Roebel

Thanks to everyone!

I hate when i read things and there's not ending. So I wanted to close the book on this. Since writing this I went on the visit a total of 4 times during our wait. It seemed like it took forever since we waited through the CSC slow down, and some other paperwork complications including waiting for the consulate to move. I have learned that on any of these forums there are people that are knowledgeable and helpful, people with their own opinions, and people that just cause you to worry. I almost broke up with my fiance' because of the advice of others. Basically telling me there wasn't much hope... So much has changed since i wrote this question, forms have changed, scheduling has changed, and the China consulate has moved to an entirely different location, the point is you won't know where this journey leads until you follow it until the end. Our interview was on August 12, 2013 at 8:30am, Lili was approved within 5 minutes. I would say that the best advice I received is to visit as often as possible. They are very likely to ask that question at the interview and could possibly ask for the evidence to support it. My own advice would be to prepare the paperwork as carefully as possible. Good luck to anyone who may read this in the future...

Thanks to everyone. We maintain a positive attitude and look forward to the challenges ahead. I'll post any updates as they occur.

Ah yes, this issue is certainly not a simple one. We have discussed it, are in agreement right now, and will continue to discuss it as the relationship grows and the visa issues develop.

Actually this whole exchange as solidified my resolve to move forward. And Lili is right there by my side, giving me hope, and making me see the possibilities of what we could have.There are many people that have met their spouse in China and other places in the world and not even been able to speak the same language and with an age difference, even many people on this site, and have been successful. I was hung up on the age difference for quite a while, what other people might think, what would happen in the future, if it was right, those kinds of things. Then it occurred to me, this is a person that I’ve been relating to for months why would I let the math hurt us both when we enjoy being together so much? What I realized was that’s it much more important to look at how we communicate, what we give each other, how we solve problems, how we are together, if there is a problem with maturity or difference of culture then it will appear there. We’ve actually spoken many times about how we would handle our different philosophies and differences. But in reality we see things eye to eye more than in different directions. Sure cultural differences can cause a problem, but at the same time they can make life so interesting. I have travelled through China since 2008 and really love the culture and am willing to embrace part of that into my life. At the same time she’s been exposed to a lot of western culture and she’s willing to embrace it as well. Part of the problem is that the focus is on the number too much. My philosophies on life are even different than my own sister. And many people who are the exact same age don’t see life the same way, so why not focus on the reality of the relationship and not what it looks like on paper? Also everyone has different life experiences and all 22 year olds aren’t at the same maturity level, and I don’t have a daughter to worry about her opinion. What I’ve come to realize is that some of the advice given here is tainted by personal opinions, so I don’t know how much I can’t trust some of it. But I really do appreciate those that have been supportive.

A clear answer? Hmmmmm....not saying Marc won't have one, it's just tough to give a single definitive answer when there are so many variables, what if's, and such. We all hope the best for you and your girlfriend. With any luck at all, she may well go to her interview and walk away with an approval. I've seen much closer (to the interview date of all things) divorce finalization dates of the American than what you report here. Yes, you have some age difference....I've seen almost that many years in age difference with a guy and his girlfriend, plus he met her before his divorce was final....bingo, she still got the visa. Then, you see them deny people for half of what others had, yet were successful with. Another thing we've seen many times, usually I've found this out when folks in trouble PM'ed me....what we all speculated on Candle had absolutely nothing to do with the reasons Guangzhou denied the lady....there just are hardly any "clear answers" buddy. I personally hate and despise speculation and conjecture as it was used against us in our case and it was totally DEAD WRONG, so I try my best never to speculate or conjecture on what a VO, or fella like Marc Ellis might would say to you. Just e-mail Marc with a simple explanation of your case as it stands at this point. He could it on something none of us even thought about just as easily as he could agree with any of the thinking here. It's not that anyone is smarter than the other, it's just the nature of the beast in Guangzhou. I'm not joking when I say "luck" is what rules the day with an interview. The Americans in the State Department in Guangzhou play the rules any way they feel like on any given day. You...We....have to stay flexible, keep our wits about us, and have tons of patience. They can do anything they want to, damn the rules, damn what you've seen happen to others whose red flags were much redder than yours....it's all about how lucky you are, not how smart you are. Again, one of the best (lets hope you and your girl never need this) and strongest things I see about you and your woman is your willingness to use time to succeed. Many folks are impatient and that can be a deal breaker should they encounter problems along the way. If you guys encounter problems, keep your focus as to your goal. Keep your patience, and never lose sight of the fact of how time is your strongest tool. She Will get her visa. The people in the State Department can delay you but they can never tear a bona fide relationship apart....unless you let them. My guess is the USCIS will approve your case in America, and the paperwork will be forwarded to the State Department in Guangzhou. There are many parts to an immigration petition. It would have been nice to have met you guys before you filed but while we don't have that luxury you will have a lot of support here should you need it. You may well have strengths (like a strong financial history) that will over shadow many types of "red flags" You guys stay strong and think positive tsap seui I really appreciate the support and encouragement. We do have some have some positives going for us despite some of the challenges. And I hope some things like communication, attitude, and confidence are considered when the case may be marginal. She's willing to prepare, and already has a positive attitude, so maybe that will get us over the hump. I've sent an email to Marc, if/when I receive a reply, I will post his suggestion. Thanks!

Whew....buddy, your emotions have got to be feeling like a badminton birdie about now, knocked every which way but loose, desperately wanting to be with your girl (like yesterday), and in a few months facing an interview in a place that at on a good day is a highly arbitrary crap shoot. Ya got some good advice from some knowledgeable people who all hope the best for a favorable outcome for you guys. I highly admire you both for being mentally prepared and willing to pull the K-1 case from the USCIS, wait some time, get married, wait some time and then file a CR-1. That right there is the sort of winning attitude that it takes a couple should the shit hit the fan. Never forget the power of time, especially if you run into trouble down the road with the State Department. You guys WILL get the visa...it could either come at the end of a K-1 interview in a few months, or it may be at a later date, but you will get her visa. I do not think you should pull your case right now. Yes, it is a shame you didn't land on Candle before you filed the K-1, get all this sage advice and file a couple of years later but honestly, I wouldn't pull the plug on the K-1. Hell, we've got and seen characters who got their divorces finalized in America only weeks or months before their girlfriend had her interview in Guangzhou...and their girls got their visas. It is all a crap shoot, one where luck rules the day. You can literally think of the interview as a pick the "lucky ducky" contest at a small town carnival. My gut feeling is don't pull the K-1, see where it leads. Look at the dynamics here....you would be pulling the K-1 to buy more time together with your girl....and you're looking to add on what? Another year, year and a half of time together as stronger proof. My thinking is you are going to get more "time" together, should you even need it, if they deny her at the K-1. Thing is, no one here can state for a fact that she will be denied at that K-1. We've seen worse time of divorce cases than yours and those women got their K-1 visas. It's all arbitrary, man. One way or the other, should you need it, you are going to get a year, year and a half of "time"rather you pull the plug yourself, or the DOS denies her. Why not drop Marc Ellis an e-mail and ask that specific question..."Should I pull the case at this point?" I like Marc, and talked to him a few times. I did not use his service as he himself even admitted we probably didn't even need him, but he talked very candidly with me about Guangzhou, and he would most likely tell you to pull, or not to pull the K-1 at this point....for free. You could always use Marc should your girl get denied. Don't count your girl out just yet. I like David's words to his woman, it's a process of 3 to five years (or however he put it)....yes, it can be a five year journey....the jackals in Guangzhou hold all the cards and with a total lack of oversight they can do as they damn well please... including giving a woman a K-1 visa even though she had a short relationship with her American man after his divorce date. I also like you and your girl's attitude to do whatever it takes to be together. Don't lose that attitude, no matter what. Good luck to you guys. My hope is your success at the K-1 interview. Should things fail there, you will prevail at the next, CR-1 or IR-1, interview. The time you guys are willing to invest now is testament of your commitment to each other. It will carry you through should Guangzhou deny her. T I M E is your friend, and the most powerful tool in your toolbox. tsap seui Thank you for your words of encouragement. Yes, I do feel like a badminton birdie! I had this long emotional post all ready to go, but I will save it for now. I was going to call to schedule a consultation, but email is a much better idea. I can put it down in writing and make sure I get all the details straight. I would think he would have a clear answer, at least I hope. Thanks again!

I hate being the poster child for red flag issues, and every time I think there's a reasonable solution someone throws a wrench in the plan. I know everyone is trying to help, but it is quite discouraging. She is from a divorced family, her mother remarried but her step father died last year. Her father doesn't have much communication with her and lives in another province, as well as her brother. So some of the normal family expectations aren't as strong. At 45 and 22 or 46,47 and 23,24 we could still have a family, waiting for five years is really not reasonable. Even though I was married before I don't have children. I don't think that 45, and 22 are commonplace here. It seems the age gap happens more with 50+. has anyone seen this exact situation before? I think the red flag issues with my K-1 are obvious so I don't know that its worth the time and expense to follow through with it. Or do I have to go through with it now to save face? I don't mind putting the time in to grow the relationship and apply for the CR-1 next year. I just want to know that its even possible. If I sound frustrated I am, please forgive me. I will try to consult with someone

Ultimately it is your decision. But that sounds like a reasonable course of action. Withdrawing the I-129F explaining that it was hasty, and you and fiancee wanted to develop relationship longer probably would look good and logical to USCIS. Would give you more time to truly decide about relationship, and looks the same to the interviewing officer. Gives more time to develop evidence of a bonafide relationship. I would study the Post Interview forum paying attention to the denials. http://candleforlove...erview-results/ Here is one relevant, Started as K-1, then switched to CR-1... http://candleforlove...nce-what-to-do/ ( This one was odd, petitioner did not elaborate about denial reason, however he did hint at over spending, sounded like a well off guy going for a trophy wife, something to avoid. ) Yes I'll let it settle for a couple of days but I'm thinking this is the best plan of action. We can test out the relationship with our travels, make sure to take lots of photos, save our travel tickets, hotel receipts, etc, and make sure to document everything up the wazoo. Meanwhile I can study up on the denial reasons and do everything to avoid them. From what I understand age difference is not enough to deny a visa as long as everything else is in place. So I'll manage all the details, make sure she's prepared and involved, and front load the petition with as much information as possible, including the EOR letter. I spoke with her today and she doesn't have a problem with waiting and marrying in China, actually she said as long as I come up with an "awesome" proposal. I really appreciate the help!

Is it possible to withdraw the I-129F now, wait for a few months and then send in a new I-129F, with more trips and time under our belt? Or does cancelling mean we have to take a different route? You can always file another I-129F no different route. It is up to you what you want to do. If were me I would develop the relationship over a year or so, and if were me, probably get hitched over there, and do the spouse visa route. As Carl said the K-1 affords the option in a denial to further develop relationship and marry then do a CR-1 visa. In this case, it is advisable to pay attention to what USCIS does with the denied K-1 case, they tend to do one of three things. They believe the consulate was in error and reaffirms the petition and sends it back to consulate for another interview. They consider case to have expired since in most cases the consulate interviews beyond the 4 months after USCIS approved the I-129F. They accepts the decision of the consulate and sends petitioner an notice of intent to revoke, if petitioner fails to respond, they mark the case as such with a mark of misrepresentation, which can affect future petitions such as a spouse visa. The positive aspects of CR-1. Costs less Petition to Green-card, less than $1000 Gets a green-card upon entry to the USA, no waiting 4 to 10 months after marriage. Can take a job, or even travel immedately after arriving in the USA (Allowed by green-card status) Can apply for a learners permit and work tward getting a driver's license shortly after arriving in the USA Petition processing is not much longer than I-129F As for K-1 Fees exceed $1800 Petition to Green-Card (I-129F, then after marriage I-485) Cannot seek work till after getting EAD or Green-card from filing to adjust status. Cannot travel out of country till having advance parole or green-card from adjustment of status. Most states will not issue ID or learners permit till having SSN and Evidence of legal status (EAD or Green-card) The PLUS, If denied, can make an attempt the CR-1 route K-1 use to be desirable because it was the quicker visa, but with improvements at USCIS, NVC and Consulate make the CR-1 nearly as quick as the K-1 by about 1 month or so. One other point, K-1 is a visa type for cases where getting married overseas is difficult to impossible, in cases where there are Religious, Social, or local government blocks preventing a marriage, that do not exist in the USA. So since we met in June of this year. Would it make sense to get married in China in say July 2013, and then submit the paper work for the CR-1? I would have had 4 trips or so before the marriage and a 2-3 more during the waiting process.

Is it possible to withdraw the I-129F now, wait for a few months and then send in a new I-129F, with more trips and time under our belt? Or does cancelling mean we have to take a different route?

I didn't take it that way. I know that you were just trying to paint a realistic picture. I just want to know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it requires some time and frustration. My worst fear is that we get denied and I waste time fighting through it for a couple of years with nothing to show at the end. And both of us end up heartbroken and disappointed.

I understand the perception. But the reality is that she is more mature than her age. I have fought with that issue myself since we met, and the more sure I become about her, the more the visa issue seems to be the problem. Is there away through this? Is it an impossible situation?

By putting it off do you mean I should cancel the petition? or just delay the interview?

I think this is spot-on advice but difficult at this point to withdraw the file and explain it... but there is cause for concern more than other cases. The VOs know better than anyone that a US man is a ticket out of china and a young girl with very good english would know this too. At times, there are perceptions formed, whether true or not. It is hard to overcome this but all one can do is be assured of their life decisions and file and do the best they can. Yes I am confident in the relationship. I have no worries about her intentions, but it doesn't mean others will see it that way. If there is a denial, what can we expect to happen? Is there possibility she can never come here?