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This is really great. I spend about all my time on the bus thinking of imaginative things to say to people if only my Chinese were better. My favorite one would be: Chinese person: Look, there's a foreigner. Me: (turn around) really? where? I never actually say anything though. I just give people dirty looks in an effort to convey my disgust with them, unfortunatly I don't think they get it. Or if I'm with Xiao Ming I stand behind him so they can't see me, or turn my back to them. If they are staring that usually makes them feel embaressed. Sometimes body language is the best language. I was thinking, until I actually lived in China, "hello's" and everything didn't bother me. It's only after I lived here and realized some Chinese people equivocate me with an alien that I started to get so annoyed. I mean, can't they realize I'm just a person like them?

Before I left to go live in China my mom said "You're not gonna marry some Chinese guy there and never come back, are you?" Well, I did find a Chinese guy to marry, but we'll be coming back. My mom and brother came to visit me in China and met Xiao Ming- they love him. My dad and step-mom haven't met him yet but have been very supportive, they are co-sponsoring him financially. I think my dad, who is very conservative, wouldn't normally be so supportive but his new wife (they got married about a year ago) has really softened him up. After all, they only knew each other for 4 months before they got married. I have had people ask me, who haven't met him, are you sure he's not just trying to get a visa? But anyone who has seen us together knows how much we love each other. Other than strangers on the the street (see the thread Is she a prostitute?) everyone has been great.

Hello: Check out the website http://www.flychina.org. They often have cheaper tickets within China. Also if you are flying from Shenyang to the US (I'm in Dalian, just below Shenyang) look into flying to Korea first. I bought my tickets in Dalian at a travel agencey for $900 roundtrip from Dalian to Seoul to Chicago on Korean Air. It was a lot cheaper than anything I could find on the internet. I'm not sure if that will be cheaper than buying a round trip ticket from the US or not. Ask your wife if she knows anyone who works at a travel agency in Shenyang, she can check out the information on that end. And if she knows someone, it will be a little cheaper. hope that helps.

i've heard this story before too. but in the version i heard, the woman was still a virgin because they were having anal intercourse. most chinese from the countryside have little sex education. chinese society is also much stricter about have pre-marital sex, most chinese aren't even allowed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend until they finish university. its an actual rule at their school, some of my students have told me stories about their classmates who were expelled from school for dating (this is in middle school or high school). it's not acceptable to parents or teachers because school age chinese are supposed to spend all their time studying and not get distracted by anything else. they don't even have to clean their own rooms.

The reason that China is so slow is because first of all, it's the most populated country in the world and a LOT of people are trying to get out. All of the applications slow down the system. Also, I think things in China are just slow in general. It takes my mail at least 4 weeks to get back and forth to the US, no matter if you send it by express. My fiance and I are also in a northeastern coastal city, Dalian. Shandong is just below us. That's where my fiance's grandparents are from. I'm an English teacher here and I met my fiance at a gym over a year ago. I'm planning on staying here with him till his visa is approved. I'm starting my master's degree next fall in Chicago (hopefully). As for our timeline, we are currently waiting for P4 and we expect to have an interview next year March, April or May. We don't want to leave until July so that's fine with us. The whole process should take about a year so April will make it around that. I don't think it's gonna happen any faster. As for your point "d" I have my own website that I pay about $100 a year for and have a lot of pictures on there. You can do an internet seach to find the best price. I have a ton of space on it, I can't remember how much now. Free websites are not accessible in China so I had to pay for one rather than do it through geocities or something. If you have the microsoft frontpage software it's extremely easy to create your own website. Hope that helps, amber

Hi mari actually you probably could still fly into bejing and then buy a seperate ticket to guangzhou on a chinese airline. that is how i flew into my city, it can be a lot cheaper than going to beijing then guangzhou on your originol ticket. check the prices for both. check out the website http://www.flychina.org for info on prices from beijing to guanzhou. amber

Congratulations! If he's been studying maybe other things have changed too. Hope everything works out well for you guys after he arrives. Amber

Yeah, Jenny is right, football is NOT popular here. Chinese people view it as a very violent and brutal sport so they're not interested in it. I mean, how many Chinese people have you met that you can picture playing football? Most of them just aren't big enough

Yes, it's true, there are only about 200 different last names for everyone in China. So all of them are common names.

I thought that the legal age for women was 21 and for men 22. If you do a K-1 visa you will get married in the US so Chinese laws won't matter. Things are usually different if a Chinese is marrying a foriegner, though. Amber

When I email Guangzhou I always get replies the same day. But they never answer my questions, example: My most recent questions to Guangzhou: We are now preparing our documents for the K-1 interview. I know that all documents such as birth certificate, police record and marriage status certificate must be translated into English and notorized (which we have already done). How long are these documents good for? If our interview isn't until next year in February, will they still be good or will we have to get renewed documents? ANSWER: All the certificates are always valid except the police certificate and unmarried certificate are one year valid. I mean, don't they read the question??

Ross: I agree, I'm getting pretty excited to move back. And for my future husband to see my country for the first time. I mean, I don't let the stares and all that get to me too much, otherwise it would make me hate China, but you always have those days where you're in a bad mood anyways and that just doesn't make it better. And he's sick of it too, he just wants us to be a normal couple for once. People also often assume my fiance is Japanese. I've had people speaking Chinese to me, not to him, assuming that he can't understand! It's pretty funny when that happens. Amber

maiyademama: let us know what happens! i wish the best for you. amber

When my fiance went to pick up his tranlsated docuements, the woman working there told him he will probably be rejected for a marriage visa because he is too young. I know she's not an expert, but it made him worry a lot. He's 23, I'm 24. Has anyone ever heard of a rejection for being "too young"?? I mean, our petition was approved and they knew how old we were! Amber and Xiao Ming

sylstillinchina: you're right. I don't say anything back to people when they make these comments, I just ignore them, same as when people shout "HELLO!" at me. Actually I could care less what they think, it's just when it happens again and again it really gets me down about IGNORANT China still is!! I mean, it's the only country where this would happen. In no other culture is it acceptable to stare at people and talk about them in front of their face. It just adds to my love/hate relationship with China.

Sylstillinchina thanks for your info about your husband. I haven't thought about that part of it before, about people talking down to him. My fiance has really super English in that he has bascially no accent so that might not be such a big problem for him. I hope not, he won't respond well to that!! Also since he is a Chinese assistant at an English school he has to work with teachers from all over the world. He's gotten pretty good at understanding accents. Mari, there is a teacher I work with whose father is from Shanghai and his mother is from puerto rico. They've been married a really long time, so it can work!! And for what everyone said, I definatly agree that most issues are personality issues, not cultural. But there are a few big things are definatly cultural, such as family! If I grew up in China I wouldn't have such a radically different view, such as not wanting to live with my parents after I'm married. If you don't have too much interaction with your husband's family then I can see how that hasn't really come up. And Beijing Jenny- there definatly are some linguistic challanges, especially in the beginning. When we first met, that was what most of our fights were about- we just couldn't understand each other. Like one time, I told him he was being "silly" which he took as a serious insult. I couldn't figure out why he was so mad! Luckily, that doesn't happen so often anymore. Thanks again to everyone who wrote back- and what is "001"? I keep seeing posts referring to that but I can't find what it is. Amber

PS Ross thanks for the advice on how to piss off people in Chinese, LOL!!

hey everyone: First, yeah I am in nothern China, in Dalian. I definatly do NOT dress like a hooker, so it's nothing like that. I don't even own a pair of high heels!! I always dress ultra casual, like in a sweater and sneakers and jeans. That's why its so confusing to me how someone could call me that!! And yes, people have actually said that. Not to my face but its the same thing since they assume I don't speak Chinese. It happens less often when I'm with my fiance but it has happened to me when I'm on the bus or walking to work or something. I'll hear some people discussing the Russian prostitute. Guess they must mean me. And it does happen when I'm with him. I can understand how they would think I wouldn't understand but of course he can! And it pisses him off. Most of the people who actually make comments are countryside workers. City people usually restrain themselves to uninterrupted staring. Dalian is a relativly modern city, but in some things not modern enough. Now that I think about it, when we were on vacation in Beijing it never happened. Maybe we should move to the south (since I don't want to live in Beijing). It's not just me either. I've seen foreign men out with Chinese women and heard people talking about them in a not-so-nice manner. I keep telling Xiao Ming it won't be like that after we move to the US! Sometimes I can't wait to get back!! Amber

Hi everyone: This is an issue that deals with when you are with your beloved in China. When you are walking down the street together, do you hear other people call your woman a prostitue? Or, if you are a woman, do people call you a prostitue?? This happens many times to me and my fiance. Many Russian people live in my city, so people often assume I'm a Russian prostitue. A lot of Chinese people can't conceive of a meaningful relationship between a foreigner and a Chinese, they just automatically assume the relationship is an attempt on the Chinese man or woman to get something: a passport, money or just status. Does this happen to you, and how do you deal with it?

Wow, are there really only FOUR of us women out there married to Chinese men on the candle? I didn't expect a lot, but I expected more than that!! I love the above quote, now I know it's not only Xiao Ming's mom that freaks out about me being "underdressed". I'm from Michigan where it's a lot colder than here, I lived there for 23 years by myself, I think I know how to dress myself by now... Last winter it got so bad I refused to go to his parents house because, literally, every 5 minutes his mom would jump up and lift up my pants or sleeves to see how many layers I was wearing (if I was wearing the required "qiou ku") and talk about how I wasn't wearing enough, no matter how much I had on!! Thanks to you 2 women for sharing your stories. I don't hate Xiao ming's mom, she just drives me crazy sometimes. I mean, I just feel like the gap between us is so large, we really have nothing in common. It's so hard to understand each other. In my head, I like her, but when I'm confronted with her actual physical presence it's another story. It doesn't help that she can't speak any English and I still need to improve my Chinese a lot. Does it seem that all the women who are with Chinese men were living in China when they met, rather than meeting over the internet or something? maiyademama sorry to hear about your bad luck. Your Chinese must be really good! I feel that I'm so extremely lucky to have my Xiao Ming, I know most people think their intended is wonderful but really, he's the best! We have a great relationship, he is everything good for me. In the beginning we fought a lot about stuff related to his mom, but everything is OK now. His mom has started watching TV programs about foreigners married to Chinese, so its helping a little! She's starting to learn the meaning of "privacy". Ok, thanks again for sharing! I'm interested to know about how your Chinese husband likes the US and what his reactions are. Amber

Hi everyone: OK, I know the majority of you out there are men married/engaged to a woman from another country. This post is for all the women out there married to or engaged to Chinese men. What are some of the problems and cultural challanges that you face? Here are some of mine: My fiance and I live together in China. Our biggest cultural difference is family. Ok, his mom is really really nice, I want to make that clear. But I can't stand to be around her!!! His dad is a factory worker and his parents are regular middle class citizens. They grew up during the cultural revolution and so have no high school education. There are no books in their house. His mom's favorite thing to do is clean the house and gossip. The woman is bored. Everytime she comes to our house I have to physically restrain her (ok, not really) from cleaning our house. On Saturdays, when my fiance and I were both at work, she used to come over to our house and scrub it top to bottom. You're thinking, wow, that sounds nice to have someone come over and clean my house. Well, you wouldn't like... not if she re-arragned your bed covers to the way SHE likes them, re-organized your tupperware, re-arragned all the rugs in the house, moves food and dishes around to they way SHE likes them.... She also makes critial comments about me and people I know (critical to me, for Chinese it's not a bad thing) saying things like "your friend is so fat" or "why do you have so many zits on your face today?" Another thing she does is when we are out somewhere together she tells everyone around us where I'm from, what I do, what my mom and brother do.. everything about my life. Xiao Ming really really loves his parents and is really close to them. When we first talked about getting married he suggested we live with them. He soon found out that wasn't gonna work with me. He wants to go to their house (an hour bus ride there) at least 2wice a week. Solution: I let him go by himself. The other big cultural difference is that Chinese kids, especially boys, are waited on hand and foot by their parents. As a result, they often can't take care of themselves. I love my fiance, but I don't feel like I should have to cook, clean and work more hours than him. He's in the habit of just leaving his dishes on the table after dinner. He's getting better though, I'm training him.... I've lived in China over a year. I can understand why his parents and him act the way they do, I understand the underlying reasons of the cultural differences, but they are so darn hard to reconile in real life!!! Good thing our love is strong enough that when problems do occur, we can laugh about them instead of fight over them. Other women: please post your experiences about life with your Chinese man! Amber

Hello: First of all, to Clifford, my fiance is a he. We are not trying make it look like we are married by using our lease as evidence, I live and work in China. We DO live together in China and we both work at the same English school. So we thought a copy of our lease would be a good idea. I'm just wondering how I should translate it- notorized or not?? I'm wondering about the book to take for the actual interview, not for my fiance to use. I take care of all the paperwork anyways!! Also, I know that the visa is a single entry visa. We want to go at the end of the six months, so if our interview is in December, then we have to go to the US by June. We want to stay in China until July because that is when my job contract is up. If I break my contract I have to pay the school a lot of money. So I'm wondering if we send in the checklist now, when will our interview be (approximatly)? We wouldn't mind slowing down our visa a little. And mikem.. thanks a lot for the tip about the clear plastic folder! No one has told me that before. Thanks again! Amber

when i first came to live in china i got sick every other month with a horrible cold. i had vitamins sent to me from the US and now i never get sick.

Hi everyone: I live in Dalian, China with my fiance, Zhu Xiao Ming. Right now we are getting all the documents ready for our interview in Guangzhou. I have a few questions: 1. We have a copy of our lease with both our names on as evidence of relationship. Do we need to translate this, and if it's translated, does it need to be a notorized copy? If it does need to be notorized, what kind of place can do that? The government office where we got all his documents such as birth certificate translated only do those official documents. Do I have to go to a US consulate (in Shenyang?) 2. What kind of book or binder should we put all the stuff for the interview? For the petition I put everything in an open-at-the bottom binder with a top fastner. Is a display book ok? 3. How long is the time between sending in the checklist and getting the interview date? And how long after that is the interview? We actually don't want it to happen too fast because my job contract goes until July. Thanks!!! Amber