ed and ying Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Looks like you two are close to making a well thought out joint decison. A decision like this can be very emotional. Hopefully the thoughts of us detached folks have helped both of you. Best wishes and Good Luck !!! Link to comment
tonado Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 If she decides to accept the job, I suggest you guys should just get married and start the CR-1 (and K3) process. For K1, I doubt she can take off 3 months from her job to come here to get married and go back. AP does take about 2-3 months to get it. And she will have problem with the AOS since she would be in China. Link to comment
egolessvegan Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 If she decides to accept the job, I suggest you guys should just get married and start the CR-1 (and K3) process. For K1, I doubt she can take off 3 months from her job to come here to get married and go back. AP does take about 2-3 months to get it. And she will have problem with the AOS since she would be in China.137579[/snapback]Top priority, being with you or a job that has many strings attached? Link to comment
david_dawei Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 My sense is that it is not a priority thing to her, but an opportunity thing... Another thought would be to go to China, get married when you want, and do DCF... If your going to marry, why wait apart, again... Maybe your options are too many now ! Link to comment
Steve and Qingqing Posted July 17, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Dave is right. Its an opportunity for her.. She has never lost sight of whats most important and that is us being together. She expressed to me today that she doesnt wish to stop the K-1 that weve already started. Ive mentioned that there will be other opportunities that will come along for her and that we are never limited to just being in Texas forever. We also agreed it couldnt hurt to talk with this manager although she feels hes looking to fill some positions now.. She doesnt want me to move to China just for this job either. We both still feel that the USA is best for our situation in having a better live together..I suggested moving there in our last conversation. So for now, we will continue on with the path we've chosen Link to comment
shimaore Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 if i understand k1 is a fiancee-visa , right - well to me it 's crystal clear: women are always right ( sad to say it bro but most of the times they actually are ) . Let her have this big job with the big big company and in the meantime go to see her marry her ( the proper thing to do you know it ) . let her try her luck with getting transfered to the USA - if it works offer her some flowers and apologise to her if it fails just smile at least nobody will have regrets ( worst which could happen ) Rgds, Link to comment
david_dawei Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 (edited) Dave is right. Its an opportunity for her.. She has never lost sight of whats most important and that is us being together. She expressed to me today that she doesnt wish to stop the K-1 that weve already started. Ive mentioned that there will be other opportunities that will come along for her and that we are never limited to just being in Texas forever. We also agreed it couldnt hurt to talk with this manager although she feels hes looking to fill some positions now.. She doesnt want me to move to China just for this job either. We both still feel that the USA is best for our situation in having a better live together..I suggested moving there in our last conversation. So for now, we will continue on with the path we've chosen 137718[/snapback]Steve, Each post sounds like you guys talk and figure out another round of sorting the issues. She seems to have both of these paths very clear in her head and knows they go two different directions, and it's tough to see if they can come back together somewhere or not. I think it was good to put forward the 'move to china' idea since that knocked that idea out quickly... and better to continue to narrow down what you really will do. And she sees that the US is truly an opportunity as well... a good sign that your in sync on that. Edited July 17, 2005 by DavidZixuan (see edit history) Link to comment
Steve and Qingqing Posted July 17, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 if i understand k1 is a fiancee-visa , right - well to me it 's crystal clear: women are always right ( sad to say it bro but most of the times they actually are ) . Let her have this big job with the big big company and in the meantime go to see her marry her ( the proper thing to do you know it ) . let her try her luck with getting transfered to the USA - if it works offer her some flowers and apologise to her if it fails just smile at least nobody will have regrets ( worst which could happen ) Rgds,137720[/snapback]Its not crystal clear but for you if you were in this situation.The reason we even posted the question here. If it fails then it means 1 -2 more years or longer has gone by and we are not together. We have know each other since 2002 and we dont want to wait another year. We would like to get on with our lives together. Had this job come along a year ago , then their wouldnt have be an issue..Its not an issue on whos right or not, its whats best for the both of us that matters. She is still young and will have many more opportunities for a prosperious career. We will marry, thats not in question here.. but we dont want to start all over with a K-3 now and wait again. As for the proper thing to do, thats why we started the K-1 in the first place... To get married and have a life together as husband and wife together not on opposite sides of the world. This is a decision we BOTH will make together..Its not a question of me TELLING her what we will do. Link to comment
Steve and Qingqing Posted July 17, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Dave, she is concerned about having to do an english interview with any company, hense one reason this looks good to her. We both agreed that the USA is the best place for us to be in the distant future, especially since I would be limited in opportunities in China. She will finish her current contract and hopefully get a nice recomendation letter from them. Not sure if that would even matter to a US company but couldnt hurt. We also talked about everything else that will be talking place once shes here..wedding, filing more papers, learning the area, learning to drive or mass transit. a job would be nice for her to have soon but im really not concerned if she takes her time in finding one. Support is not an issue. I make well above the poverty level. I would like her to take her time and find one she really wants...Not feeled pressured into one. Neither one of us wants to be apart any longer than necessary. She feels this whole process is already way too long! Link to comment
Randy W Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 How close are youi to Houston? At least 20-30% of the people around me at work are Chinese, and most speak Mandarin regularly on the job. It sounds like she might be qualified, especially if she has a strong computer background. I don't know if we are hiring, but I'm certain that at least part of the interview would be in Mandarin. Link to comment
david_dawei Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Generally, chinese women are industrious.. I'm sure that she wants nothing more than to be with you, but also wants to fill her time productively with something. Her education has given her a nice opportunity for sure. My SO has said she doesn't want to be 'idle', and I believe that is generally true. They are looking to balance it all. I'll stay tuned to hear how things go for you two... Link to comment
Steve and Qingqing Posted July 17, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Im located in Dallas right now. I lived in Houston back in 1973 for 6 years. Dallas also has a large asian population ( over 20,000 in North dallas alone) Just the other day, I picked up a copy of the Dallas/Chinese Yellow pages and thumbed through it. Interesting.. even has all the Becoming a Citizen questions in the back plus a drivers manual in chinese for Texas. I will pass on your post to her about Houston.. Dave,thats so true.. Im sure she would go crazy if she isnt busy... Link to comment
Randy W Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Incidentally, she may take the (Texas) written driver's test with an interpreter. The questions are given to the interpreter, who translates without seeing the multiple choice answers. A friend's father passed the test that way when he was visiting last year. Link to comment
egolessvegan Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 Incidentally, she may take the (Texas) written driver's test with an interpreter. The questions are given to the interpreter, who translates without seeing the multiple choice answers. A friend's father passed the test that way when he was visiting last year.137733[/snapback]I am quite baffled by the posts in this thread. Steve, unless I have misread your letters, it seems like you are saying the most important issue currently, is to come together as quickly as possible with your SO. Why does your SO want to entertain any thoughts of doing something that is going to delay this process?She is highly qualified and without a doubt will land meaningful employment in this country once she arrives. I think she is complicating an already complicated situation.In my opinion she is putting me before we. Is she being honest about her motivation?Hope everything comes to a good conclusion.Ken Link to comment
david_dawei Posted July 17, 2005 Report Share Posted July 17, 2005 I'll just repeat my take... I don't see a 'we vs me' issue going on. That is how we are trained to evaluate these issues from a western perspective, but I personally feel the eastern mind is mostly 'we' oriented in all it does. I don't see an inhonest issue playing out either.It's opportunity costs playing out. Link to comment
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