Racism in the US and how our SO's can cope?

[lele]

How sad for you both. I think you handled it very well given the very difficult situation. My take is that you probably just had the misfortune to run into one wacko. I am glad that I live in a small town because in America there are definitely more wackos per square meter in the big cities. I guess if it had happened to me and my SO I would do my best to just forget it and chalk it up to one unfortunate experience with one deranged person.

Thank you for your kind words.

I certainly hope that that is all that it was, and telling such a thing to Rong has helped her to feel more comfortable.

 

I am definitely glad that I have learned much and did not increase the tension at the site.

 

I am worried, as is Rong, that such a thing may happen again, since if it is possible for there to be one deranged person, it is definitely possible for there to be more. And since racism is such a powerful force, for there to be more who may feel the same way.

 

But at least we know we did nothing wrong and know that if we share this story, that someone else may be able to better deal with the future.

 

Thanks again for your support and kind words!

[lele]

I had a very unpleasant incident maybe 5 years ago (daughter #1, at about age 5 was the target) --- and like Lele, in a place where you might least expect it --- a very upscale grocery store here in Portland named Zupans (think we all know the kind: fresh produce displayed like a work of fine art --- and priced about the same..) 

 

I was buying one of their only affordable specials from the deli counter, and I felt Jet tugging hard on my pant leg --- I look down, and I see terror in her eyes, and then immediately see the source:  A very well dressed (white, WW 2 vintage) guy practicly leaning over her giving her the evil eye.....  not saying a single word....  OK by me, I don't need to hear it. 

 

I push Jet behind me, and square off:  See, thats not at  ALL what this guy expects in such an upscale store (many well healed, who have adopted in China shop there, and I'm willing to bet he had pulled this before on someone else)  I tell him to quit looking at Jet.  But he's kind of thick, says that he didn't say anything. So I take Jet up to the checkout where there is a favorate checker that she likes, and tell her to wait there....

 

Then I go back to the deli dept., but apparently, several staff saw the first exchange, and see trouble, so they start following me.....  He's sampling one of the freebies when I come back, and knows immediately I'm coming for him.  Drops the freebie on the floor, and puts his cart in front of him. I jerk the cart away, and tell him:  "If you were a younger man, I'd drag you outside and clean your clock"    He is just sputtering....  "he's going to call the police..."  tell him: "go right ahead.."    I leave him and go back to Jet.  But still, feeling bad,  don't know if anything was really accomplished.  Had this super strong urge to punch him in the face, but am really glad now that I didn't.......

Kim,

 

I am so sorry to hear about Jet and what happened in the store.

 

The story really brings tears to my eyes. Although Rong and I are both only 26 years old, each of us exchanged stories related to us by our parents of people treating them differently. My father, on the Ohio State campus, being accosted for being seen in public with a black lady (who he was not even dating) in the very early 1960's, and her father for the first time he came back to the city he was born in, after being forced to leave during the "time of Mao eg: cultural revolution" to do labor in the countryside for many years, and his being abused.

 

When I was young people used to try to pound on me for being the devil for not being a Christain. It was very painful, and I always fought back with words (I stopped being violent after tearing out 2 full handfuls of hair from a girl who attacked me for not being Christain in 5th grade and then having both of us suspended for 3 days --- which in my case was later overturned on appeal 2 years later). However, no matter how much I would try, it would seem to help a few people on the sidelines to be stronger, but would always cause a much larger majority to harden their stance against me.

 

Hence, I am glad that you were able to confront the man, but in a way which did not exacerbate the situation. I certainly hope that your daughter can talk with you about the situation more freely as she gets older and can be show the compassion that you have and that we can all offer. She did nothing wrong, and if possible, ending the cycle of violence at home, can always offer some new hopes to all, as well as her own health.

 

At any rate, the best to you and many thanks for your understanding.

[lele]

Both oregonkl and lele's stories are very sad. I hate that something like this happened to your loved ones. I can't believe it happened where it did too- in TN- okay- I can see that- but I just always had the impression that the north and the west was more tolerant- I guess there are assholes everywhere.

I had a man in China call me like a dog once- palm down while seated. It didn't really bother me because I didn't know what the hand motion meant. My husband almost killed him though. Then later, my husband said that the man was just drunk- like- this is just one person- I think that is true for you too Lele. There will be bad people- but not everyone will be bad- anywhere.

Thank you for your kind words.

I too have hope that there are good people everywhere, and hope that they are the majority. I am not sure, but in my heart still know that there are many who are good in the world. I just wish that we could talk out and try to reach out to those who are in pain or frustration or otherwise holding anger.

 

Since this may not be possible, at least your idea of embracing that there is good and that we are not alone is a first step to building up trust again.

 

Thank you for your kind words.

[lele]

One of my earliest memories as a small child was seeing a sign on a public gate saying "no Jews allowed" and realizing they didn't want me. Another was going home frome school ashamed to let my mother see I had gotten blood on a shirt she had just bought me and there was a tear. I had been beaten up by some older boys on the way to school for having killed Christ. I am not ashamed to say that as a 54 year old typing this brings tears to my eyes.

I am really sad to hear of this happening in your life.

I have had my father tell me stories, but it still makes it none the less shocking.

I am glad however that you have been able to use your past experience to help to bring others up, rather than down.

 

Thank you.

[lele]

Sorry to hear of this incident Jason.

 

I went to school in Boston for 7 years and it was (in the 70's) the most racially tense city in the nation. There were all kinds of race riots on campus. I dated a black girl at the time and she was constantly berated, spat on and assualted by other blacks for dating a white.  Thought it might have changed but doesn't seem to be. I've lived in several other areas of the country since and never seen the racism I experienced in Boston.

Thank you so much for your kinds words Paul!

 

I too am shocked to have experienced such a thing here, but in the same sense, I am not shocked anymore to experience something positive anywhere in the world, so why not something negative anywhere as well.

 

I am sorry that you had such a sad situation when you were a student here, and hope that we can do the best we can for as long as we are here. I will try to find some good stories from our experiences here over the next few months and relate them too.

 

You have always been very thoughtful and helpful, and I appreciate your taking your time to relate your stories and experiences.

[BuffaloPaul]

Sorry to hear of this incident Jason.

 

I went to school in Boston for 7 years and it was (in the 70's) the most racially tense city in the nation. There were all kinds of race riots on campus. I dated a black girl at the time and she was constantly berated, spat on and assualted by other blacks for dating a white.  Thought it might have changed but doesn't seem to be. I've lived in several other areas of the country since and never seen the racism I experienced in Boston.

Paul seems we have more than the visa prossess in common. I had similar things happen in the 70's in Ohio.

Were you one of those guys at Kent State

[BuffaloPaul]

Sorry to hear of this incident Jason.

 

I went to school in Boston for 7 years and it was (in the 70's) the most racially tense city in the nation. There were all kinds of race riots on campus. I dated a black girl at the time and she was constantly berated, spat on and assualted by other blacks for dating a white.  Thought it might have changed but doesn't seem to be. I've lived in several other areas of the country since and never seen the racism I experienced in Boston.

Thank you so much for your kinds words Paul!

 

I too am shocked to have experienced such a thing here, but in the same sense, I am not shocked anymore to experience something positive anywhere in the world, so why not something negative anywhere as well.

 

I am sorry that you had such a sad situation when you were a student here, and hope that we can do the best we can for as long as we are here. I will try to find some good stories from our experiences here over the next few months and relate them too.

 

You have always been very thoughtful and helpful, and I appreciate your taking your time to relate your stories and experiences.

Despite the negative effects that experience had on my it radically changed my outlook on race. I am extremely intolerant of racial slurs since. This has served me well since I later adopted a black daughter and an hispanic son.

[shimaore]

Racism in the US is not worst or better than any other part of the world ( ask your so the view certain chinese hold about minorities in China ).

 

Actually to be honest the US is the only country where the level of racism is bearable because of the opportunities available regardless of the colour of your skin .

 

I am pretty confused with your story in the sense u got an eye witness of the incident and you did not file a formal complaint ?

[Dan R]

Sorry to hear of this incident Jason.

 

I went to school in Boston for 7 years and it was (in the 70's) the most racially tense city in the nation. There were all kinds of race riots on campus. I dated a black girl at the time and she was constantly berated, spat on and assualted by other blacks for dating a white.  Thought it might have changed but doesn't seem to be. I've lived in several other areas of the country since and never seen the racism I experienced in Boston.

Paul seems we have more than the visa prossess in common. I had similar things happen in the 70's in Ohio.

Were you one of those guys at Kent State

Wasn't at Kent State but I was at the Columbus Student Demonstration at the state capital. Did you miss a post I described the feeling of being followed in my car with a machine gun.

[shimaore]

I found the post as disturbing as the event .you actually use the very same racism you are trying to decry here : How relevant was the racial make up of the protagonists in this story ? I can smell a racist miles away just by the way they describe people " oh this african-amercican/white guy went to blah blah blah ...."

[awch]

I'm really sorry to hear that this happened, lele. It's sad that Rong should have such an introduction to the US this way.

 

But- I don't think that by moving to another country you can escape racism. China definatly has its fair share- ask any Japanese or black person living here. At least racism is not openly supported in the US and I think it's safe to say that it's a small minority of people who would actually express their feelings in public in this way.

 

I hope Rong doesn't have this kind of experience again.

[Guest aosnow]

isn't it funny, not a single person commented on an American being spat upon in China. No one said it's just as wrong in Shanghai as it is in Boston. What does that say about "us"?

[sylinchinastill]

You're right- I didn't see that. That does suck. I also had a guy after 911 tell me that Bush was bu hao and Bin Laden was Hao, hao, hao. That was the same day I had my bag cut- it was a bad day.

[lele]

I'm really sorry to hear that this happened, lele. It's sad that Rong should have such an introduction to the US this way.

 

But- I don't think that by moving to another country you can escape racism. China definatly has its fair share- ask any Japanese or black person living here. At least racism is not openly supported in the US and I think it's safe to say that it's a small minority of people who would actually express their feelings in public in this way.

 

I hope Rong doesn't have this kind of experience again.

Thank you.

 

Amber, you are right. Racism does exist in China, and everywhere else in the world.

 

It is easy enough for me to point it out here, but I have seen it elsewhere too.

 

I am glad that people are talking openly about the topic and that makes me feel reassured. However, I think that it will take some time to erase the negative results of this from her memory. I can only hope that we can grow from it and help others to realize the situation.

 

From my experiences at least, people in some places in the world are more willing to be open, and that has made a large difference. I am glad to have found support here from some, and it has been very positive.

 

Thank you.

[oregonknl]

aosnow,

 

Racism in China has been discussed at great length here at the Candle --- many times... but these discussions pre-date your involvement here. Suggest you go back and find the various posts.

 

While no one on this particular thread talked about being spat upon in China, I did specifly mention that there are racists in China as well ------ as did others.