Tough situation - please give me advice

[knloregon]

We like Thailand, and at first blush, booking to Bangkok looks ridiculous, since large swaths are currently under water.

 

But the floods are very likely to be gone by the time you arrive, so online (name your price at Priceline has got to be a stunningly, good move----Having used it before, I'd say bid 30 cents on the dollar --- or less off the best published price at Expedia,Hotels.com etc. for hotels. Bangkok is particularly rich in good hotels, so there is substantial competition even without floods. By the time you arrive, its almost certain it will all be gone.

 

I did HK on Priceline, just post-SARs man, what a deal! (also had the hotel to myself --- kind of eery at first --- but being outnumber by staff at a 2 to 1 basis, made up for it.)

 

Piece of cake to travel from China to Thailand, same with the US to Thailand ---- and expect heavy discounts on airfare too. (IMHO ---- some of the best fresh seafood deals in the world in Bangkok whole place is gotta be on sale in the near future. Good Luck ! (and please keep us posted if you go the bid route!)

[lostinchina]

Thanks for your helpful comments everyone. After looking at other countries for some time now, my gf and I have decided its best/safest to go to Hong Kong again. We may also spend a few days in Macau. Hong Kong is always a lot of fun and staying at Lama Island would be reasonably priced. The airline ticket is the worst part, $1200, to see her for ~8 days.

 

As for her family, I have met her brother a couple of times and we get along very well. He doesn't speak English but I speak a little Mandarin. She's talked with my parents over Skype but I've never actually met hers. Her parents live in rural China and dont even speak Mandarin. My gf sees then maybe once a year.

 

David_dawei, why do you think my chances at a K-1 are so low? I don't plan on applying for one until the end of 2012 with hopes of her coming to the US in mid 2013.

[david_dawei]

Thanks for your helpful comments everyone. After looking at other countries for some time now, my gf and I have decided its best/safest to go to Hong Kong again. We may also spend a few days in Macau. Hong Kong is always a lot of fun and staying at Lama Island would be reasonably priced. The airline ticket is the worst part, $1200, to see her for ~8 days.

 

As for her family, I have met her brother a couple of times and we get along very well. He doesn't speak English but I speak a little Mandarin. She's talked with my parents over Skype but I've never actually met hers. Her parents live in rural China and dont even speak Mandarin. My gf sees then maybe once a year.

 

David_dawei, why do you think my chances at a K-1 are so low? I don't plan on applying for one until the end of 2012 with hopes of her coming to the US in mid 2013.

Yes, airline tickets can be a wallet bitch... but check out: www.yiqifei.com

 

I assume you know chinese culture that in general (please folks... general), that a girl does not bring a boy to the parents unless they plan (or intend) to marry. Your not seeing them is an indication to me that she is not moving so fast in the relationship (or the relationship is not defined that way; but in either case, she is not pushing it). In a way, I am saying this is good.

 

She left her parents from Rural China to a city close to Shanghai... Is this a 'country mouse seeking a city life' ? Is she the only child?

 

We have discussed this issue before here, and I know others disagree with me; but I'll say it again. The most obvious question to ask your gf at an interview is : "why did you not marry him?". And what will she say after such a long time together? To me (god forbid a VO too), it will not make any sense. Your age means you are *possibly* taking a chance on the relationship with a K1. There is really no long-term sign of commitment; if there was, you would marry. If there was no question, you would marry, etc.

 

So I will ask you, but I am not suggesting you should do it: Why not marry her?

 

If there is the slightest doubt/hesitation as to why... then don't file a K1 since they can smell it out.

Edited November 7, 2011 by david_dawei (see edit history)

[lostinchina]

Thanks for your helpful comments everyone. After looking at other countries for some time now, my gf and I have decided its best/safest to go to Hong Kong again. We may also spend a few days in Macau. Hong Kong is always a lot of fun and staying at Lama Island would be reasonably priced. The airline ticket is the worst part, $1200, to see her for ~8 days.

 

As for her family, I have met her brother a couple of times and we get along very well. He doesn't speak English but I speak a little Mandarin. She's talked with my parents over Skype but I've never actually met hers. Her parents live in rural China and dont even speak Mandarin. My gf sees then maybe once a year.

 

David_dawei, why do you think my chances at a K-1 are so low? I don't plan on applying for one until the end of 2012 with hopes of her coming to the US in mid 2013.

Yes, airline tickets can be a wallet bitch... but check out: www.yiqifei.com

 

I assume you know chinese culture that in general (please folks... general), that a girl does not bring a boy to the parents unless they plan (or intend) to marry. Your not seeing them is an indication to me that she is not moving so fast in the relationship (or the relationship is not defined that way; but in either case, she is not pushing it). In a way, I am saying this is good.

 

She left her parents from Rural China to a city close to Shanghai... Is this a 'country mouse seeking a city life' ? Is she the only child?

 

We have discussed this issue before here, and I know others disagree with me; but I'll say it again. The most obvious question to ask your gf at an interview is : "why did you not marry him?". And what will she say after such a long time together? To me (god forbid a VO too), it will not make any sense. Your age means you are *possibly* taking a chance on the relationship with a K1. There is really no long-term sign of commitment; if there was, you would marry. If there was no question, you would marry, etc.

 

So I will ask you, but I am not suggesting you should do it: Why not marry her?

 

If there is the slightest doubt/hesitation as to why... then don't file a K1 since they can smell it out.

 

She has a brother and I did date her for a while before I met him. The reason I dont get married now is because I'm still in school and am dependent on my parents for money. I have an internship next summer where I'll be making pretty good money and then should have a decent job lined up after graduation (Dec '12 or May '13).

[Randy W]

I'm glad to see the K-1 discussion taking a more reasonable course - hopefully. the VO's will come to their senses and realize that it's not in anyone's best interest to be making life decisions based on the easiest immigration path.

 

On the "Chinese culture" thing, though, I've said before - if I believed half of what I read here about "Chinese ladies", I'd have to believe that my wife were born and raised in small-town America.

[lostinchina]

Is there anything I should be doing over the next year or so to prepare for a potential K1? I guess I'll start taking more pictures of us together!

[david_dawei]

Yes, varied pictures in different settings in various areas on various days. They don't like formal nor indoor pictures too much.

 

But you'll prepare paperwork: SHE will need to prepare an answer for her K1; and SHE will need to prepare to prove the case. If they see this as a simple case then she'll do fine; if they see something more, then she really needs to know your life more intimately. Remember, SHE faces the VO alone.

[Beachey]

Is there anything I should be doing over the next year or so to prepare for a potential K1? I guess I'll start taking more pictures of us together!

 

Considering your age, I certainly think taking this slow is the right course of action. Some of the best advice I have seen concerning these matters is to try to make your decisions as if immigration was not a factor.

 

So why are you thinking a K-1 where you would get married in the US where her family could not participate? If and when you decide that marriage is right for the two of you, wouldn't you want to have the ceremony in her hometown? I am sure your family would want to participate but they likely could travel to China much more easily than her family to the US? And all you need for immigration is the civil license, ceremonies can be held separately even if you have one in China and one in the US. If she would enter on a K-1 and then get legally married, you are looking 3-6 months minimum before she could travel back to China for a ceremony. That might be the right thing for you as a couple but I think it is something you both need to think about.

 

No matter the decision, documentation of your ongoing relationship (including pictures) will be needed so you can concentrate on that.

[lostinchina]

For 2012, I don't have a whole lot of free time to see her. I can see her for either one week in March or two weeks in May. This is because I'll be busy the entire year with school plus a summer internship. The nice thing is that I'll be making over $6k over the summer.

 

These are the options I've been considering:

1. 
    
   
2. See her for one week in Hong Kong next March.
   
3. See her for two weeks in mainland China next May.
   
4. Send her money to apply for a US tourist visa with her coming to the US for two weeks in May.
   

 

I can only do one of the above. Obviously the first two options are the most realistic. However, I am tempted to at least try getting the US tourist visa. Worst case scenario is that we're out ~$200.

 

As for the marriage or K-1 visa, I think I'll wait until next fall to figure that out. I'll be graduating college next Dec. and it will be much easier once I have a full-time job offer.

[Beachey]

I can only do one of the above. Obviously the first two options are the most realistic. However, I am tempted to at least try getting the US tourist visa. Worst case scenario is that we're out ~$200.

 

 

 

I think if at all possible, letting her visit the States before making a marriage decision is the optimal choice. If the $200 is not an issue, I would give this your best shot. If it doesn't work out, go see her for the two weeks in May.

[Ryan H]

I think if at all possible, letting her visit the States before making a marriage decision is the optimal choice. If the $200 is not an issue, I would give this your best shot. If it doesn't work out, go see her for the two weeks in May.

 

I second this.

[Randy W]

I think if at all possible, letting her visit the States before making a marriage decision is the optimal choice. If the $200 is not an issue, I would give this your best shot. If it doesn't work out, go see her for the two weeks in May.

 

I second this.

 

 

Third - BUT - many of us are NOT thrilled about making a (probable) $200 donation to the consulate. A personal choice there.

[lostinchina]

I booked a round trip flight to Shanghai for 8 days in March. We plan on taking the train to Xiamen to visit Gulangyu Island. While in Shanghai, I think my girlfriend should try to get a tourist visa for next December to attend my college graduation. Hopefully if she can visit for a few weeks, then we can apply for a K-1 visa in January or February once I find a job.

 

BTW, I was able to get a round trip flight for under $800 out of LAX using http://www.vayama.com/travel-deals/ and searching for "Shanghai".

[foobaz123]

If you decide to go for the tourist visa, I would start preparing for it right now even though you're thinking of doing it a year from now.

 

To wit:

By whatever means seem best, start building up the money she has in the bank. Get it to what would seem like a ridiculous amount and then add more.

I'm in the camp of those who say mentioning "boyfriend" will kill your chances dead. Especially if/when it comes out that you're in a long term relationship. After all, with you living in the States and not returning with her (big difference between and those lucky enough to succeed) what else would the VO think but "They're pulling an end run around the IR1/CR1 process". It sucks, but I wouldn't blame them. So, either plan things in such a way that "boyfriend" doesn't come up or book a trip yourself to China to coincide with her planned return. It should help and if she doesn't get the visa then at least you've got the next trip planed

 

Unfortunately, that's all I can come up with. You could try and introduce her to someone else there as a friend and have them invite her. That said, I can't imagine your chances of a visitor visa are all that great since the only real reason for her to come here is to visit her long time boyfriend.

 

If you can spare the 200 bucks, roll the dice and see what happens. The worst thing is they tell you no. Just have a plan for what to do at that point since it is the most likely outcome.

 

As a side note, it is so damned messed up and sad that we have to play these games just to have someone visit us since they come from a non-VWP country.