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Conan's Revenge . . . and a Response

Randy W

By Randy W,
in The Middle Kingdom - 中国

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Guest ExChinaExpat

Guest ExChinaExpat

Posted
Posted (edited)

Now that's funny as hell!! The subtitled version from China is hilarious! "Okay, stop, stop, stop dancing. Now we're copying Korean pop!" "I sincerely apologize to my American colleague, because on today's show we're still going to talk smack about you."

 

 

Conan: "Da Pang" ......versus Da Peng

 

 

He's far from curling into a ball just because Conan went after him.

 

We'll see if Conan takes their offer to show up on their show.

 

 

:roller:

Edited by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)
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Guest ExChinaExpat

Guest ExChinaExpat

Posted
Posted

The following is a copy of the Chinese show response [in English] to Conan:

 

Welcome to China's very own knockoff talk show, Da Peng, DeBeDe.

 

I'm now Da Peng sans opening sequence.

 

I'm sorry. I lost face for Chinese people. I'm really very sorry.

 

I'm known to have a round face. Known as a host with a big face.

 

This time, I really lost my big face in a big way!

 

Even the guy who sells breakfast crepes (think hotdogs) downstairs knows me now.

 

Everyone probably knows what happened.

 

My first girlfriend just sent me a text.

 

Says she regrets dumping me all those years ago.

 

Because she saw me on an American TV show.

 

Aiya (an exclamation), I'm 'international' now!

 

First, let us take a look at the newest episode of the American talk show.

 

Conan (KeNan), Tonight Show [Not Leno]

 

[video of Conan about Da Peng plays in it's entirety]

 

[Da Peng returns looking somber]

 

Err....here on behalf of the production crew, I want to apologize to Mr. Conan and his team.

 

Really, too 'sorry' for this thing.

 

[starts hip hop 'I'm sorry' dance]

 

Stop, stop, stop!

 

Can't dance anymore.

 

Now we're copying Korean pop.

 

China has an old saying: "If you don't fight, you don't get to know each other."

 

I guess that counts as me having a heart to heart with an international super star.

 

I would ask Gu Da Bai [a well-known translator of English shows] to help me translate.

 

Our program will immediately stop using this opening sequence.

 

And sincerly apologize to my American colleague

 

But, I'm guessing after this apology, I'll have to apologize again.

 

Because on today's show, we're still going to talk smack about you.

 

Actually, this thing came as quite a shock to me as well.

 

Yesterday, a friend sent me an SMS saying, KeNan (Conan) has his eyes on me.

 

I got really scared because people say wherever KeNan goes, people die (KeNan is also a Japanese anime detective)

 

Then, I learned it wasn't Japan's Kenan, but America's Kenan.

 

Then, I started to carefully watch his show.

 

Aside from wanting to express my regret to you, sir...

 

I also want to discuss some of the content of your show with you.

 

First, the naked dude you showed in the photo you put up.

 

[graphic displays of shirtless Chinese boy]

 

I must tell you that his coolness pales in comparison to Zhan Chao Yang.

 

[graphic displays of the very cool Zhang Chao Yang]

 

And judging by his looks, he's obviously Korean.

 

It's said, that when two sides do battle, one tries to minimize collateral damage.

 

But, doing this you migh have hurt the naked Korean dude's feelings.

 

He might think you're making fun of him and that's not cool.

 

After all, I'm 100% Chinese, and I'm afraid people will think I'm like Jeremy Lin.

 

[graphic of Jeremy Lin appears]

 

...and think I'm a quarter Korean.

 

Also, Sister Phoenix is still in the States and looking for a husband.

 

[photo of Sister Phoenix appears]

 

You can't put me on TV and make me look bad in her eyes.

 

You said, my show is 'weird.'

 

Although my English is not too good, I do not agree with you.

 

I can only speak, [saying in English] one, two, three, four, five, six....

 

But, when I looked up 'weird' I realized it was not a good word.

 

You describe us this way because you don't understand Chinese.

 

American humor is not the only type of humor in this world.

 

Also, some netizens saw your show and asked why he just called your show 'DaPeng'

 

[plays video of Conan incorrectly pronoucing his name]

 

...and he didn't say the show's entire name.

 

I guess it's becaues our show's name is too hard to pronounce.

 

Since we're having an exchange here today...

 

So, why don't you repeat after me and try to say the whole name

 

Da Peng De Ba De...

 

De Ba De [colloquial term for random chatter]

 

Follow me...

 

Yeah. De Ba De

 

No, no, no, no, not 'Dao Bi Dao' or 'Der Bi Der'

 

[Various Chinese celebrities trying to pronounce 'De Ba De' correctly]

 

China has an old saying...

 

Disaster and fortune usually go hand in hand. Things always have two sides.

 

For so many years, Americans have been trying to export their culture and values to the world.

 

You might be very happy to know that China has millions of netizens watching your shows and are influenced by your humor.

 

On the other hand, after you have influenced us so much, you are always saying, "bullshit, the Chinese ripped off our stuff."

 

From this perspective, I feel we are a bit nicer [than you].

 

China has bought so much of your national debt.

 

But, in this show, we never make fun of you running around borrowing money from everyone.

 

Also, the captions you put up, do not even make it to the elementary level of Chinese [second grade].

 

[graphic displays of Conan, with Chinese characters]

 

What you showed in Chinese characters on your show, does not make sense.

 

You should do this: Look! Look!

 

[several graphics pop up on the screen in Chinese characters]

 

...do you see that? ...do you see that?

 

Of course, in order to show our respects to Conan's production crew...

 

...from now on, the actor who plays the Chinese style zombie...

 

...will change his name to Mu he Chun En [the caption Conan used]

 

But, now that he has a show name, the other sideshow characters will want their own too!

 

[all the sideshow characters show up in costume on stage]

 

You're lucky these guys didn't come out on your show.

 

Otherwise, how would you be able to rip us off? Right?

 

If you try to compete with China on who has more people, you will lose for sure!

 

Come on! Try doing this!

 

Actually, misunderstandings all arise from a lack of mutual knowledge.

 

I can tell you are very interested in China.

 

Brother Conan. Welcome to China!

 

[all chant: China, China, China, China]

 

 

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Guest ExChinaExpat

Guest ExChinaExpat

Posted
Posted

I for one would love to see Conan visit the Chinese show and Chinese talk show host visit Conan's show.

 

Yes. That would be great! It would be an excellent way to span some huge cultural gaps.

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honeybun

honeybun

Posted
Posted

I would unreservedly send Conan as a representative of the USA.

 

His last response to Da Peng was not only hilarious (it had my wife and me literally laughing hysterically when we saw the dragon and ninja stars in the "new" Intro) but it was humble and had his characteristic self-deprecating style.

 

I've been a big Conan fan for a long time and this exchange made me like him even more.

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honeybun

honeybun

Posted
Posted (edited)

There was an episode a few months ago where Hugh Jackman came on and talked about a movie he was in that had some China connection. After much "prodding" by Conan, Jackman agreed to sing a song he learned in Chinese, which he explained as requiring several months of practice. A few lines into the song, something unexpected happened...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aB3TJ48GSC0

 

This one also left my wife and I cracking up...

Edited by honeybun (see edit history)
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Guest ExChinaExpat

Guest ExChinaExpat

Posted
Posted (edited)

There was an episode a few months ago where Hugh Jackman came on and talked about a movie he was in that had some China connection. After much "prodding" by Conan, Jackman agreed to sing a song he learned in Chinese, which he explained as requiring several months of practice. A few lines into the song, something unexpected happened...

 

 

This one also left my wife and I cracking up...

 

That's funny. I wish I could find it on youkou, or a place where it can be viewed in China. Would like to send it to my colleagues. They would get a kick out of it!

 

 

Found it!

 

http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMzUzNzg2ODIw.html

Edited by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)
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