How well are you able to communicate with your spouse?

[Super Grad]

By reading some of the posts around here, I've noticed that many of the Chinese spouses are unable to speak fluent English or none at all! I was just wondering how you all communicate online and in-person if there is a language barrier. How do you get past this kind of challenge? Thanks!

[Dennis143]

By reading some of the posts around here, I've noticed that many of the Chinese spouses are unable to speak fluent English or none at all! I was just wondering how you all communicate online and in-person if there is a language barrier. How do you get past this kind of challenge? Thanks!

It's like living with a deaf mute. "Honey, make some room so that I can sit this case of water down that I'm carrying on my shoulder"...she doesn't understand and looks at me wondering what these words coming out of my mouth mean.

 

Yes, we have special challenges not unlike anyone who lives with someone with a disability (and, I am not saying which one of us have the disability).

 

6 years of marriage and she still doesn't understand most of what I say. We still use sign language and baby talk to communicate. We can't so we never have deep discussions about our life and future. We (I won't) don't go on long vacations together (except to China), as we can't discuss what we see and visit. Our dialog is limited.

 

It's frustrating for both of us, I am sure. Yet, there are trade offs in that we both know that we are devoted to each other and that everything that we do we do for us. Our bond it strong. We need each other...and we love each other. In the end, nothing more needs to be said nor understood. Our lives are now ours and we will live out our lives together. No words need to be spoken, heard nor understood when we both know that our bond together is forever and unbroken.

 

It works for us. I would not wish this on anyone else...

[Dennis143]

Might as well lock this thread too and tell everyone with any question to look it up, as it's already been asked and answered before.

[Randy W]

Might as well lock this thread too and tell everyone with any question to look it up, as it's already been asked and answered before.

 

But repeatedly asking the same/similar question with no follow through does look more than a little odd.

 

At least this one has a slightly different flavor.

[Dennis143]

Might as well lock this thread too and tell everyone with any question to look it up, as it's already been asked and answered before.

 

But repeatedly asking the same/similar question with no follow through does look more than a little odd.

 

At least this one has a slightly different flavor.

Hogwash. The gun and trigger are held too tight. Mei guang xi or bu yua jing, however you say it, it doesn't matter. And, the inquisitor's question deserves some answers.

 

What difference does it make anyhow?

 

Lighten up, gents.

[Kyle]

Keep the posts on topic please. Super Grad's questions are valid; She should feel welcome to post here. Thanks guys.

[chilton747]

The two can learn their own special language. I suspect that happens a lot here.

[Kyle]

The two can learn their own special language. I suspect that happens a lot here.

 

Well put. Or, if my case, Jingjing just tells me what I should think and well, that's it.

 

Of course, I'm kidding. Jing2 was actually fluent in English when I met her. I studied Chinese for three main reasons

 

1. To be able to navigate w/o her assistance in China.

 

2. To better understand Jingjing's upbringing and communicate w/ her parents.

 

3. To form meaningful relationships/friendships in China.

 

Of course there is a language barrier, but by using clarification words in the other's native tongue, misunderstandings are quickly resolved.

[chilton747]

The two can learn their own special language. I suspect that happens a lot here.

 

Well put. Or, if my case, Jingjing just tells me what I should think and well, that's it.

 

Of course, I'm kidding.

 

Ain't no kiddin here. There have many attempts at brainwashing here but so far I have resisted.

[warpedbored]

My wife learned some English in middle school but when I met her it was pretty rusty. At first we communicated with body languadge and electronic translators. It's amazing how much you can get across to somebody with just body language and hand signals. After I came back to the states we would chat daily on Yahoo messenger with web cams. I would type what I was saying as I spoke so she could both hear and read what I was saying. She also started taking English lessons in China. It was amazing how fast she started learning English. By the time of her interview her English while not quite fluent was functional. After she got here she took ESL classes at the community college for a few terms which also helped a lot. After 7 1/2 years of marriage we communicate pretty well most of the time. She does get frustrated when she can't find the right words to express what she wants to say. At her job she has to speak English to communicate with her co-workers. This has also helped her learn.

 

I have a theory that sometimes Sino American couples can communicate better than American couples. I don't have the luxury mumbling "yes dear" while pretending to listen. I have to listen to everything she says carefully to understand what she wants to tell me.

[Kyle]

I have a theory that sometimes Sino American couples can communicate better than American couples. I don't have the luxury mumbling "yes dear" while pretending to listen. I have to listen to everything she says carefully to understand what she wants to tell me.

 

That's a really good point.

[dan_ling]

My first visit to China I was led to believe that my now wife knew English as we had communicated via emails, but I bought a translator to be safe. She had told me that she was taking an English class and that we would not have a problem communicating. When arriving at the airport I found she knew very little english and had an English teacher with her, who informed me that her English was not good, and she was also very shy. Anyway, she had also purchased a translator which we used for communication because the English to Chinese translator that I had bought was junk and the English teacher had left us after arriving at the hotel.

After arriving back in the states we started skyping and this is how she learned English.

[Dennis143]

 

I have a theory that sometimes Sino American couples can communicate better than American couples. I don't have the luxury mumbling "yes dear" while pretending to listen. I have to listen to everything she says carefully to understand what she wants to tell me.

Good point, Carl. I often tell friends and coworkers of this irony that, although we don't converse like normal couples, I tend to communicate better with her than my two prior American wives. Of course, it doesn't hurt that Leiqin doesn't understand me when I'm saying things that would surely piss off an American woman.

[michaln]

ling learned basic English very fast and taught me all the Putonghua I need to know ÄãÊÇÎÒÀϰ壬ÄãÊǶԵģ¬ÎÒ´íÁË¡£ you are my boss, you are right, I am wrong, what more does a married man need to know ?

[Mike62356]

not a spouse but S.O. does that count? hehe, the entire family speaks very good English, most if not all have a masters degree in something