Tough situation - please give me advice

[Randy W]

Here's my plan: I'm going to have her say that she's visiting her boyfriend and her boyfriend's family is having a family reunion that she'd like to attend. I'll have my dad send an invitation letter with a list of planned activities for her to do in the US. See any flaws in the plan or changes I should implement?

Sounds fine to me

 

 

Let's see, now. An American boyfriend, attending his family reunion? Two plus two is WHAT ??

[Kyle]

Randy, I had family reunions when I came back for a visit from China (with Jingjing and w/o Jingjing). Doesn't seem too strange to me. The issue isn't the terminology, it is if she's going to return to China or not. During our first B-2, my wife never had any previous experience leaving the country. We referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend to the VO. I had a signed contract/plane ticket proving I was coming back to China, (not to mention my wife had frozen assets, etc). People meet, and people fall in love. The US embassy and consulates abroad realize this. The OP's situation doesn't seem overly different than mine. Focus on proving she'll return to China - that's where most people fail.

Edited March 16, 2011 by Kyle (see edit history)

[Randy W]

Randy, I had family reunions when I came back for a visit from China (with Jingjing and w/o Jingjing). Doesn't seem too strange to me. The issue isn't the terminology, it is if she's going to return to China or not. During our first B-2, my wife never had any previous experience leaving the country. We referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend to the VO. I had a signed contract/plane ticket proving I was coming back to China, (not to mention my wife had frozen assets, etc). People meet, and people fall in love. The US embassy and consulates abroad realize this. The OP's situation doesn't seem overly different than mine. Focus on proving she'll return to China - that's where most people fail.

 

 

Fine - but the OP should at least be aware that applications such as his are ROUTINELY DENIED in most cases.

[Kyle]

Randy, I had family reunions when I came back for a visit from China (with Jingjing and w/o Jingjing). Doesn't seem too strange to me. The issue isn't the terminology, it is if she's going to return to China or not. During our first B-2, my wife never had any previous experience leaving the country. We referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend to the VO. I had a signed contract/plane ticket proving I was coming back to China, (not to mention my wife had frozen assets, etc). People meet, and people fall in love. The US embassy and consulates abroad realize this. The OP's situation doesn't seem overly different than mine. Focus on proving she'll return to China - that's where most people fail.

 

 

Fine - but the OP should at least be aware that applications such as his are ROUTINELY DENIED in most cases.

 

exactly!

 

Focus on proving she'll return to China - that's where most people fail.

 

To the OP - if you can prove she's going to return to China, the US isn't going to care if she visits, meets your family, or if you call each other boyfriend, girlfriend, cupcake or whatever. It's all in the preparation. Good luck!

Edited March 16, 2011 by Kyle (see edit history)

[Randy W]

Fine - but the OP should at least be aware that applications such as his are ROUTINELY DENIED in most cases.

 

exactly!

 

Focus on proving she'll return to China - that's where most people fail.

 

To the OP - if you can prove she's going to return to China, the US isn't going to care if she visits, meets your family, or if you call each other boyfriend, girlfriend, cupcake or whatever. It's all in the preparation. Good luck!

 

 

Yes - most people FAIL - often without the VO even LOOKING at what ties there are to China

 

No point in discussing this any further - I think between us, he's getting an accurate picture.

[bullmastiff]

I studied abroad in mainland China for 4 months last fall and met my girlfriend in September. We're still dating, but now I'm studying in Hong Kong and will go back to the US and graduate college in the fall of 2012. I love my girlfriend but I'm not sure what to do. I have no job and little money since I'm still a student so I can't support her. She's 4 years older than me and graduated with a degree in Business English. We've visited each other twice this year. Should I take the plunge and bring her to the US now (9-12 months later...) by getting married (CR1) or K-1 visa? Or should I wait even longer until after I graduate? This has been driving me pretty crazy! Also, I would probably need my parents to co-sponsor my girlfriend for a (CR1) or K1 visa which would be very difficult, especially since they've never met or talked to my girlfriend before.

 

Any advice now is greatly appreciated. Thank you.

 

I think you are drunk in the sea of love . Chinese women are very clever ; they can take men's hearts much better than American women can. Believe me ! I 'm a 50 yr old dude and never fell in love before in my life despite of many lovers I had in my past. But, low and behold, I did fall once , oh , man .... I was ready to give everything that I had ; it was not like me at all.

Looking at it on the hind sight now , I laugh.... was that me ??? ha, ha, ha.... it didn't work , i was heart broken for 2 weeks , I couldn't sleep. Of course, now, I am happy that it didn't work out ; otherwise , it would have been too hard to bear all her demands....

 

you 're only 20 yrs old , too young, no job , she's older than you ; d'you think she'll respect you as a husband ??? d' you know Chinese culture well ? Take your time ... enjoy yourself .... see her more often if this is what you both want... don't swallow things more than you can chew ; u will later choke and regret it.

 

don't worry about K1/IR1 / CR 1 and all of those bs's , unless you want to practise immigration laws. You better take care your future first, getting married mean your future is going to be determined HALF by the other person. I think you should worry about that .

[lostinchina]

I think you are drunk in the sea of love . Chinese women are very clever ; they can take men's hearts much better than American women can. Believe me ! I 'm a 50 yr old dude and never fell in love before in my life despite of many lovers I had in my past. But, low and behold, I did fall once , oh , man .... I was ready to give everything that I had ; it was not like me at all.

Looking at it on the hind sight now , I laugh.... was that me ??? ha, ha, ha.... it didn't work , i was heart broken for 2 weeks , I couldn't sleep. Of course, now, I am happy that it didn't work out ; otherwise , it would have been too hard to bear all her demands....

 

you 're only 20 yrs old , too young, no job , she's older than you ; d'you think she'll respect you as a husband ??? d' you know Chinese culture well ? Take your time ... enjoy yourself .... see her more often if this is what you both want... don't swallow things more than you can chew ; u will later choke and regret it.

 

don't worry about K1/IR1 / CR 1 and all of those bs's , unless you want to practise immigration laws. You better take care your future first, getting married mean your future is going to be determined HALF by the other person. I think you should worry about that .

 

Yeah, I've thought it all out especially since I've seen this scenario before. I consider myself to be the one in control of everything and she does respect me. She hasn't been demanding at all and hasn't once talked about marriage before. I'm the one who originally asked her out when we met. I also left mainland China last December with her understanding that we would probably never see each other again. She's never mentioned anything about marriage. She understands that I'm a student and all of our dates the first three months were extremely cheap (never over 100 RMB) with her paying for almost half of them. This year, I've visited her once in mainland China and she's visited me once in Hong Kong. After dating for 6 months, she's only now mentioned that she would like to visit the US. All things considered, she is a very reasonable person. She's met many of my close American friends (over 20) and everyone loves her. But yes, it is still pretty crazy to be thinking about my future in this relationship.

 

A friend of mine tried to get a Visa for his girlfriend, she was denied because she did not have a job (she did have the money and property). She then mentioned her American boyfriend and she was 'double denied' - whatever that means. I have been told the 'un'official criteria is you have to have a good job, at least 50000 RMB in a bank account, and own property.

 

It appears the people who have been successful in getting a B1/B2 are those who have had previous Visa's to the US prior to the relationship.

 

It is problaby worth a shot but I would try to downplay the relationship while remaining truthful so that if you decide to go for the K1/CR1 there isn't any inconsistency in the story.

 

She does have a job that pays decent considering all the benefits it includes (near free rent and free food) and extremely low cost of living. However, she has pretty low savings and her salary would be considered low by anyone in the US (although it is at least 4x higher than most people in her city).

 

Here is what I've planned so far:

• She will be visiting her boyfriend for 10 days
  
• She will include in her interview package:
  
  • Picture of her with her family (from her hometown)
    
  • Picture of her and her brother (the city she lives in now)
    
  • Picture of her and me in Hong Kong
    
  • Invitation letter and itenerary of family reunion
    
  • Employment verification or schedule
    

I'm not sure if she should include a bank statement. Also, I plan on her visiting in December so she'll probably have to save a few months salary for the round-trip plane ticket.

[dnoblett]

One thing I have seen done before is having money in bank that is shown to be frozen while away from China.

 

I don't have details as to how this is set up with the bank.

[b.c]

One thing I have seen done before is having money in bank that is shown to be frozen while away from China.

 

I don't have details as to how this is set up with the bank.

 

And its possible to get a short-term loan of a significant sum in China but it will cost you a hefty fee. I couldnt help you locate one, but there are some operations that regularly offer this service. Its mostly used by small foreign companies setting up operations in China to work around the high capital investment requirements.

[Kyle]

One thing I have seen done before is having money in bank that is shown to be frozen while away from China.

 

I don't have details as to how this is set up with the bank.

Citic bank does this and I'm sure other banks within China provides the same service. I'm not sure that getting a loan would help all that much. The letter that we received showed my wife's deposits over a period of time. It might be obvious if a 10,000 RMB deposit was made a month prior to interview - but, to be honest, I'm only speculating and I have nothing concrete to back that up.

[bullmastiff]

I think you are drunk in the sea of love . Chinese women are very clever ; they can take men's hearts much better than American women can. Believe me ! I 'm a 50 yr old dude and never fell in love before in my life despite of many lovers I had in my past. But, low and behold, I did fall once , oh , man .... I was ready to give everything that I had ; it was not like me at all.

Looking at it on the hind sight now , I laugh.... was that me ??? ha, ha, ha.... it didn't work , i was heart broken for 2 weeks , I couldn't sleep. Of course, now, I am happy that it didn't work out ; otherwise , it would have been too hard to bear all her demands....

 

you 're only 20 yrs old , too young, no job , she's older than you ; d'you think she'll respect you as a husband ??? d' you know Chinese culture well ? Take your time ... enjoy yourself .... see her more often if this is what you both want... don't swallow things more than you can chew ; u will later choke and regret it.

 

don't worry about K1/IR1 / CR 1 and all of those bs's , unless you want to practise immigration laws. You better take care your future first, getting married mean your future is going to be determined HALF by the other person. I think you should worry about that .

 

Yeah, I've thought it all out especially since I've seen this scenario before. I consider myself to be the one in control of everything and she does respect me. She hasn't been demanding at all and hasn't once talked about marriage before. I'm the one who originally asked her out when we met. I also left mainland China last December with her understanding that we would probably never see each other again. She's never mentioned anything about marriage. She understands that I'm a student and all of our dates the first three months were extremely cheap (never over 100 RMB) with her paying for almost half of them. This year, I've visited her once in mainland China and she's visited me once in Hong Kong. After dating for 6 months, she's only now mentioned that she would like to visit the US. All things considered, she is a very reasonable person. She's met many of my close American friends (over 20) and everyone loves her. But yes, it is still pretty crazy to be thinking about my future in this relationship.

 

A friend of mine tried to get a Visa for his girlfriend, she was denied because she did not have a job (she did have the money and property). She then mentioned her American boyfriend and she was 'double denied' - whatever that means. I have been told the 'un'official criteria is you have to have a good job, at least 50000 RMB in a bank account, and own property.

 

It appears the people who have been successful in getting a B1/B2 are those who have had previous Visa's to the US prior to the relationship.

 

It is problaby worth a shot but I would try to downplay the relationship while remaining truthful so that if you decide to go for the K1/CR1 there isn't any inconsistency in the story.

 

She does have a job that pays decent considering all the benefits it includes (near free rent and free food) and extremely low cost of living. However, she has pretty low savings and her salary would be considered low by anyone in the US (although it is at least 4x higher than most people in her city).

 

Here is what I've planned so far:

• She will be visiting her boyfriend for 10 days
  
• She will include in her interview package:
  
  • Picture of her with her family (from her hometown)
    
  • Picture of her and her brother (the city she lives in now)
    
  • Picture of her and me in Hong Kong
    
  • Invitation letter and itenerary of family reunion
    
  • Employment verification or schedule
    

I'm not sure if she should include a bank statement. Also, I plan on her visiting in December so she'll probably have to save a few months salary for the round-trip plane ticket.

 

That's precisely what I was talking about . She did not ask you to do things first but later she will . Just don't swallow more than you can chew.

Tourist visa is a good thing . Success or failure, pls don't go to marriage hastily, ok ?

Reg. visa advice, I'll let our immigration panel advises you .

I used to be a young horse who loved older grass , just like you ; now, I'm an old horse who loves young grass. Someday, you'll become an old horse ; hope you 'll be able to laugh then instead of regretting that you have wasted your life away. so, take care your career first young man , woman will follow later...

Edited March 16, 2011 by bullmastiff (see edit history)

[xiaozhu]

That's precisely what I was talking about . She did not ask you to do things first but later she will . Just don't swallow more than you can chew.

Tourist visa is a good thing . Success or failure, pls don't go to marriage hastily, ok ?

Reg. visa advice, I'll let our immigration panel advises you .

I used to be a young horse who loved older grass , just like you ; now, I'm an old horse who loves young grass. Someday, you'll become an old horse ; hope you 'll be able to laugh then instead of regretting that you have wasted your life away. so, take care your career first young man , woman will follow later...

 

I do not think it is right that a person blames others to indicate he/she is innocent in their relationship. If you say she has intent to get what she wants through certain ways, then what is your intent of being in the relationship? There is a Chinese saying “One hand can not make a sound! There must be two hands to make it”.

 

“I used to be a young horse who loved older grass, just like you ; now, I'm an old horse who loves young grass.” It might give the reason why you were heart broken.

 

“take care your career first young man , woman will follow later...”Generally speaking it is correct. But you have to make sure what kind of women will follow, will you find soul-mate love among these women or do you want to find your soul-mate among them?

 

But one thing I agree is that take care of career when you are dating and doing these stuff. I think she will be happy if you go well with your career with her support.

 

Trust yourself and her. I believe people are kind, nice and smart! If something was fake, you would observe and feel it anyway. What to state your invitation. I agree with Beachey, it would be good to be truthful whatever she can get a visa or not. If there were false information, you may have to think how to cover it in the future.

 

The important thing is that she needs to provide strong links with China and will return to China. Her job is a good proof (do not view it in American dollars). Have a statement from her workplace saying her position will be kept open for her while she visits USA. Her parents living in China is another one. As for bank statement, it is pretty easy. She just goes to the bank where her accounts are. All banks in China can provide bank statement. The statement can be valid as long as she wants it to be.

Edited March 19, 2011 by xiaozhu (see edit history)

[bullmastiff]

That's precisely what I was talking about . She did not ask you to do things first but later she will . Just don't swallow more than you can chew.

Tourist visa is a good thing . Success or failure, pls don't go to marriage hastily, ok ?

Reg. visa advice, I'll let our immigration panel advises you .

I used to be a young horse who loved older grass , just like you ; now, I'm an old horse who loves young grass. Someday, you'll become an old horse ; hope you 'll be able to laugh then instead of regretting that you have wasted your life away. so, take care your career first young man , woman will follow later...

 

I do not think it is right that a person blames others to indicate he/she is innocent in their relationship. If you say she has intent to get what she wants through certain ways, then what is your intent of being in the relationship? There is a Chinese saying ¡°One hand can not make a sound! There must be two hands to make it¡±.

 

¡°I used to be a young horse who loved older grass, just like you ; now, I'm an old horse who loves young grass.¡± It might give the reason why you were heart broken.

 

¡°take care your career first young man , woman will follow later...¡±Generally speaking it is correct. But you have to make sure what kind of women will follow, will you find soul-mate love among these women or do you want to find your soul-mate among them?

 

But one thing I agree is that take care of career when you are dating and doing these stuff. I think she will be happy if you go well with your career with her support.

 

Trust yourself and her. I believe people are kind, nice and smart! If something was fake, you would observe and feel it anyway. What to state your invitation. I agree with Beachey, it would be good to be truthful whatever she can get a visa or not. If there were false information, you may have to think how to cover it in the future.

 

The important thing is that she needs to provide strong links with China and will return to China. Her job is a good proof (do not view it in American dollars). Have a statement from her workplace saying her position will be kept open for her while she visits USA. Her parents living in China is another one. As for bank statement, it is pretty easy. She just goes to the bank where her accounts are. All banks in China can provide bank statement. The statement can be valid as long as she wants it to be.

 

I have found my soul mate. One to whom I am married to . I trust her with my life.

 

That was my past . Yes, I was heart broken. Never I said I was an innocent man ( Billy Joel ...) . I was a bad boy ... but I stumbled and fell in love. Now, when I think about it , I could only laugh because Had it succeeded , I would have been exhausted , all my mean would have been exhausted ; should that relationship not work , I 'd have been devastated financially amongst others.To summarize, I was willing to swallow things more than I could chew.

 

Trying to share my opinion/advice to a 20 yr old ; also I know a bit of Chinese culture and situation today in modern materialistic China .Ultimately, he has to decide on his own.

[david_dawei]

I think there is too much dreaming going on. It seems this girl accepts your coming and going (whether you return or not) but it's driving you crazy... sometime is not in balance.

 

Second; I know *some* are lucky enough to get a tourist visa but I would not count on getting it. She shows no ties to china, IMO... a young chinese lady just finishing a degree and wanting to visit the US... and we want to suggest that her current job is a tie to china? If a VO is that naive, I want that VO next.

 

Don't let the idea of a tourist visa add to your emotional angst. I mean, if you want to try it, then go ahead. But if it's denied you should fully accept it without question. And if it's denied, does she care or not? What does she take from a denied attempt? (rhetorical).

 

I think your trying to rush into a life-long idea before you've had a chance to get yourself settled. If she really wants you, she'll wait much more easily than you will. But I would give it another few years to see if how it evolves. Good luck

[xiaozhu]

I have found my soul mate. One to whom I am married to . I trust her with my life.

 

That was my past . Yes, I was heart broken. Never I said I was an innocent man ( Billy Joel ...) . I was a bad boy ... but I stumbled and fell in love. Now, when I think about it , I could only laugh because Had it succeeded , I would have been exhausted , all my mean would have been exhausted ; should that relationship not work , I 'd have been devastated financially amongst others.To summarize, I was willing to swallow things more than I could chew.

 

Trying to share my opinion/advice to a 20 yr old ; also I know a bit of Chinese culture and situation today in modern materialistic China .Ultimately, he has to decide on his own.

 

It was good to know you have your soul mate, and you are happy with your life. I did not say that you said you were innocent. My word “indicate” means “imply”. I know you were trying to share your opinion/advice to a 20 yr old. So did I, but I just have different views after reading your post. Actually with a second thought now, I am lucky and was not hearted broken, and hope never :-)). So, I understand why you have those comments due to your experiences. Anyway never mind my words, but have to tell you “….. ; now, I'm an old horse who loves young grass.” really does not sound good.

 

I think I may know more about Chinese Culture because I am a Chinese, female, and live in China except a couple of years in USA. Definitely in China some people try to get into USA through marriage or other means. When I had interview in Guangzhou, I also heard many stories as well. It happened in the past, happens now and will happen in the future over the world. I feel very sorry for them and hope nobody gets hurt in these cases. But I am still confident with a true love/marriage and I believe most of us here go for it.

Edited March 19, 2011 by xiaozhu (see edit history)