Arrested, Jail, Stupidity in shopping. Asians Need to Run for Office.

[Doug]

Hey guys,

Just to let you be aware, my ex, got herself arrested Sunday Presidents Day weekend (2-19-12). She bought a bunch of clothes a few weeks before, but then her Chinese cashier friend, in another branch of Macy's, said she could return them and rebuy at a lower price - we have phone records of that morning. So, she took them up to the 2nd floor, where her friend worked, and was told it does not look good if I refund and resale and sent her downstairs for the refund. Well the shoe department was next to the escalator going back up, after she got the refund. Since she has been looking for boots up to her knees for a few years now, she bought 3 pair. They are in huge boxes each. She can't carry all she has now, and didn't want to lug it upstairs, or leave the unpaid for clothes she just got a refund on because they were the last of those items and the store was full of women shopping = she didn't want to lose them, SO, she decides to take the paid for boots to the car and then return to pay for the refunded items she had in hand. Got arrested at the door, and jailed overnight. I got the call from child protective services, about 10:PM that night, to get her 11 year old daughter, and did. Got ex out of jail that Monday. They had credit card pay method, and she paid herself, so all the cash I had was of no use - good for me. She called me 3 times that morning trying to get me to shop with her. We are divorced so I just simply didn't.

 

After 2 weeks of worry and looking we found a Chinese lady lawyer in Plano. She is sharp and to the point, like my ex. So this is a relief as we had loads of trouble with American lawyers who never defended a foreigner.

 

The assistant told me that in Plano, TX, which has a huge Asian population, they get dumb stuff like this all the time with Asians. Put something in pocket and forget to pay. Get a phone call of emergency, get rattled, run out the door, and forget to pay. I asked if Collin County ever understands and negotiates something before charged. She shook her head no. The problem is only one DA processor and no time to negotiate before getting charged.

 

I bet 1/3 to 1/2 the population of Plano is Asian. Everybody I see in Government so far seems to be white. My ex used to chew my ass because I was on a city council once. Chinese don't get involved in government, but in my STONG opinion they need to run for office and often, and make changes to the law or DA office as needed to help when stupid things like this happen. I know my ex. I know her well. I know how she is like a blind dog in a meat locker when it comes to shopping, and doesn't know which way to turn. I know the logic of her telling her cashier friend that she will return a 2nd bag she walked in with to the car, she bought at another Macy's that morning, meant to her that the store was informed that she was waliing out the door with the unpaid items too. (stupid) I know she would never intentionally steal anything. This really burns me up, because the one option Collin County has is admitting guilt to the DA (not the court) and taking anti-theft classes, and 30 hours of community service and probation for a year or two, then getting record expunged. This is the only way to keep her clean record, which she needs for working at a bank! I am pissed! (Or go to trial which maybe will be an option depending on their evidence and witnesses and hers) what a mess, but not my problem really.

 

PS: Macy's asked her to explain then would not listen. They seem to have the worst reputation for just arresting and then call the police, so several lawyers told me. They will not call family, just the police. They have a security dude at all stores with cuffs.

 

I know she is innocent and I was embarrassed that here she marched at risk of her life for personal freedoms in 1989 as a student, She moved to Beijing because she felt it was the most honest city in China where she could get a job and promotions without paying the corruption money or dinners, and without joining the CCP. Now she must admit guilt when innocent of any intent.

 

Now she is stubborn, and I suspect many of your spouses are stubborn. I wanted to name this thread immature and stupid, but..... I hate the fact that she seldom listened to my explanations of anything. "Because" is like a forbidden word from me. She only wants to learn black and white and then remember like they learn in school I guess. No explanations. No reasoning. Thus I have called Chinese immature in another thread. Fellas, you need to get through to your wife if she is like this. Now her application of citizenship will have to wait 5 years. She was going to adopt her niece. Then there is the job to worry about now. Consequences can be hell if they learn the hard way and not listen to you.

Edited March 5, 2012 by Doug (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Wow. Now that's quite a story. I really don't have much to comment, as you have the experience of making suggestions and getting them rejected by her. There really isn't much you can do about that except let her learn it on her own. Unfortunately, she's learning the hard way. Actions have consequences. Now, she must face those consequences. They have yet to invent a magic wand to undo ignorance.

 

It's a big challenge to communicate with any Chinese person. You must be patient, and tolerant, and avoid talking to them as if they were American. They are not American, and don't understand concepts as American people do.

Edited March 5, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Doug]

It is ironic. Her parents bought a new house, remodeled it and lived in it the past 2 years. The builder sold the same house a 2nd time at a higher price later to another man. Later they offered the man another house and he refused. This man wants 60K RMB because he says his wife got cancer over this situation. Now the man busted the door down, repalced the door with one that is much stronger and changed the locks, moved in keeping all their belongings. The police do not want to get invloved. So Ba Ba wants me to get USA Govt to try to help (haha), because they have no local authority that will engage and no court to hear the matter. So the builder will come to try to resolve and her paerents are to the point of ust letting this go and stop all the worry. Chinese settle things without the law and seldom get involved in Government. In American they need to get involved. Ironic because I was thinking of moving to Dallas and running for office again. I am sure she will think Government is none of my business, as she always says.

 

Anyway back on subject, folks train your spouse best you can, with explanations because a lot of them are getting arrested around here it seems, and hope they are not so smart they do dumb things like my ex. Even her daughter has to look out for her often to train her.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Anyway back on subject, folks train your spouse best you can, with explanations because a lot of them are getting arrested around here it seems, and hope they are not so smart they do dumb things like my ex. Even her daughter has to look out for her often to train her.

 

Train them? I don't think that's going to happen Doug. Chinese people understand that you cannot walk out of a store holding something they didn't pay for. They have security tags attached to items in China just like the US. If you walk outside the store, the alarm will go off. I know you say your "ex-wife" would not deliberately steal these items, but man, I have a hard time buying into the story as you've presented it here. If she's really that absent of common sense, then there really isn't much hope for her. I'm surprised with that kind of behavior that she didn't end up in a Chinese jail.

 

PS: Avoid thinking of Chinese people as requiring "training."

Edited March 5, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[Randy W]

It is ironic. Her parents bought a new house, remodeled it and lived in it the past 2 years. The builder sold the same house a 2nd time at a higher price later to another man. Later they offered the man another house and he refused. This man wants 60K RMB because he says his wife got cancer over this situation. Now the man busted the door down, repalced the door with one that is much stronger and changed the locks, moved in keeping all their belongings. The police do not want to get invloved. So Ba Ba wants me to get USA Govt to try to help (haha), because they have no local authority that will engage and no court to hear the matter. So the builder will come to try to resolve and her paerents are to the point of ust letting this go and stop all the worry. Chinese settle things without the law and seldom get involved in Government. In American they need to get involved. Ironic because I was thinking of moving to Dallas and running for office again. I am sure she will think Government is none of my business, as she always says.

 

Anyway back on subject, folks train your spouse best you can, with explanations because a lot of them are getting arrested around here it seems, and hope they are not so smart they do dumb things like my ex. Even her daughter has to look out for her often to train her.

 

That's an incredible story (about the house) there, Doug. That says a lot about the political and legal system in China. Laws governing the ownership of property were not formalized until 2008. If the home is properly registered in their name, it cannot be resold, but if the registration wasn't completed, that's a different matter entirely.

 

Also about your ex. I hope she's learning, but I also hope she won't be leaning on you too much. It seems like she's expecting you to be there whenever it's convenient for her.

[chilton747]

It is ironic. Her parents bought a new house, remodeled it and lived in it the past 2 years. The builder sold the same house a 2nd time at a higher price later to another man. Later they offered the man another house and he refused. This man wants 60K RMB because he says his wife got cancer over this situation. Now the man busted the door down, repalced the door with one that is much stronger and changed the locks, moved in keeping all their belongings. The police do not want to get invloved. So Ba Ba wants me to get USA Govt to try to help (haha), because they have no local authority that will engage and no court to hear the matter. So the builder will come to try to resolve and her paerents are to the point of ust letting this go and stop all the worry. Chinese settle things without the law and seldom get involved in Government. In American they need to get involved. Ironic because I was thinking of moving to Dallas and running for office again. I am sure she will think Government is none of my business, as she always says.

 

Anyway back on subject, folks train your spouse best you can, with explanations because a lot of them are getting arrested around here it seems, and hope they are not so smart they do dumb things like my ex. Even her daughter has to look out for her often to train her.

 

That's an incredible story (about the house) there, Doug. That says a lot about the political and legal system in China. Laws governing the ownership of property were not formalized until 2008. If the home is properly registered in their name, it cannot be resold, but if the registration wasn't completed, that's a different matter entirely.

 

Also about your ex. I hope she's learning, but I also hope she won't be leaning on you too much. It seems like she's expecting you to be there whenever it's convenient for her.

 

I reckon that Doug's inability to let go.

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

Also about your ex. I hope she's learning, but I also hope she won't be leaning on you too much. It seems like she's expecting you to be there whenever it's convenient for her.

 

I think he would be wise to stay away and not get involved. It's hard to let go, but she's surely taking advantage of him.

[Doug]

I left a lot of details out of the story that should make it more believable. My goal was to try to alarm.

 

You know I don't feel bad for not going shopping with her, and that decision was purely because we were divorced. She left 3 messages and then we talked 3 other times (6 calls that morning and I just said no). Sure I had things to do, which took all of 30 min. Watched TV most of the day. Of course if I had gone shopping this never would have happened, but I don't blame myself at all. I got sucked into this because the police found out her daughter was at home alone and they called me. I really can't turn away from kids.

 

Yes, she does go a bit crazy when shopping. But more than that she is a high strung crazy/nervous all too logical machine, not real common to other Chinese ladies I have seen. She knew not to go out the door, but she felt like she informed them first - her logic, hahahaha. What I have been told by her now is that she has been doing this sine divorce, if I am not there to carry stuff for her. In that case it was a matter of time. I am sure she paid for everything.

 

It does bother me what I learned in the lawyers office. There are a lot of cases with Asians doing dumb stuff like this, so I thought I should bring this up for all to see, so you know how serious it can get, otherwise I never would have posted. The Asians in Plano are very upscale with very good jobs. I am sure none ever had a criminal record. Truth is they DO NEED TRAINING. I would need it in China, and got some at the hand of our agent in China when on business trips as well as by her. I did most of what they said.

 

I did help her with some lawyers, and now she found the one that she can get along with. I am done.

 

To be honest though. I don't think this will be the last time she is in trouble. It will be something else. She is a cluts outside of her job. And she has an attitude and temper. I will be there for the daughter though, even if it is to arrange for some other care for her, if and when.

 

I digress. Chinese people need to get involved in US Govt. and Chinese Govt. Govt IS their business.

Edited March 5, 2012 by Doug (see edit history)

[Guest ExChinaExpat]

I left a lot of details out of the story that should make it more believable. My goal was to try to alarm.

 

You know I don't feel bad for not going shopping with her, and that decision was purely because we were divorced. She left 3 messages and then we talked 3 other times (6 calls that morning and I just said no). Sure I had things to do, which took all of 30 min. Watched TV most of the day. Of course if I had gone shopping this never would have happened, but I don't blame myself at all. I got sucked into this because the police found out her daughter was at home alone and they called me. I really can't turn away from kids.

 

Yes, she does go a bit crazy when shopping. But more than that she is a high strung crazy/nervous all too logical machine, not real common to other Chinese ladies I have seen. She knew not to go out the door, but she felt like she informed them first - her logic, hahahaha. What I have been told by her now is that she has been doing this sine divorce, if I am not there to carry stuff for her. In that case it was a matter of time. I am sure she paid for everything.

 

It does bother me what I learned in the lawyers office. There are a lot of cases with Asians doing dumb stuff like this, so I thought I should bring this up for all to see, so you know how serious it can get, otherwise I never would have posted. The Asians in Plano are very upscale with very good jobs. I am sure none ever had a criminal record. Truth is they DO NEED TRAINING. I would need it in China, and got some at the hand of our agent in China when on business trips as well as by her. I did most of what they said.

 

I did help her with some lawyers, and now she found the one that she can get along with. I am done.

 

To be honest though. I don't think this will be the last time she is in trouble. It will be something else. She is a cluts outside of her job. And she has an attitude and temper. I will be there for the daughter though, even if it is to arrange for some other care for her, if and when.

 

I digress. Chinese people need to get involved in US Govt. and Chinese Govt. Govt IS their business.

 

Doug,

 

You're quite good at communicating the events. You also manage to get in the true stuff that we as men think about when we are challenged by a woman we care about. We all know that even after divorce, that we still feel emotional and a responsible connection. When you mentioned how the lawyers responded to the Asian thing about how they do that kinda thing all the time. What immediately came to mind, was my father's voice and me as a very young boy. I can still hear him say, "Ignorance of the law is no excuse!" What your ex-wife did was dumb ass. But, I will tell you that with my experience in China, dumbass works a lot. They are much more forgiving of the dummass plea, which does not carry weight in America. My feeling, is dummass, is dummass. If you do something dummass, then, you deserve to pay the consequences. I think you're trying you're best to be the nice guy and she knows it. Try some tough love, and let her suffer. Of course, then, you will become the bad guy. Hell, you and me have been bad guys before. If you're the bad guy in her eyes on this one, then, you know the drill. She's just blaming you for her own dummass mistake.

Edited March 5, 2012 by JiangsuExpat (see edit history)

[tsap seui]

Hey guys,

Just to let you be aware, my ex, got herself arrested Sunday Presidents Day weekend (2-19-12). She bought a bunch of clothes a few weeks before, but then her Chinese cashier friend, in another branch of Macy's, said she could return them and rebuy at a lower price - we have phone records of that morning. So, she took them up to the 2nd floor, where her friend worked, and was told it does not look good if I refund and resale and sent her downstairs for the refund. Well the shoe department was next to the escalator going back up, after she got the refund. Since she has been looking for boots up to her knees for a few years now, she bought 3 pair. They are in huge boxes each. She can't carry all she has now, and didn't want to lug it upstairs, or leave the unpaid for clothes she just got a refund on because they were the last of those items and the store was full of women shopping = she didn't want to lose them, SO, she decides to take the paid for boots to the car and then return to pay for the refunded items she had in hand. Got arrested at the door, and jailed overnight. I got the call from child protective services, about 10:PM that night, to get her 11 year old daughter, and did. Got ex out of jail that Monday. They had credit card pay method, and she paid herself, so all the cash I had was of no use - good for me. She called me 3 times that morning trying to get me to shop with her. We are divorced so I just simply didn't.

 

After 2 weeks of worry and looking we found a Chinese lady lawyer in Plano. She is sharp and to the point, like my ex. So this is a relief as we had loads of trouble with American lawyers who never defended a foreigner.

 

The assistant told me that in Plano, TX, which has a huge Asian population, they get dumb stuff like this all the time with Asians. Put something in pocket and forget to pay. Get a phone call of emergency, get rattled, run out the door, and forget to pay. I asked if Collin County ever understands and negotiates something before charged. She shook her head no. The problem is only one DA processor and no time to negotiate before getting charged.

 

I bet 1/3 to 1/2 the population of Plano is Asian. Everybody I see in Government so far seems to be white. My ex used to chew my ass because I was on a city council once. Chinese don't get involved in government, but in my STONG opinion they need to run for office and often, and make changes to the law or DA office as needed to help when stupid things like this happen. I know my ex. I know her well. I know how she is like a blind dog in a meat locker when it comes to shopping, and doesn't know which way to turn. I know the logic of her telling her cashier friend that she will return a 2nd bag she walked in with to the car, she bought at another Macy's that morning, meant to her that the store was informed that she was waliing out the door with the unpaid items too. (stupid) I know she would never intentionally steal anything. This really burns me up, because the one option Collin County has is admitting guilt to the DA (not the court) and taking anti-theft classes, and 30 hours of community service and probation for a year or two, then getting record expunged. This is the only way to keep her clean record, which she needs for working at a bank! I am pissed! (Or go to trial which maybe will be an option depending on their evidence and witnesses and hers) what a mess, but not my problem really.

 

PS: Macy's asked her to explain then would not listen. They seem to have the worst reputation for just arresting and then call the police, so several lawyers told me. They will not call family, just the police. They have a security dude at all stores with cuffs.

 

I know she is innocent and I was embarrassed that here she marched at risk of her life for personal freedoms in 1989 as a student, She moved to Beijing because she felt it was the most honest city in China where she could get a job and promotions without paying the corruption money or dinners, and without joining the CCP. Now she must admit guilt when innocent of any intent.

 

Now she is stubborn, and I suspect many of your spouses are stubborn. I wanted to name this thread immature and stupid, but..... I hate the fact that she seldom listened to my explanations of anything. "Because" is like a forbidden word from me. She only wants to learn black and white and then remember like they learn in school I guess. No explanations. No reasoning. Thus I have called Chinese immature in another thread. Fellas, you need to get through to your wife if she is like this. Now her application of citizenship will have to wait 5 years. She was going to adopt her niece. Then there is the job to worry about now. Consequences can be hell if they learn the hard way and not listen to you.

Golly Bawd Howdy Doody n' pop my dadgum suspenders!!! Doug, you do write up some very interesting storys. It's like you are a script writer for Seinfeld and a "bizaroo" version of the Honeymooners where Alice and Ralph's roles and personalities are reversed.

 

I am truly sorry you are having to live this comic book tale of craziness, and hope you find happiness in love without the egomaniac aspect.

 

I can hear the "defendant's" version of events in the courtroom now.

 

"Your honor,See, my friend in Macy's and I were going to pull a legal switcheroo on the clothes I had bought at a higher price then resale them to me for a cheaper price.....then I found 3, make that THREE pairs of thigh high boots that I just had to have, and I didn't want to walk off and lose the clothes. So I took them with me to the car, fully intending to come back inside and pay for them.

 

Your honor, it is all my damned ex-husbands fault here....that jerk wouldn't go shopping with me and carry my Melda Marcos's closet of boots out to the car for me so I could run upstairs and make the switcheroo on the clothes......IT'S HIM your honor, MY EX-HUSBAND, that should be standing here right now, not me.

 

I SWEAR I was going to come back in and pay for those clothes. HONEST I was !!!!! "

 

Or maybe she can try the ol' "cultural difference" plea...LOL

 

Hope it all works out for you buddy....damn if'n you don't tell some funny stories though.

 

tsap seui

 

Being our anniversary today me n' the lil' rabbit is off to play switcheroo in a jewelry store. Being Chinese she has to have Rolex and being American I thought she said Timex. Wish us luck. Do you think they'll notice I took the Timex apart and wrote Rolex on the face? I used an extra fine tip Paper Mate ink pen to write Rolex. If caught, maybe my wife could play the "cultural difference" card...or is that cultural immunity? I git so confused with all these here new terms.

Edited March 5, 2012 by tsap seui (see edit history)

[dnoblett]

Now her application of citizenship will have to wait 5 years. She was going to adopt her niece. Then there is the job to worry about now.

A few issues here now.

 

Yes the 5 year wait due to divorce.. However the arrest may affect application for citizenship, if minor with minor fine, perhaps not, however if convicted and pay a hefty fine, then this may have a detrimental affect on citizenship application, perhaps also on green-card status too.

 

Secondly by Adoption of Niece, is this an attempt to bring niece over as an immigrant? This will not fly, unless the ex moves to China, and has full custody of niece for more than 2 year prior to filing a petition.

 

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=724c18a1f8b73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=724c18a1f8b73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

 

Who is an Adopted Child Under the Immediate Relative Process?

 

Under this process, an adopted child is considered, for immigration purposes, to be the child (or adult son or daughter) of the adopting parent if:

• The parent adopted the child before his or her 16th birthday (or before the 18th birthday under certain circumstances as described below). You submit evidence of a full and final adoption
  

AND

• The parent had legal and physical custody of the child for at least two years while the child was a minor
  
  • The legal custody must have been the result of a formal grant of custody from a court or other governmental entity
    
  • The custody and residence requirement may be met by custody and residence that preceded the adoption
    
  • The two years custody and residence requirements are waived for certain abused children
    

http://www.uscis.gov/portal/site/uscis/menuitem.eb1d4c2a3e5b9ac89243c6a7543f6d1a/?vgnextoid=f5a0741b78c73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD&vgnextchannel=f5a0741b78c73210VgnVCM100000082ca60aRCRD

[dnoblett]

The crazy thing is she really could have simply left the items with a clerk explaining to hold them while going to car to drop off the shoes, and came back for them, I am sure they would have not immediately sold the items.

 

Cooky logic I see here.

[warpedbored]

Another thing that seems to have been overlooked is she could be deported if convicted.

[Sam and Fen]

My wife did something as stupid but we got lucky.

 

When she first came here she decided to walk to the mall to do some shopping while I was at work.

She found a pair of jeans that she liked that were on sale, buy one get one 1/2 off or something like that. She only wanted one pair but to get the deal she convinced another shopper to pay togather (how she did this with almost no english skills remains a mystery).

Well the other lady paid for both, my wife gave her the money and the other woman gave my wife her jeans and left.

 

My wife hung around the store for a while to see if there was anything else she liked and when she was done she went back up to the counter to get a bag for her purchase.

 

The cashier asked to see the recipt which the other lady took with her. My wife was trying to convince the cashier that she was not stealing and it was a legitimate purchase. Fortunately for her the other cashier who had seen the transaction between my wife and the other lady happened to walk by and let my wife off the hook.

[KevWeb81]

My wife did something as stupid but we got lucky.

 

When she first came here she decided to walk to the mall to do some shopping while I was at work.

She found a pair of jeans that she liked that were on sale, buy one get one 1/2 off or something like that. She only wanted one pair but to get the deal she convinced another shopper to pay togather (how she did this with almost no english skills remains a mystery).

Well the other lady paid for both, my wife gave her the money and the other woman gave my wife her jeans and left.

 

My wife hung around the store for a while to see if there was anything else she liked and when she was done she went back up to the counter to get a bag for her purchase.

 

The cashier asked to see the recipt which the other lady took with her. My wife was trying to convince the cashier that she was not stealing and it was a legitimate purchase. Fortunately for her the other cashier who had seen the transaction between my wife and the other lady happened to walk by and let my wife off the hook.

 

Yikes, sounds like an uncomfortable situation - but at least it didn't end in an arrest like the OP's ex-girlfriend's case. Honestly, I feel like this could happen to anyone, even myself - I love a good bargain.