What if...

[Urkidding]

What if….

 

I hate to be a “Naysayer” but what if you died tomorrow and your candle was extinguished. Would anybody here know? Would your spouse or significant other know enough to log into Candle and tell us? Are you good enough friends with others to pick up the phone and see why your friends are not posting?

 

I found out about our friend and Brother Bobby had died when his wife called to inform me. It was tragic accident (heart attack) and no one was prepared for what had happened, not even his wife. There was another Candle member here (Skibum) who died of cancer, however he was preparing us for the worst by announcing it and letting us all know in advance. Back in the “old” days we even put together fund raisers to help each other by sending flowers or money that was needed.

 

My point is in the past we all got together and had picnics, parties and fun times over the holidays. We all exchanged phone numbers and called each other offline to chat. I still do this with many of you here on Candle and will continue to do it in the future. We are all brothers in one way or another and we all share the same type of bond – Chinese wives.

 

I will also see about setting up another Houston gathering so the we can all come together and share stories and have good times like we did in the past. Post some pictures and enjoy each others company. I would also hope to see the same across Candles’ membership in the east and west coast so that we can all keep in touch with each other – and keep the flame going.

 

Just a “What if” thought.

 

Andrew

[credzba]

Good thoughts, makes me consider.

 

On one hand, everything you say is true. Without Candleforlove, my marriage to a Chinese, and visa process would have been lumpier.

I owe those before me, and those after me to help when I can.

 

On the other hand, I want to be just a married couple. I don't want to emphasize the cross cultural aspect, nor detract from it. I live my life, make friends etc. as if everything I do is exactly what everyone else does. (I know I live in my own bubble)

 

Thus, I walk in between here, in this discussion. Few (if anyone) know my real name. The one time I met another couple from CFL it was a bit strange.

They were a nice couple, but the ONLY thing we had in common was a Chinese woman married to a foreign devil.

Not enough to become friends.

 

I think that those who are close enough to each other to notify of death in the family, etc. are close because of other reasons.

Being married to a foreigner is a reason to come here, but not a reason to relate to each other.

 

At any rate, those are the random thoughts that went through my mind as I read your post.

 

I'd be happy to meet other couples, and perhaps find friends with common interests.

[Mick]

With my chronic health problems, which are of a potentially fatal nature, this is something Li and I have discussed. She knows how to log on to Candle, using either my account or her own. As for meeting couples, we have done that on several occasions, both here and when we lived in China. All in all it was a positive experience. We met with Robert S. and his lovely lady and shared several nice meals. In China met with Owen Krout and had meeting with head of visa unit. His wife and he visited us in Shantou for a week afterwards. It is a great idea to stay in touch. I remember skibum very well as he was a fellow member of the Black Hole days.

[credzba]

 

Good luck yawl. Don't bring your beloved family here and leave them in a world of hurt if your number gits punched out of the blue.

 

 

It would be awesome (though a little morbid) to put together a checklist like we have for bringing spouses over.

I am a little (probably more than a little) paranoid about finances, but I think what I did is a good idea.

 

My wife has no idea about our accounts in America, and no interest in learning.

So.. I created a password protected file on my computer, and in it is every account we owe, have money in, or insurance. The account numbers, the passwords etc.

Then, I wrote up the info about that file, and sent the password to a buddy I trust.

 

The benefit is I can keep it updated, and it is totally private (unless he comes over and copies it off my computer, and that isn't gonna happen).

But, if my number get punched, he knows everything my wife needs to know, and can make sure she is taken care of.

 

It's not as good as the step by step Tsap is putting together, but I hope its enough.

 

As for SS, I have asked here, called SS office, and asked in other forums.

I STILL have no idea how this system works. I THINK after 5 years of marriage, my wife can collect, but even when ss person told me, I don't believe it.

I think my recent suspicion was the "living in USA" requirement. There is NO WAY my lady is staying here if I am not here, which means her green card would expire or be revoked.... does that mean she will loose her benefits ?

[Dennis143]

Remember Patrick who had stomach cancer? I forget his handle. I often wonder about him. He and his mother traveled to China together to visit his lady.

 

I suppose if I kick off there are enough Candle friends within my SoCal network that word would eventually get out. If I am dead, it won't matter to me.

 

As far as get-togethers, it seems that the mid-2000s there were a slew of us bringing our lady's here and that we wanted to make sure they could bond with other Chinese women who were here and who traveled the same path. We believed these gatherings would help ease their transition. I think it helped.

But, as we have grown together as a couple and become comfortable with our lives, the need to network has waned. Not that we haven't formed bonds with those couples, but like life we have grown apart.

 

Interesting that it seems there's a slow down in men seeking a Chinese wife, as it were earlier this decade. I wonder if the economy's been a factor or simply that men have become more savvy (due to this site?) in both looking for an offshore wife or simply more internet savvy.

[Doug]

I wondered the same thing about death of one of us, or myself in particular. Some of you have my phone number though. I guess if disconnected, well then I am,

[Urkidding]

I wondered the same thing about death of one of us, or myself in particular. Some of you have my phone number though. I guess if disconnected, well then I am,

 

Don't worry DOugie... I have to call Mikie every so often and just to check and make sure he didn't beat me to it!

 

I guess I need to put you on my list too!

 

We Texans need to stick together.

[warpedbored]

I think the OP intended this to be a discussion about our CFL friends knowing of our demise not SSA benefits. SSA is an important issue and I see someone started another thread on it. To avoid confusion let's post on SSA benefits there.

[Randy W]

I moved all SS posts, including tsap's which first brought up the subject, to the SS Benefits thread.

[Zhou Zhou]

I am very concerned about, "what if" I bought the farm without giving Tai Tai a heads up. As far as discussing the "what if" it ain't happening, she won't talk about death, no way, nada. I've showed her where emergency cash is kept, so I visualize her cremating my dead ass and flying home and leaving all she has a right to behind. I think I need an honest Chinese speaking attorney that I can trust here in the US. Any suggestions on breaking down the superstition wall? ZZ

[tsap seui]

I moved all SS posts, including tsap's which first brought up the subject, to the SS Benefits thread.

 

Yes it was me that first mentioned SS in this thread. I have no clue what I could have been thinking when I did that. I apologize to everyone concerned.

 

I posted a lot of thoughts pertaining to the subject of this thread before I finally mentioned SS, but anyone wanting to read those words can go look in some other thread. It wasn't my intention for anyone to take my words on SS and post links to SS here in this thread. I will try and be more diligent when I post.

 

Thanks for your patience.

 

tsap seui

Edited January 5, 2013 by tsap seui (see edit history)

[Randy W]

I moved all SS posts, including tsap's which first brought up the subject, to the SS Benefits thread.

 

Yes it was me that first mentioned SS in this thread. I have no clue what I could have been thinking when I did that. I apologize to everyone concerned.

 

I posted a lot of thoughts pertaining to the subject of this thread before I finally mentioned SS, but anyone wanting to read those words can go look in some other thread. It wasn't my intention for anyone to take my words on SS and post links to SS here in this thread. I will try and be more diligent when I post.

 

Thanks for your patience.

 

tsap seui

No - no problem at all. It all fit in. When Andrew started up the OTHER SS thread, I decided it would be best to keep all that in one spot. If I could have left a copy of your post here, I would have, but I couldn;'t and still keep the order of the posts. Anyway, tsap's post is at http://candleforlove.com/forums/index.php?/topic/45304-social-security-benefits/page__view__findpost__p__595217

[credzba]

As another point in this morbid discussion.

Did you guys know that life insurance companies don't pay unless you request payment from them?

 

I guess that makes sense, but I kind of thought there would be some notification that would cause a check to be sent to the survivor, but noooo, if no one asks, they don't pay.

[Urkidding]

As another point in this morbid discussion.

Did you guys know that life insurance companies don't pay unless you request payment from them?

 

I guess that makes sense, but I kind of thought there would be some notification that would cause a check to be sent to the survivor, but noooo, if no one asks, they don't pay.

 

But how would they know that you kick the bucket if you don't tell them you did...?

 

or maybe if you stop paying thier bill!

[Yuanyang]

As another point in this morbid discussion.

Did you guys know that life insurance companies don't pay unless you request payment from them?

 

I guess that makes sense, but I kind of thought there would be some notification that would cause a check to be sent to the survivor, but noooo, if no one asks, they don't pay.

 

But how would they know that you kick the bucket if you don't tell them you did...?

 

or maybe if you stop paying thier bill!

 

Assuming Fisher is still alive he'll tell everyone.