Don't Spitting at Anywhere

[Randy W]

My big benchmark for whether the Chinese people are ready to live in a clean, pollution-free environment will be when they don't spit and leave trash everywhere. Hangzhou is apparently a start.

 

http://shanghaiist.com/attachments/alexlinder/no_spitting.jpg

 

Hangzhou officially bans spitting in public

 

 

[Dennis143]

Wonder why the sign English translation. Is there a problem with westerners spitting too?

[Allon]

Spitting and farting have had an advertisement campaign for a while. One translator with a hilarious sense of humor has a routine against these practices.

 

Did absolutely no good.

[tsap seui]

Well heck damn...I for one am going to be real damn sad if John Q Law in Chinartucky makes Chinese men and wimmin stop spitting in public. That is just downright MEAN, Man !!!!!!

 

I have gotten a lot of laughter from the throat clams, hockers, bits of broken lung, oysters, copious amounts of snot, road buggers, and who knows what else, that I have seen ejected on trips over yonder. I loved it all.....bud bud buddy....Chinar is my kinda place.

 

My wife and I used to stay in a hotel in Fushun before they finished our house. It was a real nice hotel and had a great restaurant, but often it was just me n' dat lil' rabbit in there eatin'. One night we go in and sit down, a few tables away a guy who I guess was some sort of hotel security with his green police looking uniform that you see so many guys wearin' in China. Anyhow, this officer of something or other sits down and proceeds to clean out all of the snot and mucus from his nose, throat, and lungs. He snorts, hacks, sucks, and reaches real deeply into his lungs...and baby, that guy blew out, probably the BEST (I kid you not) big green quivering hocker, and spat that award winning clam on the polished marble floor, maybe 12 inches from his own foot. I've rarely seen such a talented spitter.

 

That horrible oyster laid there on the floor and gurgled to itself as it quivered like jello on steroids. It looked like a smokey mist was waftin' up from this gruesome, yet oh so hilarious glob of flesh like material that had until a few seconds ago once been part of this man's lung.....Oppps

 

Just as I was admiring the Hock King's handiwork lying there on the floor, up came the waitress. I told her, "sweetheart, after what I just saw, I must have the clams, please."

 

Wenyan found the whole situation just as funny as I did and throughout the meal, we couldn't hardly look at each other as just looking at each other sent us both into hysterical laughter....yes, we tried to give Barney Fife-san "face".

 

Garsh, Mickey, I hope the Chinese never stop spittin' and blowin' huge chunks of broken lung on sidewalks and fine marble restaurant floors...what an absolutely droll place it would be.

 

spittin' seui

 

Dennis, that well worded English sing may have been for me....when I'm over yonder, if I see guys pissin' on walls downtown, or spittin' long gobs of mucus, then I have this overwhelming desire to add my own creations in either name writin' with urine or the side of a building, or hocking up some large green shoe eating clams of the throat for some hapless soul to get their shoe taken from them by.

Edited February 10, 2016 by tsap seui (see edit history)

[Mick]

Tsap, your story reminds me of my first year in China. I was giving an exam in my Literature class and was walking up and down the aisles, glancing at what the students were writing (these were fourth year English majors). As I was headed up one aisle, I hear the sound that reminded me of the noise you hear when you try to start an old Dodge on a cold morning - sort of a hacking, grunting, slow-turning gear sort of sound - and then saw the results. This student, with tilted head, let a big green loogie go airborne. It reached its peak and it shook and trembled, kind of like what my dad used to say looked like "a dog shi**in" a peach seed." It did a half-gainer, and headed toward the floor with maximum velocity. Two facts must be added to this tale before I finish. First, the quivering, green glob landed right on the top of one of my brand new pair of "Adibas" knock-off sports shoes, and secondly, the originator of this wayward wad was a female.

Edited February 10, 2016 by Mick (see edit history)

[wawster]

Oh my freakin' lord!

 

Mick and tsap....In between the two of you guys, I damn near had an unsavory bladder accident from laughing so hard!

Which...by the way, got me to coughing, which dislodged some leftover cold-related material left in my on danged lungs.

 

Which got me to laughing harder and run for the men's room to a) make sure that I emptied said bladder, and b) got rid of the lung material in a somewhat dignified way. No half-gainers, and it wasn't worthy of a medal.....

 

As they say in Kansas...you guys are a hoot n a half!

[tsap seui]

Tsap, your story reminds me of my first year in China. I was giving an exam in my Literature class and was walking up and down the aisles, glancing at what the students were writing (these were fourth year English majors). As I was headed up one aisle, I hear the sound that reminded me of the noise you hear when you try to start an old Dodge on a cold morning - sort of a hacking, grunting, slow-turning gear sort of sound - and then saw the results. This student, with tilted head, let a big green loogie go airborne. It reached its peak and it shook and trembled, kind of like what my dad used to say looked like "a dog shi**in" a peach seed." It did a half-gainer, and headed toward the floor with maximum velocity. Two facts must be added to this tale before I finish. First, the quivering, green glob landed right on the top of one of my brand new pair of "Adibas" knock-off sports shoes, and secondly, the originator of this wayward wad was a female.

Lord Gawd, Mick. Man, you have such a way with the wording of a love story. As I read yore words I swear I got a tear or two in my eyes. Garsh, reading the part where that undulating quivering clam landed on yore knock off sports shoe...why, it made me think, in a fit of jealousy I might add....WHY, WHY couldn't that have been how I met Wenyan????? Such a beautiful love story, I could just hear the clamor of a beautiful woman snortin' and suckin' on mucus to build up a fine wad of thick green oyster like material, and then to loudly hock that smoking wad through the air with the greatest of ease, and have the feeling of it landing, oh so sensually, on one of my "Punta" (Puma) knock off, casual dress rock climbing shoes. Dadgummit, I would love to have a love story like that. I can jes imagine a beautiful girl's loogie splashing on my shoe, me trying to find a shovel to coax it to release its grip on the faux leather of my knock off shoe, and then askin' the delicate lady, "Well HELLO ma suggah, what's yore sign purdy lady?"

 

Ahh, the humanity of it all. What choo think Wawster, that Mick has a real talent with romantic words, eh? He paints such a beautiful pitcher. I felt pert near flush jes reading that story....almost passed out.

[wawster]

Dang, tsap, I'm with ya there. Mick just has a special talent for love stories!

 

I got a tear in my eye, thinking about the romance of it all. Girl gets boy's attention, because of the hawking, lung clearing sound she purposely made for just that effect. Boy admires the consistency and trajectory of the expelled material as Girl hocks a big, well formed and artistically crafted loogie. I can just see the boy surreptitiously sliding his shoe over to intercept the love missile, in order to impress the girl with his acceptance of the gelatinous love note. Their eyes meet, and love is in the air. Why...this could be a blockbuster movie!!!

 

Mick....your account of this could land you in Hollerwood!

[Mick]

Well now wawster and tsapster, thank ye fer them kind words about my writin' love stories. Over in Chiner you jes never knows when you is gonna see somethin' that sets yer heart to pitter patterin' like crazy - why with me, when I spied that loogie get airborne, it set my ticker to poundin' out whut wuz nearly a perfect rendition of the drum solo in that classic rocker, "In a Gadda Da Vidder" by Iron Butterfly. And at that precise moment when gravity began to win its battle with the velocity of the green glob and the loogie sort of became more elongated in preparin' fer its half-gainer and subsequent descent toward my Adibas knock-off, well, I damn near teared up. It was one of those moments that life hand you when you least expect it. If I had not already met and fell so deeply in love with Li, why I might have grabbed that goober-launchin' damsel and held her in a passionate embrace in hopes that it my cause her to send another puke green goober skyward. Heck, I might have been fortunate enough to have the other Adibas splattered with that thar slick, dripping, lung slobber, thus givin' me a matched set. But then, the girl was my student and that might have been considered unethical. Heck fire, me and Li was havin' enough trouble with the powers that be and she was just another teacher, not a student. Still, the thought of seein' another bronchial oyster, a true masterpiece, was dern near enough to send me over the edge of social acceptance.

[wawster]

*sigh*

Gotta love a good love story.

I say we traipse over to China and start tearing down those signs, being so close to Valentine's day and all.

We really don't wanna see others deprived of such a heart-touching experience.

Obviously the powers that be are misconstruing the actions and are not "one with the people"

Why...it's akin to campaigning against romance at it most fundamental form!

 

Maybe make a poster.... "Don't spiiting at anywhere....hock a loogie on the one you love!"

Who's with me?