an asian thing

[Jeikun]

I wouldn't say I'm only attracted to Asian women, and haven't dated them exclusively or anything. But if we're talking about PURELY physical reasons, I guess I could say I'm more attracted to them by default... but face it any race has beautiful and unattractive people. There are individuals of any race I could find attractive. As far as culture, values, etc I take it on a personal level, not a national or racial one. I've met all types from all places, and I do not believe in national or racial homogenuity. Someone's nationality and culture may help dictate many aspects of their personality, but when it comes to something as deep and complicated as a relationship thinking "Americans are like this", "Chinese are like this", etc will likely leave you with a befuddled look wondering how you so sorely misjudged the person.

 

For me, it began when I took Spanish in my small town high school, and wished we had a "more exotic" language to study. I decided I'd like to learn Russian or Japanese. When I began college, I signed up for Japanese classes, and spent the summer months teaching myself how to read and write it, writing penpals from a Japanese language magazine, etc... only to have my small town community college cancel the class due to lack of interest.

 

I found Asian culture intriguing and different, and continued to study on my own and write penpals. I had planned on spending a summer in a volunteer language school in Hokkaido, but ended up joining the Air Force before my date came up. In the Air Force I was a Korean Linguist, so I got to study yet another Asian culture and language - and living in Northern California (a big change from mostly rural Virginia) with a pretty large Asian population, I first realized that not only was Asian culture interesting... the girls wern't so bad looking either

 

I had what amounted to a "summer romance" with one of my Japanese penpals when I visited Japan on my way to being stationed in Korea (and don't interpret that as me taking advantage of her... it was more like the other way around). But if there's a "bug" I guess that's when it really "bit me".

 

Anyway, I'm not going to go on with my whole life story, I've posted it elsewhere and I'm drifting away from the point of the post. I'll fast forward to close.

 

When I met Jun, I wasn't looking for an Chinese or even an Asian girl specifically. I was browsing AMERICAN singles.com looking for someone local for crying out loud!

But she was so beautiful I had to read her profile, and I loved her profile so much I had to write her... the rest is history. But it was the person I decided to embark on this long journy with, not the race or the Nationality. The first few times I wrote her I thought "what the hell am I doing?" but I couldn't deny how well we fit together, and how quickly I began to fall for her. I never made the decision to "look for a foreign wife" or "find a Chinese girl to marry"... it just kind of fell in my lap. And I couldn't be more happy.

[lele]

I've heard this Asian interest thing called the 'China doll syndrome'. Never thought I'd catch it but I have it big time.

Oh no! Not the "china doll" phrase again! *sigh* Sorry, I am sure that you have not read the previous threads on this one...

 

This is a term which has usually been used in a highly prejudicial way to stereotype Chinese women as being weak, submissive, frail, servants in waiting. It has a very negative connotation.

 

I am sure that you did not mean this, so no problem, but please, if possible, try not to use this phrase in the future! Thanks.

[sawadee]

I've heard this Asian interest thing called the 'China doll syndrome'. Never thought I'd catch it but I have it big time.

 

This is a term which has usually been used in a highly prejudicial way to stereotype Chinese women as being weak, submissive, frail, servants in waiting. It has a very negative connotation.

 

I am sure that you did not mean this, so no problem, but please, if possible, try not to use this phrase in the future! Thanks.

One of my LG's co-worker mentioned 'China Doll' to him, and at first he did not want to tell me about that for fear that I might felt offended. Actually I did not, I like it, 'China Doll' is very sweet to me. And one time someone asked my LG:'How is your postal bride?' . I did not feel offended either, I know there might be some negative meaning in both phrases, but I am not upset with them at all.(that does not mean I am totally passive, submissive, quiet, seen but not heard)

I remember I read somewhere in my customer service textbook: People with high self-esteem are less likely be easily irritated.

Anyway I will still be careful about using the two phrases. But my LG can keep on phrasing me as 'China Doll'.

[Guest enight]

yeah yeah! ...

 

I know the answer!

 

because Asian is purebred race!

[lele]

I remember I read somewhere in my customer service textbook: People with high self-esteem are less likely be easily irritated. 

I am happy that you are comfortable with that term, for you!

 

However, sometimes people with high self esteem are the ones who are *more* likely to talk back. For it is they who are the ones more likely to call out a piece of prejudice than someone who does not have high self-esteem.

[sawadee]

The self-esteem here is an authentic one, people who are in a more protective way of themselves does not necessarily mean that they are with 'higher self-esteem'. On the contrary, it is a sign of lacking confidence.

 

However, prejudice, stereotype, and bias are such annoying things. I do not feel offened as American quote us as 'China Doll' or 'Postal Bride'. But I do feel very much offened by such phrases as 'gold digger', not mention someone wants to set up a 'scammers gallery'.

[sylinchinastill]

I am kind of surprised that people object to the scammers gallery- If you have been scammed- I'm sure you would want others not to be hurt by the same person as you- although I am also fairly sure that if you have been sent home from the US on a fiance visa the chances of your getting another one are slim. But they have one for Russia- and I think you could plausibly make a living off of multiple boyfriends in the states. You might even be able to get rich off of it if you played your cards right- so if someone has been scammed by someone else- and there is no 'law' against that- isn't it right that others should know? I have seen sites where people do this in the states- like if you had a particularly bad boyfriend- or what if there was a site where you could post after situations of domestic abuse- and there was a requirement- like you had to get at least one TRO on the person first. That would be helpful.

[MoonCarolCafe]

A rogues gallery may sound like a good idea, but the devil is in the details. Let's pretend that you were to administer such a site...

 

How do you propose to handle abuse of this gallery? What's to stop me from just randomly adding pictures of women willy-nilly? How will you handle he-said/she-said disputes? If I put a woman's picture and info on it, will you make a good faith effort to contact her to verify my claim, and what if you find out that she was cheating on me, but I was cheating on her too-- will you put BOTH our pictures up in the gallery?

 

So you're going to require a TRO. How will you verify that a Chinese court has issued one, and does it matter when the closest he/she can come to you (without a visa) is the departure gate at Baiyun Airport? And if she has a visa, then either you have married her and it's too late, or you plan on marrying her but you can cancel the wedding and still be home free.

 

Are you going to have Chinese/English versions of the gallery, so that Chinese spouses who suspect they are just an intercontinental booty call can get in on the action too?

[oregonknl]

Syl,

 

I'm surprised!! Where is your lawyer training?

 

Just because someone says something about someone, does that make it true? Worth repeating? Worth posting?

 

My experience with lawyers is that the best don't believe ANYTHING that they can't prove.. My ex wife continues to slander me on a routine basis to my ex-friends, and I say ex --- because they believe her lies, and I have no intention of airing our personal laundry -- even in my own defence...

 

Moon -- "Because thats one man that a woman wanting a loving husband will no longer have to worry about, and a woman that a man seeking a loving wife won't have to watch out for..." nice turn of words..

 

About my Asain attraction --- I had one Japanese American girlfriend in my early 20's --- WAY past high maintainance --- well into the TROUBLE catigory...... Never thought about the Asian thing again until I traveled to China for the first time to meet my daughter Jet.. Love at first sight: Both for her, and her culture..

 

BTW, It is with a big smile, (and sigh of relief) that both Jet and Eve have just fallen head over heals for newly arrived Fei!

[Guest Gene]

BTW, It is with a big smile, (and sigh of relief) that both Jet and Eve have just fallen head over heals for newly arrived Fei!    

You gave me a big smile and goose bumps reading this Happy very happy

[eeyore]

My co-worker who referred to my wife as 'china doll' was commenting about a photo of my wife on my desk. She did not mean anything by it other than my wife is very beautiful because of her pale skin. In this case it was not meant anything other than how my wife looks and was not meant as an insult. The place I read the term 'China doll syndrome' was on a Asian singles website and an American man was referring to himself, he strictly only likes Asian girls. I think in his case he was only referring to his interest in Asian girls and was not suggesting anything about passive or submissive behavior. Its the only time I've heard the expression 'China doll syndrome'. When I used the term here I did not intend to offend anyone, sorry for that if I did, just meant it in the same context as 'an Asian thing'.

Truthfully, I can't say that I prefer Asians girls over any other. There are many around me that I am not and have not been interested in. I'm only interested in one Chinese girl and I married her because I love her. I do not expect her to be my maid or whatever.

So far just about everyone I know has had a positive reaction to my mixed marriage and most everyone I know can't wait to meet her. Only one person has made a deliberate derogatory comment, they said 'Whats the matter, American girls are not good enough for ya?' I stopped talking to that person and only speak to them when absolutly necessary (a co-worker).

 

Again, I'm sorry if I offended anyone, it was not intentional.

 

Thomas

[eeyore]

When I met Jun, I wasn't looking for an Chinese or even an Asian girl specifically.  I was browsing AMERICAN singles.com looking for someone local for crying out loud!

But she was so beautiful I had to read her profile, and I loved her profile so much I had to write her... the rest is history.  But it was the person I decided to embark on this long journy with, not the race or the Nationality.  The first few times I wrote her I thought "what the hell am I doing?"  but I couldn't deny how well we fit together, and how quickly I began to fall for her.  I never made the decision to "look for a foreign wife" or "find a Chinese girl to marry"... it just kind of fell in my lap.  And I couldn't be more happy.

Jason,

 

That sounds a little like my own story, I was not looking for A Chinese girl or any girl on line for that matter. A co-worker found the website I met my wife on and I was not looking with any seriousness. When I read my wife's add I really liked its simplistic sincerity. My wife and I e-mailed each other for months before we ever planned to meet. It was not until she sent snail mail w/photos and a letter did I then think we should meet. Like you, I could not be more happy.

 

eeyore

[sylinchinastill]

I meant TRO for American women who had been abused by American men- or men who have committed crimes, etc.- everyone should have access to Lexis- then you could find out everything.

[sylinchinastill]

I can see how the site could turn into slander as well- I just wish there was some way to protect people from 'known' offenders. I'm on break from law school- I don't have to think rationally for three blissful weeks

[MarkD]

(snip) - If you have been scammed- I'm sure you would want others not to be hurt by the same person as you- (snip)

Interested in a rogues gallery? Check out AntiScam

 

They have pictures of people and web sites involved in visa fraud plus general products that people think are scams too.