luckyjack

I had my fill of dating and internet dating. I decided that I wasn't willing to go more than 10 miles from my home for a date. Then I got an email from China out of the blue. I thought it was a scam the way several were that I had received from Russia. So I responded just for fun. Soon I learned it was a real, sincere and very interesting woman. After a while and many email I was invited to Beijing. I went. We liked each other. We made plans which worked out over time. Now we are married for 1.5 years and facing all the trial, tribulations and good times that I have read about here. It remains a challenge but one that is filled with hope and often with much joy. When people asked how we met I tell them we met when I went to China on travel and just leave it at that. Do they need know more? Besides, it is true. We didn't truly meet until we saw each other at Beijing airport. And, had it not worked, then I would have toured and come home. :-)

I certainly don't think Chinese women are less sensitive, or more selfish or emotional than western women. I can sure agree that I have had to learn fast and that neither patience nor flexibility are your first qualities. By the way, I appreciate your comments on this and other threads. Thank you. My wife is patient with her money (chinese stock market) but not with me or other people -- usually. This is her comment, not mine. But it is true. But she is also very emotional about many things and didn't really understand how much sacrifice that she would have to make to come to the USA to be with me. She is learning now and slowly she is learning some flexibility. I'm not sure I would say stubborn as much as convinced and persistent in what she believes or wants. I think being "a stranger in a strange land" brings her emotion to the surface more than if she were in China.

Jack , I understand exactly where you are coming from. The PhD of Life! Extremely true and members should pay attention to this point. Myself much combat action, former 1/75 Ranger, three degrees, Military Police, shot twice and I don't count up the ass-kickings. My wife same issues, former PRC employee cell supervisor, highly respected family in government, four teachers/professors, one minister, three surgeons. When it really comes down to it the formal education merely helps you thirst for knowledge more. Your wife and you, have both already done this. How many have not? Hence, the main theme of this thread. The only thing that my wife regrets about me is how I gained my PhD. A bit too violent for her. However, as I have told her many times, I not at all unlike an ugly dog! It is ugly, but it is extremely loyal and loving. I truly wished many times I hadn't been formed this way. However, I can't unring a bell and we are together. I sometimes wonder whether my wife and I would be together today, if I was formed differently. Regard to your comments about rough times at first with your marriage, you hit the nail dead on the head! The thread comments that I'm making are only what I experienced for the last five years in my own marriage. I assure you and other CFL members, that this is an on-going process, and I'm still very far, from knowing everything. I have covered the basics that are easily detected. Now it has become an issue of find the small and subtle clues, that are still needed to make the marriage survive. I truly hope that you return soon and make more comments and what you have discovered. It sounds like you have done the same EXACT same things I'm posting about. BTW, my compliments to your wife. Truly a beautiful woman. I suppose that when we marry such extraordinary beauty we are driven to excel and learn to maintain it. In closing there is one issue regard to our wives. It never ceases to amaze me how Chinese women are not at all unlike a railroad rail, wrapped in velvet and have delicate flowers around the velvet. Very beautiful, and delicate appearing. However, anger them and they can beat you half to death and have the attitude of a wolverine in PMS! Dave

I'm not sure I have ever replied to a posting on this site, although I have read it with interest since I started down the Road to China. Thanks. My wife and I have had some tough times adjusting to marriage and the differences in expectations and culture, too. Wow! So much of what we have experienced is mirrored in the comments here! Understanding that it isn't "personal" has helped me immensely and made it so much easier for me to respond with patience and a loving attitude than with impatience and frustration. I had the experience with the house. She wants a bigger house. Why, when there are only two of us? She has a dream of a staircase. She doesn't know what she would do with the upstairs and she darn sure doesn't want to clean it, protestations that she will aside. So, I offered to build her a staircase to nowhere in our one-story house. Yes, absurd. Her response? "You are stupid, ridiculous." But we laughed at it and it is an inside joke for us now. Yes, I know she hasn't forgotten and one day we will likely have a two-story house with a special staircase, but it gives me plausible deniability for the moment. I am having the experience with the car. First one and then another, just when I have it arranged for the first... and on it goes, depending on what is popular at the moment in China! Not what makes sense in the USA. So, I laugh and wait and get her involved in the costs of the various models and options. Boy, when it comes to spending the money the practicality takes over. Now a Civic looks much better than a BMW, Benz or even a Toyota Camry. Love, showing love and teaching sex within the marriage... also just as you described. Once introduced in the context of marriage and love, her expression of love privately and physically was liberated with positive results for us both. And on it goes... my experience in lock-step with what you have written here. I have one other item that I would like to mention and to see what comments it draws. My wife is just over 40. Married once before. She has her Ph.D. from Tsinghua Univ., arguably the Harvard of China. And, she rarely fails to remind me that she is not stupid and that she is "Tsinghua PhD" I have learned that this seems to be what we here in the West might consider minor royalty. We have bumped heads many times over things that revolve around what she KNOWS about China and how she EXPECTS things in the US to somehow be the same way. Dealing with an extremely smart Tiger or Dragon is even tougher than the "garden variety!" First, I have learned that some other Chinese will immediately regard her as smart and give her her just due in the smart category. However, I have also learned that it is said that at Tsinghua U. there are Men, there are women and there are Women Tsinghua PHD. Ouch! I wonder if any of you have encountered this or are aware of it. Second, I wandered into a defense that seems to be rather effective with her. I am 57. I have undergrad degrees in German and Russian, know some Spanish, have learned some Swedish, Japanese, French. (No, haven't learned more than a little Chinese -- YET) I am a Pilot with an Airline Transport Pilot cert and a couple of jet type ratings, a flight instructor and so on, for those who know aviation. I am retired from the Army where I was an airborne-ranger, infantry officer. I have an MA in information systems. I lived in Germany for over 6 years and have traveled a lot in Europe. I've owned and operated a couple of businesses, including real estate, a flight school or two, and a sports fencing (swords?) club. And to top it off, I was a single parent for the last 13 years before marrying my wife. My son is now 18 and a senior at Texas A&M. He started college at 15 and is a whole bunch smarter than I am. He also spent two summers in China with my now wife learning to read, speak and write Chinese. All that should have given me some credibility, right? Not really! But, I tell you all this stuff because I finally found a way to earn some credibility from her by insisting that I had a PHD in LIFE. That is how I know how to run a lawn mower, unstop the toilet, repair small electrical appliances, know that you can't put clothes wash soap in the dishwasher, don't put celery and hard veggies in the disposal, how to clean the bathroom properly - both toilet and shower, and how/when to water the house plants... and so many other little things that we here in the USA take for granted and that somehow they never teach to Chinese undergraduate and graduate students. It has been a salvation that I can fall back on my "LIFE PHD" when I start getting the "I am Tsinghua PhD. You don't think I am stupid!" Oh, did I mention that she was much more competitive than I am? So, I offer this little bit in the hopes that some of you guys out there who grew up learning how to change a light bulb or install an electrical switch, change oil in the car all by yourself, paint the walls inside or out and so on, will be able to trot out this one thing that has helped me. We have been married for a bit over 1.5 years. I can tell you that if it hadn't been for one of my friends who has been married to his Korean wife for 31 years, I don't think I could have tolerated the adjustments I have had to make to date. I have been amazed at how similar or even identical my friends experiences have been to the ones I have encountered! And after 31 years of marriage, she is still the one in the marriage who is Infallible and he, as he says, is just a "Sh*t eating dog" as he says with a smile. Harsh? Naw, just a loving relationship between one of us "pore ole white guys" (gringo? vs. lowei?) and the all-knowing, seeing, powerful with 5000 years of culture behind them. (my tongue is firmly in my cheek.)

This is about a K1 that I filed 27 Nov 06 and has been working its way through the "snake." GUZ told me by email that the hard copy was received on 26 May and the P3 was mailed the same day. So far no P3 has arrived in Beijing. My email inquiry resulted in a response that was "allow two weeks for the P3 to arrive and if it doesn't then let us know by email." GUZ does answer emails. Usually with a single line answer. My impression is that the person answering doesn't really read the email for content but just gives an answer that is fairly generic. 1. Once GUZ has sent the P3 can my SO go ahead and send the completed forms? Or, must she wait for GUZ's P3 package to arrive? Is there something in the GUZ P3 that she has to have in order for them to accept her forms? 2. I have cut and pasted her English and Chinese character addresses into the GUZ email form. GUZ tells me that they received the address update. They weren't specific about whether they could or couldn't read the Chinese characters. Now I wonder if they address the P3 in English or Chinese and my SO is wondering the same thing. 3. If they have to send another P3 does anyone have any idea how long the mail should take between Guangzhou and Beijing? 4. Should I go ahead and fax her address(es) and phone numbers to GUZ and ask them to contact her or (dare I say it....) wait a few more days in hopes it will arrive? Thanks

I "followed" the package via the DHL website (via the procedure mentioned on this website, I think) to the Guangzhou gateway and saw it sit there for quite a while. It only took about 2-3 days to get to Guangzhou from NVC. I then made an inquiry via my US Senator and in a week I had an answer from Dept of State via my Senator's office. I was told that Chinese Customs holds the Diplomatic Correspondence Package at their customs warehouse for 60 days. At that point it is released to the US Consulate. The letter went on to say the Consulate would send out a packet to my Fiance about a week after they recieve it. Mine was to have gone out of NVC on 3/12 and arrived GZ on 3/14. I am waiting for 5/14 to see if it is "released." At that point I will be expecting a letter/package to arrive at my Fiance's apartment within a week or two via China Post.