DMV Success

[Dave G.]

Yesterday, JM got her DL. The examiner still pulled us into that dreaded back office (you know...the one where you're told you failed) and started in with bad news. I listened and couldn't argue. I know JM was guilty of the mistakes, having made them during our drive to the DMV office. But, the woman ended by saying, "But, you passed. You score was really, really low. Be careful out there."

 

Then, JM made the classic Chinese statement. "This drivers license cost $5300 (the accident at my friends house). I wanted to save the $40 p/hour and not take the driving lessons. I think it would have been cheaper to pay for lessons instead of paying for the wrecked car and destroyed garage door. But, it's nice to have gotten my DL on China's B-day (Oct. 1)."

 

God, I love her.....

[tonado]

Dave,

 

Congrat to your wife. I just took my wife for driving practice this morning. She still doesn't know the right of way rules. I am really worry about her safety and other people's safety (my car too) after she gets her license.

[carhil24]

Hello all,

 

I guess I need to give all of you a different variation on this theme. My wife, after needing to take the written test three times, finally got her Learner's Permit late last year. Since that time, we have been practicing on and off for the past 8 months. And when I say on and off, I mean on and off. At first everything was fine, we both had a sufficient amount of patience. I had enough patience trying to teach someone who not only had never been behind the wheel of a car in her life, but also for the longest time could not do more than one thing at the same time (as in steer, brake, and look out the windshield), and she having enough patience to realize that she would not be able to master this overnight. But although she will never admit to it, she was the one who gave up first. She was just totally frustrated with the whole process, and felt that it was something that she was never going to be able to accomplish. And I must admit, that I did lose my patience a couple of times (funny how crusing through a stop sign at a fairly busy intersection, and changing lanes without noticing the car next to you will do this to someone), and I was at the time more than happy to call it quits for awhile. Well, she ended up not even having the desire to try again for about three months, even though I continued to bring it up with her once I got my nerve back. I'm not sure about elsewhere, but in California you only have a year to take and pass the Driving Exam, or you have to start back at square one, and I didn't want her to have to retake the written exam again. Finally common sense prevailed, and we began the lessons again. Was it any better? Hell no! Did we quit again? No, although at times I was tempted to buy her a ticket back to China and tell her to come back when she could drive, and at times I think she was ready to take me up on the offer. May I say here, that this has got to be the hardest thing for a couple to go through. Say what you want about the Visa Process, and the culture and language difference, teaching your significant other who cannot speak very much English (and although my Chinese is fairly decent, I tend to forget how to speak it in times of stress, especially when another vehicle is about to broadside you, or you are about to separate an innocent pedestrian from the crosswalk), if you can get through this process with your marriage still intact, and both of you still in the same country, then you have a great foundation for the rest of your lives together. So after taking a leave of absence from the lessons, we picked it back up in June. But it was a very slow and arduous process, finally culminating in the day of reckoning (which by the way I rescheduled twice, both times because I felt that she wasn't even ready for it) arriving on September 14th. We arrive at the DMV office about an hour early, and practiced for awhile on the streets and in the neighborhoods where the testing typically occurs. During this time, not only did she almost hit a man in a crosswalk, she turned right on a red light without even yielding to traffic (in California you are allowed to turn right on a red light after stopping and checking for traffic) saying that the reason she did so was because the light was green. After explaining to her that the light she saw was the light for the street that she was trying to enter, not her light, we returned to the DMV with me telling her that although there was no way she was going to pass the test today, not to despair, because we still have two more tries after this one. So, the instructor (who happened to be female) comes out and is ready to begin the test. After she heard me talking to my wife in Chinese, she asked if my wife could speak English. I told her that she could speak and understand a little, but that we had practiced quite a bit, and she could understand the typical instructions such as, "turn right at the stop sign," "change lanes, " etc. Never the less, the instructor had this nervous look on her face and said she wished that I could accompany them in order to translate, but it was against the rules. I told her (lying through my teeth) that it should not be a problem and that I thought my wife would have no problem understanding the directions given to her. So they leave, and about 2 minutes later, a car that looks just like mine returns. I freak out because typically when they return that quickly it only can mean one thing: she did something really bad, and flunked the test right off the back. But thankfully it was a false alarm, not my car, just a similar color and model. So I'm waiting and waiting, and now it's going on about 20 minutes or so, and I am thinking that either she is doing fairly well (pretty doubtful) or she got in an accident. Finally she pulls back into the parking lot, and I glance at my wife's face, and she is not looking too happy. I'm thinking, okay, no problem, we just need to practice some more. At least now we will know exactly what they test, and where my wife went wrong, and we can concentrate on those areas. The instructor got out of the car, and the first thing she said was, "Your wife is a very good driver. She did very well. She passed!" I'm thinking, okay, where are the television cameras, because we have to be on Candid Camera or Punk'd or something of that nature. No cameras, no Alan Fundt or Ashton Kucher, just me standing there with a stunned look on my face, and the instructor handing me the test results which unbelievably show that my wife only made two mistakes (you can miss up to 15 and still pass): two times she stopped on the white line of a crosswalk. So we go inside, she gets her license and we leave. End of story? I should say not. For those of you who are still waiting for their fiancees or wives to arrive, let me give you some insight into the mind of a Chinese woman, and what you can look forward to when she does arrive. First of all, inside the DMV office, while we were waiting for the instructor to finish with the paperwork, my wife asked me about the errors. I explained what she did wrong, and she looked at me and stated that that had never happened, that she knows not to cross the white line of a crosswalk before stopping, and that we should talk to the instructor and tell her that she is mistaken. Luckily this conversation is occurring in Chinese, or she still might not have her license today. I told her it doesn't matter, she only made two minor mistakes, she got the license, who cares what occurred during the test? And then all the way home, this is what I heard: "See, you are not a good teacher. That lady told me that I am a good driver. You kept telling me that I was a bad driver. But I am a good driver, you are a bad teacher!" And of course reminding me about the two times that I rescheduled the test itself, informing me that she was probably ready both of those times. But in the long run I think I won this one, because I asked her how many other Chinese people (we know quite a few in our city) who passed the Driving Test on their first try? The answer is NONE! Not a single Chinese immigrant we know was able to pass the test on their first try! So, after considering that for awhile, I was back on her good side for the rest of that day, and did not have to run down to the grocery store and stock up on Cheetos! So for all of you who are still playing the waiting game, just a little taste of what your future still holds. But we look at it as another hurdle overcome, and are now looking to see what lies ahead. Everyday we are driving each other crazy, and both the culture and language differences at times are causing havoc, but I think she will agree with me that neither one of us would trade it for anything else in the world. Everyday together is a brand new experience, sometimes good, sometimes not so good, but still it is new and exciting, and our love and committment grows deeper each passing day. Guys, you will find that there will be days that she will drive you up the wall, but after awhile you will come back down, and when you do, she will still be there waiting for you. No, she may not often tell you she loves you (a cultural difference) nor that she is sorry (I'm not sure, a cultural difference or just my stubborn wife), but she will be there for you at the exact moment that you need her the most. She will at times make you cry, but more often than not she will make you smile, even laugh, and will cause you to wonder how you ever had a life without her. I still often wonder what a beautiful, practical, cultured Chinese woman saw in this sometimes impatient, bumbling, uncouth American man, but whatever it was, I am eternally thankful for it, and I will never forget it for the rest of our lives together. And I will never cease to thank God for the unbelievable way He brought us together, and is now helping us meld our two lives and cultures into one. And although she cannot read this, I want to thank my wife, Hongyu, for loving me and caring for me like no other woman has ever done so before. WODE QIZI, WO FEICHANG AI NI! WO BUNENG MEIYOU NI! (My wife, I love you very much! I cannot live without you!)

[tywy_99]

Congratulations to your wife, Dave G.

 

Carl, I know exactly what you mean but I know my wife can't be ready for the skills test. She has done some of the things you've mentioned. Just this past Friday I let her drive. She does fairly good on the open roads but she needs to learn how to pull in and out of stores, parking areas, etc. and more importantly, to be aware of ALL of the surroundings.

 

We were heading west on a four lane divided highway. The traffic is low and the highway is wide, it is a good place for her to practice. The whole time, I'm looking out the mirror keeping an eye on any traffic. I see this stupid little white volkswagon behind us. He was behind us at the stopsign we came up to a few minutes earlier. My wife had to stop at the sign and negotiate a left turn across and onto the highway which she didn't do too well.

This guy was a real jerk. After he got close behind us, he then passed us in the lefte lane, cut back over in front of us in the right lane just to get into a far right-hand turn lane. My wife started to follow. I said, "what are you doing? we need to stay straight" At that time, she cuts back over into the right lane of the highway without even looking!

Now, ladies and gentleman, the key phrase here is, "without even looking!"

There may be minimum traffic on this road but there is traffic nonetheless and I don't want to get "creamed" by a speeding 18-wheeler or a logging truck! I certainly don't want us to end up as a "greasy spot" in the road!

But that is what worries me the most; she doesn't seem to be aware of her surroundings and I don't think she fully fathoms the severity of the consequences.

Well, we are not talking rigt now because I didn't take her driving yesterday(Saturday). I just have to figure out how to make her aware of the dangers. I didn't get mad at her over Friday's incident. I was more pissed off at the jerk in the volkswagon. But I did point out her mistake and explain to her that it is important to start using the mirrors and be aware of everything around you............and me too!!

 

P.S.- I'll take her out driving today(Sunday).......

[frank1538]

Carl, I know exactly what you mean but I know my wife can't be ready for the skills test. She has done some of the things you've mentioned. Just this past Friday I let her drive. She does fairly good on the open roads but she needs to learn how to pull in and out of stores, parking areas, etc. and more importantly, to be aware of ALL of the surroundings.

Man, I can relate. Sometimes we take things for granted or as common sense, but then I try to remember that I've been in a car since infancy. To an American, driving is just a natural progression of one's way of life. I also try to remember that for many people, driving a car is as alien as it comes. The awareness aspect is by far the most troubling, but I am hopeful that the recognition light will come on for my family before the ambulance lights do.

 

Carl, teaching your wife how to drive has got to be one of the most stressful aspects of any marriage, and I would bet less stressful episodes in peoples' lives have led to divorce. Your story is a testament to your love and commitment.

[tywy_99]

well, just got back from the grocery store and except for the really, really wide left my wife took, she did extremly well.

 

I am glad to be here to report this!.......

[carhil24]

But that is what worries me the most; she doesn't seem to be aware of her surroundings and I don't think she fully fathoms the severity of the consequences.

Well, we are not talking rigt now because I didn't take her driving yesterday(Saturday).

Funny you should bring that up. I had a conversation with one of my Chinese male friends, and after telling him about all of our adventures with my wife's driving lessons, he informed me that Chinese people automatically assume that they can do anything, and that they never worry about the consequences like we do. After hearing that, I finally understood why so many of our conversations during this period of time went something like this:

 

Her: Why can't you teach me to drive today?

Me: Because I have to work today. How about tomorrow?

Her: Tomorrow? I need to practice every day!

Me: Yes, I know, but I do have to work some days too.

Her: Why can't I go to a Driver's School?

Me: Because, like I told you before, the first week is all classroom work, and since it is in English, you will not be able to understand what they are teaching.

Her: No problem! (Her favorite English expression)

Me: Yes, there is a problem, because if you don't understand the classroom portion of what they are trying to teach you, they will not allow you on the road.

Her: You just don't want me to drive because you want me to stay home all day.

Me: Yes of course. I just love having to take you grocery shopping, to the mall, to your friend's house, etc. multiple times per week.

Her: Living in America and being unable to drive or speak English is like being alive with no legs and no tongue.

Me: Don't tempt me!

Her: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: Nothing dear, just an English expression.

Her: So, can we go driving today?

 

If this sounds familiar to any of you, you better check, because you are probably married to a Chinese woman!

 

By the way, Tywy, we had several of those non-communicative days as well. In hindsight, sometimes those aren't that bad!

[newman]

Well folks the best is yet to come. I'll bet many of you can't wait until that first time when you'll have to let them drive by themselves. All I could do was pray and say, go ahead dear. Good Luck!!

[tywy_99]

Sounds like my wife to a tee, Carl. My wife says, "living in USA without car like having no legs." The whole time I'm thinking to myself, saying, "Sweetie, you just don't know how RIGHT you are!".......lol.

 

The non-communicative days?, well, we have them occasionally, but it is like a hill,,,,,we get over it!

 

 

 

So newman, how did your wife fare on her solo?? Inquiring minds want to know, especially those who have been scared out of their inquiring minds!....like me!!!............

[newman]

My wife was taking ESL classes at the time of her solo which started at 10:00 am. She had driven it many times when she had her learners' permit. Of course I was with her and then would take her car to work. At noon I'd return so she could drive home.

 

On solo day my stomach was in my throat. The same feeling as when I let my daughter go the first time. So, for the first week I'd sneek home and follow her to school. The second week I did let her go alone. So far and after ten months she has had no problem (knock on wood). The closest call that I know about was the time she called from the market parking lot. After she called me, and yes we have had this severe English/Chinese translation problem, I rushed to the parking lot only to find her and two girlfriends standing outside a locked car.

 

I still worry about her but it sure is a lot easier these days.

[Mick]

Coongrats Dave and JM! So, what's the next big test?