Dave G. Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 No, it doesn't have to do with kissing dogs or the such. It has to do with our house. In the last few weeks, friends of mine (women) befriended JM. They've been going to lunch once a week...it's been so good for JM to get out of here without me always by her side. One woman is a real estate agent. Last week, the girls got to talking and JM started talking about "things." Before you know it, the agent was ready to show me seven houses! What did JM possibly say to bring that on? We had talked about a bigger house...but only if we had another kid. That's not likely and certainly wouldn't happen for two years. I reluctantly agreed to go on Saturday. Naturally, we found the perfect house. $750K! JM couldn't quite grasp the grim reality of our financial situation. How do you translate the concept of "house poor" in Chinese? We could do it, but it would mean one small bowl of rice once each day and she'd have to breast feed the baby until he went to college (on a scholarship!). Thank God the house sold 30 minutes after we saw it. It took that topic off the table. So, JM got to thinking....instead of a new house, let's fix this one up! I was game for that. She finally admitted to me that she feels like a guest here since it wasn't her home to begin with. I fully understand that. Let's do more upgrades (I already did most of what is possible) so she has emotional ownership. A good project for us both! I ran a quick errand today to get stuff for dinner. When I came home, she shared all her ideas she had while I was out. "Let's rip out the kitchen and put it in the pantry. The new area will be a dining room and the baby would have a place to play. We'll take the washer and dryer and put it in the garage. Let's knock a hole in the pantry wall so we can have a window. Blah...blah...blah...." Keep in mind: we have a 2300 sq ft home. There's a great room that accommodates the kitchen, dining room table, and a family room with the TV and couches. Plenty of room to eat and more than enough room for the baby to play. Why she wants more space just to eat defies [Western] logic. I explained to her that homes built on slabs have the plumbing underground and the pipes run through the cement. There's no access to water or drainage where she wants the new kitchen unless we rip walls out and punch through the slab. I drew pictures and everything but she said it was all worth it. I said the price tag would be approx. $100k. Her answer? "Ok." I then told her what she wanted to create would be a Chinese home; re-sale would be rough. Her answer? "We're not ever going to sell so who cares?" I finally said, "I do." I put a ton of money into the house to make it a great "American" home. I refuse to see all that money lost. After that, she stopped talking to me. I tried to negotiate the situation by saying we can have a wonderful American home in the US and, when completed, a beautiful Chinese home in China (our house will be finished in June). She didn't bite. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I'm pretty sure she'll talk to the agent again this week who will likely tell her the same things I did. It's my experience when someone else tells her something, she understands. Link to comment
tonado Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 Chinese women have a mind of their own. Link to comment
frank1538 Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 Me thinks it's time to gird your financial loins. Link to comment
oregonknl Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 Boy, Dave, I don't see any (cheap) way out of this.... I am working with a house designer, and have given her plans that are more on line with a Chinese home ---kitchen, food prep, and combined eating area pretty much in the most desireable place in the house ... western formal dining and living room (smaller than usual) behind ... the house will be the same size as yours is now, so it can be done, but obviously it can't be done in any economically reasonable way to an existing western floor plan... Only thing I could suggest is do the same thing. Draw up modest plans (mine are fairly modest) that meet her needs, sell your house outright (I'm in an apartment) Or take a second mortgage to finance construction, and Then sell your house... ---Kim Link to comment
Dave G. Posted May 17, 2004 Author Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 I've decided...I'll take her to Home Depot today so she can see "real" things we can accomplish. Heathy distraction from unhealthy planning. Link to comment
Kaige Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 Ha Ha heard this one also, now changeing colors, may take Dads house, but too big, 5 acres with a pool and not on the water, I have a little time to decide and make changes, now just wating for extra cash so I can do while she is gone to China to visit so this gives me time while the house is apart. Best wishes to everyone that comes across this as the real estate values have shot up here. Hey maybe time to move to China and buy a inexpensive home and retire and she can have a chinese house. Link to comment
olemanoman1950 Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 geez I really have a task ahead of me. my house is over 95 years old and was moved here piece bye piece a long time ago. it doesnt set on a regular Foundation, boulders hold it up. my wife said mend like new. I wish that Old Jewish Lightening would hit ( no offense to jewish people.) oh my o my what to do what to do.... Link to comment
se_lang Posted May 17, 2004 Report Share Posted May 17, 2004 oh my o my what to do what to do.... Smoke in bed. Just don't fall asleep. Link to comment
Dave G. Posted May 18, 2004 Author Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 I've decided...I'll take her to Home Depot today so she can see "real" things we can accomplish. Heathy distraction from unhealthy planning.Update.... I carried out the plan. Saw many wonderful ideas what to do. She saw the magic of linoleum and wants to tear out all the Burber carpet and replace the 2300 sq ft house with the plastic stuff. When I told her how it would hurt the value of the home, she stopped talking to me again. Two hours and counting now. No boom boom for daddy tonight...and the rest of the week ain't looking good either. Here's the thing...we go to China and take the third world stuff in stride. They think third world = modern way of living. Sorry...I ain't budging, no matter how much I love JM. Linoleum today...two feet of garden hose dumping in a moldy hole for our drains tomorrow. Link to comment
Robert S. Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 Turn her on to watching This Old House. Do you have any friends who are remodeling? Let her see that. Can she drive a nail straight? Is she good with a tape measure? How much contribution can she make to these projects? We need a wise old Chinese man to be our adviser here on Candle and teach us how to deal with this nonsense from these ladies. It seems to be a pretty consistent thing for them to have unrealistic desires which they express as demands. A really really clever lady would charm the man into doing what she wants. She would enlist your interest and get you started in a small way then go from there. But no they don't do this. I thought Chinese people were supposed to be subtle. Link to comment
carhil24 Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 We need a wise old Chinese man to be our adviser here on Candle and teach us how to deal with this nonsense from these ladies. Hmmmmmm, the only wise and old Chinese man I have ever known was never married to a Chinese woman.......ahhhhhhh, now do you understand, Grasshopper? Link to comment
carhil24 Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 Linoleum today...two feet of garden hose dumping in a moldy hole for our drains tomorrow.And a fluorescent shoplight for a living room light fixture! Link to comment
carhil24 Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 I thought Chinese people were supposed to be subtle.OMG! What happened to the obedient and docile woman I met in China? I honestly think that something happens to them when they cross the Date Line! If I would have known that, I would have brought her back the long way home! Link to comment
carhil24 Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 Linoleum today...two feet of garden hose dumping in a moldy hole for our drains tomorrow.And a hot plate for a range; a pile of vegetables on a mat on the ground for a produce department; and an odd concoction of ice cream, milk, and ice cubes for a milkshake! Come on guys, we can have some fun with this one! Link to comment
carhil24 Posted May 18, 2004 Report Share Posted May 18, 2004 How much contribution can she make to these projects? But their contribution always begins with the phrase: "In China we..............(insert whatever you wish here) .........why don't you do that here?" By the way, for all of you out there that think I must be a very brave man, I must remind you that my wife's English still isn't good enough to access this site and understand what is written. But for you ladies out there, pleeeeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeeee, I am just kidding! Link to comment
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