Wedding Ring Issue

[shadeOgray]

I have a question. I spent a great deal of time, effort and cash buying and explaining the importance in the American culture about the wedding ring concept. But I still feel she does not quite get how important it is. She has a couple fine rings with some good rocks but she does not wear them hardly at all in the house and only when going out, like it's just some other ole necklace or something, and only I think mostly because I kinda insist on it.

Has anyone else had this issue?

[warpedbored]

Tell her in American culture if a spouse goes out without wearing their wedding ring it's the same as wearing a green hat in China.

[knloregon]

Not familiar with that Chinese idiom Carl, can you flesh it out for us? Is it regional, or widely known?

[david_dawei]

um... I thought Green hat means your wife is cheating on you. Not wearing a ring might only convey to some that she is single, not unfaithful. Maybe Carl can clarify.

 

On the surface, It's just a social convention which seems a bit silly to me to be honest. You'll find chinese in china who don't wear them and some who do. I think younger folks are probably more inclined to consider it. When I asked Lulu if she wanted a ring, she said, 'what for'? That was good enough for me. Maybe later we'll revisit the idea. Things change; go with the flow.

 

There should be two introspections done:

1. Why do chinese not feel such a strong need to wear them? It seems the chinese follow the principle of freedom of choice.

2. Why do westerners hold this so strongly as a feeling to wear them? It seems westerns follow a moral principle instead.

 

Anyway. I know that some have them and don't wear them. They like the fact that it was given but don't want to tarnish it and/or don't feel comfortable with one. They have it [in a safe place] and that is enough for them. I know others really want one to wear.

 

it's a personal, though twosome, issue to work out. I feel that the final decision is not as important as understanding each other. It will be interesting to hear how you guys resolve this.

 

Honestly, this is a good topic. I didn't mean to make light of it; my personal feelings are just that. It will be good to hear other's experience.

[dnoblett]

My wife seems to be well versed in this one, I do not think she has ever removed her ring since our wedding.

 

We bought a practical one for her, the diamonds are inset into the ring not in a fixture on the ring, not likely to ever loose the diamonds.

[warpedbored]

um... I thought Green hat means your wife is cheating on you. Not wearing a ring might only convey to some that she is single, not unfaithful. Maybe Carl can clarify.

David, if a person doesn't have a wedding ring on of course it signifies they are single and possibly available. If someone they know sees a married person out in public without their wedding ring they might assume the person is pretending to be single and looking for some action.

As I understand it if a man goes out in public with a green hat on it means his wife is cheating on him. It is similar to the notion that if a spouse here goes out without their wedding ring they are cheating. It dates back to the Ming dynasty when relatives of prostitutes were forced to wear green hats. Here is an interesting article on the subject and a few other no nos in China.

http://www.randomwir...een-hat-a-no-no

[chilton747]

Just the opposite here. She wears hers 24/7 and I never wear mine. Mine is a comfort issue as well as a safety issue with my work. She knows she can trust me. Bottom line, I don't cheat, have never cheated, and never get the urge.

Edited October 25, 2010 by chilton747 (see edit history)

[credzba]

I spent a great deal of time, effort and cash buying and explaining the importance in the American culture

 

I only quoted this part, because I think it could hint at the issue.

I spent a great deal of time, effort and cash

If this had said "We" instead of "I" then perhaps you would have a better basis for your question.

 

explaining the importance in the American culture

And what part of the Chinese culture did you absorb into your every day habit?

[michaln]

ling only wears hers if she is going to be around other Chinese women

same with her diamond earrings I don't have a ring

[shadeOgray]

credzba

 

No issue there I assure you. WE both picked out the rings etc. I just was in a hurry when I wrote this

[smokiessky]

My wife only wears her ring when she leaves the house at home she does not wear it so it stays new is what she tells me

[david_dawei]

As I understand it if a man goes out in public with a green hat on it means his wife is cheating on him. It is similar to the notion that if a spouse here goes out without their wedding ring they are cheating.

Now that you've explained it, I get your drift, but that seems quite a stretch in comparison for me... since we're not talking about a western spouse who was moralized by western culture with this way of living; we're talking about someone who in THEIR culture, NOT WEARING a ring can be considered NORMAL.

[david_dawei]

My wife only wears her ring when she leaves the house at home she does not wear it so it stays new is what she tells me

and does she clean your shoes often so they look 'new'?

[credzba]

credzba

 

No issue there I assure you. WE both picked out the rings etc. I just was in a hurry when I wrote this

 

 

Sorry if I sounded judgmental, I know quite a few American/Chinese couples, and percentage wise, I definitively see more controlling husbands in the multicultural marriage.

 

My own views on a wedding ring are that it is a gift you gave your wife, not a bond, or a tattoo. As with any gift, what the receiver does with it is their own decision.

Without regard to culture, if the receiver of the ring wishes to wear it or not should be their decision.

 

I wear my wedding ring, because it matches my wifes, and I like to have this small thing in common when were side by side. In reality, I don't care (or even know as I think about it) whether she wears hers or not.

She is my wife, not my possession, nor my child/responsibility. She was free to make her decisions when I fell in love with her, and I hope she continues to be her own person for as long as she lives.

It is a privilege I get to live my life with her, a ring on or off is not going to change our relationship, however arguing over it might

[tsap seui]

Not judgemental in any way shape or form, especially to a Navy friend nicknamed Barbi.

 

I could give a hoot less if my wife EVER put her ring on, privately or pubLICKly.

 

And that's all I've got to say about that subject.

 

tsapacious seuisimus

 

Wizend Redneck P-fa-losipher

who's done strolled around the ol' block

more than oncet or twicet