Chad&Tong

Hey If he is an american have him go to the designated chinese consulate in america and apply. (though it takes a long time). Easier yet, if he is still shopping for a plane ticket, call these guys, (be patient and ask for an English speaker) LLL travel, 1-888-883-8815 (NY) order your ticket and ask them to get his visa for him (ask for a dual entry 60 day). You have to mail in the passport 1 day fed/ex courier but the coin you save in the ticket is worth every penny. I got my plane ticket and visa within four days of ordering both and the price was the best. Here are some other options. USA GATEWAY TRAVEL, St.Louis: 1-800-886-4588 UAS GATEWAY TRAVEL, KC: 1-800-396-4747 Hai Tian: 1-800-621-4685 Lan Tian: 1-800-793-8856 Jin Shi: 1-888-531-1127 (NY) Yeyou Agent: 1-888-626-5015 (CA) -------------------- Chad- Albequerque, NM Tong- Yangzhou, Jiangsu 04-01-2004 I129f received at CSC 08-16-2004 I29F approved / forwarded To Guangzhou 10-04-04 Received P3 from Guangzhou 12-07-04 Sent signed P3 to Guangzhou NOW- waiting for interview

Yeah, 90 days seems to be a standard masculine orientated timeline for KNOWING if the other is worth pursuing seriously but typically within the context of dating one on one; (i.e.: holding hands, kissing, getting ready for bed/work, watching a movie, talking, in short, being with each other). You are in front of them and you can see, feel, smell as well as hear and sense). You know you can deal and there is a future or you know you can’t deal and you or the other ends it or gets out. But what about after the 90 days? Yeah, yeah, nothing is certain in life we all know that. But we do know what it takes on a day to day basis to get through life and you need to know if that other person has what it takes to step with you through the day to day ‘whatevers’ that makes us all human-beings with flaws. Ahhh, the flaws. And our reaction to each other’s flaws and how we view ourselves and how we want the other to view us when those flaws pervade our day to day routine. I’m a firm believer in cohabitation prior to marriage. I cohabited with a couple of different girls state-side over the years and I can say without a doubt that I always knew precisely when the relationship had stalled. I never would have known if I hadn’t been sharing the same roof because my IDEAL of her and myself would have knitted a nice little fantasy which couldn’t be sustained when the circumstances were to shift in the future and we found ourselves sharing the same tube of toothpaste. Well, my circumstances allowed me to do it again with my Chinese fiancé, but more importantly, I just wanted to be with her so I packed my stuff, sold what I didn’t need, got a one way ticket, hit Chinese soil and have been with her since day one. I was nervous. She was nervous. I saw her smiling face on the other side of customs, (she was jumping up and down and waving at me), we broke the ice, held each other for an hour in the bustling airport and took a taxi to her place. And so have been together ever since:… cohabitating. One year on the Dec. 27th and we are happy and content and still laughing with each other every single day. Yeah, a couple of minor fights about stupid stuff that lasted a whole hour. Then making up. Typical. To be expected. But you know what sold me on this relationship? The fact that I can show my emotions to her and she can to me and I don’t feel like running away. I want to be here, look her in the eyes and lay me “it” (my ego, my sense of self), out there. I can do that with her and feel safe. First time. And she likes that and I like that. And she can do it to me. And I am not scared and neither is she. I can say the right things. We can laugh while were crying. No embarrassment. Just closeness: the kind of closeness you feel when you are scrambling some eggs for breakfast and she is humming in the other room. The typical ‘two people sharing everything’ routine/circumstances that create a closeness, a comfort zone. It’s important. It’s needed. Not everyone has the opportunity to do it (particularly with overseas or long-distance affairs) but if you can, then I highly suggest it. That is how you know. You may love how she looks and how she sounds and you may remember that signifier of how she smells or laughed when you said something on your last visit or phone call, which in turn tugs on the heart and drives you to complete this thing (visa, U.S., marriage, family, home) so you can experience those signifiers again. But knowing how each of you will react to each other concerning the day to day stuff: that’s the clincher. It’s the small things, day to day. And all those small things add up to a wonderful, fulfilling relationship, a so so relationship or a relationship you wish you had never gotten into. Ask yourselves this: “How will me and my other handle the REAL ups and downs of everyday life?” You have the patience it takes? Or will you lose it someday when minor cultural differences or personality snafus impede immediate cognitive understanding. Will she lose it when you lose it or will she give it back? What if she gives it back? How will you react? Does she know your vices? Better yet, has she seen you in the midst of your vices? drinking, smoking, arguing, laughing and playing around, rough-housing, carousing, sulking, lying, sneaking, cheating, playing poker until 2:00am on the weekends with the guys, voicing your deepest secret fantasy, etc…. Some negative things, sure, and I don’t mean to offend, but no one, and we all know this, is perfect. Are you willing to give up some vices for her? Even if she doesn’t ask you to, but you know you should because you don’t like the way you think it might make her feel? More importantly, can you? Can you give up those old repetitive signifiers? The REAL, (those death-drive repetitive things) will always pervade our lives at the most un-expected of times…. times when you least expect it. It’s the unconscious and the unconscious pervades like no other but she or you cannot see or hear or feel that unless you are both open with each other day-to-day. And when that happens, how will YOU feel when she sees your darker side? Guilty? Ok with it? “I ams what I ams?” “Take it or leave it?” Apologetic? Laugh it off? What? How will she react to seeing, feeling, hearing your unconscious well up between your words and actions? Or, will you hide your unconscious, mask it at every turn which in turn can drive someone away? Will she flip out or become subdued or suddenly start talking with her friends back home on QQ and ignore you? What? You need to find out. Flip the coins too. How will you feel when you see her do something you never thought she could or would do or say or think? Does she know your limits and do you know hers? Knowing and actually seeing are two different things. Those REAL things that we all encounter when neck deep in a relationship, sharing, doing, being, day-to-day with another. That is the test of our combined metal. I was lucky. I found a girl who will take all of me: the good with the bad. She doesn’t try to change me but she doesn’t let me get away with sh*t either. And in being that way, she has changed me. And it feels grand. And that is what I want. And I am happy to say and feel and know that I have done the same for her. And that is our love. Revered, cherished, day-to-day, laughing, working hard, unwinding, playing, living. All of these things and more prompted us to talk seriously about marriage. Are we sure? Yes, we know we want to keep that forever for us and we are both smart enough to know that things can change and we are both confident enough to know that we can change with the changes and wake up when we are 80 and laugh sardonically at what age has done to our bodies and minds and still know that we will have each other to the end. It’s a great feeling and I wouldn’t have discovered that feeling even if I hadn’t come over here to China to be with here. Aahhh, forgive me.. It’s all food for thought and my own perspective of the whole relationship thing. I hope the best of all of you and your significant other. One more thing: A quote from French psychoanalyst, Jacques Lacan “A change of discourse may be a sign of love.” Changing how we speak and act in regards to ourselves and others, a change made for the Self AND the Other, may be a sign that you love the Other just as much or more so than you love yourself. Chad

So you want a cell phone to use in China? Don't use your U.S. phone in China. Too expensive. Most don't work here anyway, unless you can change out the sim card and it takes the kinds of sim cards they use in China. One advantage of US cell phone like US Sprint or ATT or Singular: if they are stolen, no one can use them once they are turned off. Over here (in China) if your phone is stolen, the thief can just replace the sim card and keep on using your phone. With cell phone specific cell service as in the states, if the phone is stolen and you call the service provider to report it and have the service turned off, the phone is useless. Getting a phone here: For $100 on up to $400, you can buy a phone in China and then purchase a sim card from China Mobile (phone number and $12 worht of charges which should see you through 2 to 4 weeks depending on how much you use it). The service is immediate and you don't need any credit. However, for those wanting to save money, have your honey look for used cell phones sold on the net. Wait, don't get paranoid. There are tons of sights where you can browse for a cell phone you like (your honey will know which is best at what price. Here's a good place to start, all in Putonghau. http://phone.listings.ebay.com.cn/_W0QQfro...ocustoverrideZ1 I'd go with a nokia model just b/c the quality is assurred and then you can email or call the person who is selling the phone and your honey can ask some details about its condition. If the guy wants to sell and you want to buy, ask the seller to come by your place or meet up at a tea or coffee house. Take a sim card with you, plug it in and test it. Ask about the battery. If it seems in good order you can buy a decent used phone here for $10 or $20 (only 1 year old maybe less) as the locals love to replace their phones as quickly as advertisements and new technology can turn the eye. Like the Japanese, cell phones in china are an extension of the new age urbanite. DON'T BUY THE SONY ERICSON. It's cheap AND it blows chunks, particularly the low end ear speaker (can't hear a thing) and it sometimes rejects a sim card for no apparent reason. Now when you get lost when you are out on your own, you can just call your girl or boy and ask him/her to tell a local how to help you get found:) Best, Chad

In reagrds to fiance visa and the I-134 I (the US guy wanting to marry a chinese gal) live and work in china and cohabitate with my fiance. I have a permanent address in the states as well. I will have a job contract in the states by the time she interviews. I have to fill out an I-134 affidavit of support. My aunt will do another one for her. Should I use my permanent address in the states on the I-134 or should I use my china address on the form? Thanks much Chad and tong

I mailed and have had my family mail us things in Shanghai and Shenzehn in English with no problem. My family always uses regular maiul route. It always gets here. Chad and Tong

Hey Thanks for the advice. I'll give it a try. Chad and Tong

Yeah, Yangzhou is a great little town. I have a contract here as of now lecturing at the University and she has a great gig. We are saving money for our move if all the paperwork goes through for her visa. These days, chinese citizens can pretty much work anywhere and live anywhere. The old days of the work camps are gone. But all of her documents related to her are kept in her hometown or her permanent place of residency. So that is why we have to hit up the officals in her hometown for the correct notatized documents. Chad and Tong

We had my fiance's divorce documents translated which we then sent in with our I-129F petition. All was ok. However, Guangzhou wants a notarized transaltion from a gov.t official for the interview. We checked here (Shenzhen). There is a gov't notary office. They do NOT notarize documents for Chinese who are not citizens of Shenzhen. So, we have to send off her documents to her father in her home town so he can hit the marriage bureau there and get them re-translated and notarized. Long story short, if you need those documents notarized and translated, do it at the official government office of her home town or the palce where she has residency.

I've noticed many CFL'ers have commented that their P3 was entered on the Gaunzhou consulate system and others who have called. How do you call them/ Whenever I call, I can't get a real person to chat with about my case. Just the VRU and sometimes, if I am lucky, a receptionist who puts me back into the VRU. Any advice on how to connect with a real person would be appreciated. Chad

Ditto on one being enough. My fiance has lived in 3 cities; she just got her police certificates notarized from her home town. Should be enough. If she had criminal activity in another town (which she deosn't) it would, according to the polic chief in her home town and in Shanghai, show up on her record. Don't worry about this one. Surely Gaungzhou knows the impossibility of getting police certificates from all towns lived in as a temporary un un-registered citizen. They do a background check anyway. Chad and Tong

Wonderful news Jason and Jun. best of luck and break a leg. Chad and tong

Is this too wordy for line 11? "I will provide both financial support and familial support to Chentong for the rest of my life. I will provide her living expenses (rent, food, shelter, clothing, etc) as well her medical and health care, retirement, school, car, insurance, travel etc. I will contribute the total income that I earn (on average in excess of $45,000 US Dollars per year) to Chentong's livelihood and any children we have for the rest of my life. I will do so by opening a joint savings/checkings account which she will have full access to." Your advice/input is appreciated. Chad and Tong

In reagrds to fiance visa and the I-134 I (the US guy wanting to marry a chinese gal) live and work in china and cohabitate with my fiance. I have a permanent address in the states as well. I will have a job contract in the states by the time she interviews. I have to fill out an I-134 affidavit of support. My aunt will do another one for her. Should I use my permanent address in the states on the I-134 or should I use my china address on the form? Thanks much Chad and tong

Hey Well, we've applied for the fiance visa so we want to marry in the US. For her interview, I am wondering if she needs both a 1) single certificate and 2) her divorce documents (already translated, certified and notarized). Is number 2 enough? Thanks Chad

My fiance was divorced back in '97. We have her divorce papers and certified book of the divorce. Good to go on that. Does she also need a "single certificate" to establish her eligibility to marry? Thank you Chad and Tong