NickF
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Posts posted by NickF
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Has anyone here read the book Lost On Planet China by Maartin Troost? I first read it after my second visit to Nanning during New Year, and found it worthwhile, having experienced many of the things he wrote about.
And in places it's funny as hell.
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A guy in Nanning riding a scooter with a falcon on his wrist.
Another guy on a scooter with a Great Pyreneese drapped across his lap.
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Interestingly, since ChunMei started looking for another nanny position something unusual has emerged. She's been looking to work for a Chinese family, and in the past two weeks she's talked to three different families. The first question from each of the three has been, "Is your husband Chinese?"
When she tells them that her husband is American they don't even want to talk to her further.
Not sure why this is.
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ChunMri often says things like, "Chinese people in USA don't like help other Chinese people."
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Short answer, yup.
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I've noticed that Chinese drivers regard the traffic laws like the Pirates' Code in Pirates of the Carribean; "actually more like a series of guidelines."
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"You're fat!" "He, she, it, and/or they are fat"
Yeah I get that a lot. And I'm about 10 pounds over my target weight. Then she cooks enormous meals and complains that I don't eat enough.
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I agree with both of you; it's convincing her that's the problem.
Before she got this job she was a stay at home housewife, and it was driving her nuts. She'd like something part-time, but jobs that she's qualified for here are thin on the ground right now. And the fact that she doesn't drive yet is a problem. In a year her English will be much better and things will be different.
I worked for the Denver transit system as a transportation planner for 5 years, and know a lot about public transit issues. Everything that runs here either goes downtown, or runs direstly east/west or north/south. Her new job location is way the hell northwest in a new suburb that caters to young professional couples who all own at least an SUV and a BMW. So very limited bus service; they don't want to pay the taxes for it..
Before she got this job I was giving her money to send to her family, and I'll start doing it again, but she wants to do it herself. She feels guilty if she's not contributing something to the household.
(And yes, Dan, I met removal of conditions; it was early in the morning when I wrote my original post, and I hadn't had enough coffee yet.)
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As some you you might remember ChunMei's been working as a nanny for a Chinese American family since November. Originally it was supposed to be a day job, but then turned into an overnight stay on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. Fortunately she could ride the bus to get there and back; the bus trip takes about 45 minutes.
Late last week her employers told her that they were buying a new house, and would be moving sometime in March.
Here's the problem.
The new house is on the far north side of the Denver metro area. We live on the far south side. With no traffic it's a 45 minute one-way drive to her new job location, through downtown Denver. Since she would need to be there at 7:30 AM we have tthreechoices. First one, I'd need to change my work hours to drive her there every day, and to pick her up, and the round trip is about 70 miles, during rush hours. Obviously a non-starter.
Second option is for her to use public transportation. Problem is, the is a two and a half hour one-way ride requiring 4 transfers between local buses, the train, a regional bus, and another local bus, followed by a 1.5 mile walk after she gets off the bus in Boulder. She'd need to catch the first bus at 4:45 AM, and she wouldn't get home until about 9:30 PM.
The third choice, proposed by her employers, is that I bring her up to their home every Sunday evening and she woild live there until Saturday morning, when I'd pick her up. Neither of us is wildly enthusiastic about that; me less so than ChunMei, because she likes the kids and the mother (the father, not so much.)
Honestly I'm not sure what that would do to our marriage. When we was living in China before she came here we'd talk at least once a day on our computers, but even that isn't an option here, because she's minding two kids, and we currently don't even have time to talk on the phone now ehen she's staying there. So we'd have less contact than we had when she was 9,000 miles away.
And what happens when the time comes for AOS? What would be the position of ICE about a "valid marriage" when we're essentially living apart?
Not sure what to do here. She is torn between wanting to be with me and wanting to take care of the kids, because she's become attached to them. The parents have been putting pressure on her to stay with them. And she really wants to work so she can send money to her family.
And jobs for someone in her situation are hard to come by here in Denver.
Not sure what to do. I don't think anybody here has any answers for me, but I needed to vent a little with people who might understand the situation. Thanks. -
I'm just gonna stand back and be very very quiet.
We'll see how long that lasts.
Well, it's worth a try...
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ChunMei has a whole list of people she wants me to find American husbands for, starting with her youngest sister, and ending with a friend who has a list of requirements so stringent that nobody could possibly qualify.
I'm just gonna stand back and be very very quiet.
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Matt,
Just to let you know our Bio is on Feb 2nd. We are K1 and K2 so we will let you know how long our case takes.
We are in Denver , Colorado
David, ChunMei and I are in Denver, too, and it took about 6 weeks from the biometrics to the AOS interview.
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Talked to ChunMei last night. The doctor has allowed her father to come home from the hospital for New Year, but she must take him to the hospital every day for treatment and therapy. But so far she's having a good new year. I'm happy she can spend it with her family, but everyone in her family wishes I was able to be there.
Next year...
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I'll go with Tsap on this one. ChunMei and I had corresponded and talked on Yahoo for a year before we first met in Hong Kong, and I proposed to her 4 days after we met physically. Spent 2 weeks with her, Went back again 6 months later because we missed each other, and then ran out of vacation time.
At that time I was in the middle of a 2 year long divorce process after 3 years of separation from my first wife. I filed the K-1 app a week after my divorce was finalized, and the entire process sailed through in 10 months with no problems.
Yet as Tsap says, others with much less problematic situations have been jerked around for years. So it is a crap shoot.
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ChunMei flew through there last Wednesday with no problems whatsoever. And ANA even held her flight to Guangzhou for her when her flight from San Francisco was late.
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I remember being in this situation once. She wanted a live in nanny job and I certainly did not like this. I told her "no way". She kept begging me so after a few days I gave in. I was following the advice of "let her do what she wants." Why not? It's what she wanted to do and she begged me for days.
She worked for a few months then quit because of a disagreement with the child's mother. Then after a while all I heard was "you bad man....you send me to be nanny!"
Moral of the story, you're screwed no matter what you do.
About 6 weeks ago ChunMei took a nanny position for the same reasons. Her employers are a Chinese/American couple; the husband is a doctor.
The original conditions were that she would only stay overnight on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I was not wildly enthusiastic about that, but ChunMei's son is finishing his last semester of college, and she wanted to pay for that herself. After two weeks they changed the overnight requirement to Tuesday night through Friday night.
Last week they told her they wanted her to work Wednesday morning through Sunday night, and have Monday and Tuesday off! She left for two weeks in Nanning this morning for New Year, and isn't sure she even wants to talk to them when she comes home again. She thinks the job as it exists now isn't worth only seeing me for a few hours a week.
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Hi,
My wife plans to go back to China this march for a month.I am looking at ticket prices now,and what worries me is this...her passport has her Chinese name ( maiden name ) and her green card has her married name ( my last name ).i believe the thinking is,i would book her tickets in her passport name.which would be fine getting to China.It's the return to America that concerns me.Her passport and green card,while have her picture....but have different names.She is going back to Chongqing,can she get her passport ammended with married name in China? what if she can not do this,what problem will she have getting into USA with passport(chinese) and green card,having different names?
Jim
ChunMei's leaving for her first trip back to Nanning. Based on some other postings here I'm sending a photocopy of our marriage license along with her just in case.
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Hmm.you may be right thatprost people get that sort of answer. I haven't gotten even an initial response from my wife yet.
but what I'm hoping to get, what I think is actually true is that while individual aspects may play into a desire for marriage and how happiness is judged, there is much more of family duty and joining of families and responsibility going on in the Chinese subconscious.
Maybe these questions aren't quite the right way to uncover that.
But still ask your wife/husband those that haven't yet...I still think there might be some surprising or enlightening answers out there.
I don't think Jiaying has EVER said "I love you" - if I say it to her, she responds with, "I need you".
She DOES, however, seem to have a STRONG sense of me as her family, much more so than her natural family.
It's unclear how much money has a role in that. I feel comfortable that she would NEVER be looking for more somewhere else, but it's not clear where we would be if mine was less than adequate (probably still working in the U.S., which would have been okay by her).
Interesting about that. ChunMei says "I love you" to me frequently and spontaneously.
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Thanks for the responses. I think she'd better take a copy of our marriage license with her. Her tickets match the name on her passport, and her green card has her married name.
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First thing ChunMei does when we get into our hotel room is to boil water to put into the bottled water bottles we always carry everywhere with us. Repeat as necessary.
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ChunMei's going to China for a couple of weeks for New year. Unfortunately she's got to go at a time when her employers are going to Taiwan for New Year as well. but because of my job I can't go with her.
Our travel agent says that the airline tickets need to be in her maiden name because they must match her passport. What I would like to know is that since her Social Security card and her green card are in her married name, what other papers should she take with her so as to insure she can get back into the USA when she returns?
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I made 2 trips by soft sleeper slow train. Kunming to Guangzhou (24 hours) and Shenzhen to Yongzhou. ( about 12 hours)
I had ridden passenger trains (Not Amtrak) many times back in the fifties and sixties as a child and teenager, so I wanted to do it for nostalgic reasons.
My wife's friends thought I was being "cheap", but wife understood and It was a great experience .......
Soft sleeper compartments were clean and the rest rooms had western toilet seats and were fairly clean.
Saw the China countryside through a "picture window" while rolling along at 30-50 mph. They are old trains, but heated and air conditioned.
They look like the USA passenger trains of years ago. (Southern Railways, L&N etc)
The dining car served very good "hot" meals. It was a wonderful experience, and I would do it again if time permits.
I think you and I would have a lot in common. Aside from similar experiences on the China trains I've always been a train freak. Rode the Cailfornia Zephyr, the Orange Blossom Special, and many of the other "classic trains" when I was young.
Have you ridden the Durango/Silverton train?
Many times. Also the Cumbres & Toltec. Royal Gorge, Leadville, the Cripple Creek & Victor, and I'm a member of the Colorado Railroad Museum.
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One thing that cured my jet lag was to sleep the entire time on the plane. Of course I needed medicine for this (Ambien) but it worked. I hit the ground running and was never tired.
Sounds like you are very sensitive to certain foods. Are you sensitive to any foods here in America?
Good luck with sleeping on the plane.
My second trip included 60+ Chinese middle school students returning from a week long trip to Disneyland. Sleep? Not a chance.Insterstingly enough the only time I was ever sick with anything in China was returning from that trip. I cought a cold during the 2 days we spend shopping in Guangzhou at New Year, but it didn't kick in until about the time of my 4 hour layover in Inchon.
Was miserable for the rest of the trip, and had to take 2 more days off work to recover.
My solution to jet lag is to just stay awake for the 36 hours before I fly.
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My attorney effectively said the same thing. She said that since a K1 visa is a temporary one-time entry to the country DOS figures it's a safer bet, since if you don't marry, your fiancee would have to leave the country anyway.
New Trip, New China, for me anyway...
in The Middle Kingdom - 中国
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Doug, southern China's the only place I've been there except for a 24 hour layover in Beijing because we missed out flight to LA. Spent that time at the airport and/or the hotel that China Southern put us up in, but even in late may the heat was noticable.
ChunMei's from Nanning, so I've spent a fair amount of time there. May through October the weather's in the upper 80's to mid 90's, with the usual 100% humidity as expected. ChunMei's father says that this year it's been much warmer than normal, but we're also seeing that here in Colorado as well.
ChunMei's going back to China for two months in early September, and says she's not looking forward to the heat/humidity combination, even though she's lived there all of her life. I'll miss her very much, but she says her father's "really really happy" she's coming home for a while, and that makes it worth it for me because I like her father a lot.
ChunMeiiii's really taken to American food. Her favorites right now are hamburgers, steak cooked on our grill, and Krispy Kreme donuts. She's also decided the American idea of salad is the greatest thing she's ever seen. She's taking a couple of bottles of salad dressing back with her so she can introduce her family to it. She also wants to treat them to mashed potatoes.
Interestingly, she's told me that what she'll miss the most (aside from me) when she's back home is western-style toilets. She says she's really going to hate using the toilets in her family's homes.