The Things I Learned During Xmas

[Dave G.]

Hi All,

 

I've been meaning to post this for a while. Finally have a few minutes free. Here's all the new stuff I learned during the holidays, in no particular order:

 

- Chinese eat barely edible things both here and in China (intestines, bone-laden fish, duck tongues, etc.). And, we're still expected to act like we enjoy it or feelings get hurt. Thank God for rice and tofu!

 

- Chinese immigrants know more about the correct way of doing things in the US than us native born citizens. New immigrants listen far closer to other immigrants than to their spouse (until, of course, the spouse can "prove" himself).

 

- The cotton on American Q-tips are far too thick.

 

- Fake Christmas trees are the American norm (why?...because her cousin had one!). After a long discussion, JM agreed to have a real tree next year. Why? Because she learned you only throw the tree away....not all the lights and decorations along with the discarded tree.

 

- San Francisco is the only place in American to buy the right Chinese foods. Until, of course, JM returned home to Las Vegas and found the same stuff....cheaper.

 

- Jesus? I gave up trying to explain it all. "What's faith?"

 

- Santa? The guy who gives presents. But, it's okay to tell the kid before hand what Santa is going to bring.

 

- Chinese immigrants cannot hold their liquor any better here than they do in China.

 

- It takes four Chinese 15 minutes to debate making a left or right turn....even when the desired store lies to the left in plain sight.

 

- Chinese women take pride in their homes. Yet, somehow I ended up having to pick a new throw rug for JM's cousin's home....as if I had some special American knowledge of interior design. How do you say, "I'm just a stupid guy" in Chinese?

 

- Chinese new to this country get bored. First, they want to go out and do something. While they're out, they just want to go home.

 

- Female traits are universal. I got JM a nice meat slicer for hot pot. At first, she didn't want it. After making a hot pot, she decided she needed it. We opened it and sliced some meat (it was awesome!). Then, she decided she didn't want it. After cleaning the thing but being unable to repack it correctly, we finally got it mailed back to the company.

 

- I understand now why money is usually the only gift given during special events in China (see previous).

 

- In Chinese, "simple"means having all the normal frills, but don't you dare spend too much money.

 

- No matter how soft or loud a USC listens to American TV, the Chinese always speak about 20 decibels higher.

 

- And lastly, Christmas is so much more rich, full, and meaningful when spent with the ones you love and far more interesting when different cultural nuances are encountered. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world!