Racism in the US and how our SO's can cope?

[lele]

Hello all.

 

I want to relate a story which just occurred. It has further resolved in my wife's mind that as soon as we are done with school, we are to leave the US, at least for the next few years, without returning, to reassess.

 

In Cambridge MA (A relatively diverse city), as my wife and I were walking to a subway station, a dark skinned african american lady spat in my wife's face. She then proceeded to walk on about 10-15 meters and stopped. At this point, she hurled insults at us about the damn communist Chinese taking away all of the jobs from americans. She then continued to shout in unintelligible comments, as an attempt to fake Chinese and make further light of the system. She was egging my darling on to step forward and punch her (which would no longer be self defence under MA state law, because of how far away she went). I restrained my darling and helped to get her away, back to home, to clean up.

 

To make the situation worse, I noticed that two african american police were watching the whole thing from across the street and were just waiting to pounce in and not to arrest the lady who committed the battery, but instead to arrest my wife if she were to go back and hit the lady back.

 

Later, after being at home, I obtained an email from a witness to the incident, an ethnic Chinese, US Citizen, Professor from my university. I did not see him in the crowd, but there was a crowd around. It turns out that he thought we did well, given that unless we want to file a federal racial claims violation, that there was little that would happen. He said he filed a brief of the situation with the university police (who are mostly European american, or Asian american) and that they said it was not in their jurisdiction. And when he tried to file a brief with the city police, they said that everyone knows that the racial tension is not good, so if people want to vent, that the best thing to do is let ie be if it is not too serious.

 

Naturally, she feels, and I agree, that if she was white and the officers were white, the lady would be arrested; if she was black and the offender was white, and the officers were black, the lady would be arrested.

 

All we know is that racism is even more alive here in the US, since it seems to be codified into the very law enforcement and society that we have.

 

As far as my wife sees it, since the US Government does not shut down the obvious prejudice being espoused by the New York Times (which this lady happened to be carrying a copy of) with respect to China, that they are at least partially responsible for these crimes of hate and of ignorance.

 

What do people think? Is there some group willing to use federal anti-racism law to pursue an action against the police department here and the specific officers in such a case? Is it best to do as we have done so far, just get away, patch up the safety information, and hope that we can move on as quickly as possible, or some other approach in between?

 

Thanks for your ideas...

[oregonknl]

lele,

 

I am very sorry to hear what your wife experienced (and in Cambridge of all places....)

 

If it gives you any comfort, it does seem that this (while obviously racially motivated) was an incident involving only one possibly mentally ill individual....

 

But even assuming the very worst: that instead, she was an intellectual giant in the African Studies department at Harvard ---- she was still just one individual... We all know there are racists in the US ---- and there are plenty in China too........

 

Don't know if this helps, but I really am sorry to hear about this, and feel for you both....

[Dan R]

Lele I am sorry to hear about this event. I am glad that she was not physically hurt. The sad truth of what you describe is that it would be hard to get enforcment of the minor laws that were broken. Freedom of speech is protecting the news media and you would never get attention for a claim against them. Racism under American law is not involved because it was national origin directed (seperate laws). I am not making light of this and that my Love may some day be exposed to this horrifies me. Knowing it has already happened to a friend makes it a much more immediate concern.

 

I have made a number of posts here relating experiences growing up in America as a minority. Tthe purpose of this is to make my fellow CFLers aware that they have chosen to become a minority. It can be very uncomfortable or worse at times. Today violence against minorities is often from other minorities. If it stays as that the government views it as a release value. A sort of "they do something to me so I will take it out on you". I hear many stories from Hispanic, Black and Jewish friends like this.

 

Go to China? We have had long talks about the violence in China directed towards Japanese. It would not take much for tempers to rise against America. Welcome to scape goatism (no sheep/goat jokes please), which has always been a part of my life. We are responsible at any downturn of the economy. We are responsible if the U.N. does not favor the U.S., responsible for taking the good jobs, responsible because Joe's daughter couldn't get into law school, human nature plain and simple that will find a punching bag. In the past my people have been it. Now you can blame us for wanting to share the honor .

 

I am much more concerned that in the mixed community you describe a stranger could pick her out as 1)Chinese 2) Mainland Chinese. I hope we wont see more of this as China/U.S. compete more and more for resources. My personal experience during job and energy shortages when I was the scape goat is that we will. I have never been violently attached. I have been called names and had property vandalized.

 

I can tell you that government cooperation is much better than in the past although recently reversing. The 1964 Civil Rights Bill is one every one of us should celebrate. It made such an important change in the life of minorities. (We were blamed for that by many as controlling the courts and government)

 

What can we do? Actively support tolerance whenever and wherever we can.

Some schools have started tolerance classes to help avert the type of thing you experienced. Tolerance must be built into every lesson and course in our education system. Through the internet and friends worldwide I push for tolerance by everyone for everyone that anger not be directed simply because of affiliation. I have friends and coworkers who are intolerant but they know my position and I keep them aware of it. I speak up on hearing inappropriate ethnic jokes and comments. For this I have been called a "commie" = someone who does not think that America is the best on earth and says it can improve. I was called this often since high school long before my first trip to China. I simply felt that the non Western countries brought up valid points of criticism that should be considered. I am no longer shunned for this and now find many fellow minded people of all groups.

 

As bleak as it seems it is getting better and I hope it will in all nations. Violence must be unacceptable whether it is a war, a violent demonstration, a political statement or hitting a fellow human being. Here or in China it is not an acceptable means of expression or forcing change or resisting it.

 

Let me relate a story about my soon to be son-in-law. He is Jewish and heavily tattooed and shaves his head. He was attending college 4 years ago and at the top of his class for IT. The teachers would have him work with them on projects outside of class and get him jobs. On the way to class one night he saw 4 of his teachers talking together, as he approached. One yelled "skin head" at him then jumped him and knocked him down. No one helped him they all yelled at him. He reported it to the school. Two were fired and 2 given legnthy suspensions. This happened to a man wwho cries hearing about anyone getting hurt.

 

Violence is unacceptable! Those who believe so must insist on it and promote tolerance. The 60th anniversary of the liberation of the concentration camps is being celebrated. China should also commemorate the end of atrocities from the war. Remembering the horror man is capable of towards his fellow man is to say "Never Again"!

 

Namaste (sanskrit salutation meaning "the divine within me bows to the divine within you in oneness)

[Dan R]

lele,

 

I am very sorry to hear what your wife experienced (and in Cambridge of all places....)

 

If it gives you any comfort, it does seem that this (while obviously racially motivated) was an incident involving only one possibly mentally ill individual....

 

But even assuming the very worst:  that instead, she was an intellectual giant in the African Studies department at Harvard ---- she was still just one individual...    We all know there are racists in the US  ----  and there are plenty in China too........

 

Don't know if this helps, but I really am sorry to hear about this, and feel for you both....

Is it less that it may be one individual? One suicide bomber or one Hitler or one punk or crazy on the street, it is unacceptable. All are part of violence which governments and individuals must denounce. Years ago Americans were horrified that a woman was attacked on the street in New York and killed while 100's simply watched. This is not only an individual. There was a crowd and I saw nothing of someone coming to aide them at the moment.

 

If one person is threatened it threatens all. If a person commits violence and otthers simply watch they all participate in violence.

 

...no man is an island, entire of itself;

every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.

If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less,

as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's

or of thine own were: any man's death diminishes me,

for I am involved in mankind,

and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;

it tolls for thee.

John Donne (1572-1631)

[rogerluli]

How sad for you both. I think you handled it very well given the very difficult situation. My take is that you probably just had the misfortune to run into one wacko. I am glad that I live in a small town because in America there are definitely more wackos per square meter in the big cities. I guess if it had happened to me and my SO I would do my best to just forget it and chalk it up to one unfortunate experience with one deranged person.

[oregonknl]

Dan,

 

I'm sorry if it appears that I am trying to excuse what happened... Not at all, I agree that often these things are one on one ---- I was just trying to give Lele some comfort that one individual does not make an institution, local, or Federal government policy...

 

Certainly, that is a concern Lele raised.... You in your own excellent thoughtful response pointed to the strides made by the Federal gov. in the area of civil rights, and it is so true that all of us --- when we bring our SO's to America, we do, to some extent join the minority community, that we all have the potental for being targeted in this manner...

 

I had a very unpleasant incident maybe 5 years ago (daughter #1, at about age 5 was the target) --- and like Lele, in a place where you might least expect it --- a very upscale grocery store here in Portland named Zupans (think we all know the kind: fresh produce displayed like a work of fine art --- and priced about the same..)

 

I was buying one of their only affordable specials from the deli counter, and I felt Jet tugging hard on my pant leg --- I look down, and I see terror in her eyes, and then immediately see the source: A very well dressed (white, WW 2 vintage) guy practicly leaning over her giving her the evil eye..... not saying a single word.... OK by me, I don't need to hear it.

 

I push Jet behind me, and square off: See, thats not at ALL what this guy expects in such an upscale store (many well healed, who have adopted in China shop there, and I'm willing to bet he had pulled this before on someone else) I tell him to quit looking at Jet. But he's kind of thick, says that he didn't say anything. So I take Jet up to the checkout where there is a favorate checker that she likes, and tell her to wait there....

 

Then I go back to the deli dept., but apparently, several staff saw the first exchange, and see trouble, so they start following me..... He's sampling one of the freebies when I come back, and knows immediately I'm coming for him. Drops the freebie on the floor, and puts his cart in front of him. I jerk the cart away, and tell him: "If you were a younger man, I'd drag you outside and clean your clock" He is just sputtering.... "he's going to call the police..." tell him: "go right ahead.." I leave him and go back to Jet. But still, feeling bad, don't know if anything was really accomplished. Had this super strong urge to punch him in the face, but am really glad now that I didn't.......

 

Dan, sorry, guess I haven't been spending enough time here lately, I enjoy your insights, but didn't realize you were a minority. Just curious: are you ABC?

[Dan R]

I feel sad for Jet, she has had a regretful experience that she may never forget. On the other hand that is life, to be exposed to the world around us and learn to deal with it. One of my earliest memories as a small child was seeing a sign on a public gate saying "no Jews allowed" and realizing they didn't want me. Another was going home frome school ashamed to let my mother see I had gotten blood on a shirt she had just bought me and there was a tear. I had been beaten up by some older boys on the way to school for having killed Christ. I am not ashamed to say that as a 54 year old typing this brings tears to my eyes.

 

I think you did well not to hit the man. It would only make trouble for you frighten Jet more and strengthen the old man's conviction. I would perhaps suggest that in a similar situation you ask for an explanation from the person. At least you would bring it out to those around you if nothing else.

 

I did not think you were excusing what happened only I felt we must always be aware of the broader situation if a solution is to be found.

 

I think the above experience I gave answered your last question. But what is an ABC? Never heard that before.

[sylinchinastill]

Both oregonkl and lele's stories are very sad. I hate that something like this happened to your loved ones. I can't believe it happened where it did too- in TN- okay- I can see that- but I just always had the impression that the north and the west was more tolerant- I guess there are assholes everywhere.

I had a man in China call me like a dog once- palm down while seated. It didn't really bother me because I didn't know what the hand motion meant. My husband almost killed him though. Then later, my husband said that the man was just drunk- like- this is just one person- I think that is true for you too Lele. There will be bad people- but not everyone will be bad- anywhere.

[Guest aosnow]

one one of my trips to China, some nutjob spit at me and tried his best to speak anti-American epithets. I didn't balme the whole country, the government, the judicial system, the populace. Racism is not a uniquely American phenomenen. It exists everywhere, even in China.

[BuffaloPaul]

Sorry to hear of this incident Jason.

 

I went to school in Boston for 7 years and it was (in the 70's) the most racially tense city in the nation. There were all kinds of race riots on campus. I dated a black girl at the time and she was constantly berated, spat on and assualted by other blacks for dating a white. Thought it might have changed but doesn't seem to be. I've lived in several other areas of the country since and never seen the racism I experienced in Boston.

[Dan R]

Sorry to hear of this incident Jason.

 

I went to school in Boston for 7 years and it was (in the 70's) the most racially tense city in the nation. There were all kinds of race riots on campus. I dated a black girl at the time and she was constantly berated, spat on and assualted by other blacks for dating a white.  Thought it might have changed but doesn't seem to be. I've lived in several other areas of the country since and never seen the racism I experienced in Boston.

Paul seems we have more than the visa prossess in common. I had similar things happen in the 70's in Ohio.

[Dan R]

one one of my trips to China, some nutjob spit at me and tried his best to speak anti-American epithets.  I didn't balme the whole country, the government, the judicial system, the populace. Racism is not a uniquely American phenomenen. It exists everywhere, even in China.

unfortunately it is true bigotry and hatred are not limited to any one place on earth.

[david_dawei]

This is clearly an unfortunately display of hatred to be expressed by one human to another. To think that you should be blamed or have anger directed at you for this is wrong and deeply sad.

 

I agree that every country shares some prejudice toward other humans. Many see that through education and exposure to others is key to defeating this from growing in children in particular. THis is a noble cause. WHere I live in MA, the buzz word is "diversity", almost to a fault. But I'll say that it produces good results.

 

Let's not let one bad apple make us turn our backs on the apple orchid. I'm not one to be dogmatic, but let's make sure we are not falling into an 'eye for an eye' mentality.

 

I say we also need to feel bad for the person who takes their rage out on other people. Something went wrong in their past or some hurt may cause this.

 

But above all, let's support each other and be there for one another.

[lele]

But even assuming the very worst:  that instead, she was an intellectual giant in the African Studies department at Harvard ---- she was still just one individual...    We all know there are racists in the US  ----  and there are plenty in China too........

 

Don't know if this helps, but I really am sorry to hear about this, and feel for you both....

Kim,

 

Thank you for your message and your words.

 

I certainly hope that it was only a person who was upset due to some recent hardship that she had faced (such as possibly being fired earlier on in the day). And it is really quite possible that such a situation, combined with racism, could have led to the situation that occurred.

 

It is sad that such racism exists, and you are right, it exists in many places. However, just to know that it may be something which is not ingrained in the system brings peace of mind.

 

And yet, to also realize that after all of these years of integration and education which focus on civil rights, that attitudes are still changing for the worse, scares us.

 

What I am most concerned with now is to open dialogue and to help all of us to better understand the fact that as minorities, that we must work with our communities to raise awareness and to work against prejudice, wherever and whenever we can. If we can do so together, I think that we can be stronger, than if we stay apart.

 

I thank you for your kind words and for your placing the situation into a possible context which makes it easier for me to swallow. Now, it will take much time for me to get Rong on board...but it is slowly going to happen.

[lele]

I am not making light of this and that my Love may some day be exposed to this horrifies me. Knowing it has already happened to a friend makes it a much more immediate concern.

 

the purpose of this is to make my fellow CFLers aware that they have chosen to become a minority. It can be very uncomfortable or worse at times. Today violence against minorities is often from other minorities.

 

I am much more concerned that in the mixed community you describe a stranger could pick her out as 1)Chinese 2) Mainland Chinese. I hope we wont see more of this as China/U.S. compete more and more for resources. My personal experience during job and energy shortages when I was the scape goat is that we will. I have never been violently attached. I have been called names and had property vandalized.

 

I can tell you that government cooperation is much better than in the past although recently reversing. The 1964 Civil Rights Bill is one every one of us should celebrate. It made such an important change in the life of minorities. (We were blamed for that by many as controlling the courts and government)

 

What can we do? Actively support tolerance whenever and wherever we can.

Some schools have started tolerance classes to help avert the type of thing you experienced.  Tolerance must be built into every lesson and course in our education system. Through the internet and friends worldwide I push for tolerance by everyone for everyone that anger not be directed simply because of affiliation. I have friends and coworkers who are intolerant but they know my position and I keep them aware of it. I speak up on hearing inappropriate ethnic jokes and comments. For this I have been called a "commie" = someone who does not think that America is the best on earth and says it can improve. I was called this often since high school long before my first trip to China. I simply felt that the non Western countries brought up valid points of criticism that should be considered. I am no longer shunned for this and now find many fellow minded people of all groups.

 

As bleak as it seems it is getting better and I hope it will in all nations. Violence must be unacceptable whether it is a war, a violent demonstration, a political statement or hitting a fellow human being. Here or in China it is not an acceptable means of expression or forcing change or resisting it.

 

Violence is unacceptable! Those who believe so must insist on it and promote tolerance.

Thank you Dan for your deep insights. You are very right that this horrifies me. I am worried that such a situation may occur again and be even worse. Yet we both knew that adaption to a different culture would be tough. And it is becoming even tougher as the more time I spend in academia, the more I seem to move away from the culture in the US (I think more of a result of the culture moving away from me, but likely some of my moving away from the path it had taken before).

 

All I know is that everywhere we go, we will likely be different. But, we all need to draw strength and experiences from those around us. I guess that with all of the wonderful fortune that we have had so far, some may argue that balance calls for us to have some misadventures. I certainly hope that this is not the case, but I am glad that no one was hurt and hope that we can learn from this and can help others to prepare for any future encounters that they may have.

 

I must work more, as you recommend, to teach tolerance.

 

And it is disturbing, but it seems to be a very efficient way in which to run a Christain nation. As I have seen it, although I have been white, I have never been a good Christain. And this caused me much hardship when I was in high school more than a decade ago. I did not see such racism, but I am extrapolating. And again, the answer seems to be to teach tolerance and to help to open minds. That is why it is so difficult.

 

I understand about freedom of speech and support it. But in the same sense, it can only work in an environment where people see words as a means of academic discourse...and when that level of education seems to fail, then it can only cause problems. This is what worries me.

 

I am still an idealist at heart, as is Rong, and we were both badly hurt by this. I am glad that I knew for us to flee and to deal with the situation, rather than fight back, since fighting seems to only encourage more pain and confrontation.

 

I am not sure if she knew that Rong was mainland Chinese, or if she just thought aah, all Asians are Chinese, etc. Such is the way with racism.

 

However, your point is valid. The US made all Japanese scapegoats, including US Citizens, during WWII. Arabic people in the US have been recent scapegoats. I am worried about the day that seems to be looming when our loved ones and peers who are Asian or Chinese will be scapegoats. We are worried that this may be just the beginning. We certainly hope that it is not, but the entire situation worries us greatly...

 

I am sorry for the pain that you have had to go through and would love any advice that people have to deal with the emotional results of the direct confrontation, as well as how to better work to diffuse such situations in the future. I still have hope, but if in a racially diverse community such as Cambridge, if this is tough, it causes me to loose hope...

 

But I thank you for your stories and experiences and options for how to better work to improve the situation. I still hope as well that things can get better, although my hopes may seem dashed at the present.