"Why Foreigners Marry Ugly Chinese Girls"

[amberjack1234]

Quote:

 

The topic “Why do laowai (foreigner) marry ugly Chinese girls?”, while it sounds silly for many as we’ve often been told that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”, has been talked about countless times within Asia’s cultural sphere.

The issue has been dissected by Chinese writers weighing on the points that foreigners usually see in the so-called “ugly Chinese girls”, as reported by The Nanfang.

According to one writer, Xu Xiliang of iFeng Beauty, Westerners don’t really mind marrying “ugly” Chinese girls as they often don’t base their preferences on looks alone.

“When finding their (ideal marriage) partner, many foreigners aren’t like we Chinese in being so fixated on things like appearances, money, or power. Instead, they are looking for something compatible with (the other person’s) inner quality. They want to find a real, authentic soul mate,” said Xu.

Her point is a subtle but open critique of most Chinese who marry for superficial reasons. In China, Xu said, “If a man has a wife that is ugly, it is generally accepted that he is a loser.”

Author Qing Di looks at the issue on similar terms, stating that “Americans (or Westerners in general) “do not place an emphasis upon a person’s external appearance”, preferring traits such as“a healthy open-mindedness” and “a vigorous self-confidence” as a means to also become“beautiful”.

End quote.

Not too sure about the assertion that westerns are not concerned with looks or outer beauty though-- the bigger the bank account the skinner the wife, we say.

That was a great post. I am going to have to copy that and save it when this conversation comes up again and quote you. Well done.

 

Now that I have said that I have got to tell you a story of my own. I have a life long friend that is a little related to me too. His father was Italian. After we got out of our respective branches of service (Air Force for me and Navy for him) we use to run around a bit together. I had to quit running around with him because they ladies were only interested in only one person in the room and that was him anytime that he was around. I remember one night that he was so drunk that he was not fit to drive and 5 of the gals had an actual fist fight as to who was going to take him home and take care of him. These were the most beautiful gals in the place too. He once told me that he had NEVER seen a woman that he could not get into her underwear in one night. We usually ate at a small diner for breakfast every morning and we met two very beautiful girls there and struck up a conversation with them. One was going to get married the next day. He whispered to me I'll bet you 50 bucks that I can bed her tonight. I told him that you are on. He took my 50 bucks with delight the next day. Now it did take a bit of talking for him to do that but he did it. I got to our apartment first and went to my room and locked the door and sure enough he brought her home with him. I'll stop there on that.

 

OH! the stories that I could tell about this guy and his experiences. He just came by to see me last week. He like myself are 68 years old now and the YOUNG women are STILL chasing him. His wife keeps a tight reign on him now a days though and has for the last 40 years. But it seems like every woman in town has always been after him all these years and it is not him after after the women. When he got married he was happy with her and loved her even to this day he has stayed faithful to her but it is hard sometimes he says.

 

My wife has met him many time and he even use to bring his jet ski's to me for maintenance, although he lives a good distance from me, and she never took an interest in him. She would look at his jet ski and take down what was wrong with it and head to the house without another word or look back. I ask her once if she didn't see him as irresistible like all the other women did and her answer was I don't see anything special. You know how the Chinese cherish the ultra white complexion well he is 50% Italian and is very tan so perhaps that is the reason.

 

I am sure that there are plenty of beautiful women out there that are in the same boat and yes MANY westerners are consumed by a beautiful woman no matter what age she is. There are some beautiful women that stay beautiful, without the scalpel, for a long time but not many.

 

Good conversing with you. I enjoyed it. I don't usually spend this much time with anyone.

Edited September 20, 2016 by amberjack1234 (see edit history)

[jonathantwu]

I don't have the answer but like the old saying: homely girls try harder!

 

And being brought up in Taiwan and married to a mainlander I do have to admit that the general population I saw does put a premium on good looks above everything- more popular in schools, better grades, good-looking company, more favorable assignment or better jobs.

Edited September 20, 2016 by jonathantwu (see edit history)

[amberjack1234]

I don't have the answer but like the old saying: homely girls try harder!

 

And being brought up in Taiwan and married to a mainlander I do have to admit that the general population I saw does put a premium on good looks above everything- more popular in schools, better grades, good-looking company, more favorable assignment or better jobs.

Yep

[wawster]

Ronny, you made me laugh until I had tears....that poor Tower. Don'tcha know that HAL9000 abuse is abominable...horrible.....aw hell....ok.....It's downright satisfying sometimes. Even to a computer geek like me.

 

But to the subject of this thread.....

I always thought that Rose was lovely. I mean, I know she's not a model, but her smile captivated me from the first time I saw her. And her eyes spoke volumes.....

That being said, I didn't see her until after we had corresponded for quite a while, and I was already admiring her hugely for her personality, humor, and sense of values.

So I think that my perception of her was colored by my admiration. And maybe that's the whole thing. I mean, every guy's head turns for a pretty woman. I think that's genetics. But when your heart is full of someone, you're going to believe they're beautiful no matter what.

[johnxiaoying]

“Why do laowai (foreigner) marry ugly Chinese girls?”

 

Blindness

[jonathantwu]

Exhibit A. Mark Zuckerberg. A head scratcher for me.

Edited September 22, 2016 by jonathantwu (see edit history)

[tsap seui]

Ronny, you made me laugh until I had tears....that poor Tower. Don'tcha know that HAL9000 abuse is abominable...horrible.....aw hell....ok.....It's downright satisfying sometimes. Even to a computer geek like me.

 

But to the subject of this thread.....

I always thought that Rose was lovely. I mean, I know she's not a model, but her smile captivated me from the first time I saw her. And her eyes spoke volumes.....

That being said, I didn't see her until after we had corresponded for quite a while, and I was already admiring her hugely for her personality, humor, and sense of values.

So I think that my perception of her was colored by my admiration. And maybe that's the whole thing. I mean, every guy's head turns for a pretty woman. I think that's genetics. But when your heart is full of someone, you're going to believe they're beautiful no matter what.

I really blew it by not having someone making a video as I destroyed that tower, Warren. All of the youtube videos I have seen with computer murders are good but they don't have the sustained fury and raw violence towards thin aluminum shells and computer guts as my video could have had. It could have been a masterpiece and had tens of millions of views.

 

What ugly Chinese wimmin? I don't believe I have ever seen an ugly Chinese woman. Chinese women have this incredible exotic (for lack of a better word) beauty that I have trouble even explaining. So, I stopped tryin' to describe it and just breathe it in each day....................................................like a 21 year old in heat. May I forever be inspired by the timeless beauty behind a Chinese woman's smiles, and her laughter.

[Jeikun]

Part of it is also the blurring of ideas of "attractiveness" when you cross race. The author of the article may think there are "Average-looking" westerners marrying "ugly" Chinese, but to a westerner's eye that "Average looking" westerner may be ugly, and that "ugly" Chinese may be average-looking - reversing the stereotype based on point of view and cultural bias. There are universal beauty standards of course, but culture/race blurs the smaller details.

[jonathantwu]

Part of it is also the blurring of ideas of "attractiveness" when you cross race. The author of the article may think there are "Average-looking" westerners marrying "ugly" Chinese, but to a westerner's eye that "Average looking" westerner may be ugly, and that "ugly" Chinese may be average-looking - reversing the stereotype based on point of view and cultural bias. There are universal beauty standards of course, but culture/race blurs the smaller details.

Do you find foot binding attractive? It was the ultimate standard of beauty for upper class chinese women a century ago. How about the comtemporory affinity for pasty skin tone which most westerners found unattractive?

 

I thought there are some universal traits of beauty like fertility, health and symmetry of body. But I don't really understand how the concept can be skewed into foot binding and elongated necks like some documentary I saw. All I can say is good for chinese women thanks to "average" looking westerners who are oblivious of the universal beauty standard and concentrate on their perceived traditional value!

 

As a counter point. How often did you see fugly old dudes with attractive young asian arm candies draping over them like bad suit? Assuming it is not some monetary transactions?

Edited September 23, 2016 by jonathantwu (see edit history)

[Jeikun]

 

Part of it is also the blurring of ideas of "attractiveness" when you cross race. The author of the article may think there are "Average-looking" westerners marrying "ugly" Chinese, but to a westerner's eye that "Average looking" westerner may be ugly, and that "ugly" Chinese may be average-looking - reversing the stereotype based on point of view and cultural bias. There are universal beauty standards of course, but culture/race blurs the smaller details.

Do you find foot binding attractive? It was the ultimate standard of beauty for upper class chinese women a century ago. How about the comtemporory affinity for pasty skin tone which most westerners found unattractive?

 

I thought there are some universal traits of beauty like fertility, health and symmetry of body. But I don't really understand how the concept can be skewed into foot binding and elongated necks like some documentary I saw. All I can say is good for chinese women thanks to "average" looking westerners who are oblivious of the universal beauty standard and concentrate on their perceived traditional value!

 

As a counter point. How often did you see fugly old dudes with attractive young asian arm candies draping over them like bad suit? Assuming it is not some monetary transactions?

 

Many older cultures have extreme "beauty" practices that in the modern world seem brutal. Foot binding, corseting, neck rings, etc... some of it is patriarchal control, some of it might have been just from not having anything better to do Can't say I find anything attractive about crippling someone. "pasty skin tone" though is just fine being as how I am translucent myself. I've never been caught up in the whole light-dark tan-pale thing. It doesn't appeal or detract. Not sure how these apply to the subject at hand, though?

 

There are universal beauty standards, and you have them right. Symmetry - especially facial, Appearance of health/fertility, and unblemished skin are pretty much used by all cultures past and present as standards. But the finer details one culture develops a taste for can vary just like taste in food. Same as one individuals tastes differ from another, yet people of geographical/cultural/racial closeness tend to have shared standards. Someone who appears "exotic" to your typical experience often gets "bonus points" for lack of a better expression.

 

As for the "fugly old dudes" with arm candy, there are a few possibilities. Financial security/perceived life stability is a big one. There's also the "daddy complex" which happens in the west too. And then there's some cases where love is simply blind, despite how you or I may cynically view it (though it's much rarer than people would like to believe ). The same cultural appearance variances can make it more palatable as well... (They feel less compromise in hanging off a ugly old white guys arm than a ugly old asian guy's - and that they are less likely to be cast aside later).

 

While I would like to say "It's because western men simply see inner beauty", like the article seems to want to - that is a broad sweeping generalization that we do not deserve. Nor do Chinese men deserve the broad sweeping generalization that they do not see inner beauty. There are millions and millions of shallow, petty western guys who give not 2 shits about what a woman is like on the inside. There are also millions of kind, sensitive Chinese guys who love their wife/partner for who they are, not what their face looks like. Whether one trait is stereotypically culturally the norm or not.

 

 

I'm just saying the stereotype can be flipped on it's head when looking form the other side of things - and often the stereotype of the "ugly (my race) with the average/attractive (other race)" is born from racism - not admiration. I used to hear it in the south too "Why do only ugly or fat white girls date black guys?" was on the lips of many a racist douchebag where I grew up.

[jonathantwu]

Love is blind. When it comes to other culture-- more blind.

[Doug]

 

 

 

 

What ugly Chinese wimmin? I don't believe I have ever seen an ugly Chinese woman. Chinese women have this incredible exotic (for lack of a better word) beauty that I have trouble even explaining. So, I stopped tryin' to describe it and just breathe it in each day....................................................like a 21 year old in heat. May I forever be inspired by the timeless beauty behind a Chinese woman's smiles, and her laughter.

 

Yea, even the homely ones or the ones with those big round faces... Look a little closer. She ain't fat at all. Bodies are knockouts many times. Then the slim ones. Well Ronnie I agree with you. Here in the USA if my eye follows a lady from behind and at a distance, 9 times out of 10, and I kid you not, it is an Asian lady when she turns around. I mean I have been very surprised about myself. It has happened to me so much I just accept it now. Somehow I wish I had known this when much younger. There is something about the shape of their legs and body that comes through even if wearing a coat, and all sizes at that. I just couldn't believe myself for a number of years.

 

I only have Chinese TV channels on DISH; at cheap $27.30/mo by the way; & we sit in the living room and disagree on what is beautiful. My wife and daughter explain what is considered most beautiful in China after I call her Choda.

 

After I met Fen, there was this gal working in the dinning room of the hotel. It was the most perfect face I ever saw. She was poor with a poor job, but man... if Fen had not come into my life...haha I would prolly be getting another divorce by now, heheeee.

 

Fen's boss said at a huge dinner with lots of folks that her face was not what is liked in China. You know they are not the most tactful people. I said but I like her face. It didn't bother me. In fact it was just a face I saw that made me click on that little picture and read her profile. Son of a gun, she had been reading my profile, 2 or 3 times she has admitted, but did nothing as I was too old, heheee. Well the rest is history. We be doing good.

[Doug]

Part of it is also the blurring of ideas of "attractiveness" when you cross race. The author of the article may think there are "Average-looking" westerners marrying "ugly" Chinese, but to a westerner's eye that "Average looking" westerner may be ugly, and that "ugly" Chinese may be average-looking - reversing the stereotype based on point of view and cultural bias. There are universal beauty standards of course, but culture/race blurs the smaller details.

Well there was Marilyn Monroe, when I was 11, but then Twiggy came out. I LIKED HER. My gosh look at our grandparents era and what they thought was pretty...

[tsap seui]

Scratch...scratch...scratch....I jes took another look at my wife...hell, I even asked her..."Girl, are you ugly?"

 

Maybe my wife ain't Chinese. I have looked at her every way I can, even upside down....I don't see no ugly girl. And I'm picky !!!

Douggie, did you marry an ugly girl? How about the rest of you guys out there...did YOU marry an ugly Chinese girl? Be HONEST, YAWL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I may be a dirt clod from the hollar but I didn't marry no ugly Chinese girl.

 

Who comes up with stupid bullshit like this?

[warpedbored]

Every husband should find his wife beautiful. My wife is 59, she's still a damn good looking woman.