Back In China

[david_dawei]

Well, I have been quite absent for some time but whenever I am in china I tend to find a need to share some thoughts. So for those with enough time to waste to read then I am maybe timely.

 

I am already 4 days behind on stories; and as usual it feels like a 4x the experience. I'll post across a few different posts so to not make the brain dump seem like a novel... but here goes... I'll try to update as I can:

 

Flight and Arrival:

I think this is my 9th trip to china but each time feels like too long inbetween. I am never sure why I don't go more and why I return to the US. But that aside, the trip was uncharacteristic in that I had no thought most of the trip. Usually I have a thousand thoughts and questions, but this time I was just on a plane. Never opened a computer or worried to walk too much.

 

I followed my normal 'time change' routine of staying up all night the day before the early flight; order wine with the first few drink offerings to assure falling asleep and the clock changes really fast. I sleep through the chinese night and am awake during the US day, during the flight. I talk to the guy next to me who is from Zhenzhou, capital of Henan province (think Shaolin temple). He returns after ten years way but has a Canadian AND US green card in his absence. I quickly think about the stat of 20% of americans have a passport and smile at the collective survival instinct of others in the world.

 

My plan is to meet my usual friend at the Beijing airport and lulu, whom I have come to visit 4 times. My plan is to stay in BJ a few days and head off to Liaoning Province with lulu; if all goes as planned, we'll marry. But I'm ahead of myself since there are 4 days to discuss.

[dnoblett]

Have a great trip! and hope all goes well with your friend!

[david_dawei]

The Blur of Beijing:

 

This trip I stayed in the Xidan district. If you are not familiar with Xidan then you probably have never been to Beijing or shame on you. Honestly, I am not so crazy about going to tourist areas. To date, after 9 trips to china, I have never seen the Forbidden City nor the great wall. I am a "off the beaten path" type and love the 'too dirty cities' of china. My one weakness is Wang Fu Jing of Beijing; the top tourist area, dare I say. It is a few subway stops east of Xidan and I decided to let my friend setup my hotel. He feels that this trip of mine is too important to leave to mundate hotels. He has connections after all and he should find me a place. He gave me a very nice 5 star hotel at 480 RMB but has two small beds. If your like me, I can sleep 3 to a small bed but the desire to save money isn't needed so much this time. After one night we call the front desk to say the bathroom doesn't drain well and we need another room; oh... give us a large bed (da chuang), although we'll sleep like 5 could fit in it.

 

The first night was very traditional Beijing Hot Pot. I have come to loath hot pot since it is an endless night of eating and drinking; there is no limit. I had that killer 'time change' headache which screamed of sleep but how could I do that? I brought some western alcohol of Southern Comfort, Grand Manier, Malibu, and Bally's. We drank it all and ate it all.

 

Next day we went to another traditional Beijing spot but a 'hole in the wall' type of place which has survived 100 years. This small, dirty spot is my kind of spot. The guy at the cashier looks at me and tells my friends that I cannot eat this kind of food. Clearly this guy has never seem my stomach at work in china. It is a mix of pig lung, intestine, and bread cake... He had me at "lung"... I am in bliss eating this, a true delight of dark and delicious flavors. We head off to the train ride of 4 hours to Shenyang which is uneventful bar some every necessary sleep. I have yet to have my 'chinese bowel movement' which if your not sure what that is, then I'll just spare you.

 

In a nutshell or two; My arrival to this chaos theory country felt long overdue. Girls with umbrellas from the sun; some holding hands and that includes men with arms around each other; escalators rising on the left; buildings rising while others are half level three years later; overcast and yet hot; guys with shirts half pulled up; subways with too many pushing each other over; taxi rides where the coveted spot is next to the driver; meals where you can eat anything believable and some you cannot believe; fish markets smelling like agent orange was released but nobody thought to exit the fumes; ladies beautiful enough to win any pageant but scrapping to live a survivalist life; child pissing anywhere and everywhere; blank stares at day replaced with joyful looks at night; gan bei ringing all dinner long... It's like a red carpet was rolled out. Dreams are never this good.

[Randy W]

Uh - Lulu isn't spelled with a 'Z'. Time for a name change??

[david_dawei]

The lull of Liaoning:

While I felt no sleepiness of time change, I got that occasional headache from hell. Usually the remedy is "chi hao, he hao, bu yong ke qi' (eat and drink without thought). This is my tagline and motto when in china.

 

The first night in Liaoning was saved for my favorite dish: Shui Zhu Yu, very spicy fish dish. But I went to bed with quite a headache and said I did not feel up to the next day's picture's.... of course that is unthinkable. Later I realized how unforgiving this is, given that was Chinese valentine's day. Shame on me for not realizing such a detail I am normally wont to do. I may of done the one thing that nobody should ever do, given a trip where marriage is planned. BUt that is why lulu has always called me by my nickname, "huai dan". Ask your lady about the range this name can take; she may not really tell you but I am the full spectrum and there is one thing our relationship has, is no hidden parts. After 18 months of talking and four trips later, and too many details to spare when we first meet as friends without regard to any thought for the other, which can be a dangerous position since you will say stuff you would not otherwise say, and later it comes to possibly follow you, and yes, I am trying to break some record for the longest run on sentence...

 

"Little Boss"

My meeting with Xiao Lao Ban was very long in preparation and enough stories and lore to fill a book. I cannot say all of it in so short a space. If you read my previous china visit some years ago where I talked of meeting some hired "killers", this time I was meeting a "Don". I had heard all the stories of him; Working now in a government run heating company where everyone was afraid of him, including upper management. He routinely took his shirt off in the office which would display his full body (back and front) of tattoos (very much Japanese Yakuza) which causes most to stay away. It turns out that lulu paid no attention to such issues and turned a nose to this. My guess is that little boss realized someone was above it all and could care a less how he carried on as long as she did her job. He started to address her as "Shi Fu" which is usually taken to mean as "master" but can be applied to a worker of high caliber which most did not intuit. As she ignored his ways, he began to turn to her for advice about work. They had a worker friend develop which everyone envied since they were all afraid of him. When he went to another office location, he requested her to follow which she said was fine since work is work. The office wondered what was going on with this but the morale of the story is that the Don found someone as loyal as henchmen but better because there was nothing personal afterall. Thus, "shi fu" become her name, which she loathed.

 

I finally got to meet Xiao Lao Ban, who is Xiao Long (little dragon) and bears a full length dragon on his chest. He had a Lao Hu (tiger) on his back, but as chinese know, a tiger cannot be contained and always fights with the dragon, so he had that covered over with a flower. For a Don to decide he cannot control a tattoo tiger is maybe more than CFL should go.

 

I heard he was fond of knives. So I decided to buy him a Rambo knife; you know, the kind with a ten pound blade and compass and thread in the threaded cap. This knife is really stunning and it passed through checked baggage without problem. Upon arrival in Shenyang, Lulu's brother already knew of the knife and wanted so desperately to see it. Being a police man, he eyed that with tremendous envy; probably wondering what a former Don would have done with that if you meet him in a dark alley.

 

Needless to say, we ate dinner tonight with the little dragon and his wife. There was a surge of energy around them. I cannot say I have felt that so much outside of my qigong teacher. Too hard to describe. But he was covered in tattoos and he was just as I had envisioned; which is probably the only time in my life that has happened. Surprisingly, I hit it off with anyone in china; be it police or mafia. He felt something enough to ask me if I would be a blood brother to him. I looked at him and said yes. Everyone in the room knew I had already given him the knife and he said, 'ok, we'll find a way'. seemed the deal was seal, at least with words.

[david_dawei]

Uh - Lulu isn't spelled with a 'Z'. Time for a name change??

Yes... I have already talked to our "Don" about that... coming soon... something more generic is probably good...

[david_dawei]

It is all about who you know...

I had planned my trip quite successfully, so I thought. I had brought two Dell computer and later realized I had forget my power cords. I had previously and easily bought one on a trip so figure it should be easy. Today we went to "the" computer complex of Fushun and 10 minutes into the first Dell vendor there realized that ubiquitous word, "mei you" was telling me another tale. I called my friend back in Beijing who would be coming in a few days. I said call "big face" (who worked in beijing at a very large computer store) to see if he can get this; the answer was no.. but my friend could go back to his home town where there is a big dell retailer. Clearly this connection was not working fast enough.

 

Lulu called her brother's wife, who called a 'friend' who was next to the big computer complex. She said to wait for someone to come find us. That sounded reasonable by chinese standards. Finally a guy walks up and starts to talk to us like he has known us since childhood... he says he has what we want. That's interesting, I've not told him yet. But he says to follow him... around the corner of the computer complex, down a dirty alley, up to outside flights of stairs, into a dark and dusty former office building now filled with businesses doing god-knows-what... and finally into a dark room where a guy is playing a game on the computer and never bothers to break from it.

 

He just says 'wait' and that we do... I look around the room with computers, accessories, motherboards, graphic cards, speakers, etc.. stacked as high as the ceiling would hold completely around except the middle to walk and one wall to build computers; Four computers were open in construction which I closely looked into. He comes back and says, either one of these will do, which one do you want. And he is spot on! I pick the smaller one since that is the original version; the larger one is a knock-off from china which he already admitted; you know, friends will be more honest sometimes.

 

Deal done. Power restored. Computer on. Posting permitted. CFL gets another story...

[david_dawei]

Feast on This:

I am not sure of our stomach's capabilities, but I can eat just about anything that flies or crawls. There is only one time I had a second thought to a dish and that was what seemed to be under cooked slugs which just wanted to slide down my throat as I wanted to gag them up. That aside, I have eaten Cicada as the buggiest meal. Bu some of my favorite are pig intestine and ear, duck head and tongue, fish head, frog, and the unforgivable dog meat (gou rou). In fact, the first time I tried gou rou I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I was on a lifetime mission to find the perfect gou rou after that, which has eluded me. I have made no secret of this and this trip we are awaiting my friend from Beijing to come to sample the Fushun gou rou. Not for the faint of heart (aka. dog owner)... fact is; those who eat gou rou may even own a dog themselves... they just don't eat that one.

 

I like to walk down the street and when I see a dog I quietly say "gou rou" to see if the dog senses any impending meal. Maybe eating chicken, hamburger, and steaks in the US has many forgetting they are eating another species. I don't want to forget that I am about to eat something that was walking or swimming an hour beforehand.

 

Tomorrow: Trip to Shenyang to the consulate... ought to be interesting.

[tsap seui]

Feast on This:

I am not sure of our stomach's capabilities, but I can eat just about anything that flies or crawls. There is only one time I had a second thought to a dish and that was what seemed to be under cooked slugs which just wanted to slide down my throat as I wanted to gag them up. That aside, I have eaten Cicada as the buggiest meal. Bu some of my favorite are pig intestine and ear, duck head and tongue, fish head, frog, and the unforgivable dog meat (gou rou). In fact, the first time I tried gou rou I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I was on a lifetime mission to find the perfect gou rou after that, which has eluded me. I have made no secret of this and this trip we are awaiting my friend from Beijing to come to sample the Fushun gou rou. Not for the faint of heart (aka. dog owner)... fact is; those who eat gou rou may even own a dog themselves... they just don't eat that one.

 

I like to walk down the street and when I see a dog I quietly say "gou rou" to see if the dog senses any impending meal. Maybe eating chicken, hamburger, and steaks in the US has many forgetting they are eating another species. I don't want to forget that I am about to eat something that was walking or swimming an hour beforehand.

 

Tomorrow: Trip to Shenyang to the consulate... ought to be interesting.

Good to see you back in action my mystical thinkin' hillbilly redneck friend.

 

Oh the joys of the Shenyang consulate...much better than that juke joint in Guangzhou, I go in there early last year for a certificate of marriageability or whatever they call the dern thing, and they didn't even ask to see my divorce papers, just here, sign this, take a seat in the waiting room and we'll call yer number to give you yer document.

 

You make me so homesick talking about Shenyang, my wife is but a few miles up the trek from there, waiting patiently on her new P-2....thank Budda for MSN and outrageous wild computer sex while we wait.

 

Have a gud un David, or is it Bubba Budda.?

 

tsap seui

[Joanne]

Come to witness a name change. I wonder if David is going to take Lulu's family name.

[Amaro]

Keep up the stories, I find them mildly entertaining!

[Mick]

Somewhere along the line I must have missed a major happening in David's life. If a name change is in the offing, there is something new afoot. What did I miss, if it is not too bold to ask? No need to answer that if you don't want to.

[Yuanyang]

He gots a new squeeze.

Oh! Squeeze David, Squeeze!

[david_dawei]

Yes, there was a change in my former relationship about 2.5 years ago when I discovered activity going on while I was on business trips. I'll not say more than I know when to hold them and when to fold them; I decided it was best for everyone to find what they want in life and let them do so. Nothing personal taken; life is a journey.

 

Lost of Manhood

I always find it ironic when a chinese lady wants to call you a little child (xiao hai zi) for acting a certain way and plays the role of a mom over an infant. Unfortunately this example included a rash of private proportions generated over a very hot day of walking. This seems to bring out the pampering and inquisitive mom in some. I was quickly demoted from xiao hai zi to simply bao bei er since only infants get such rashes. Of course if this was kept to words alone there is no manhood to really lose. But a strip search seems suddenly not so bad against the instant and close inspection, and constant orders to not move. All I can think of is: Her mom is a doctor and this rash better get resolved before we're in her hometown or else I could be getting inspected by committee.

 

In characteristic aplomb, she grabs some powdered pills from a shelf and starts pulling them apart and applying that liberally; I guess if the pill is meant for the inside of the body for protection they surmise it must have some good on the outside of the body; by this point I am praying for such a miracle. As fate would have it, the rash would not lessen and I wondered if the family would be brought into it. I decided not to ask since even the most basic conversation can be misunderstood at times. Best to pretend there is nothing to talk about. Just ignor the wide leg waddling of this american.

 

After another two days of inspections, powder puffs between the legs, whispered head shaking saying only a baby gets this... it did finally go away. I felt the most relief to know that the rest of the family did not get called into battle formation around my lower straits. Although I did find out that she told her mom who apparently immediately said, 'let me look'... I can only believe my prayers must of prevented that since nobody refuses mom; but this time I had a savior do so. Back at lower left full strength, we encountered some obstacles to registering a marriage in Shenyang which I'll share next.

 

For now, I have a very unusual recommendation for traveling during the hot weather. The smell of desitin will not be nearly as bad as a family meeting around your hind quarters... consider myself lucky to have escaped the total loss of manhood and maybe it will save you a little too.

[david_dawei]

Government Deficiency

I am now not sure which government is more inept and inefficient at the simplest tasks. But one thing is for sure: Formality is the mother of triviality. I think part of it was my own lack of understanding, so I'll accept my part. Not sure the other side will feel the same way thought. I made sure I had divorce decrees (had to mail some money to get one) prior to getting the single certificate at the Shenyang consulate, by online appointment only. Very easy to setup. And while getting the paper itself is done in one building in a matter of about an hour, it feels like the keystone cops wrote the script for this process.

 

I went early to the consulate to see where the entry it; it's not really obvious as the street is blocked off and there is a gate you'll enter but it's not really marked. What happens is they see an american wandering down this blocked off street and know this is a kind of code for "lost and feeling stupid because I can't find any entrance". Then someone will come forward and say to enter 'here'. I saw this a number of times and it seems 'perfectly planned' as Inspector Clouseau would say. I am a little early (perfectly planned on my part) and after showing a printout from the appointment and my passport I am allowed inside where my phones are collected and I am then passed on to the inner building. I am first one there and feel quite good about that but 'Murphy' (of Murphy's law: anything that can go wrong, will go wrong) is probably an ancient discovery of China, like everything else we think was discovered by the west already existed in the east; I think Murphy's law in chinese would of written: Something will go wrong, sooner or later. In my case, it was sooner and later.

 

I am handed a form to fill out and asked what is lulu's birthdate. Ok.. shame on me for not having that burned in my memory; I wasn't there and probably should still really know it but at that moment, guessing did not feel like a good idea. So I said that I could go out and ask and was told to do so. I was less than amused at the fact that the form doesn't ask this but they said they needed it. I got this and now I was 6th in line. Once up front I was then give more instructions and now to fill out the rest of the form in the waiting room and come back. I did that. Now I am 10th in line.

 

The form takes all of 3 minutes to fill out. I ask how long will it take to be stamped and told maybe an hour. Gotta love our tax dollars at work. I sit down and in 10 minutes was called to pay $50 or 345RMB. I took the trouble to have $50 on hand but decided to pay RMB so I could keep the USD for later. There was a subsequent discussion with lulu who asked why we took so much time to get the USD to not use it. Later she laughed as she finally understood my logic 3 hours late, but at least it sunk in. That's part of what I like about our relationship; we are both ready to laugh off a later discovery.

 

I am finally called to a window, and I think it took about 45 minutes but the entire process at this point felt like 2 hours. I was asked a few trivial questions and then he remarked that my visas appear as if I had lived in china a little while. I toke an uncharacteristic pause to contemplate if there was some sort of trick question to this. Customs might ask you something to see what you'll say and now I'm getting this for a $50 fee. I said, "no... I just like to visit china". He said, 'yes, it is a fascinating place'. I wanted to say, "really... tell me more" but I decided my $50 was up.

 

Off to the marriage office in double time as we wanted to beat the closing... only to find that HER paperwork was not acceptable. We were told to go to the court to fix a part of a 6 year old paper which they want another stamp on. Off to the court, shuffled around, and they person to do this writes up a letter but forgets to stamp it properly. After leaving we realize we'll be coming back to Shenyang the next day to visit the court and marriage office again. Murphy was in rare form. Turns out that another american had brought his single certificate from the US through all the complicated channels we know are needed and the marriage office said it was no good... he was also a victim of Murphy's.

 

That night I drank way too much with some friends (I'll skip that) and wake up feeling more drunk than when I went to sleep... The one hour bus to Shenyang was a welcomed snap but at the court office we got the shuffle again; 3rd floor; no, 1st floor; no 4th floor. In two days I had that court memorized. We go back to the boy at the entrance and appeal to him for some help. He looks up and says 'she can do it'. Perfectly planned is more like chaos theory sometimes. This lady seems like this is the last thing she wants to do and she hasn't been at work but for 1 hour. She asked Lulu is she plans to marry again. lulu understood this intrusive code talk too much. She already knew this lady more than the lady realized; she was a friend of the lady [let's call her [xyz] her first husband had an affair with. Lulu had the divorce papers done by this lady we were at the mercy of right now. In a rare moment of confrontation, Lulu used as much tact as possible and asked if she knew how [xyz] was ? This lady almost turned white as she realized the counter gambit being played out; lulu knew who she was and that her question was more than personal. She she would do the paper right away which she did. but the stamp was done very poorly and lulu insisted they do the paper and stamp again which was a moment of tension you usually don't want in a court building. Long story short, we get the paper, and head off to the marriage office.

 

We wait some time and realize we need a number... Murphy is back. We are called up, provide our papers, then pay, then chat, then chat some more, and were offered notarial translations. I was interested to hear the marriage office offering them until they said you don't need anything translated but the marriage certificate; forget the police report and forget the birth certificate... I told them to forget our business for that. Then they just looked at us blankly and asked what else we needed. We said we are there to finalize the marriage registration and she said "it's already done". We were married and didn't even know it. I wish shoots where that painless.

 

later lulu laughed and said, "I was not even asked if I wanted to marry you {"I do"). And I said, I was not asked if I wanted to say "I don't". It seems she has developed a sense of humor over small issues by osmoses contact with me. As many know; joking can be no joking matter at times due to communication issues but we're suddenly at the point where we can openly joke about the good and bad.

 

That night, we had a small family/friend dinner party of 30 people which was wonderful. All in all, a perfectly planned day... as only Murphy could pull off.

 

Later I will write about the 'visa vultures' outside of the shenyang consulate

Edited August 19, 2010 by DavidZixuan (see edit history)