, and instead stopped at the Cs. not even all through the Cs, I could not get to Columbia nor Congo. This however does not mean I hate people from the Comumbia or Congo, I just found what I was looking for before them. So when you explain to these moderate biggots that you chose your SO with consideration to all, unlike them, who only will look at people from around them, tell them you are better than them and morally superior to them for you color blindness and universal love for all mankind. I mean uh... wo-mankind.

[HanLi]

I fell in love with a woman.... she happened to be chinese!!!

[se_lang]

I think the "why" comes from all the propaganda we were fed growing up about how bad China(commie's) were and that all the people there wanted to get out, so therefore any woman/man we marry is only looking for a green card.

Edited October 19, 2005 by se_lang (see edit history)

[sylinchinastill]

Thank you Jason, Dan R, and Carl. In case you guys haven't figured it out- most of the American girls who have been on this site for a couple of years and used it throughout the visa process have stopped coming around here just because of all the bashing. I don't particularly care because I understand how ignorant some people are- and it frustrated me not because I care what these men think of me- but that someone can be so stupid about American women. I don't think we should put Chinese women or American women or any men in certain categories. But it is always moot to argue with idiots anyway.

Edited October 20, 2005 by sylinchinastill (see edit history)

[Mick]

As I read through this thread, I had several thoughts. First, I have never been asked or questioned about marrying a Chinese woman. Guess I am just lucky in that regard because I wouldn't have much patience in answering such a query.

 

Interestingly, though, Li was often asked that during the years we lived in China. She was often taken to task for marrying an American. She was called a traitor, green card seeker and other sorts of things. Several of her friends wondered openly why she didn't want a Chinese man. So I guess the phenomenon discussed in this thread can cut both ways.

 

I think we need to be sensitive to our SO, particularly if they are still in China and may be encountering questions and comments about choosing an American man (or woman). Just my two bits....

[Guest ShaQuaNew]

I'm not in favor of bashing either Syl but for sure this site contains many with some rather passionate opinions. There is a fine line when it comes to expressing ones opinion and taking a cheap shot at another's personal character. To the contrary I've found most everyone that posts here quite sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of others and when someone steps out of line our trusty moderators are there to step in with the Mop

Edited October 21, 2005 by ShaQuaNew (see edit history)

[MoonCarolCafe]

Iv'e said it before. I'll say it again. Anyone who heads to China with the idea of meeting a traditional lady who subscribes to the Donna Reed school of marriage practices is going to get exactly what he deserves.

[nygatl15]

i would simply say, that I'm marrying a woman who I fell in love with. While it was unconventional, our meeting on the internet, I'm still very happy with my choice. We both had to make a lot of effort to be together. I see many beautiful women here in the USA, black , white, spanish... good, bad, hoochies and gold diggers, none of them have signs stating the negative, but just the same I beleive all women are the same. I just chose to find a Chinese woman.

 

Some of my family or friends may raise thier eyebrows and questions and they may at thier choice, I would advise them against insulting me or her, but they don't know our relationship.

 

Most times my Wenjie is quiet and reserved, but she is by no means a "doormat"... she will stand up to me and tell me like it tis and that is why this is america.

 

We can't worry about others, we can only "love the one we're with"

[skibum]

Hey Moon, I am sorry things did not work out. LOL

 

 

I married a Chinese because they are the only women good enough for me!

That would be my answer if anyone asked but all my friends love her so they don't need to ask.