face

[markndannie]

this probably has been discussed before. I have read a little about face and it importance in Chinese culture, and my wife has told me about its importance in China. There are many subtleties to this part of chinese culture, and though we tend to play it down i know it is important for our SO's. Care to share any stories of your experiences with "face"??

mark

[rogerluli]

My SO and I and our "little sister #1" were on a tour boat going down the Li River in Guilin. This was one of the "foreigner" boats (meaning you pay much more for the same trip but we were paying the "Chinese" boat price). We started talking to a small group at our table, an American couple and their Chinese woman friend. We have gotten fabulous deals in traveling in China because my SO knows travel people and I was relating these to the couple who had previously thought their friend was getting them very good deals. Afterward little sister said that she and my SO did not think I should have been telling this couple about this because it must have made them feel bad.I said, "Hahahaha...they were Americans...they have no "face" to worry about."

[Guest aosnow]

by responding that way, roger, did you not embarass the chinese friend of the American couple? It was HER face lost.

[tonado]

When you go back for visit, make sure you bring gifts to everyone (family and maybe friends) and take them out for dinner. If you don't do this, your wife will lose face.

[tonado]

My SO and I and our "little sister #1" were on a tour boat going down the Li River in Guilin. This was one of the "foreigner" boats (meaning you pay much more for the same trip but we were paying the "Chinese" boat price). We started talking to a small group at our table, an American couple and their Chinese woman friend. We have gotten fabulous deals in traveling in China because my SO knows travel people and I was relating these to the couple who had previously thought their friend was getting them very good deals. Afterward little sister said that she and my SO did not think I should have been telling this couple about this because it must have made them feel bad.I said, "Hahahaha...they were Americans...they have no "face" to worry about."

Paying more money has nothing to do with losing face. Like you said, the Americans probably don't care because travelling in China is cheap comparing to travel in Europe or other Western countries.

[Dan R]

I have to agree with this. By indicating their friend did not do well for them and could have gotten a better price the Chinese friend who previously seemed a hero for getting such good priices lost face.

 

To Asians also the idea that Americans have no face to loose falls into the category of being less civilized and without pride.

 

At least as I understand it.

[markndannie]

oh yes. I have already asked the wife what i should bring and what they would like. When i went there at christmas i brought three nba basketballs for my new nephews. I should have looked at the labels... they were made in China! I think i lost a littlle bit of face then.

Mark

[tonado]

http://www.usccc.org/newhome/Etiquette10.asp

 

" Mianzi

 

• Face is important in any culture, but extremely so in China

• Losing face, saving face and giving face is very important and should be taken into consideration at all times. Loosing your temper, confronting someone, putting someone on the spot, arrogant behavior, or failing to accord proper respect can cause a loss of face"

[david_dawei]

I have to agree with this. By indicating their friend did not do well for them and could have gotten a better price the Chinese friend who previously seemed a hero for getting such good priices lost face.

 

To Asians also the idea that Americans have no face to loose falls into the category of being less civilized and without pride.

 

At least as I understand it.

To insult someone in public is to cause them to lose face.. I don't know that all the chinese people there understand what you said as a joke. In either case, they might interpret your words as causing your friend to lose face.

 

All in all, it doesn't look good...

[david_dawei]

In my first trip to China, we were on a chinese only tour (still cannot figure out how this white skin of mine got on it) .. the tension had built for some days as people were aggitated by the driver.

 

Finally, someone on the bus greatly insulting the driver in front of everyone.. well, this turned to mayhem and almost to fist (as every family member suddenly got involved). Having read some about this, I know that either a fight would occur or the 'provoker' would have to make an apology to restore 'face'... the latter finally occurred. It was amazing how long the anger lasted and then how quickly it disappeared.

[philb]

Ahhhhhh,

Bus trips.

One day we are both standing and one seat comes open. I am directed to sit down. I explain to my SO that in America, the women is offered the seat first. Her reply, "You are in China, sit down please, before I lose face". Lesson learned.

 

Second incident was over a seat that my niece and another man got into. This jerk really lit into my niece and took the seat. Another lady suggested that he was rude. He lit into her. Everyone was watching me. I'm a foot taller and about 120 # on this jerk. I just let him vent, stared him down and hugged my niece. When he got off the bus you could feel the tension leave. You could tell that everyone hated this jerk. In America they would have been flipping him off as he got off. My SO thanked me for not making the situation worse; knowing that I could have mopped the floor of the bus up with this crud. By showing reserve in a situation that I physically could have easily commanded, I received much face.

 

...and probably steered clear of a Chinese jail for assault!

 

Phil & Yun

[david_dawei]

I was playing ping pong one afternoon and my SO comes over and says for us to go. I told her five minutes and she sits down.

 

As we left, one man I had gotten to know fairly well, said to me, "in china, when the woman says go, you go".

 

My SO told me, this is just a joke.

 

Somehow I think that neither one was a joke. I wondered if I caused her to lose any face.

[rogerluli]

I was playing ping pong one afternoon and my SO comes over and says for us to go.  I told her five minutes and she sits down.

 

As we left, one man I had gotten to know fairly well, said to me, "in china, when the woman says go, you go".

 

My SO told me,  this is just a joke.

 

Somehow I think that neither one was a joke. I wondered if I caused her to lose any face.

I've heard that many times from my SO, "so ba" let's go... B) ...yes dear right away dear...

[david_dawei]

I was playing ping pong one afternoon and my SO comes over and says for us to go.  I told her five minutes and she sits down.

 

As we left, one man I had gotten to know fairly well, said to me, "in china, when the woman says go, you go".

 

My SO told me,  this is just a joke.

 

Somehow I think that neither one was a joke.   I wondered if I caused her to lose any face.

I've heard that many times from my SO, "so ba" let's go... ...yes dear right away dear...

I always got it as "zou" ... sounds more militaristic...

[BuffaloPaul]

Ahhhhhh,

Bus trips.

One day we are both standing and one seat comes open.  I am directed to sit down.  I explain to my SO that in America, the women is offered the seat first.  Her reply, "You are in China, sit down please, before I lose face".  Lesson learned.

Had many discussions about this with my SO. I guess I have caused her to lose face many times because I keep getting up to let old ladies have a bus seat. She also is upset with me for letting older people in front of us to get on the bus. Keeps saying "this is China..must be pushy"