She is not eating well...

[lele]

Hello everyone.

 

When I was talking with my darling just a few minutes ago, she mentioned to me that she is more thin than normal and that she has been having problems eating enough food for the last week. She was sick at the start of the week, so I was not worried, but today it turns out that it is more than just recovering, it really is depression setting in.

 

After talking for a while, she felt better, knowing that I have been effected similarly too, and knowing that we have plans to see each other in about a month.

 

It was also better when she realized that it was not either she nor I who is responsible and that we are both fighting hard. However, for the first time ever, she complained that these feeling were because of Guangzhou.

 

It made me so sad that we both feel the same way, that the people there could actually cause us so much pain that it effects our physical well being. I know that they are only "doing their job" and that they are "overloaded", but the bias shows through, and now it has become personal.

 

I am aware that we are all in the same boat, and that there is really little we can do, but it is not fair. We have decided that we will work to educate people about this, so as to hope that others will not have to face the same problems.

 

*sigh*

 

I feel for everyone else who is waiting, and for everyone who has really been set back...if anyone knows what we can do to help improve this situation, please do share your ideas below. Even if we can not help ourselves, at least we can help others to not have to suffer our same frustration.

 

What do people think? Does anyone have an idea?

 

LeLe

[Squid]

Since I have been on this site, I have learned about the goodness of cheetos.

[olemanoman1950]

I can understand how she feels, when I was at the Consulate for their American Citizen meeting I was in tears when they said maybe 6-9 months after the Petition gets to Guangzhou before interview. When my turn came for a question ( I was the last one) I told them I was too depressed to ask a question, I was still trying to fiqure out how to tell my wife 6-9 months. I looked like a wupped puppy sitting there. I hope this played on their feelings a little. @(meeting 12/2/04) lot of P4's have come out since. Unless they are getting ready for the Holidays..

[johnxiaoying]

It will have been almost 8 months since our packet was sent to Guangzhou, by NVC, until the interview date.

 

It is unfortunate that the majority of us do not research the details on the immigration processes until we are already into it. Had my wife and I married in Hong Kong (more time consuming compared to the mainland) we could have avoided the lengthy wait at Guangzhou and been able to have skipped through the interview together at the HK Consulate.

 

There have been plenty of emotional ups and downs during this long wait. The only thing one can do after filing the forms is to wait, prepare for the interview, prepare for her (his) arrival and to communicate with your loved one as much as possible. It would have been much more difficult waiting if it had not been for Messenger, the webcam, cheap phone cards, and Skype (which we just discovered a few months ago) through this long, painful separation. Ten years ago we would have been stuck with snail mail and expensive telephone communications. We are all lucky to live in this age of the internet, the world has shrunk and made our meetings with our SO's possible. Additionally I am thankful to the founders of CFL and the collective knowledge and wisdom of the members, without everyone here this process would be much more painful and difficult.

 

My wife has been studying English, it has consumed a lot of her free time and she has made significant process. This will help her in the interview and more importantly help her when she arrives in America. I wish I had purchased Chinese language CD's when she began her studies. I was lazy, now I regret it as I cannot talk directly to my in-laws, my wife is now my interpreter. I will begin studying the language when my wife arrives and can help me. Being able to speak Chinese is important for us, we did not just marry a wife but rather an entire family.

 

To sum it up, the easiest way through this process is to keep yourselves busy making progress that will benefit the both of you. Stay healthy for each other and know that your time will come.

[leejcandle]

Our timeline is probably par for the course. Even though we were told the entire process could take anywhere from 9-15 months, we were in a very low period in the July-August time frame when our package sat for weeks after reaching Guangzhou customs.

 

I made a 'relationship maintenance' visit in September; partly because the time before we could plan on seeing each other again seemed open-ended.

 

During September together, we reinforced love, as well as our daily routine; which we continued after I returned.

 

Now that we have a few weeks left we can talk about practical matters, as well as our affection.

 

Use the time to communicate. Learn as much Chinese as possible. I feel the depth of our relationship is because we're communicated so much; in such detail. It's also really handy to be able to sit at dinner with her family and say some basic words; tell some dumb jokes; etc.

 

Learn as much about her and her temperament as possible. I've found out some things that will help me understand her deeply, and help me prepare for her adjustment to life here.

 

If your SO doesn't have a computer, help her get one. Use video and chat to communicate daily. Keep each others' moods up. Keep a regular routine.

 

My SO and just finished a couple of hours explaining to each other (in detail, for the umpteenth time) why we are so precious to each other. In this "time of waiting" as we call it, we've gotten to know each other very well.

 

Keep your chin up, and make wise use of the time until she arrives in your home.

[hank]

Lele,

 

I know how you feel. My sweetie has shed so many tears, and I know that she is struggling with depression because of this damn visa situation. She was a cheerful, vibrant, and funny girl when I met her... and I feel responsible for dragging her into this nightmare. And when she cries on the phone, it is pure hell knowing that there is nothing that I can do to make things better. I have never felt so powerless in my life.

 

But take courage in the fact that others have survived this struggle and moved on. We are in this together and we will get through.

[sylinchinastill]

I feel like I don't have the right to post on this because I was fortunate enough to be in China with my husband- but I really wanted to get out and go to law school- I wanted to go a year earlier and waited a year because of this. But though the wait is hard- your fiancee should enjoy her time with friends and family there because she will certainly miss that once she gets here- I'm sure for you it is harder in many ways- but be strong for her- don't express your doubts to her- I had a no-talk about it policy in China- unless we discussed something we needed to get done for it we just tried to ignore it- and it was ten long months- but everyone makes it through it- I feel like I'm always waiting for something. Waiting for law school, waiting to know where I got in, waiting to go to China, waiting to come back to the US, now I'm waiting for my exam tomorrow- my last one- and then I wait until January for the results- but be steady for your fiancee- and help her get through it- and you guys will have so much more to celebrate than the average couple when she arrives.

[hank]

I agree. For the sake of our sanity, we need to worry less and have a little faith. No more sleepless nights... everything will work out.

[mari]

Lele, my friend, we can relate perfectly to what you're going through, as you know our hopes were to have a wedding on January or February, but now we're in this loop and the end seems so far away. Our name check is still unresolved after 5 months and 4 days. It's not easy to see so many of you getting interviews next month, it's just not fair, and it's really cruel. Just hang in there, you"ll finally be together.

[lele]

Mari, thank you for your kind words! Your situation is *completely unfair* and I wish you the best possible experiences possible until it comes through, and for it to come through as quickly as possible.

 

To others, I want to thank you as well, and to thank everyone here who really does care about the tough situations that we must go through.

 

I am so saddened when I see of the people who try to make it and do not, whether it was because they did not know the person, there was deception, or whether, due to the unfairness of GZ, many people were made to forget the definition of the word love, and instead it turned into hate, frustration, etc.

 

After talking more with my darling, the good news is that she is eating at least some more fruit, so although she is still thin and not feeling well, at least her vitamin level is back to normal so she can stabilize her body!

 

I really want to *urge* the people here to do their best and to explore their options. If I lived in Guangdong or one of those cities that allowed me to use HK, I would never get married in China, but instead use that 7 day pass to go to HK to marry there. Not only would it be faster for you to be reunited, but it would speed the system for the rest of us who have no other choice! Had this been known, the past could have been different, and we could have been together sooner (she is not from a city, but there are other ways, such as the stop over en-route to Thailand to marry in HK). We have learned and grown much, this is true, but we could have and would have done that already in person, since we have already known each other in person for so long!

 

I think that this process *may* be beneficial for a few of the people who have only met one time, whether married or not, or have only met over the internet, or have not lived together. But is frustrates me so much to know that they are judging us and being prejudiced about it too. However, with good people and positive energy coming from here, it helps to at least make the situation a bit better.

 

Thank you all!

[guoqing]

I can't help feeling the pain you are going through. It has been a long road for us all.

 

The feeling of emptyness, and the inabilty to do anything to expidite the process, has us all borderline depresive. I also feel helpless when my sweetheart cries, it is a feeling i can' t explain, when there is nothing we can do. It just makes the days and nights that much longer and harder.

 

The only thing we can do is pray, i will not force any religion on anyone, we all have free will, but when we need an ear to hear our hurts, no matter what you believe in, it helps to elevate some of our hurts and pains. No matter what kind of visa we are seeking, just telling your loved one how much you love them, and be supportive, helps in every way.

 

I thank God each day, that i have such an understanding wife to be, maybe she is the source of my strength, when i feel I can't go on. Her outlook is so optimistic, it makes me think, why can't i just relax and go with the flow.

 

guoqing