Wet Hair and Family Hugs

[Rob and WeiLing]

Okay. So this morning (Sunday night in China) I had the unique task of defusing a "situation" between WeiLing and Xiao Meimei. Mediating isn't my favorite thing to do, but I like to see it as an opportunity to show how much I do care about her and her family. Little sister recently began her summer vacation and returned from university in Zhuhai to Wuhan and the surrounding area. In the past week-and-a-half, she's used WeiLing's apartment as a base of operations at least three times. Stopped there for a few days before visiting Lao Jia, then before visiting a school friend near Three Gorges Dam, and has once again returned to WeiLing's apartment last night.

 

Now WeiLing always tells me that she's excited to see her sister. They're three years apart and very close. These past few visits, I think Meimei, in her vacationing excitement, may have forgotten to show that she really is appreciative. I'm not doubting that she is appreciative, but just that she's been saying thank you and such. Another factor is that WeiLing works for a travel agency. As is normal for this time of year, she is extremely busy and I try to balance our time talking together with her sleep/rest time. In any case, I'm sure this was a product of WeiLing's work stress in such close proximity to Meimei's vacation excitement/relaxation.

 

This morning, as she was finally free to talk for a bit, a "bomb" exploded. Sister had just finished showering when some words were exchanged. I didn't catch much of anything (Thus far, I only speak about 15 words of their home dialect), but I could tell that WeiLing was upset. I asked her, and she confirmed that she was very angry at her sister. To make a long story short, it boiled down to a sense that Meimei did not ÕäÖØ (value) WeiLing.

 

While allowing WeiLing to cry I was also trying to make sense of the situation. During this time, Meimei had stepped out. I would normally be okay with this, but it was after 11pm over there and sister has been the victim of assault before. Even WeiLing (reluctantly) admitted to being worried about her sister, so I put WeiLing on hold and asked Meimei to return home. I told her that she wouldn't have to talk with WeiLing, but that I will worry if she is outside alone at this time of night. She gave me one of the most bizarre reasons I've ever heard: She just finished washing her hair, and her hair was still wet. (I think she wanted her hair to dry in the night air, but never expressed that directly). Despite this, she agreed to return after five minutes.

 

Twenty minutes later, sister returned. I had managed to calm WeiLing down, and spoke again with СÃÃÃÃ. I confirmed that she was indeed thankful of WeiLing's hospitality, and asked her to be more openly appreciative. I didn't blame her, nor did I tell her that WeiLing was crying/very upset. I then asked her to accept a hug from WeiLing, and to return it. (Meimei told me, in English, that WeiLing has never hugged her). I told Meimei that a hug would show appreciation for her sister, and allow WeiLing to show that she really cares about her sister.

 

When I talked again with WeiLing, I asked her to give meimei a hug. She said she was too embarrassed, but I insisted. She said she would, then put the phone down for a minute or two. I had a hunch, and I doubted that the hug took place. I asked "Äã¸Õ²ÅÓµ±§ËýÂð£¿" and got an affirmative response. "Zhen de ma?" ... A pause. "Jia de." She lied to me**, and apologized profusely. She then explained that Chinese people don't often give hugs. She apologized again, and agreed to actually give the hug.

 

The hug did take place. WeiLing said shortly, "Give me a quick hug." (in Mandarin). But hearing it take place was like watching a light-switch turn on. I could hear both of their voices suddenly coming through smiles. Mission accomplished, situation diffused. And let me tell you: it was exhausting! Especially because all was in Mandarin, save for a few short sentences I had with meimei.

 

But I'm still left with two unanswered questions.

 

Do Chinese girls really dry their hair by leaving the house? Or do you guys think this was just an excuse to take a stroll and let off steam? I'm inclined to say the second, but I don't want to make any assumptions.

 

And my second question. Are family-member hugs uncommon? ÃÃÃà said that ξÁæ has never hugged her, and ξÁæ stated that Chinese people don't often do that. I can't speak for anyone else's family, but hugs have always been a symbol of respect and love in my family. (Although my family does reserve them for departures/greetings or times requiring support)

 

 

PS - I've tried to intersperse pinyin, hanzi, and English so that the story will still be accessible to all readers. I've also refrained from calling Meimei by name (which is RongFang; ÈØ·¼) as I'm making a habit to simply call her "little sister" / xiao meimei.

 

** - While I was disappointed with the lie, I didn't let that change that I was appreciative and supportive of the honesty that followed. I can only think of two or three times total that she's lied. And each time it was simply due to complete embarrassment. I trust her completely. There have been some other things she could have lied about and chose not to.

[george lee]

hugs and kisses are not expressed inside the house or outside the house. its been like that since....let see...year 1. i remembered my first time meeting my in-laws and i tried to hug them but i felt they were uncomfortable about it, so i just hand shake. chinese customs do not hug or kiss in public or anywhere, only in couple's bedroom. even people in chinatown new york do not hug or kiss in public. the new chinese generations in america do hugs and kisses in public.

 

grasshopper has much to learn....

Edited July 13, 2009 by george lee (see edit history)

[whome?]

Okay. So this morning (Sunday night in China) I had the unique task of defusing a "situation" between WeiLing and Xiao Meimei. Mediating isn't my favorite thing to do, but I like to see it as an opportunity to show how much I do care about her and her family. Little sister recently began her summer vacation and returned from university in Zhuhai to Wuhan and the surrounding area. In the past week-and-a-half, she's used WeiLing's apartment as a base of operations at least three times. Stopped there for a few days before visiting Lao Jia, then before visiting a school friend near Three Gorges Dam, and has once again returned to WeiLing's apartment last night.

 

Now WeiLing always tells me that she's excited to see her sister. They're three years apart and very close. These past few visits, I think Meimei, in her vacationing excitement, may have forgotten to show that she really is appreciative. I'm not doubting that she is appreciative, but just that she's been saying thank you and such. Another factor is that WeiLing works for a travel agency. As is normal for this time of year, she is extremely busy and I try to balance our time talking together with her sleep/rest time. In any case, I'm sure this was a product of WeiLing's work stress in such close proximity to Meimei's vacation excitement/relaxation.

 

This morning, as she was finally free to talk for a bit, a "bomb" exploded. Sister had just finished showering when some words were exchanged. I didn't catch much of anything (Thus far, I only speak about 15 words of their home dialect), but I could tell that WeiLing was upset. I asked her, and she confirmed that she was very angry at her sister. To make a long story short, it boiled down to a sense that Meimei did not ÕäÖØ (value) WeiLing.

 

While allowing WeiLing to cry I was also trying to make sense of the situation. During this time, Meimei had stepped out. I would normally be okay with this, but it was after 11pm over there and sister has been the victim of assault before. Even WeiLing (reluctantly) admitted to being worried about her sister, so I put WeiLing on hold and asked Meimei to return home. I told her that she wouldn't have to talk with WeiLing, but that I will worry if she is outside alone at this time of night. She gave me one of the most bizarre reasons I've ever heard: She just finished washing her hair, and her hair was still wet. (I think she wanted her hair to dry in the night air, but never expressed that directly). Despite this, she agreed to return after five minutes.

 

Twenty minutes later, sister returned. I had managed to calm WeiLing down, and spoke again with СÃÃÃÃ. I confirmed that she was indeed thankful of WeiLing's hospitality, and asked her to be more openly appreciative. I didn't blame her, nor did I tell her that WeiLing was crying/very upset. I then asked her to accept a hug from WeiLing, and to return it. (Meimei told me, in English, that WeiLing has never hugged her). I told Meimei that a hug would show appreciation for her sister, and allow WeiLing to show that she really cares about her sister.

 

When I talked again with WeiLing, I asked her to give meimei a hug. She said she was too embarrassed, but I insisted. She said she would, then put the phone down for a minute or two. I had a hunch, and I doubted that the hug took place. I asked "Äã¸Õ²ÅÓµ±§ËýÂð£¿" and got an affirmative response. "Zhen de ma?" ... A pause. "Jia de." She lied to me**, and apologized profusely. She then explained that Chinese people don't often give hugs. She apologized again, and agreed to actually give the hug.

 

The hug did take place. WeiLing said shortly, "Give me a quick hug." (in Mandarin). But hearing it take place was like watching a light-switch turn on. I could hear both of their voices suddenly coming through smiles. Mission accomplished, situation diffused. And let me tell you: it was exhausting! Especially because all was in Mandarin, save for a few short sentences I had with meimei.

 

But I'm still left with two unanswered questions.

 

Do Chinese girls really dry their hair by leaving the house? Or do you guys think this was just an excuse to take a stroll and let off steam? I'm inclined to say the second, but I don't want to make any assumptions.

 

And my second question. Are family-member hugs uncommon? ÃÃÃà said that ξÁæ has never hugged her, and ξÁæ stated that Chinese people don't often do that. I can't speak for anyone else's family, but hugs have always been a symbol of respect and love in my family. (Although my family does reserve them for departures/greetings or times requiring support)

 

 

PS - I've tried to intersperse pinyin, hanzi, and English so that the story will still be accessible to all readers. I've also refrained from calling Meimei by name (which is RongFang; ÈØ·¼) as I'm making a habit to simply call her "little sister" / xiao meimei.

 

** - While I was disappointed with the lie, I didn't let that change that I was appreciative and supportive of the honesty that followed. I can only think of two or three times total that she's lied. And each time it was simply due to complete embarrassment. I trust her completely. There have been some other things she could have lied about and chose not to.

yes hugging or open affection among family members is not practiced here. our usa custom is much different.

 

your gf's little sister has no problem with you calling her xiao meimei? this term has another meaning among the chinese and I did not think they used it to refer to their family members.

[Rob and WeiLing]

Thanks for the responses about the hugs. I figured that was the case, but it's always nice to have some outside verification. I know I still have much to learn. If I learn something new every day for the rest of my life, I figure I'll have done okay.

 

your gf's little sister has no problem with you calling her xiao meimei? this term has another meaning among the chinese and I did not think they used it to refer to their family members.

 

Really? She's joked with me "I'm really little little sister, right? Haha" But nothing beyond that. A search on Google just brings up users registered to various websites, and MDBG / nciku both do not return anything beyond little little sister. I also know that À±Ãà (la mei) roughly translates to "a hot girl" in a similar way as ˧¸ç (shuai ge) translates to "a handsome guy". I'm very curious to the meaning of xiaomeimei, do you mind elaborating?

[b.c]

 

I'm very curious to the meaning of xiaomeimei, do you mind elaborating?

 

A certain part of the female anatomy also referred to by some as the honeypot.

[Rob and WeiLing]

 

I'm very curious to the meaning of xiaomeimei, do you mind elaborating?

 

A certain part of the female anatomy also referred to by some as the honeypot.

 

Oh lordy! Well no, I can't say I've had any hint as to that meaning. I just called her xiaomeimei in following WeiLing's lead. Even hearing WeiLing call her xiaomeimei, I never thought anything spiteful or derogatory. I'll ask them both; maybe it's a regional thing that doesn't translate to Wuhan?

 

I suppose I should just make a habit of calling her "Meimei" then, eh? Save some possible embarrassment in public, for sure!

 

update: WeiLing is busy with work (going over and signing a contract with a customer), but I had the opportunity to ask Meimei, "Does Xiaomeimei mean younger sister? Or does it have a different meaning? Someone told me it does not mean sister." She responded, "sometimes people who is older than me call me that" and was curious to what other meaning I thought. After explaining, she responded "oh i never know that"

Edited July 13, 2009 by Rob and WeiLing (see edit history)

[whome?]

 

I'm very curious to the meaning of xiaomeimei, do you mind elaborating?

 

A certain part of the female anatomy also referred to by some as the honeypot.

 

Oh lordy! Well no, I can't say I've had any hint as to that meaning. I just called her xiaomeimei in following WeiLing's lead. Even hearing WeiLing call her xiaomeimei, I never thought anything spiteful or derogatory. I'll ask them both; maybe it's a regional thing that doesn't translate to Wuhan?

 

I suppose I should just make a habit of calling her "Meimei" then, eh? Save some possible embarrassment in public, for sure!

He is right as to the meaning. As far as I can tell it is widely known in china (remember where my wife is from). This is why I asked the question. My wife's older sister also sometimes calls my wife xiao meimei and I have heard her tell other people when they first meet that she is her sister xiao meimei. However I would never say to her or call her this in public because of the other meaning.

 

But either your gf and her sister does not mind or they are too embrassed to ask you not to say it. I wouldn't worry about it ... I was just giving you a heads-up so to speak ..

[Rob and WeiLing]

He is right as to the meaning. As far as I can tell it is widely known in china (remember where my wife is from). This is why I asked the question. My wife's older sister also sometimes calls my wife xiao meimei and I have heard her tell other people when they first meet that she is her sister xiao meimei. However I would never say to her or call her this in public because of the other meaning.

 

Sorry, I don't remember where your wife is from. I'm just going to stick with "meimei" until I know better.

 

But either your gf and her sister does not mind or they are too embrassed to ask you not to say it. I wouldn't worry about it ... I was just giving you a heads-up so to speak ..

 

Terrible pun. Thanks! And as I edited into my last post, Meimei has not heard of that meaning before... Maybe it's based on context and is similar to the American phrase "fireman" (for example): nobody questions what kind of fireman you're talking about in general conversation, but there's also question about its use in sexual innuendo.

[tsap seui]

Behind closed doors my wife is glued to me...in public?...I'm lucky if she holds my hand.

 

When we met at the airport for the first time she was shocked to see I was gonna try and hug her and give her a kiss....we still laugh about that.

 

She has never seen her mom and dad hug or express love for each other, and had never even had her ex hug her or tell her he loved her.

 

Sometimes on the street, or in a shop, with thousands of people teeming by us I will stop, look into her smoldering black eyes and say "Lil' rabbit I love you"...she will laugh and whisper..."I love you too my dear husband, but you no hug or kiss me here, or I mop you."

 

tsap seui

Edited July 13, 2009 by tsap seui (see edit history)

[Guest Wuhan4me]

 

I'm very curious to the meaning of xiaomeimei, do you mind elaborating?

 

A certain part of the female anatomy also referred to by some as the honeypot.

 

Oh lordy! Well no, I can't say I've had any hint as to that meaning. I just called her xiaomeimei in following WeiLing's lead. Even hearing WeiLing call her xiaomeimei, I never thought anything spiteful or derogatory. I'll ask them both; maybe it's a regional thing that doesn't translate to Wuhan?

 

I suppose I should just make a habit of calling her "Meimei" then, eh? Save some possible embarrassment in public, for sure!

 

update: WeiLing is busy with work (going over and signing a contract with a customer), but I had the opportunity to ask Meimei, "Does Xiaomeimei mean younger sister? Or does it have a different meaning? Someone told me it does not mean sister." She responded, "sometimes people who is older than me call me that" and was curious to what other meaning I thought. After explaining, she responded "oh i never know that"

 

MeiMei usually is 'girl' - a father would call his daughter this.

 

Xiao is 'small' so 'xiao mei mei ' literally is 'small girl'.

 

My wife is from Wuhan also, she uses 'xiao' a lot for many things (no, not that thing, relax, you).

 

many uses of 'mei mei' - correctly my favorite one is a niece - she is the youngest girl (out of 12 extended family member females) - and EVERYONE calls her MeiMei - because EVERYONE knows she is the youngest girl (even at 24 yrs now).

 

'xiao mei mei' is a label for the younger sister.

 

How long you gonna be in Wuhan? I'll be there at the end of the month for a few days, then it's off to Chengdu, then back to Wuhan...

 

If you are still in town, we might get a Wuhan 'meet up' going.

 

If yer there for the long haul, maybe even once or twice a month.

[Rob and WeiLing]

MeiMei usually is 'girl' - a father would call his daughter this.

 

Xiao is 'small' so 'xiao mei mei ' literally is 'small girl'.

 

My wife is from Wuhan also, she uses 'xiao' a lot for many things (no, not that thing, relax, you).

 

many uses of 'mei mei' - correctly my favorite one is a niece - she is the youngest girl (out of 12 extended family member females) - and EVERYONE calls her MeiMei - because EVERYONE knows she is the youngest girl (even at 24 yrs now).

 

'xiao mei mei' is a label for the younger sister.

 

How long you gonna be in Wuhan? I'll be there at the end of the month for a few days, then it's off to Chengdu, then back to Wuhan...

 

If you are still in town, we might get a Wuhan 'meet up' going.

 

If yer there for the long haul, maybe even once or twice a month.

 

Yeah, I've known that 'Ãà mei' can be used for girl. Similar seems true for '¸ç ge and '½ã Jie' also. 'À±Ãà La mei' for 'hot girl', '˧¸ç Shuai ge' for 'handsome guy', 'С½ã Xiao jie' for 'Miss / girl / lady'... I'm sure there's some for µÜ di also. I hate to keep relating everything to English, but I see it similarly to colloquial "Hey bro" or "What's up, sis?"

 

I also hear WeiLing referring to cousins as 'Ge ge' (as opposed to '±í¸ç Biao ge'), or her sister-in-law as 'Jie jie' (as opposed to 'É©É© Sao sao'). If she's not talking about immediate family members, it takes me a minute or two to figure it out. I do get it eventually...

 

 

Sadly, I won't be visiting Wuhan until mid September at the earliest. I'll be taking weekend trips out from Hangzhou every now and then. Come mid-December, I'll be spending more time there. Will you still be around then?

[Rob and WeiLing]

I had a chance to ask WeiLing, and she said that 'Xiao mei mei's "other meaning" is a regional thing that Taiwanese and Hong Kongese use. She also said that 'Xiao di di' is the male equivalent. Makes sense. But she said I don't have to worry about it when on mainland China...

[whome?]

I had a chance to ask WeiLing, and she said that 'Xiao mei mei's "other meaning" is a regional thing that Taiwanese and Hong Kongese use. She also said that 'Xiao di di' is the male equivalent. Makes sense. But she said I don't have to worry about it when on mainland China...

Everything is settled then for you .... but I can tell you this that my experience is it is used quite often on the mainland China ... shows again that China is huge country and generalizations are not worth a crap ...