May I change K1 visa to F1 visa and stay in the US

[robandbolor]

i have to say, whoa. i do think you gave up quite a bit to be with him after all - i think that even we as americans need to think about all the sacrifices our loved ones coming here have to make, to be with us.

 

i know it sounds weird, but i think it just sounds like he has some problems, you identified some sort of depression or mania that makes him moody and volatile. that he had to stay home and not work indicates its pretty serious and effecting his ability to just do common tasks or think rationally - if he did not seek help, its a dangerous situation. and, given as you said "we both need support" it sounds like he isnt getting any help.

 

did he have any recent physical problems? or major loss or economic problems? right now, he probably feels alot of insecurity and other mixed up thoughts. i think you need to understand, its not him, its the depression which is taking over his life.

 

i think you shouldnt worry about the other woman online. usually symptoms include feelings of worthlessness and guilt, he probably is using it to fool himself that he has value, which he may not be getting from you at this time. its a safety thing, he would be way too insecure to probably meet her anyway physically - hence, its mainly online.

 

what i hate to say is that in extreme cases it can last for years if not treated and possibly even lead to suicide.

 

the fact you came out here and looked for help is good, it shows you understand you want and need help. what your feeling about going home is also normal - its called being homesick.

 

i think you have two things you need to think of:

 

if you really love him, and this will take alot of understanding and a strong will, you will try to get him treatment for his depression. get a physical evaluation by a doctor to see if something is wrong - and let the doctor check for signs of depression by letting him know that he is acting the way he is. make sure he gets a mental status examination as well.

 

its going to take alot of time and will, but you will see results with treatment and medication.

 

the other path is quite simply, if you arent willing to do these things, you should question whether you love him at all. but, at the least let his family know so they can get him help.

 

 

none of this is your fault - i dont think you should accept blame for any of it. it could be physical problems that brought on the depression, it could be a past emotional problem or money problems, it could be his genetics, there could be a variety of reasons why this happened.

 

i think you pointed out he said he was ill before you came - i personally from what you said think he got physically sick, and that he picked up some mental changes he didnt realize or recognize mentally, maybe a chemical imbalance or something like that in the brain.

 

men are highly more likely NOT to recognize these kinds of problems and ignore them as well than women, its statistically correct.

 

i hope you do love him and help him get well and past this unfortunate problem - and that when he gets well, the both of you live a happy life.

 

hope this helps.

[Guest chinagirl001]

bluehearts, from what you described, I think, he is really not a guy worth for you to LOVE.

 

I believe love has it's price, if he is just poor, that's not the worst, but if he is poor and mean, then he is really not worth for you to stay with him. please get rid of him, he will not give you a easy time, trust me. I can see that clearly.

 

he might think he has lots of girls out there for him to choose, and he must want to get rid of you quickly and easily, well, you can use this issue to make a 'deal'

 

be strong and be realistic, treat yourself well.

 

and, it's not that bad as you thought to go back to China, you can go find another guy to come over. it's easy, just remember next time to find a richer and caring guy, and use as much of his money as you can, then he wouldn't want to get rid of you when thinking of the price he paid for already, haha

 

[Guest chinagirl001]

To me, the K1 is a shitty commitment! It leaves it too wide open for abuse from both sides!

 

Patrick

hi Patrick,

 

K1 visa is a perfect visa, it gives a choice to both sides.

besides

even marry in China still means nothing, the marriage can protect nothing

 

1. the guy still can dump the wife who is in China and without get into any trouble, he even doesn't need to go to divorce process in the States.

 

2. the wife(husband) still can have affair if they want to.

 

so where is the adventage of marriage visa? I don't see it.

[keelec]

To me, the K1 is a shitty commitment! It leaves it too wide open for abuse from both sides!

 

Patrick

hi Patrick,

 

K1 visa is a perfect visa, it gives a choice to both sides.

besides

even marry in China still means nothing, the marriage can protect nothing

 

1. the guy still can dump the wife who is in China and without get into any trouble, he even doesn't need to go to divorce process in the States.

 

2. the wife(husband) still can have affair if they want to.

 

so where is the adventage of marriage visa? I don't see it.

I used to like the idea of a K1 visa.

 

Bring the fiancee to the USA, spend a few months together, and see whether the couple is compatible in the USA, rather than just meeting in a romantic vacation.

 

If it was a 3 or 4 month wait for the visa, this would be true.

 

However, if it takes a year and a half (or more) to get the visa, one has invested so much in the process that it is hard to just give it up easily and start over from the beginning.

 

---- Clifford -----

[keelec]

Blue,

 

I have been reading your discussing for a couple of days and trying to decide how to reply.

 

If you read some of the discussions elsewhere on the Candle, you will see discussions about homesickness and integrating into American Society.

 

http://candleforlove.com/forums/index....=ST&f=13&t=4943

 

I am now 38, looking forward to my first marriage. Yet, I know that I will have some tremendous adjustments ahead changing from living alone to living with someone else.

 

It sounds like both you and your fiance have to learn to live with another person. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound as if your fiance has been very supportive of you. Unless you are misinterpreting his actions.

 

Yes, the topic of housecleaning comes up quite frequently on the Candle. And, I think generally the women win the arguments in that area.

 

Before heading back to China, you need to decide what you really want. Do you think your previous feelings for your fiance were real? Do you think they would ever come back?

 

There are counseling, or arbitration resources that you could look into if you want to try to preserve what you have. Perhaps having the help of a 3rd party would help the two of you out.

 

Oh, as far as friends... I would assume that both of you would eventually make friends outside of your relationship. Your fiance's online friend may be innocent, and nothing to worry about. However, it would not be healthy if he is spending every evening chatting with her and ignoring you. But, if the communication is not enough to subtract from doing stuff with you, then I would ignore it.

 

----- Clifford -----

[frank1538]

Thought I'd post this to confirm what the others have been saying - you can't change your K status:

 

From the USCIS website - http://shusterman.com//cgi-bin/ex-link.pl?.../nonimmstat.htm

 

Eligibility Information:

Who May Apply to Change to a New Nonimmigrant Status?

 

In general, you may apply to change your nonimmigrant status if you were lawfully admitted into the United States with a nonimmigrant visa, your nonimmigrant status remains valid, and you have not committed any crimes that would make you ineligible.

 

You may not apply to change your nonimmigrant status if you were admitted to the United States in the following visa categories:

 

(VWPP) - Visa Waiver Pilot Program (or the Guam Visa Waiver Program)

D - As a crewman

C - As an alien in transit or in transit without a visa

K - As a fianc¨¦(e) or spouse of a U.S. citizen or dependent of a fianc¨¦(e) or spouse

S - As an informant (and accompanying family) on terrorism or organized crime

[robandbolor]

guys, before making assumptions about her fiance, we need to try understand it better.

 

he's moody, his emotions swing, and he got off what appears to be an illness earlier. depression isnt a choice - for all we know he might really love her - he just can't figure out his mental/emotional thoughts clearly.

 

its sounds like he's insecure and non-committal, but then why did he take it this far emotionally, time wise, and economically?

 

something is amiss. if he see's a doctor, at least its a start, so blueheart can get a better understanding of whats up.

[king]

chinagirl001 seems to have an answer that might get her into legal trouble. To jump a visa could be a criminal act and encouraging it could be aiding and abetting a crime. It is noteworthy that this chinagirl001 put it all in writing which could make any case easy to establish.

 

I am mentioning this because I would hate to see this fine and very useful site get to warpped into passing advice on how to cheat the system and harm the U.S.

 

My personal advice to you chingagirl001 is in the venacular "stuff it". You are speaking like a cousin of a snakehead, with the same plan, beat the American immigration system. I wonder if you have the same motivation? Making money?

[lori&dave]

I feel so sad for u, really I do. It's the first time I felt so sad for a gilr in such a K1 plight. I think I have a lot of thoughts similar with urs, for example, the reason for falling in love with white guys. Just I got a much better luck. I also underwent bad lucks before, many bad lucks until I met my husband. There is nothing wrong falling love with white guys. Pls have faith in urself and in love, whatever choices u make, I will pray for u.

 

Staying in US illegally is nothing scarry( I have relatives and lots of people I know are here without legal status, they are doing just fine. They can even enjoy residential tuition at school if they stayed here for over 1 year), but to achieve certain level of life here without the help from someone will be extremely hard. Wish u good luck!

 

I'm from Shanghai too.

[Dave G.]

chinagirl001 seems to have an answer that might get her into legal trouble. To jump a visa could be a criminal act and encouraging it could be aiding and abetting a crime. It is noteworthy that this chinagirl001 put it all in writing which could make any case easy to establish.

 

I am mentioning this because I would hate to see this fine and very useful site get to warpped into passing advice on how to cheat the system and harm the U.S.

 

My personal advice to you chingagirl001 is in the venacular "stuff it". You are speaking like a cousin of a snakehead, with the same plan, beat the American immigration system. I wonder if you have the same motivation? Making money?

I don't know. I'm getting kind of turned on by her postings. If only we had met before I met my wife! Just think how great my life could be! Before you know it, I'd be left in the poor house and unable to marry again cuz I'd have no divorce papers. Ahhhh...the simple life.

 

Gee...I wonder what the honeymoon would be like???

 

http://www.cineclub.de/images/2003/10/kill_bill_5.jpg

[Dave G.]

I feel so sad for u, really I do. It's the first time I felt so sad for a gilr in such a K1 plight. I think I have a lot of thoughts similar with urs, for example, the reason for falling in love with white guys. Just I got a much better luck. I also underwent bad lucks before, many bad lucks until I met my husband. There is nothing wrong falling love with white guys. Pls have faith in urself and in love, whatever choices u make, I will pray for u.

 

Staying in US illegally is nothing scarry( I have relatives and lots of people I know are here without legal status, they are doing just fine. They can even enjoy residential tuition at school if they stayed here for over 1 year), but to achieve certain level of life here without the help from someone will be extremely hard. Wish u good luck!

 

I'm from Shanghai too.

Tisk tisk tisk, Lori. You really do have a good heart. I know that from all the postings. But, your suggestion for anyone to overstay a visa is just wrong. Personally, I'm sick of all the America bashing going on right now. I'm tired of other countries crapping on us only to turn around with an open hand. Let's shut our borders down tightly and let only those sincere in their desire for school, work, or marriage enter. Play by the rules, or else. And, they can sit in federal detention until they come up with the money for their ticket home if they don't want to play. Housing them would be much cheaper than the plane ticket.

 

You're likely right about BlueThingie (oh...a pun?) getting residential university tuition. But why? I'm sure you and your husband work hard and pay your taxes. Do you really want to pay more? And, when she gets sick and gets free medical, do you think that's really free? Again, you pay for it. If you are so sad for the woman, invite her into your home and provide that support you speak of so she can have that certain level of life. If you (or anyone else for that matter) won't provide the support and expect the rest of us to pick up the tab, than your words are empty. Don't support her staying unless you're willing to pay 100% of the costs involved. Please don't be so free with the taxes I pay. It's not fair.

 

Lori....I hope you don't read my words as being harsh. I'm serious about the kindness and insights you've shared here on CFL. I just can't agree with you on this one.

 

As I've said a billion times here, let's decrease immigration administration and increase enforcement.

[emilian]

Blueheart73,

 

I could fully understand your feelings and sadness and depression now.

I had same experience in 2002. I came to the US with tourist visa. My finance and I planned the wedding in Las Vegas. After I arrived here for 20 days, I asked him whether he had any concerns or not about our commitment, I asked him to tell me the truth. He said he was a bit scared to get married so soon after he got divorced. In 2-3 days I confirmed with him again if he still wanted to get married, he asked me to give him a few more days to think about it, I asked him to decide right on that day. I thought he was not responsible at all, I told him I would go back to China the next day. I called the airline to change the ticket for the 3rd day. We negotiated for a compensation for me. We agreed he gave me USD2500.00 for airline ticket and for my salary. I had not quitted my job before I came to the US, as I kney anything could happen. He might change his mind in his own home environment. So I went back to China after I stayed here for 9 days.

But the night before I left, I did not cry so sadly. I had never cried that whole-heartedly and sadly in my life.

I could understand your feelings.

.....................

I hope you get better after talking here. No matter whatever comments you heard here, it is a relief of your pressure.

[emilian]

Sorry after I arrived here for 2 days.........

[keelec]

We negotiated for a compensation for me. We agreed he gave me USD2500.00 for airline ticket and for my salary.

Negotiated Compensation????

 

WOW!!!!!

 

I guess Emilian's situation was a bit different than some in that she had bought her own plane tickets, but that is a lot to expect from him.

 

I thought she had gotten married in the USA, perhaps it was later.

 

Now, I am more confused than ever. It sounds like some Chinese women treat marriages and relationships like contracts. Yet, earlier, I distinctly remeber a discussion on pre-nuptial agreements where the biggest complaint was that it was like treating the relationship like a contract?????

 

----- Clifford -----

[Dave G.]

We negotiated for a compensation for me. We agreed he gave me USD2500.00 for airline ticket and for my salary.

Negotiated Compensation????

 

WOW!!!!!

 

I guess Emilian's situation was a bit different than some in that she had bought her own plane tickets, but that is a lot to expect from him.

 

I thought she had gotten married in the USA, perhaps it was later.

 

Now, I am more confused than ever. It sounds like some Chinese women treat marriages and relationships like contracts. Yet, earlier, I distinctly remeber a discussion on pre-nuptial agreements where the biggest complaint was that it was like treating the relationship like a contract?????

 

----- Clifford -----

Clifford,

 

I'm really glad she finally responded to this thread. I've been waiting.....

 

She tipped her cards and validated everything Don, I and others have predicted. She's a fraud.

 

Why did the USC owe her anything? Sure...if she came on a K visa, I could see he had a financial obligation to help her get home. The compensation for work? Sounds like she just found a nice ATM machine.

 

And, what's up with $2500? I got a one way ticket for $800 when my wife came to the US. Who honestly makes $1300 (10725 RMB) in 9 days in China???? They'd be considered filthy rich. Do you know what I think? The dude made an insurance payment. "I'll give you the cash. Just don't bother me again." When it's noted the guy had hesitation, I don't think it had to do with his past divorce. I think he was just trying to be kind. What he really meant was, "I'm hesitant about marrying YOU! "

 

So, now the question is this: Who was the guy in 2002? The same guy with the same story when she arrived in 2004? What sucker is she using to file AOS? Yes, she exposed herself what who and what she is. My wife calls these types "bad girls with bad hearts" in China.