Too good to be true?

[credzba]

I regret every day I moved my wife here, instead of me moving there.

 

She had a good job as a supervisor at a multinational manufacturing company in China.

After coming to America, she could not find a job. Her aspirations went from finding an equivalent job, to being an operator, to working at a kindergarten, at a chinese restaraunt, as a CNA at an old folks home ..

 

Recently she spent a year of study to get her massage therapy license, and after a year of hard work has a good clientele.

 

Still, what did I DO!?!

I moved her from a reasonable high level white collar job, to a hard working blue collar job.

 

Don't get me wrong, she does not HAVE to work, I make enough to cover all our expenses easily, but she does not want to feel useless at home.

There is no where she likes to go in America, and we have very few Chinese friends (even though we went to a Chinese church for over 2 years).

 

I beat myself up because I am a very experienced software engineer. I could have found work in China.

I "thought" I was guiding her to a better life, but it did not work out like I expected.

 

In retrospect the one VERY good thing that came out of it is her daughter went to high school here in America, and graduated top 5% in her class.

As a result she was accepted at UT Austin engineering school, and has straight A's in engineering.

 

The daughter will benefit very well from coming to America, but my wife, the person I love suffered a lot.

Like all Chinese moms though, she is happy her daughter is benefitting.

 

I have seen 4 or 5 other families where the child did not fair well in America either.

It is not easy to go to school in english, and make good grades.

 

If both the daughter and the wife had suffered I would hate my decision even more!

 

Seriously consider moving to China is my advice.

[tsap seui]

I'm with Credz on this....even down to our kids benefiting more than our wives.

 

The streets in America are not paved with gold, and no, we don't have trees that grow 100 bills on them. We live in a pretty rural area so yes, there is not much opportunity for a wife who doesn't fully understand or speak the language to get a job let alone a good paying job.

 

If she isn't that eager to move to America, you may well take Credz's advice to heart.

 

Good luck either way.

 

tsap seui

[Dennis143]

Both Credz's and Tsap post are worth pondering for anyone contemplating venturing down the same road... ripping a woman from her Chinese life and settling her here in yours.

 

There is no good nor bad in this. The variable are to wide and large to give anyone one advice that will fit all...

 

Do you live in an urban or a rural environment?

Does your income allow you to enjoy life without constraint?

Do you live within or close to a Chinese community?

Is she willing to live a cloistered life now away from any frequent Chinese contact?

 

There are many questions that will always remain unanswered. All one can do in life is promise to love and give someone the best that we can and hope they are happy with what we give.

[Randy W]

As far as whether she's for real or not - realize that when given the choice

 

1) you and the green card

2) you only

 

she is leaning toward the latter

[michaln]

When ling and I were first talking. I mentioned that some women were just looking for a green card she replied what makes you think America is so great .

 

Looks like I owe someone $20

[xiaohou]

I live in a very nice quiet neighborhood with newer single family ranch style homes. Quite the mix with 2 different Vietnamese families at a stone throw, Middle Eastern family next door and an American married to a Korean lady across the street. Even have a huge Asian market just up the street. I bought the house as a foreclosure at the bottom of the market so if I rented it out, it would more then cover the cost of the mortgage. It’s almost paid off and I have thought about buying a 2nd smaller home for an investment. So if I’m abroad and didn’t work for a while I’d still have some money coming in.

 

My job isn’t transferable. Even though I work in the architectural field and China seems to be in a building boom, I’m just a trained mouse jockey that punches out construction documents all day long. Any trained monkey ‘prolly could do just as well. Plus everything is in metric (shouldn’t be hard to learn) and the building codes are a lot different (might not be much).

 

I’ve been to China enough times to see the glitz and glamour and the down and dirty. High rise apartments to die for and stayed at places that didn’t even have running water or electric and I shutter . . . no internet or phone signal.

 

Basically, by my moving there, it’s not going to make or break me. She would have a harder time to adjust so I’m thinking of her best interest but then again, she really doesn’t have any desire to move to the US. She was born and raised in Beijing and that’s all the world she knows.

 

She wants me to really move there so much that she has told me that I wouldn’t even need to work for the 1st year. Just take the time to learn more about China and attend a local college to study more written and spoken Chinese to become more proficient.

 

A note for Dennis. I have worked with the Chinese organization here in my town for a couple of years. We have a very large Chinese community but 90% are of the upper crust and snub others that don’t have a house more then 3,000 sq ft or drive a Beamer or Benz. Needless to say, I don’t want my better half to get tangled in that mess of the “one uppers”.

 

I know some men think about that trophy wife or “arm candy” here in the states but can the opposite be said for a Chinese woman to have a western husband there?

[Dennis143]

 

 

I know some men think about that trophy wife or “arm candy” here in the states but can the opposite be said for a Chinese woman to have a western husband there?

My wife, Leiqin, wants me to go with China with her for a couple of weeks at the end of this year. I tease her by saying that she just wants to have her white monkey with her to show off to everyone. In Nanning, us westerners are a bit of an oddity who are constantly stared at. I would suppose that there's a bit of a trophy husband thinking with my wife. Wonder what Randy and other expat's thoughts and experiences are.

[Randy W]

The ones who see ME are the ones that I could almost tell you word-for-word what they're saying to each other - they're excited to see a foreigner. The looks that i can't read are the ones that look first at me, then at her (or vice versa) - can't tell if it's suspicion, envy, jealousy, or just not wanting to be seen by her looking at me. In any event, I feel fairly comfortable (and actually enjoy) the level of attention I get.

[Doug]

I see no damn good reason for a Chinese lady to come to the USA, especially if she has a good job in China with a good retirement. I got so pissed about the way MEN run things over there though, that I wrote an email to my wife's boss, translated and all. Wife did not mind all my opinions, but got pretty mad about my mentioning money. Guess I should not have but oh well. They are loosing a real talent. Fen just wants to get away from the system and politics of how the men run things there. After all, a man IS better than a woman, so they think.

 

Anyway, she wants to get out of China and do ANYTHING other than coach. That is all OK, when I think about it. I have 2 houses to finish fixing up, rent or sell one of them, take care of my Mom, and then there are things I commited to doing for my job. We both have good jobs so it is a real coin toss.

 

Our basic plan is for her and Lil One to come to the USA for 4 years. That should be 5 years from now that we would then move back to China for her to take on another 4 year contract as a coach and be able to keep her full retirement. I am 17 years older than her. Unless something really good happens here, I would like for her to keep that retirement, at least at this point. I would be about 65-66 then, and so I guess retire at 66. She just wants a break, since she has done the same thing since 15. And of course she would like for her daughter to go to school here. Get her out of HS and I guess we are free, so she thinks. Personally I think the kid is better off in school over there, considering how the kids are here.

 

I find that because I like/love her so much that all the sounds, smells, and sights of her home, job, and city I love as well. I am hoping when she is here that I begin to have that feeling for things here. Living alone is Hell. Nothing interests me at all around here, but I gotta lot to do, so we are free to move out of here, if needed.

[credzba]

 

Our basic plan is for her and Lil One to come to the USA for 4 years. That should be 5 years from now that we would then move back to China for her to take on another 4 year contract as a coach and be able to keep her full retirement. I am 17 years older than her. Unless something really good happens here, I would like for her to keep that retirement, at least at this point. I would be about 65-66 then, and so I guess retire at 66. She just wants a break, since she has done the same thing since 15. And of course she would like for her daughter to go to school here. Get her out of HS and I guess we are free, so she thinks. Personally I think the kid is better off in school over there, considering how the kids are here.

 

 

It doesn't end at HS Doug.

Until she is out of college your stuck .. I am speaking from experience here !

Our daughter is living in an apt. at college. Comes home once in a blue moon.

Doesn't need us for ANYTHING.

My job will let me work from anywhere.

I am ready to go to China ... The word from swmbo (as tsap says) is "lets wait till she is graduated and settled in a job somewhere".

 

Also, seriously consider the school issue with your wife.

It is VERY difficult to go from Chinese school to American school just because of the language difference.

Speaking English casually is nothing compared to listening, taking notes, doing homework, and presenting in English for a grade.

 

If you move her to American school, she is probably 2 years ahead in math and science, but history(American view), biology, english... those are tough! and even tougher in a foreign language and culture.

 

Also, one other item that doesn't often come to peoples thoughts is where is daughter going to work after school?

If its in America, then a US college (and high school probably) is a must.

If its in China, then China college (and college high school / test preparation) is a must.

I say this not because of the education, but because of the network.

In China, no network = no good job .

In America, no job from college campus hiring makes job finding first job exceedingly difficult (again first hand knowledge).

 

It is a lot to consider, but the child's future is really the determining factor.

you and the wife will be fine no matter what you do, but if you screw up the childs life you have a terrible heartache to contend with.

 

One other thought, your wife is still in working age, no matter how tired she is now, 3 months sitting home with nowhere (Chinese) to go and nothing to do but housework will make her crazy.

Her ability to find a job in America is way more difficult than I ever thought.

 

These are all things I'd suggest you discuss.

[Mick]

 

 

Our basic plan is for her and Lil One to come to the USA for 4 years. That should be 5 years from now that we would then move back to China for her to take on another 4 year contract as a coach and be able to keep her full retirement. I am 17 years older than her. Unless something really good happens here, I would like for her to keep that retirement, at least at this point. I would be about 65-66 then, and so I guess retire at 66. She just wants a break, since she has done the same thing since 15. And of course she would like for her daughter to go to school here. Get her out of HS and I guess we are free, so she thinks. Personally I think the kid is better off in school over there, considering how the kids are here.

 

 

It doesn't end at HS Doug.

Until she is out of college your stuck .. I am speaking from experience here !

Our daughter is living in an apt. at college. Comes home once in a blue moon.

Doesn't need us for ANYTHING.

My job will let me work from anywhere.

I am ready to go to China ... The word from swmbo (as tsap says) is "lets wait till she is graduated and settled in a job somewhere".

 

Also, seriously consider the school issue with your wife.

It is VERY difficult to go from Chinese school to American school just because of the language difference.

Speaking English casually is nothing compared to listening, taking notes, doing homework, and presenting in English for a grade.

 

If you move her to American school, she is probably 2 years ahead in math and science, but history(American view), biology, english... those are tough! and even tougher in a foreign language and culture.

 

Also, one other item that doesn't often come to peoples thoughts is where is daughter going to work after school?

If its in America, then a US college (and high school probably) is a must.

If its in China, then China college (and college high school / test preparation) is a must.

I say this not because of the education, but because of the network.

In China, no network = no good job .

In America, no job from college campus hiring makes job finding first job exceedingly difficult (again first hand knowledge).

 

It is a lot to consider, but the child's future is really the determining factor.

you and the wife will be fine no matter what you do, but if you screw up the childs life you have a terrible heartache to contend with.

 

One other thought, your wife is still in working age, no matter how tired she is now, 3 months sitting home with nowhere (Chinese) to go and nothing to do but housework will make her crazy.

Her ability to find a job in America is way more difficult than I ever thought.

 

These are all things I'd suggest you discuss.

 

 

Doug, everything Cred just said makes a heck of a lot of sense. It is one thing for an adult, married (or soon to be married) woman to relocate here, but for a kid, it is much more difficult, at least at first. We have a very small Chinese community in this little village we live in (depending on how many folks are working at the local Chinese restaurant, our total Chinese population fluctuates to between four and seven). Over the years, I have witnessed quite a few kids come here to live with parents working here and the first year or so is just really a challenge, academically and socially. I remember one kid who just about went over the edge trying to pass chemistry (10th grade) when he barely understood spoken English. His parents, of course, expected him to make 100 on every test. Fat chance. Some kids do make it okay, but many don't. One success story has been tsap's step-son - he seems to be doing very well. I think a lot of that is due to the kids character and also the fact that tsap has really given the boy a lot of his time and has made every effort to be there for him. I know that for lots of guys, having a wife with a teenage son presents big problems, but tsap has pulled out all the stops to make this work and it has really paid off. I have no doubt that that boy will do well, no matter what path he takes.

 

Anyway, I wish you great success on all fronts as you deserve the best my friend. Keep us posted...

[tsap seui]

I'll third the thoughts of these cheer two fine gentlemens Douggie. From the schooling in English to the wife sitting at home because she has trouble finding a job that doesn't involve massage or doing fingernails. Then again, it just dawns on me...you are a veteran at this game.

 

Thanks for those words on our son Mick. He is really sweating it right now as he has his SAT test Saturday. WHile he does well in school, the English he was taught in China sucks to say the least and he was barely functional 2 years ago. For his sake I only wish I could have gotten him over here in 2007 after their first interview instead of 2011. All he does is translate and study, translate and study, and then for fun....he translates English and studies. I really feel for him on this SAT test and the poor kid is stressed out about it, he knows he is handicapped as hell with English. Come a million miles and placed 9th in his class last year, but taking a test where you are timed and had best be on top of English, and taking AP classes in high school where you have an ESL teacher who adores you for your work ethic and teachers who bend over backwards for you are two different things. Wenyan and I drove down to Cumberland, Maryland today to see exactly where he will take the test....and to see if we should get a hotel the night before instead of driving 35 miles to the school so he can start at 7:30, anything to make him more comfortable.

 

Credz hit so many important things right on the head....my Gawd, you'd think he lived in the other 49 states in America, instead of the ONLY state in America...LOL Even with my buying Wenyan a dern apartment complex for an income, she goes nuts sitting at home more than one day in a row. Add in a rural area that even though she loves the raw beauty of she feels like she's in prison as compared to China.

 

While she was in China all summer she got her retirement funding started there. Once our son continues to follow in Credzba's daughter's footsteps and gets into a university we may well wind up doing a ton of traveling again....at least me, as if I was still working on Wenyan's immigration all over again. as the majority of the traveling is going to be back and forth to Chinartucky. I'm gonna start exploring the Pittsburgh area in anticipation of the freedom we'll have once Dr. Zhang starts uni....got the VA regional office and hospital there, still got beautiful mountains there, and I'm hoping a well developed Chinese community there. I'd hate to give up Bedford County, but it's a helluva better trade off than Liaoning Province full time for me....LOL I love China and our home and family and yeah, we could live like King Buzzard and Queen Bee there with the rentals, her retirement, the VA, and my SSDI loot for income....

 

You know what?, writing this out like this....What the hell am I thinkin'? Maybe we'll jes go live in China when the boy goes to university. Good Lord, with those different sources of steady income, totallin' up to something over 75,000yuan a dadgum month even at a 4 to 1 exchange rate.

 

Ah Randy, you live over there, and Credz you've been studying about living over yonder...can I legally get my VA, SSDI, and that rental income paid out to me over there? Shucks Mick, git yore VA bene's kicked into gear and we can join up with Douggie and Credz, Randy and the Swede if they wanna join in on our own self contained expat community and we'll darn well buy our own gated community of single family homes instead of concrete canyon living. Live like the hillbilly kings that we really are. A couple of 57 Chevies on blocks out by the gate, our own security force, we'll call ourselves the 4 or 5 Amigos, our CHinese wives will be back at home so we can all go eat at fancy restaurants with them big round tables with the 7 foot lazy susan in the middle, and tawk real loud, laugh at life and sing karijoke every night in the private rooms of some nice karijokie club....while we're not out floatin' down the Yangtze river from the beginning to it's end or flying down to Hong Kong for the weekend, or pilin' into Randy's car for trip out into the wop wop somewhere....hell, we'll rent a limo and let Wenyan's ex drive us while we sit back smokin' 3 foot long Cuban ceegars handrolled by Fidel Castro hisowndamnself as we enjoy the views. Whatcha say boys? Can we get our retirement loot exchanged each month? Shirley they has got to be somebody we can pay to let us do it.

 

Such fun......now, where were we? What wuz we tawkin' about?

 

tsap seui

[credzba]

I'll third the thoughts of these cheer two fine gentlemens Douggie. From the schooling in English to the wife sitting at home because she has trouble finding a job that doesn't involve massage or doing fingernails. Then again, it just dawns on me...you are a veteran at this game.

 

Thanks for those words on our son Mick. He is really sweating it right now as he has his SAT test Saturday. WHile he does well in school, the English he was taught in China sucks to say the least and he was barely functional 2 years ago. For his sake I only wish I could have gotten him over here in 2007 after their first interview instead of 2011. All he does is translate and study, translate and study, and then for fun....he translates English and studies. I really feel for him on this SAT test and the poor kid is stressed out about it, he knows he is handicapped as hell with English. Come a million miles and placed 9th in his class last year, but taking a test where you are timed and had best be on top of English, and taking AP classes in high school where you have an ESL teacher who adores you for your work ethic and teachers who bend over backwards for you are two different things. Wenyan and I drove down to Cumberland, Maryland today to see exactly where he will take the test....and to see if we should get a hotel the night before instead of driving 35 miles to the school so he can start at 7:30, anything to make him more comfortable.

 

Credz hit so many important things right on the head....my Gawd, you'd think he lived in the other 49 states in America, instead of the ONLY state in America...LOL Even with my buying Wenyan a dern apartment complex for an income, she goes nuts sitting at home more than one day in a row. Add in a rural area that even though she loves the raw beauty of she feels like she's in prison as compared to China.

 

While she was in China all summer she got her retirement funding started there. Once our son continues to follow in Credzba's daughter's footsteps and gets into a university we may well wind up doing a ton of traveling again....at least me, as if I was still working on Wenyan's immigration all over again. as the majority of the traveling is going to be back and forth to Chinartucky. I'm gonna start exploring the Pittsburgh area in anticipation of the freedom we'll have once Dr. Zhang starts uni....got the VA regional office and hospital there, still got beautiful mountains there, and I'm hoping a well developed Chinese community there. I'd hate to give up Bedford County, but it's a helluva better trade off than Liaoning Province full time for me....LOL I love China and our home and family and yeah, we could live like King Buzzard and Queen Bee there with the rentals, her retirement, the VA, and my SSDI loot for income....

 

You know what?, writing this out like this....What the hell am I thinkin'? Maybe we'll jes go live in China when the boy goes to university. Good Lord, with those different sources of steady income, totallin' up to something over 75,000yuan a dadgum month even at a 4 to 1 exchange rate.

 

Ah Randy, you live over there, and Credz you've been studying about living over yonder...can I legally get my VA, SSDI, and that rental income paid out to me over there? Shucks Mick, git yore VA bene's kicked into gear and we can join up with Douggie and Credz, Randy and the Swede if they wanna join in on our own self contained expat community and we'll darn well buy our own gated community of single family homes instead of concrete canyon living. Live like the hillbilly kings that we really are. A couple of 57 Chevies on blocks out by the gate, our own security force, we'll call ourselves the 4 or 5 Amigos, our CHinese wives will be back at home so we can all go eat at fancy restaurants with them big round tables with the 7 foot lazy susan in the middle, and tawk real loud, laugh at life and sing karijoke every night in the private rooms of some nice karijokie club....while we're not out floatin' down the Yangtze river from the beginning to it's end or flying down to Hong Kong for the weekend, or pilin' into Randy's car for trip out into the wop wop somewhere....hell, we'll rent a limo and let Wenyan's ex drive us while we sit back smokin' 3 foot long Cuban ceegars handrolled by Fidel Castro hisowndamnself as we enjoy the views. Whatcha say boys? Can we get our retirement loot exchanged each month? Shirley they has got to be somebody we can pay to let us do it.

 

Such fun......now, where were we? What wuz we tawkin' about?

 

tsap seui

I have considered it Tsap, and it can certainly be done.

The rentals are a little bit of a pia, because we have to pay someone to manage them, but its not big money.

The mail, there are places that will collect and forward your mail, or have a friend you trust go through it and then forward it. I just dont want to inconvenience anyone.

As for the deposits, the all go into an American bank, and I withdraw what I want in China .. Randy talked about this in another thread. He has 2 cards so his daily limit is 8,000 yuan. If you need more, wire it to yourself.

There is even a tax advantage, though I dont think it applies to rental income. The first 90,000+ $ of income are not taxed by uncle sam if you live outside the USA.

 

For me, its not a financial issue so much as where does swmbo want to live.

Give me a computer, a comfortable chair, and good Chinese.. I am easy to satisfy.

[Randy W]

 

I have considered it Tsap, and it can certainly be done.

The rentals are a little bit of a pia, because we have to pay someone to manage them, but its not big money.

The mail, there are places that will collect and forward your mail, or have a friend you trust go through it and then forward it. I just dont want to inconvenience anyone.

As for the deposits, the all go into an American bank, and I withdraw what I want in China .. Randy talked about this in another thread. He has 2 cards so his daily limit is 8,000 yuan. If you need more, wire it to yourself.

There is even a tax advantage, though I dont think it applies to rental income. The first 90,000+ $ of income are not taxed by uncle sam if you live outside the USA.

 

For me, its not a financial issue so much as where does swmbo want to live.

Give me a computer, a comfortable chair, and good Chinese.. I am easy to satisfy.

 

 

Yes, you would probably want your American checks either deposited electronically, or mailed to a friend who could deposit them for you. The mail forwarding works fine, too, but then it wouldn't make any sense to have to mail it back to the U.S. for depositing, or, even worse, try to deposit it in a Chinese bank.

 

The $90,000+ Foreign Earned Income Exclusion applies to foreign earned income only, and is actually a partial tax credit which won't allow you to exclude the entire amount if you have any substantial U.S. income.

 

Between the Internet here in my office and the Chinese folks outside, I'm never alone.

[credzba]

Yes, you would probably want your American checks either deposited electronically, or mailed to a friend who could deposit them for you. The mail forwarding works fine, too, but then it wouldn't make any sense to have to mail it back to the U.S. for depositing, or, even worse, try to deposit it in a Chinese bank.

 

 

 

The $90,000+ Foreign Earned Income Exclusion applies to foreign earned income only, and is actually a partial tax credit which won't allow you to exclude the entire amount if you have any substantial U.S. income.

 

Between the Internet here in my office and the Chinese folks outside, I'm never alone.

 

For the deposit I always figured I'd use my phone.

Most all banks (in usa) allow you to deposit checks with your phone.