Death In The Family

[frank1538]

Jingwen's dad passed away tonight, but it will take a while for her to get advance parole to go to China to visit with her mom, sisters, and brothers.

 

Death is one of those subjects that Jingwen and I never really discussed, so I have no idea what might be expected of Jingwen as the youngest daughter or me as her husband. Of course, she says nothing needs to be done, but I suspect there's more to it than that.

 

Can anybody shed some light on this? I feel like we ought to do something, but funeral rituals are so vastly different across the world that I don't want to do anything that casts of bad light on her.

 

Thanks.

[tonado]

Sorry about the death.

 

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[Trigg]

Jingwen's dad passed away tonight, but it will take a while for her to get advance parole to go to China to visit with her mom, sisters, and brothers.

 

Death is one of those subjects that Jingwen and I never really discussed, so I have no idea what might be expected of Jingwen as the youngest daughter or me as her husband.  Of course, she says nothing needs to be done, but I suspect there's more to it than that.

 

Can anybody shed some light on this?  I feel like we ought to do something, but funeral rituals are so vastly different across the world that I don't want to do anything that casts of bad light on her.

 

Thanks.

Frank, I asked Fang ling about this. I figured as they are from the same city, she would know. Well, she was as clear as mud. I think she didn't want to bring up memories of her fathers death. As you know she called Jingwen this morning after she heard about Jingwen's fathers death. Fang Ling told me Jingwen is taking it all pretty good. At least that is the impression Fang Ling has.

[se_lang]

I asked my MM same question, she is from CQ she said all they do is burn Joss sticks for 7 weeks (49 days) and cremate body I am not sure if cremation come before or after the 7 weeks she said what Don described as the "old peoples" way and the country folk it seems each era and area will do it a little different.

[Guest blsqueaky]

Frank, first let me send you my heartfelt condolences. Right now it will be a rough time for Jingwen, and in many ways also for you. All that I can say is from what I have learned from travelling in the different areas of China, and that is every province, city or rural area has their own way as to how they will deal with this subject, just like reading all of the different ways that our signicianct others are brought up, all that we have shared here.

 

I now that I have asked my wife this subject more than once because her father is not of the best health, and all that I get told his that he will be fine, and when time comes, family will deal with it. I have no idea what this means, and I think that when they want me to know, they will tell me, and even when they tell me, I will still be in the dark. I know that the elders are from the "old era", and the youngers and from another.

 

Again, please accept my heartfelt condolences.

[frank1538]

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.

 

This is some of what Jingwen and her family are doing.

 

Dad will be cremated along with some money which we sent to Mom so that Dad will not be poor during his journey. Jingwen is house bound for seven days - won't leave the house and won't allow visitors. Older brother is fasting - no meat. Jingwen is trying hard not to wear bright colors. In China, the family is gathering for what I take is a post cremation vigil of sorts.

 

I am an outsider, but I am here for Jingwen. Not much laughter in the house today. She will head off to China as soon as she get her advance parole. I will join her later, and we will return together.

 

Thanks again everybody.

[Guest blsqueaky]

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts.

 

This is some of what Jingwen and her family are doing.

 

Dad will be cremated along with some money which we sent to Mom so that Dad will not be poor during his journey.  Jingwen is house bound for seven days - won't leave the house and won't allow visitors.  Older brother is fasting - no meat.  Jingwen is trying hard not to wear bright colors.  In China, the family is gathering for what I take is a post cremation vigil of sorts.

 

I am an outsider, but I am here for Jingwen.  Not much laughter in the house today.  She will head off to China as soon as she get her advance parole.  I will join her later, and we will return together.

 

Thanks again everybody.

Frank, thanks so much for the update. It sounds like some of the old customs.

 

The hardest part for you is what you said, "outsider", and it will be. All that you can really do is be there when she needs you, and I know that you will. Wish you welll and geting a speedy AP so jingwen can be there.

[Robert S.]

I am sorry for your and your wife's loss.

 

When you go to China you can go to the grave site because they have both cremation along with burial. It was so moving to me to go to Ping's grandmother's burial place where we burned that special paper representing money. I said a prayer to her to help us. Ancestor worship makes a lot of sense in a way.

 

At least he had the satisfaction of knowing his youngest daughter and her children would be well cared for.

[frank1538]

Thought I'd close the loop on this thread by sharing what Jingwen told me. During the procession, it poured rain but the sun broke through at the cremation. She was so happy to hear this from her family.

 

While it was raining she said the heavens were weeping for her father's death, but once his journey had begun, the sunshine told her that the heavens were happy.

 

It brought a tear to my eye.